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congrats!

thanks!!!!! this site is soooooo helpful to people like me..god bless all of you!!

TRIAL UPDATE 12-11-09
Went to my custody, child support, alimony, DV trial today, first the judge handled the custody since i had the kids foe the last 4 years, he kept it that way, i got SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY which is all im fighting for, then child support since we had our first OSC back in may '09 the we'll be recieving $854.00 a month as a PENDENTE LITE order and support but since the judge found out that the kids are staying with me for the last 4 years he did ZERO out the child support and here is the funny part she has to pay me $5.00 a month in child support..coz she doesnt have a job but the judge told her to look and get a job so she can start to pay me child support since i have the sole custody of our 2 kids..judge gave her a deadline till march,24,2010 to submit her income and expense declaration and if she fails to get a job the judge will do an IMPUTED income on her part..which is really good, then alimony...the judge asked her why did she waited 4 years after we separated to file for alimony, she answered " i the court will grant her alimony then she can start moving into her own place from her studio where she's staying right now..and i also told the judge that her living quarters is not suitable for my kids to stay for overnight visitation..so alimony was DENIED-ZERO..then DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/RESTRAINING ORDER..all she told the judge was that i was scaring her and she should be protected against me..all the judge said was..THERE WAS NO BASIS FOR YOUR REQUEST FOR RESTRAINING ORDER COZ THERE WAS NO POLICE REPORT OR NONE WHAT SO EVER..so i guess me and the kids are gonna have a good HOLIDAYS ahead of us..no more stress!!! another victory for a responsible father and i did it without a lawyer coz im really short on funds..thank you for all your help,suggestions and comments..MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERY ONE AND GOD BLESS!!!

Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 

It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.

There is a significant difference between sole custody and primary residential parent.  It gives the OP less control over the situation.  It very likely means that mom will get more parenting time up-front, probably unsupervised, and the step-up plan means that there will be provisions to increase her parenting time as time goes on.

Sole custody is just that, one person has all the custody and perhaps there are provisions for very limited "visitation" to the other parent.

As an aside, it has been my experience that in probably more than 50% of the times, mediators, parenting coordinators, and custody evaluators will tell you one thing in sessions, and then blindside you with something different when the final report comes in.  It's not as uncommon as one might think.

so what suggestion do you have when i go to trial next friday?? just push for sole physical custody? or just stay with primary residential of the children?? PLS HELP!!!!

Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 

It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.

Oh ok..was worried coz i dont wanna loose the full custody of my kids since they're already stable and established with me..like school, friends,sports activities and the neigborhood for the last 4 years...thank you and GOD BLESS!!! keep the comments n suggestions coming..

****2nd UPDATE 12-03-09****


I just recieved the MEDIATORS REPORT/RECOMMENDATION..the last time we went to mediation they recommend that "FATHER WILL HAVE SOLE CUSTODY" but when we went in front of the judge the mom object to that report so now we had to go to trial but before that the judge ordered us to go into final mediation, so now here is the report; they changed the wording into "FATHER WILL HAVE PRIMARY RESIDENCE OF THE CHILDREN" with step-up plan for the mother..so my QUESTION is; whats the difference between SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and PRIMARY RESIDENCE OF THE CHILDREN..the step up plab for her is on sunday 10am-7pm for a month and then every other weekend if she follows the step up plan..can sombody halp me with this before my custody trial on dec 11th..PLS HELP..and GOD BLESS!!!

I got one more question to everyone here....Does the judge always or usually follows the MEDIATORS recommendation??? coz this was our third one the first one we had 50-50 for her to spend some time with the kids BUT that order kicked in MAY-09 till now she only saw the kids 4 times, the second mediation the recommendation was father will have FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY but when we faced the judge she disaggreed to it, so now we had to go to TRIAL on DEC 11th but before that the judge ordered a FINAL MEDIATION, so this time the MEDIATOR gave me FULL CUSTODY...what i wanna know if the JUDGE always follows the MEDIATORS report or recommendation?? pls help!!! thank you for all you inputs and comments..GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!!!!

Awesome!  Another victory for the father's side!  I hope everything continues to go in the children's favor!

thanks!!!! hopefully it will be a win all the way through!!!

GL today, let us know what happens!

****11-20-09**** UPDATE!!!

So we both went to the mediation this morning and she requested separate meeting and she went ahead first...first of all the mediator was great!!!my stbx spent 30 mins in the room with the mediator and then it was my turn... i went in there with just facts and reality in my mind..I told the mediator that i had the kids for 4 yrs straight, took care of them without any problems, i also told the mediator about her not visiting since the last OSC order that she only saw the kids 3 times for about 5 hours each time..i also told the mediator that i will give here visitation every other sunday from noon till 6pm but supervised, no overnights coz she's living with her boyfriend and their infant child in a studio with other people..with all the facts the mediator made n wrote the recomendation report for the court..the mediator told me that there is no way that my ex will get custody of the kids since i had them for the last 4yrs straight n took care of them, i saw the report from my ex the mediator only had her side of the story on a half sheet of paper compared to mine i had 3 pages long in the end the mediator told me there is nothing to worry about coz this is our last mediation before the trial and base on the his reports and reviews that i will get FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY!!!..mediation ended walked out of the court with a big smile on my face...and then my plan for the trial is i will ask the judge to base the child support on the custody or parenting time...coz right now im getting screwed with $854.00 a month and she doent even see or take care of our kids....thank you for all the advice, comments and suggestions..GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!! and keep all the BLESSINGS and advice, comments and suggestions coming coz this site really helps a lot!!! THANK YOU AGAIN AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

UPDATE: ok im going to have a mediation this friday 11-20-09, so she already got some child support money taken out of my paycheck $854, so our daughters birthday came and gone and my daughter told her since she got the money for the child support, she should pay for the party, so she agreed...take note she getting money for child support but the kids are living with me for the last 4 yrs straight thats why im going for the trial to take out the child support and have full physical custody of our kids..by the way the party is gonna be this coming saturday 11-21-09, she invited all her friends coz her mom told her that she will take care of everything, food, drinks etc..my daughter has been calling her for 2 straight weeks, either no answer or she's in the hospital, the EX told my daughter that she's in the hospital for 9 days straight for HIGH-BLLOD pressure, i worked in the hospital and i finished my nursing degree, there is no way that the hospital will confine her for 9 consecutive days for high blood pressure, me and the kids already know that is a BIG LIE!!!..what upset me is my kids are going through this, especially my daughter everytime she try to contact her about her party she's not there...for the last 2 weeks my daughter is so stressed out and crying everyday about her party because her mom is not responding or taking care of the party..Im just hoping the mediator and the judge will look into all the angles of my situation..thank you everybody for inputing and responding to my situation...WISH ME LUCK ON FRIDAY FOR MY MEDIATION AND ON MY TRIAL ON DECEMBER 11th...THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!!!!!

http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/cp_investigationmnl.pdf

If that doesn't work, I typed in Michigan's 12 custody factors in my search engine.  Now, again this is Michigan, but I think what is in the criteria is probably pretty standard around the board.  I guess using it as an outline for yourself wouldn't hurt.  Good luck.

i read it and its very helpful.......i scored 12 out of 12 on that custody determination..so hopefully the mediator and the judge will look at it..thank a lot!!!!!!!!!