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If your soon to be ex is like mine was - and from your brief description of her actions, she seems like she is...she is just doing this to yank your chain.

Your attorney works for you.  Any respectable attorney would not discuss any of his tactics with the opposing counsel that might risk your position.  Now, they may share things to gain a rapport with the opposing counsel or to even make the opposing counsel worry about their own client's dishonesty.

So long as your attorney has been reputable and honest with you, thus far...I would suggest you let this go as your STBX mouthing off to make you question your representation.

So long as no court orders have been put into effect that say otherwise - you have just as might righ to have your children at your home as she has to have them at her home.

I am sure that she changed her mind after speaking with an attorney.  Yes, she is trying to set a precident of her being the "primary caregiver" or whatever they call it in your area.  Most attorneys will advise women of the necessity for them to limit the father's access - some will even go as far as telling the woman not to let the man take the children at all - just in case he might get the idea to run with the child(ren).

More likely than not, if you cannot get your wife to agree to 50/50, you will not get it from a judge.  Your best chance to get 50/50 is to pursue it now in the form of a temporary order...but you'll have to prove that you've been involved in the kids lives, etc.  If you TELL her that you will be keeping them every other week, you won't get very far unless you just take them.  She can easily limit your contact with your children and nothing significant will happen to her for doing so.  However, most attorneys that I talked to suggested that a father should NEVER do the same thing.

Yes, she is taking advantage of you - in order to get what she wants.  It happened to me...it will happen to many others.  Your best bet is to get a good lawyer, if you don't already have one.  Try to settle things in mediation, if you can.  Some attorneys actually realize that a father should be involved in his children's lives, so long as he has been active up to the point of the divorce.

Good Luck!

Wow! 8 months without seeing his child?  That's awful.  He'd barely even know the child now, as they grow and change fast, especially if the child is young - you've got to get him to go to court and get the paperwork.  I agree that just taking the child is a VERY BAD decision...especially considering it's already been so long.

You've got to let him know, as others have said, that as the father - he has legal rights!  However, each month he wastes makes him look even worse.  Something that I'm surprised about is that the mother hasn't gone to court to at least get child support...many of them do.  If he gets visitation, he'll have to pay support...but that is nothing compared to never seeing your own child.  I hope for the best - he needs to act NOW...every day with a child is so important.

I thought that all you fathers out there would get a kick out of this ad, as I did.  I am all for supporting and sharing information on companies that recognize and foster the special relationship that a Daddy can have with their child - especially the more involved father of the 00's.  Way to go Lands' End - you've just won my business!

Check the scan out here:
http://www.sheerdark.com/magazine.htm

I would think that the new wife thing would set any ex off, especially if she is a controlling one.  You've finally made a decision on your own - to foster your own happiness - and she obviously does not like that.  

Also, about the new wife.  I know that you may come on here and say whatever you want about your ex and it's the best place to vent.  However, I hope that you have not said anything about your ex's parenting capabilities to your daughter or your ex.  She is still the mother of your child - no one can replace her!  I doubt you'd like it very much if your ex-wife tried to do the same to you...but I'm sure you'd handle it in a more mature manner.

As far as additional rights are concerned, do you have joint legal custody?  If so, then I believe that you have those rights already that she is trying to take away.  Also, not allowing you to call your daughter when it is convenient for the both of you is silly, unless you have abused the priviledge in the past?  If push comes to shove, just attend those events in a way that your daughter will know that you are there, but that her mother won't - is that possible?  Maybe sit on the opposing team's side...it won't be the best view of your daughter, but at least she'll know you're there cheering her on!

Good Luck with everything - everyday can be a struggle sometimes...just hold on and enjoy your new life!

A divorced mother must have come up with the idea for that show...or one of those Neo-Feminists.  How disgusting it is to continually see Fathers degraded on TV as a less important part of the lives of their children.  Sure, there are some fathers that don't do anything - but you have just as many mothers who do the same...

The world needs to open their eyes to the fact that both parents are important, rather than focusing so much attention on the "default sex" for an involved parent.  Additionally, we should work harder to make the non-existant dads see that men REALLY ARE involved...so that maybe they'll pick up their slack, rather than reinforcing their actions with tv shows and commercials!

That certainly is messed up.  This United States really needs to get their stuff together in all areas, especially when dealing with children.  They do things in the name of "protecting" the children, while further hampering their development...it boggles the mind!

With such a "christian" president in office, you'd think things would be different...

Thanks for posting this.  It certainly was an eye-opener!

Congratulations!  I am so happy for you.  Good Luck finding work and continuing the struggle with the ex.

>As a father going through a custody battle over our 4 year
>old son, I am being tossed into the battlegrounds of war where
>there are no winners.
>I just wanna add that a memory forever burned in my head is
>when my x and I were talking about divorce before this all
>went down.  Her rationality was ....
>
>" I am a mother, any Judge in the world is going to award
>custody to me ... "
>
>"No we can't and won't talk about our son living with you"
>
>"This is the way I figure it, If I left you, you would have to
>pay x amount in child support... I'm better off (finacially)
>leaving then I am here with you. "    
>
>Her last statement made me feel like she was in bed with the
>our justice system and was a triggering reason for our
>divorce.

Wow - that's weird.  My soon to be x said almost the same thing...think they're sisters?

I am so sorry to hear your story.  It never ceases to amaze me that there are so many other stories just like yours on the internet.  It never amazes me that they continue to neglect the ideas that the court system should be built upon - truth and justice.  Their truth is unconstitutional...their justice, nonexistant.  They all have agendas and I guess you didn't fit into it.  I am starting the same fight that you are just finishing...I am sure I will come out feeling as you do.

Good Luck and keep fighting it.  I know I'll stop at nothing to get what is right for my child!