Messages

Press the issue!  My Ex was/is an extreme example of PAS, and at one time she had my then young teenage daughters calling me every name in the book over the phone.  The EX and I live over 2000 miles apart so the relationship was long distance to begin with, and I would have never thought a parent would leave their children talk to another parent the way my EX did, and in the background encouraged it!  I was not allowed to see them from 1997 until 2000 because of the EX, and they said they didn't want to see me either.  I took her back to court, and the girls finally came to visit me in AL...they both have since moved to AL because they see that what was said about me was totally false and fabricated by their mother.  Hang in there!

Keep documenting any taking her back to court!  If he has an order that dictates the visitation, and she doesn't abide by it file a motion to show cause for contempt.  That is really the only thing we can do in these situations, as I have found through experience.

As for the kidnapping, here in Alabama you can not kidnap your own child, so the charge here (at most) would be interference with custody through the juvenile court system.  I'm sure that depending on the circumstances it might even be referred back to the domestic relations court for action.  

Good Luck!

Yes yo do have it hard, but as said before, fight, fight, fight for the children's sake.  I have been in the same situation in that my EX tried to bring up domestic violence in the Ohio court, court of final decree.  The judge dismissed any and all allegations of abuse and awarded me liberal visitation rights with my kids.  My EX moved out of state, to Nevada, and continued to deny me any time with the kids.  The jurisdiction was finally moved to Nevada where I thought I'd get a fair shake at her again...was I wrong!  After the first court appearance out there I was found to be domestically viloent toward her but not the kids.  I was furious!  Come to find out that her father was/is best friends with the judge who heard the case (my kids told me afterwards that they had been at his house numerous times, he had been at theirs, and they called him and his wife by their first names).  I made an appeal to the ethics commission, but before it could be heard he was not reelected (go figure) to the bench.  During this entire time she continued/continues to violate the visitation orders, putting her own demands on visitation.  Well needless to say I have a pending supreme court case in Nevada against her, and if need be I will take it to the US Supreme Court because it is about my time with my kids, and the lies she has had put on record by a biased judge.  Again fight, fight, fight for your children's sake!

I agree with the entire philosophy that what you do when your child is with you is your business.  I have the same problems with my EX...she is always trying to dictate, first what I have to do to see my son, and then what I have to do while my son is with me (read my post on the Father's Issues board).  Keep doing what you are doing, I believe there is no court going to order you otherwise.  I have encouraged my wife to take my son to MI to see my side of the family while he is with me, and he enjoys it!  I stay back in AL to work so that we may have the money to do things while he is here, and I always make it a point that we do something special during our summers together.  He is here 9 weeks (if she sends him on time) and we always get away for at least a week.  I inform the EX where he is at all times and she always has a phone number so she can call him whenever she wants to.  Other than that she has no say in what we do while he is here!  Good Luck!

Thanks for giving her the name of your attorney.  I'm sure she wil let me know the info later.  The question on retirement...during all of the proceedings in Ohio she never attended one, and was represented by a lawyer.  Her lawyer, myself, and my lawyer were there and the arrangements were she was to keep hers and I was to keep mine.  Both are military retirements, so she thinks she is entitled to 1/2 of mine no matter what was decided and agreed upon in the courtroom.  My retirement was based on active duty service while hers was based on reserve service.  During the appeals stage of the divorce she motioned the court for spousal support and my retirement, but before it went to court she dropped the motion herself...final decree was issued.  Now, after 9 years she is saying that if I don't do this or that she is going back after my retirement, in essence blackmailing me.  Her voice mails, which are admissable in court, will show that she is only doing this because I will not do what she has "told" me to do; that is demanding that my wife stop posting on these boards about anything!  

About posting on these boards about my situation...well there are many reasons for my doing this, and not really enough time to go into all of them.  I will say that it gives an outlet, and allows me to see if there are others in this same situation.  

Unfortunately, my older children (21 and 23) are put through the wringer almost every time she calls them.  She is the one that continually brings up the past and makes them live through it again, and again.  

Thanks for your advice!

