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See I was thinking that exact same thing..let sleeping dogs lay, but honestly its not even minimum support, its basically provides lunch money and some groceries for the kids.

I was going to let him go about his business, and skip a years worth of visits and then just file for guidleline child support since the sole purpose of reducing it was so he could see his children and the costs of flying are crazy.  We haven't heard a peep out of him (or his wife I should say..he wouldn't speak to me if his life depended on it), he has already missed a week long visit with them, and has no interest in continuing on.  He would rather gouge out his eyeballs and cut off his left arm before he would get on the phone and arrange a flight with me.  He only wanted his support lowered and for us to go away...I just don't get how men /women can do that to their children...just walk away like they never existed.

I am not a hard person to get along with.  I have asked many people if it is me, and I have asked for honest answers.  I have asked people not knowing our volitile situation to read my letters before I send them and have passed with flying colors of being completely reasonable and keeping the emotion out of the correspondence.  I am so baffled as to why you would resurface after 5 years and then just throw it all away because you hate the mother that much.  I don't get it.

Everyone think the above plan is reasonable?  Thanks everyone for your input. :-)

Hi all-

I am back again (new name..used to be sunshine1) as you may remember I inquired some assistance back in July for a good faith move out of state for cheaper housing and a job.  We made the move and are doing fantastic! 

However, I am back needing  some guidance on the new situation. My ex did not agree to the move at first but then we came to a pretty good agreement.  I was shocked at his overall compromise but figured??? He did not want to fight as much as I didnt want to fight.  I figured out why.  In our agreement, his child support was cut by way over half to offset his transportation costs in sending the kids back and forth.  I thought that was fair since I was moving. (background...he hadn't been in their lives for almost 5 years prior to us moving..saw them 7 or 8 times over the summer then we moved)

He had arranged for the children to go on a cruise this month and I contributed my last bit of money to help them to go.  He has since backed out of this and took my money with him.  He also has no intention of continuing to see his children.  (confirmed with a few phone calls and many lovely endearing emails from his wife) Mainly he agreed to let us move if I agreed to have his child support lowered...sort of like black mail...except I thought it was fair if he was going to actually see them.

My question is, if it was lowered, for the purpose of transportation and there are NO transportation costs, or transportation to see him, can't I request for it to go back to the way it was?  Here is the exact wording in our new order...

"The parties agree that commencing June 1, 2009, Respondent's child support obligation will be reduced by $XXX.XX per month (thereby making his base child support obligation $XXX.XX per month) in order to offset transportation costs he will incur for parenting time."



Anyone have this happen to them? 

Hi all- I am moving to Florida and I need to apply for medical assistance for my handicap child and transfer my CS case to Florida.  Can anyone direct me to a number or a website?  I will be in Pasco County.

Thanks in advance for the help!!

MIXED!!!  Ahhhh How are you girl?!!!  All my old friends are still here!!!  Love you all!!

Hi all!! Thought I would send an update....

After a grueling few days, BF and I reached an agreement and we are cleared to make our move out of state.  We adopted the Sparc interstate/long distance parenting plan from the articles page ( the transportation section) we re-did all the holidays (also from the parenting plan) so he got more extended visits and we agreed to an amount for a child support reduction for his travel expenses.  After 3 revisions he sent it over to his lawyer (which he agreed to pay for) to write it all up and file it and get signed by the judge.

I am mainly writing to all that think things are completely and utterly hopeless. I haven't spoken a single word to my ex in 4.5 years and we have an insanely volatile relationship, he screams and then hangs up... end of conversation. We did manage to work this out and I really thought I was going to have to go through a huge court battle.  Whoohoooo!!!! 

Ahh, well that can be arranged.  I will get a job before I file my motion.

Thanks guys!  I can always count on my Sparc family for guidance.  Truly if there were a way to stay or an affordable place to live I would do it.  Each and every one of my family members is experiencing hardship as well with the exception of my parents.  The only things that he can really use against me is I have a smaller support system in the state I am going to... but I still have one? and the other is I don't actually have a job but the pickings are alot better than where I am at now, and I can't exactly get a job when I don't live there yet?  Anyone think I should actually have a start date for a job even though I have no idea how this will pan out?

I only "almost" agreed to a financial reduction for transportation costs because I thought that was fair since I was the one moving, but that doesn't guarantee he won't up and flake out and stop seeing them again? 

So far their father has only seen them a total of 5 visits.  They just graduated to a full weekend overnight.  It has been going ok.  I talked to his wife last night and he (dad) has (just like I thought he would) badgered the 12 year old into choosing what he wants to do and has laid some pretty heavy burdens on him.  I knew this would happen, but I couldn't stop it from happening.

The children are 12 and 11.  I have asked for a plan, and he wants a minimum of flying them back and forth, every 2 months and every vacation the kids get out of school and the entire summer. If I dont agree to dropping the child support, he won't agree to this plan and will fight for me to stay.

Hello all-- been a while.. used to be Sunshine1, I had to re-register

I have a very complex issue that has arose and I need to know the options and opinions.

My ex has had a come to Jesus moment and was in a severe car accident, completely recovered and no lasting injuries and was gone from work for like a week.  In that time off his wife had decided an almost death was long enough not to see his children and made contact (after no contact for almost 5 years)

I agreed it was best for all that this should happen.. however I really didn't think it would go anywhere as the relationship he has with me is very volitile and REFUSES to speak to me about anything.  Everything was arranged and done through his wife, it wasn't even his idea to start seeing his children.  In the last year I had lost my job, and ultimately have lost our housing because it is too expensive.  I had been arranging for the last 3 months for any options available, and an angel lent out a hand to help but it involved relocating to another state.

The kids were/are excited to go, I will have a job, and can surely afford the new housing.  I was not forthcoming with their dad at first because everything was up in the air.  I finally got everything lined up and I told him our plans and he lost it.  I do understand his anger after just starting to rekindle a relationship with his kids, and then we have to move, but I truly and honestly have no other alternative.  I am not moving to strain his relationship, I have offered everything but a reversal of custody.  Under the circumstances of no contact after 5 years, and a special needs child, that is just something I am not going to agree to. Plus the children don't want it.

He has threatened to stop me, but won't if I agree to  50/50 custody, no child support and a list of other things (that are doable for extended visits)  If I stayed, he wouldnt change anything. To me this sounds like blackmail? Need opinions my friends.

What do I need to do to move?  I never even thought about it because he had no contact and really didn't give a hoot what or where we were.  Now he wants to make this as difficult as possible.  I am honestly making a move not to make his life miserable but to better ours.  My decree does not stop me from moving but the state statute says I must inform him and if he objects I must make a motion to get permission to leave the state.

Thoughts.. comments.. thanks