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1
Maryland State Forum / Questions
« on: Mar 23, 2006, 06:40:23 AM »
Why did you leave the home?

You don't need an attorney to file for emergency or Pendente Lite Hearing to get visitation for your children. Do it now.

You need to file for divorce immediately. The person who files first has advantadge. You can do this with or without an attorney.

Go to the circuit court web site for your county and there should be a link for family civil cases where you can find PDF forms to fill in and file yourself. Most courts have Pro-Se (representing yourself) offices that offer assistance in the procedural issues of moving through the court.

Don't wait a week, or another day. Do it now. DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANY AGREEMENTS YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH BECUASE YOUR SOON TO BE EX IS BEING DIFFICULT. If you have reasonable expectations about things, put them forth and if she won't agree, let the court do it for you. If you agree to something you really don't want now, it will most likely never get changed to anything better. Trust me, I know.

The courts are only concerned with three things. Marraige is a contract.

1. The reason for the divorce. MD is a fault state - one of you has to be at fault. In your case, if you did not commit adultery, domestic violence, etc., you should be able to file with her at fault for whatever she has done along with constructive abandonment.

2. Property - how the property will be divided. Get what you want out of the house now while you can. Later on, anything you didn't get will be gone forever.

3. Custody and visitation of the kids.

If the two of you can't work it out, the court will do it for you. Be careful of your lawyer if you opt to hire onw. Most are interested in making money for themselves. Conflict = more money.

Good Luck!

2
Custody and CS Problems in "Mother" Friendly Maryland? Who would suspect that the Court would enter biased decisions based upon their opinions and not the facts right in black and white?  Where you can be forced to leave  your child in the hands of an uncaring and neglectful mother becuase the "Court" (Judge who was voted out of office and then REHIRED as a "Master" by his friends a short time later), refuses to see what is really happening? In Maryland?  No way, that could never happen. You can clearly see that their case management plan is parent friendly and always considers the "best interest of the child" first and foremost.  Where Parental Alienation Syndrome is a vulgar term and you will be scorned for ever bringing it up.

Sorry for being so flip. This state is a mess and children are suffering. What can we do but try to be the best Dad you are allowed to be until your kid either figures it out on their own or goes down the tubes. Hey, at least you can always look back and know that you did your best to do the right thing.

Believe me, I love my kid but years of being abused by the Courts and the mother (who is supposed to be my ex but manages to still be involved in my life WAY too much) have driven me to have this pessimistic opinion.


3
Well, I am glad they aren't dipping into the Obliger's pocket for this, but I just don't understand how anyone thought it was a good idea to take the money from the receiever of the CS.

I have always thought that it was weird there was no annual fee for going through OCSE (which that cost should be split between both parties). However, to collect this amount and only give 1/3 to the state and rest to the feds (war effort I am sure), how will that cover the costs of collection?

As it is, I am pissed that I pay $2.00 per week (my company charges this) for admin. costs to process my order through OCSE. I go through this process at MY request to stop the ex from filing false charges against me. It's better for me though to have it this way so there is no question as to the payment status.

What in the hell are the feds doing? This is a hidden tax IMHO.

4
Child Support Issues / RE: Support and Taxes Question
« on: Jul 11, 2007, 08:39:09 AM »
You need to get custody and then you can ask for this.

She is going to be ordered to pay CS if you get custody. If I were you, I'd wait until the custody decision is handed down and then you or your attorney can request this of the judge at that time and place it in the order.

The custody part is more important then the money part right now IMHO.


5
Child Support Issues / RE: 1040 for CS calculation when joint ?!?!
« on: Jul 10, 2007, 08:53:00 AM »
Black out the information pertaining to your wife, other childern, etc.

She is not entitled to your wife's information nor any other children's. The court can only compel a party to the case to provide information and your wife and others are not a party to the case.

In the alternative, I'd offer W-2's. This gives the financial information without allowing your ex the chance to do something fishy if she were so inclined.

JMHO.

6
Child Support Issues / Welcome to the club
« on: Jun 28, 2007, 05:05:37 AM »
I have seen with my own eyes many cases in different jurisdictions where women were not required to pay CS. I knew one woman who signed away her parental rights to avoid jail for failure to pay. She did not have to pay the arrearage. She got off scott free.

I have been through the ringer with CS and have always taken care of my child even when an order wasn't in place. I am still treated like a dead beat dad no matter what.

I go through child support enforcement because my ex filed false charges against me in her campaign to further restrict my access to my child by having me incarcerated saying I had failed and refused to pay CS for 6 months despite me being in possession of cancelled checks with her signature on the back covering the entire period. I ASKED for a wage garnishment to have rock solid proof of my payments. I submitted the proper paperwork to OCSE and every time I contact them, they are very hostile and offensive on the phone.

I don't have an answer for you. At least you have custody. I haven't seen my kid in months and I am done with court.

7
Child Support Issues / RE: Child Support and Chapter 7 bankruptcy
« on: Jun 26, 2007, 04:43:01 AM »
keeping our fingers crossed that the ruling is in your favor as that is what should be done.