Thanks for sharing that!  I can not tell you how many times my EX calls, at all hours of the day and night.  Sometimes she calls 4 to 5 times between 3:00am and 5:am...then it will be between 8:00am and 10:am...then it will be in the evening. She leaves these messages on the voice mail and then tells me I can't use them against her because I had no right to record her.  I now just let the voice mail pick it up and let her ramble on knowing she is going to say something that might be useful later.  Thank God I have plenty of minutes on my phone cause she sure can waste her share!  You know, it would be different if she would say something new, but for going on 9 years now it has been the same things.  I find it entertaining at times now to see how many different ways she can say the same thing.  She is only hurting the kids, and doesn't see it like I do! Thanks again!

Instead of underneath each of my EX's voice mails:

MixedBag has been posting here since the site started at first to get help, and now to give help.

She never calls my EX, never writes, never even sends any kind of letter to her, and above all never bothers my EX at work.

Yes, at my request, she has called schools to get report cards and to send things to our son's teacher.  Yes, at my request she has called doctor's offices to give the proper insurance info since my EX fails to give the third insurance info and I gotta pay 90% of the uncovered/unpaid medical/dental bills after the EX pays the first $100 each year.  When all three kick in, there should almost be NO out of pocket expenses, ever.  There are good reasons for my wife to be calling; she is the one in the household that keeps up with the bills, and keeps me straight with birthdays, anniversarys, special events at schools, ect.

I have asked my wife to call the Sheriff's Dept out west when the EX has threatened to "Deep 6" my son (this was not the first time, she threatened the children's lives once before in another state/police report accomplished to document the incident).  She has also made some follow-up calls on my behalf.  I asked her to do this in part because I myself am in law enforcement, and I do not want any perceptions given to my children that I would influence the decision of fellow officers if in fact they had done anything against the law.      

When B called, Mixed told her that she knows she's not Z's mother.  I heard her even though I wasn't in the room.  She told EX that IF she would be doing the right thing, then there would be no examples to share here on the site to show others that "Yes, we understand".  MB told her to be a mother and step up to the plate and put Z on the plane this sunday.  EX yelled back at her and said she wasn't doing ANYTHING for MB. MB said "It's not for me, it's for Z because he wants to come."

MB knows the legal boundaries of being a stepparent to Z even though they are very gray.  

EX isn't willing to hold her husband to the same standard of involvement or rather uninvolvement.  I do want to add here that I am not angry what-so-ever with her husband.  He in fact has stated plenty of times she needs to put Z on the plane, but his words are futile also.  He has been a good stepfather to my son, and has put up with the verbal abuse from Z from time to time, but I also know he really cares about fostering Z's relationship with me, because it's the right thing to do.   God forbid if they were ever to get divorced...I might be able to talk him into testifying how she intentionally violated order after order!

The order says that I have to pay for transportation (at first for 3 children, but now we're down to one).  The former local judge (even though he is a family friend of hers) told her in court that she had to take the children to the airport AND he said I should reimburse her for gasoline.  I have sent her money each an every time even when she demanded it before she would leave the house.  The State Supreme Court Mediation judge told her the same thing.  So did her attorney who quit on her because she should have lost custody a long time ago for thumbing her nose at the system.  (I've got it in a letter from her attorney!)

MB was blackmailed by her EX into giving up custody.  There was no plea bargain, because there were no charges filed.  MB's EX in a short nutshell said "Give me custody or I ruin your 15-year military career."  She had two other mouths to feed and $40K in debt, she decided to feed her children and keep her career.  On the other hand, her EX was a civilian and his company doesn't CARE about debt and his infidelities (Camilla), so the scale wasn't balanced at all.

My retirement was addressed in the final order from OH.  She keeps her retirement and I keep mine.  Notice she doesn't even mention in any voice mail that she has a retirement from the reserves and I should have received half of that.  She never stepped foot in an OH courtroom BUT she was represented by an attorney.  I guess she doesn't understand the concept that "he" spoke for her, and agreed upon issues on her behalf, that's what she hired him for, isn't it? Therefore, since too much time has passed (1999), the order isn't appealable.  The JAG on base can't do anything for her, they are not licensed to practice family law and can only give advice.  They can not overturn Ohio's decision!  She also states in her voice mail (# 4 post) the only reason she is going to go after my retirement is because I won't make MB stop posting, otherwise she doesn't want or need my retirement...talk about blackmail (extortion).

