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Messages - Dr.Stepmom

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California State Forum / Driver's License and Insurance
« on: Jun 18, 2006, 06:42:26 PM »
Does anyone know how to find out if someone has a valid California Driver's license and car insurance?  We have the CDL # and a lot of other personal info and info about the car.

You WANT them to use your income to calculate.

If your income moves your husband into a higher tax bracket it will actually cause his support to go DOWN!

At least this is the case in CA.  I make significantly more than my husband.  When we got married we added my income in and because of his now higher tax burden his support dropped.

Dear Socrateaser / Private school
« on: Apr 01, 2005, 10:33:11 AM »
If custodial parent has full legal custody and shared physical custody (80:20 split) can the court make non-custodial parent pay for (any or part of) private schooling for child?

Child is 5 and has not yet entered school but noncustodial parent currently pays half of daycare costs.

Dear Socrateaser / child care comunication issue
« on: Jan 28, 2005, 07:14:10 PM »
SD is 5 yo and currently enrolled in preschool.  School is a significant distance from us. Court order states joint legal/physical custody.

We last spoke to her teacher last week and were told SD is doing well, many of past behavior problems are much improved, though she has been a little more defiant lately.

This week when DH called, administrator answered and said he was glad DH called because he had issues to discuss with us and wanted an in person conference ASAP.  He insisted that I (SM) be present also and refused to discuss any concerns by phone.

DH called back later and stated that because of the significant drive time and the fact that I am unable to get off work long enough to drive out he would like to address the concerns by phone.  The administrator refused. We have since tried to contact the teacher and been told by the administartor that he will be the only one to communicate with us now and will only do so in person.

Also, we are paying a premium for this school. At least 30% more than regular daycare. We pay them our half of tuition directly and have always been on time.  BM and school refuse to provide us with receipts.

1. Can the school refuse to communicate with us and/or put such ridiculous restrictions on our communication?

2. Do we have any recourse if they continue to refuse to communicate (either through the courts or daycare licensing board)?

3. If this continues, do you think the court would feel that this is reasonable grounds to have her school changed?

4. Any ideas how to get receipts if BM refuses to follow the court order and supply them?

Dear Socrateaser / RE: Insurance Info Question
« on: May 27, 2004, 06:04:17 PM »
Re: the new HIPPA regulations...insurance companies need to share info with parents, but just must have proof first.

Contact the insurance company and ask them what they need.  In our case, Mom thought we were purposefully restricting her access to child's info.  As soon as we were made aware, we were able to fax a letter to the insurance company with the signature of the insurer and a copy of the applicable court order allowing Mom free access.  A simple fax and the problem was solved.

Dear Socrateaser / Looking for a creative approach
« on: May 27, 2004, 03:34:07 PM »
We live in Sacramento County, CA.  Parents never married, lived together for less than a year, separated since. 3 1/2 year old child. Dad remarried. Mom has primary physical and joint legal.

We are currently undergoing a custody eval.  We are continually dragged into court by Mom.  She dragged us into court claiming abuse to get the eval started (of course she had no evidence so ended up paying for the eval-the only financial consequences she has ever had to bear).  She is constantly bringing up new issues with our lawyer and driving up our bill.  Since the eval she has continually dragged us back for financial issue.  She has no problem doing so because there seem to be no financial consequences.  Her lawyer admits she lets her play "junior lawyer" and run her own case. We are continually told no one will financially punish Mom for bad behavior as it will take money away from the child.  Her latest fishing expedition to try and increase her support has so far resulted in multiple work hours by us and our lawyer, a short cause court date that went no where and now we are scheduled for a long cause in a few months (this is getting expensive).
1)Any creative ideas on how to get the court to help us supress this poor behavior?

General Issues / RE: NCP & HIPPA can anyone help?
« on: Jun 14, 2004, 04:56:08 PM »
Well, it is the 1 year anniversary of HIPAA going into effect and it looks to be creating havoc for a lot of people on this page.

I had the opposite problem.  I insure my stepson.  We are NCPs.  BM accused me of excluding her from his records.  All it took was a fax from my side telling them she could have access and sending our court order and birth certificate.

Here is a pretty good (but detailed and confusing) site about HIPAA: http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/hipaa/

Call the office and ask what they need to release the info...best of luck.

Custody Issues / Driver's LIcense and Insurance
« on: Jun 18, 2006, 06:40:21 PM »
I am fairly sure that CP Mom is driving on a suspended license and likely doesn't have valid Insurance-required in our state.

Does anyone know how to get proof of this?  We are in California if it helps.  My hope is to prove negligence (I know it is pretty minor, but we have a lot of things like this that seem to be adding up)

Custody Issues / RE: Father wins custody
« on: Nov 03, 2005, 02:03:23 PM »
You are lucky, our evaluator was fooled (read my other posting for more info).  Mom lied repeatedly and when she was caught it was ignored (she even lied about the pediatrician saying we abused ss and when the pediatrician responded that he never said that all the evaluator took away was.."no abuse", not "Mom is willing to lie about anything to get her way").  We told the truth and the evaluator was sure (though he had no proof) that we must be exaggerating.  After the report came out, it came to light that BM broke protocol and did not serve us with any of the documents that she gave the evaluator and her lawyer told the evaluator that BM would stop at nothing to make sure we never saw SS again (though he awarded joint custody 70/30 in favor of BM).  Evaluators response????? He ordered BM to get counseling (which I am sure she will never do) and otherwise left primary custody with BM.  That is justice (in our world anyway).

All in all, try to get the best evaluator you can but keep in mind that you may still get screwed....Sorry.

Custody Issues / RE: Father wins custody
« on: Nov 03, 2005, 01:52:35 PM »
A couple comments:
1. I am a Stepmom as well as a Mom and in my opinion, no matter what BM does, you have to encourage the kids' relationship with her and let her keep her title.
2. Some people do OK without a lawyer, most don't know enough to navigate the legal system alone.  We find that our lawyer is most helpful in making us watch our behavior when emotions get the best of us...I think many posters would agree not to try this alone!
3. We got a psychological evaluation and our evaluator totally missed the boat.  DH and I had normal valid MMPIs (objective test of personality) and BM and her hubbie had invalid tests.  This was ingnored and he instead choose to rely on Rorsharch results (felt by most to be bunk) which showed Mom was normal (not even close!!!!!) and DH is a narcissist.  Evaluators are human, can easily make mistakes and often err in favor of the status quo, even if it isn't the best plan.
4. We are now getting better results using a Special Master....this is a lawyer that hears both sides of the story and solves our disputes.  He keeps us out of court, his rulings are court orders and must be followed and he will have a better long term feeling of the personality and actions of everyone involved.  When we do go back to court or our custody evaluator to have custody changed he will be a great asset.

Just my opinions (and I have been through 4 years of fighting, and have 13 more ahead of me!), hope they help.

Dr.Stepmom (and now Dr.Mom too)

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