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Messages - gamma

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Child Support Issues / RE: FOC audit questions
« on: Jul 18, 2007, 08:17:26 PM »
Your going to have to go round and round with FOC, however it should eventually get credited to your CS. You won't get the money back, but they should credit it. I would start with asking for a complete run down of the account. Your allowed to get one of these once a year. I would put it in writing, everytime you make contact with FOC on anything, put it in writing and write right on it, to be put in file, case # (whatever case number is).

I would see if I could get something from the state that they were overpaid and the overpayment was sent to mom, and send that to FOC also, again put case # on all papers sent to FOC.

Not sure if I get how this all happened, you said before court order you paid off balance, what balance and to whom did you pay this balance off to? You also said before court order you were paying $138 in CS, to whom you were you paying the $138. Unless you were paying through FOC there would be no arrearage. So I am a bit confused. Could be of some more help if you explain this a bit better, I am thinking you had an order and then it was modified or you had a temp while they ran all the numbers, but not sure and can't offer much help without clearing up the confusion. I know Michigan and the system pretty good, would be happy to help you out.

General Issues / RE: Mistofelees & Helping Hands Menstruation Issue
« on: Jan 10, 2007, 10:44:51 AM »
I have been reading these boards for about 3 years, I never post, but today I felt the need to register and post to this.

Oh my this has got to be the most lame excuse I have seen so far. As Ref said, I can't wait to see what tops this one.

I am female, have 2 daughters, big whoop, every female goes through this and many, many have difficulties. But big whoop again, it is life, you have responsibilities and you deal with them. I wish I could skip my responsibilities because it is my time of the month, you continue those responsibilities and when you finish them, you then curl up in bed and act as if your dying. I do have all the bad mood stuff surrounding them, but I deal with it and keep it to myself, I don't expect someone to have to tip toe around me.

Yes it might be a bit uncomfortable for her to deal with dad on this and might even be a bit uncomfortable for dad, they both need to learn to deal with it, it is part of being a female, and every man knows that. I am sure dad would give it his all to try and do what he could with it, or find some other female on his time to help her out.

My one daughter is in a split situation, she has a boy, but if she had a girl and used this excuse to take time from dad, I would feel compelled to tell her off.

Visitation Issues / RE: Father's Parenting Time for Infants
« on: Apr 17, 2008, 10:16:55 PM »
My grandson started really from day one with visitation. He did not start overnights until around 10 months. He was breastfed. Daughter was a full time student, and just could not keep up with providing pumped milk for both her day schedule, dads weekday visitation, weekend visitation and overnights. Daughter worked with her Dr on this, she went to a lactation nurse, she had a hosptial grade pump, and she even tried a med they suggested, just didn't produce enough without doing enough actual feedings.

Despite that dad had every other day visitation, and he had 3 weekends out of 4, in months of 5 weekends he had 4. Now on weekends, they had an interesting schedule. He would go to dad's for 4 hours, back to daughter's for 2, so she could do an actual breastfeeding, and then back to dad's for 3 hours. The court actually suggested this, it worked good.

Overnights started around 10 months, by then the child was on enough solids and his breastmilk intact was down. He had an adjustment period, but he had an adjustment period to the other schedule to. Their schedule has changed numerous times over 4 years, each one he has an adjustment period. He had an adjustment period when he started daycare to.

Lots of schedules you can come up with that you can get plenty of time with the child on. 2 years in my opinion, is not needed to start overnights, they can be started early. However if mom is stuck on this at this time, try and come up with some alternative schedules where your still getting constant time and plenty of it.

As suggested write what you want down, have mom write what she wants down, and sit down with that starting point. Be willing to compromise, be willing to try something and willing to change it if it is not working out for the child. If you get stuck, maybe add a 3rd party in, someone you both know that is impartial, or a mediator.

I was unable to find a book for a situation where both parents did not have an existing relationship. Been about 3 1/2 years since I looked though. I do believe there is some differences between the 2 situations. Daughter found the book "Mom's house, Dad's house" helpful. Helped her see how important co-parenting is. She read a bunch of other books, just picked through them and applied what fit her situation.

Visitation Issues / RE: Michigan???
« on: Feb 04, 2008, 04:05:02 PM »
That is not the proper step by FOC, they must answer a written complaint in writing or on court record. Something is not right here, either he didn't do his written complaint correctly or this FOC office failed to follow procedure. I'm not sure what he wrote to FOC but if he asked for this to be looked into or said mom was in contempt, then they must do this either in writing or through a hearing, not by phone.

Are you in Mi, sounds like it to me. Anyhow several things here. Not sure if your aware or not but in Mi you need both party's permission to record phone convo's. Is mom aware your recording, did you tell her you were, did she give permission? You can't use that phone recording if you did not get her permission, it is is illegal, and you should not be bringing that up to the court.

FOC, everything you do with them must be in writing. You said you did this in writing to them. Process for them is to then investigate and make a recommendation in writing. Not over the phone. Not sure what you put in your letter to them though. You must be specific, you must ask them to investigate, you must state the other party is in contempt of the order. But they have to reply back with their recommendation in writing. Even if it is just to deny this even being looked into.

There is a process, everything FOC does is only a recommendation, each party has the right to object. Process not followed, you can't object. So something didn't go right here.

My suggestion, either write FOC again, asking for an investigation into  her contempt of the order. Or file directly with the court. You don't have to go through FOC, you can file directly with the court. You will get a hearing date when you file, and it will be before a Ref or Judge, most often a Ref. Refs to only make recommendations, and those can be objected to also.

Now standard in Mi, is that you get 2 or 3 weeks of summer vacation. Your order is not specific, but I am betting they will change it to read summer. Standard also is for each party to have their agreed vacation weeks into FOC by x date each year. That is always fun trying to get the other parent to agree to your vacation weeks, and often both want the same weeks.