And yes, there is a bench warrant that was issued for her arrest as a result of the first contempt filed after the divorce was final in OH.  Thankfully, MB goes to OH once a month and she can look into it personally at the local courthouse to see why when EX/B called that she wasn't told that one is out there.   There was actually a sentencing hearing in which the judge gave her 30 days in jail for her contempt.  My wife should have plenty of time in April to check on this issue.

My two older girls both decided (one year apart) to leave their mother as a direct result of her actions, not mine.  But she hasn't learned her lesson.

So who wants to step up to the plate and tell my EX that SHE's the one who is causing herself all these problems?  

So there, EX.  This is your EX speaking, not MB.  See it doesn't matter if she posts, or if I post, the story is the same because it's the truth.

Put Z on the plane on Sunday and you take away my ability to go back to court once the decision from the Supreme Court comes back, or go right back to court for contempt.

It's in your hands, which is why it's so messed up.  A special thanks goes out to the one who my wife calls Camilla...because we know that within a very short period of time this post will be printed, and sent to my EX.

I find it "very" funny when the EX says my wife is obsessed with her, when the facts dictate that the EX is in fact obsessed with my wife.  I also find it extremely amusing to know that both my EX and MB'S EX's current live-in (i'm not to call her "fake wife") talk regulary on the phone to discuss my wife and I.  Talk about double obsession!  

Thanks for reading my novels...it has been such a long time since I, myself, have posted on these boards! Thanks again!  

S this isB, I'm trying here, yes I know Z wants to come visit you  Sunday and I want him to come visit you but I have talked to him and he also understands my position where I just want to be left alone by K and I want K out of it.  She has no legal rights to Z whatsoever and the topper on this for when she called CPS not once but 3 times, she had no right to do that, S, Z is my son and your son, yes she is a step-parent, but she has no legal rights, I am the custodial parent I don't understand you say you love Z and you want to see him I don't understand why you would not ask K to stay out of it and leave me alone and let you and me handle it.   This is about our son, it kinda looks to me and Z that you know basically you love K more than you do him.  Your willing to forego a visitation with him, I don't know what to say.  But that letter was what....there is no arrest in OH, we have checked on that.  I never promised to spread our retirement, I do have a copy of the transcripts, I'm so tired of lies, all I'm asking you is to please call K, no postings, no calling people, you need to deal with it, he's our son, not hers I don't get involved in her son and her, I never got involved in her daughters and her, why the heck should I allow her to be involved with our son.  Except as a parent when she's down there, I can't do anything about that.  Alls I'm asking is that you ask to her or tell her to leave me alone, that's it S, what's so hard about that, what's so hard to understand it thank you.

I'd like to talk to you S, this is B about a couple of things you wrote in this letter.  There is no bench warrant in OH for my arrest.  We have checked, so you can quit trying to blackmail me with that.  Second I do have a copy of the transcript in OH and I never agreed to keep mine and let you keep your own retirement.  This letter is so full of lies and so ful of BS and I am going to hold on to it, and when I proceed with my proceedings through the military judge advocate, it will be part of it.  Furthermore, like I stated this morning I have a court order that says you are responsible for travel.  Get him there anyway you'd like.  I'm not stopping Z from coming to see you but I'm not gonna do nothing for you.

S I received your letter today it is so full of BS and lies I am the custodial parent.  K has no right to Z whatsoever um I don't care if you call it blackmail, you're obviously don't wanna to work with me, you're not giving me an inch you're not willing to call your wife off of me. So I will go through the military and I will get your retirement and it wll be retroactive and this BS about me agreeing to let you keep your retirement is absolutely BS and you know it and I would like to thank you for this letter because I plan on using it against you and you get Z to Alabama anyway you want because legally I'm not obligated to get him there. And after this letter I'm not willing to do one god damn thing for you.  Z yes, I'll move the earth for Z, but I won't do nothing for you or the bitch you live with.  Thank you.