I am new to here, and I am in a quite delicate situation (or not delicate seeing all those posts here):
I met my now exgirlfriend half a year ago, it was/is the big love, we decided to have a baby. She got pregnant, and changed - i thought it would be hormonal but right now i am not that sure, and she insists it is not. She did not introduce me to any of her friends or family, and she suddenly decided to break up a month ago. I am still not sure if this a hormonal swing, but she basically treats me like dirt since 2 months, has thrown me out, i have paid a LOT including rent, doctor appointments, we really wanted this baby.
She refuses since the break up to go to a counselor or at least somebody to talk together about all this and get all support of her family and friends which do not know me. I called her mother to try to understand what is going with her, but they all treat me like I ...abused her or something. I am educated, have a doctor degree and I think most of my friend call me one of the most empathetic persons they know...
All in all I think that she is going through some mental disaster or maybe even planned to have a baby but not me. I , frankly said, do not know.
Here is the problem: I would never have agreed to have a child if i can not be around my child every single day, but sure enough i could never desert my child.
The odds are: she repeated (also written in emails) she does not want to have any financial support, but of course i feel responsible, but also do not know how much she can take from me or i could possibly give, since we were planning to stay together and it would have been hard enough already with one rent. She is surely financially unstable with a super bad credit and i am scared that my child will not get the life it was support to have.
I am European on a visa here (bayarea/CA)and scared like hell I will loose track of my child if my visum runs out or that the startup I am working for dies or simply if she wants to move away. I am also wondering, how this might work if my job demands longs hours 5/7 - any ways to have my child around more than at the weekends? I am so frustrated - i was so looking forward to have a baby with a loving partner, see my baby every day, and now this dream is going to be a nightmare... I started already to assemble a journal of what has happened when, and was wondering if threats via email (you are walking on thin eggshells is my favorite one) would count if it comes to court. I also insisted on to be at all doctor visits and hope that we can keep doing that.
One other fear i have is that she is loosing it completely since all her acting is now going to be really weird and I am wondering if she maintains sanity. I mean, if somebody tells you you are everything in her life, and the week after she tells you 'feelings change, then you have to move on', 'life takes unexpected turns - act like an adult' if you actually planned the baby?? She took quiet a lot of my money and at the same time when i ask her not to cash any checks any longer if she has some because i wouldn't be able to pay my own rent (beside of the apartment she has kicked me out from) she gets insulted that I would make her responsible for financial voes etc.
The bottom line is: if she really should loose it completely, I would probably try to take full custody, but then again there is the question how to do that if you are in a job 5/7? any suggestions?
I just want to be with my baby as much as possible!!!!
Thank you so much for your help!
I met my now exgirlfriend half a year ago, it was/is the big love, we decided to have a baby. She got pregnant, and changed - i thought it would be hormonal but right now i am not that sure, and she insists it is not. She did not introduce me to any of her friends or family, and she suddenly decided to break up a month ago. I am still not sure if this a hormonal swing, but she basically treats me like dirt since 2 months, has thrown me out, i have paid a LOT including rent, doctor appointments, we really wanted this baby.
She refuses since the break up to go to a counselor or at least somebody to talk together about all this and get all support of her family and friends which do not know me. I called her mother to try to understand what is going with her, but they all treat me like I ...abused her or something. I am educated, have a doctor degree and I think most of my friend call me one of the most empathetic persons they know...
All in all I think that she is going through some mental disaster or maybe even planned to have a baby but not me. I , frankly said, do not know.
Here is the problem: I would never have agreed to have a child if i can not be around my child every single day, but sure enough i could never desert my child.
The odds are: she repeated (also written in emails) she does not want to have any financial support, but of course i feel responsible, but also do not know how much she can take from me or i could possibly give, since we were planning to stay together and it would have been hard enough already with one rent. She is surely financially unstable with a super bad credit and i am scared that my child will not get the life it was support to have.
I am European on a visa here (bayarea/CA)and scared like hell I will loose track of my child if my visum runs out or that the startup I am working for dies or simply if she wants to move away. I am also wondering, how this might work if my job demands longs hours 5/7 - any ways to have my child around more than at the weekends? I am so frustrated - i was so looking forward to have a baby with a loving partner, see my baby every day, and now this dream is going to be a nightmare... I started already to assemble a journal of what has happened when, and was wondering if threats via email (you are walking on thin eggshells is my favorite one) would count if it comes to court. I also insisted on to be at all doctor visits and hope that we can keep doing that.
One other fear i have is that she is loosing it completely since all her acting is now going to be really weird and I am wondering if she maintains sanity. I mean, if somebody tells you you are everything in her life, and the week after she tells you 'feelings change, then you have to move on', 'life takes unexpected turns - act like an adult' if you actually planned the baby?? She took quiet a lot of my money and at the same time when i ask her not to cash any checks any longer if she has some because i wouldn't be able to pay my own rent (beside of the apartment she has kicked me out from) she gets insulted that I would make her responsible for financial voes etc.
The bottom line is: if she really should loose it completely, I would probably try to take full custody, but then again there is the question how to do that if you are in a job 5/7? any suggestions?
I just want to be with my baby as much as possible!!!!
Thank you so much for your help!