8
I have to agree with everything you've said. Your comments about dangling genitalia are a hoot, but true!

At least my overpayment situation isn't anywhere NEAR that and I don't know that I'll ever get the money back or not either.


9
Child Support Issues / RE: Over payment in child support
« on: Jun 20, 2007, 04:42:42 AM »
I believe for the past overpayment, you are out of luck. You should have sent a certified return receipt requested letter officially requesting your refund.

Now, I think you should do the same now. Call to find out the supervisors name and attention to him/her.

I don't know if this will work. I am in an overpayment situation due to a modification that resulted in a reduction and it was retroactive and took over 6 months to get processed. I plan on sending the letter and see what comes of it. I'll post the results.

You may just end up kissing that money goodbye, but at least you are done.

10
Child Support Issues / RE: no
« on: Jun 18, 2007, 07:32:28 AM »
The fact that your 2 boys constantly pick on each other tells me that there is more going on here then the rosy picture you attempt to portray.

My wife has children who are grown. Yes, they did pick on each other. At times, they picked on each other too much and now she can see that those times were directly related to conflict in their parent's lives and the parenting styles both were displaying which conflicted with each other. The manipulations by these children worked a great deal of the time when their parents were still married. It caused the other child to feel angry and retialate by picking on the other child.

Your boys are 11 and 13. You say it is so hard to imagine what their little lives are like. WAKE UP LADY!! They are not toddlers or young children. They are old enough to know what is going on and use it to their maximum benefit.  

The boys are NOT getting all they need from you alone. Stop fooling yourself. They need a strong male in their lives. Their father wants to be a part of that picture and YOU are standing in the way. Your new husband could be a secondary male influence, but for whatever reason, that is not working right now either. Who knows, he may be standing in the way too.

I understand completely how children can resent a new husband who is strict and stands with the mother in discipline and rules. I lived with that with my wife. However, we stood together and didn't back down no matter how hard they tried to pull us apart on issues. The result? One of the kids called ME yesterday for Father's Day, and is very close with his mother. The other is spoiled rotten by her father and isn't talking to her mother right now because mom doesn't hand out cash whenever it is asked for like dear old dad. I stand with my wife on the lesson her daughter needs to learn from us. If her father's actions prevent her from getting this valuable life lesson, then that is not our fault. However, knowing that she most likely will never understand why her mother has taken this stance, doesn't change the fact that it is her mother's JOB to try to teach her this lesson. These two are grown adults now. There has been a lot of issues that never had to exist due to the way their father behaved through the years, but we could not change his behavior or be responsible for it.

You  have no idea how hurt their father is right now that he wanted to spend time with them on father's day and you allowed them to make the choice. Of course, they know what you would prefer them to choose, so they stayed at home with you. I don't understand why you can't SEE that you are NOT responsible for what is going on with them when they are with their father.

You also let out little tidbits of information in each post that give me greater insight that indicate there is more going on then you are letting on. Your ex husband may not be the father your dad was or the father you envision in your "white picket fence world", but nonetheless, he is their dad and he obviously wants to spend time with them and YOU are getting in the way of that. I know that for years, I was with my child EVERY opportunity I had and NEVER missed any parenting time allotted to me in the court order. Due to the actions of her mother, which resulted in severe PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME, my daughter would often come to my home in a sullen mood, make snarky remarks, hide in her room the entire time, refuse to participate in family activities, etc. Her behavior made the weekends with her an event we dreaded instead of anticipating with joy. Imagine going to pick up your child for the weekend and wondering if she will be a normal kid this time or behave like a brat? Will she be dressed appropriately or look skanky again? Will she want to participate in our plans this weekend or will we have to drag along a child who behaves badly and ends up being an embarrassment? This had nothing to do with the type of parent I am or the things I did or didn't do with her when she was with me. I strived to provide a "normal" home and refused to be a Disney Land Dad. The price I've paid is a fully alienated child and I'm currently not involved in her life at all. She knows I am there for her, but also that I will never approve of the things she is being allowed to do.

Your situation is much deeper then you may or may not realize. You need to understand too that often on this site, we get what we call trolls. They are women who come here to antagonize matters. Some of what you post strikes me as close to this. I am NOT accusing you of coming here to stir up trouble on purpose. I am only letting you know what has happened here in the past so you can understand why many of us are so defensive.

I see your continued failure to see the message that is being conveyed to you in many different ways as you failure to recognize the true role you are supposed to play in your children's lives. I see you as being an overbearing and overprotective parent who isn't allowing your children to learn their own life lessons when the time is right. I see you are keeping them as little children and not responsible for themselves. I think you will regret letting things continue in this vein.

Again, I encourage you to see a counselor on this matter and relay what you have posted here so you can get a neutral opinion on this that perhaps you will respect more then what you are getting on here.  I truly think that your view of the situation is not a true picture of what is really happening. I think you need help to see things in a neutral light.

Again, I say, if you have such a great line of communication open with their father, why won't you talk to HIM about your concerns? What is going on that prevents YOU from parenting with their father?

I hope you take some of the suggestions posted on here and use them to improve things for you and your children.


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