However most often the court will actually side with the non primary residential parent for this. They usually get first dibs. So anyhow, since your order is not real specific, well worth getting it cleared up a bit, however you could lose getting vacation time during school year, but your not actually get it anyway. Court gives you during school year vacation time, for holidays and there are plenty during the school year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, winter break, spring/easter break. I assume here you do some kind of rotation of these holidays. But I would get that order to have a process of these vacation times being set up, and be set up in advance.

Father's Issues / RE: Parenting time
« on: Apr 17, 2008, 09:11:45 PM »
That will be good in court. Hope you didn't take either that I was implying you were not an active parent.

Often when your already in court with an infant, what you will see is mom's side saying dad knows nothing about babies, nothing about children. Doing things like I and the other poster suggested prior to court, defeats that argument.

Mi courts as I said, still tend to stick to mom has primary custody and dad has standard, 1 or 2 weeknights(that really depends on the county)and that eow. Usually they give dad joint legal.

Now there are many that have more, but doing things that were suggested really help.

Not sure what happened here with you and mom, but is there any working together or communication between the 2 of you? Do you attend things like Dr appts, does she give you any info in that area? Is it possible to perhaps come up with some agreements between the 2 of you without the court? Do you think something like mediation might work?

Father's Issues / RE: Parenting time
« on: Apr 17, 2008, 12:21:06 PM »
A good point was made, no matter how old there will be adjustment times. Grandson has been doing this from day one, he is 4 now. Just when you think he has the hang of it, he is going through some new thing with it. Really thought that since he started from the get go, once he got adjusted it would be smooth sailing, but that has not happened. As long as your watching and trying with it though, those adjustment periods can be less difficult.

I also agree with taking the infant Cpr class, even a parenting class. It looks good for you, your being an involved parent by taking these steps yourself. I also highly recommend taking a co-parenting class and reading some books out there. Mom's house, Dad's house:Making 2 Homes was very helpful to daughter.

Keep in mind all kids are different, what schedule works with one, does not work with another. Grandson does not do well with long periods away from either parent, nor does he do well with switching to frequent. He seems to do best with a couple days bunched together. He basically has shown how he would like it to go. Now the key is that both parents catch on to what the kid does best with and work with the other parent.

Father's Issues / RE: Parenting time
« on: Apr 16, 2008, 08:22:09 AM »
Is your time every weekend now or EOW? It is hard to do every weekend cause things come up and one person is always missing something, and the child is missing out on these things to. It's a family shower, perfectly acceptable to the courts to take a child to.

I am assuming this is an every weekend schedule, cause they tend to do that with the lil ones, short, frequent visits is there thing. Since mom is asking for changes a lot on the weekends, consider doing something a bit different. Grandson started visitation at 2 months, courts schedule was every Sat and Sun for these 4 hours, just like you have. Both parents after doing it for a couple months hated it, so they changed it. They did one weekend Sat and the next Sun, instead of doing 4 hours they did 8 hours. You can also instead of doing both days, grab some extra weekday time. That way it freed up both parents so they could attend some functions with the child themselves.

If this is EOW schedule, then work with mom here and there, make yourself look like your working and cooperating with her for the child. However you don't and your not expected by FOC or the courts to do it all the time.

Father's Issues / RE: Issues...
« on: Apr 16, 2008, 07:59:23 AM »
FOC says mom should try and work with you here, cause partial parenting time is better then no parenting time.

However that is for an occassional thing, your issue is a regular on going thing. Your suppose to do as your doing, call mom as soon as you know you can't get there on time. But technically here you can't make your CO time, your cancelling. Mom does not have to keep accommodating you on a regular basis, she just has to try and work as best she can. She to has some kind of schedule, that needs to be considered here to.

Your best bet since this a regular thing at this time, is to write a letter to FOC asking for FOC to investigate and help come to a decision here on how this will go in the future. Won't do you any good just writing them a letter explaining it and having them stick it in the file, your not asking them to help solve anything.

Lots FOC could do here, including having it so you have till 12 noon or another time of the day to call mom and change the time due to overtime. They may however just tell mom she must give you the time no matter what, or they may tell you, your out of luck if you can't make it by x time.

Continue as is, and mom is fine doing as she is, cause technically you can't make your scheduled time, your cancelling. Makes no difference the reason, because it is happening on a regular basis. So your giving your time up, mom does not have to do partial or give you make up time, for you cancelling. Your only route is to take this to FOC and let it get cleared up that way.

FOC works under their guidelines, those guidelines are just that guidelines, they are not laws. The CO is the law, and your not making your CO'd time. So you need the CO to reflect the situation your going through. Common in MI to have orders reflecting your situation, cause many jobs run on overtime and that overtime has periods of lots and little throughout the year. So this is nothing new for FOC to see coming through.

Father's Issues / RE: Unsupervised Kids,,, again
« on: Feb 02, 2008, 08:16:48 AM »
You can ask and get in court her school schedule. When my daughter was going to college, she had to provide that every semester. Often when one is going to school full time, that directly affects the CS figures, and so it is not out of line for one to have to prove they are going each semester.

I can surely understand her having a tough time with school, and being short on funds. However she can't being leaving the kids unsupervised. Geesh get a neighbor or relative. And depending on her income, it is possible, to get money from the state for childcare while attending school. Most schools have after school programs that are very reasonable. And there is another parent that would be responsible for some of that cost. In my state childcare is figured by income, so if the 2 incomes are far apart, one can pay up to 90% of daycare. So really there is no excuse here for her. Is your husband available after school?

The thing with getting a police report, is that could bring in child protective services, and they are not a pleasure for either side to deal with. I would take it to court before doing that and I think you have proof with a counselor getting it from the children.

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