Messages

I hope that the Judge will take the time to read through all the nasty texts he has sent to me.
I have been practicing the "low-contact" approach, and it does not seem to be working very successfully. It has resulted in the CP sending me many inappropiate texts, to which I do not respond. (It would only be a way to open the flood gates for further arguements.)
I exercised my parenting time with dau. between New Years and the end of her holiday break from school. I tried to make it a fun time for us, sledding, baking her favorite pie together, going to a movie, having one of her friends over to play, etc....
During our time together, she asked me if I would take her to have her hair trimmed and styled as she had not had a haircut since August.  I took her in and she had 1/2 inch trimmed off and they curled her hair in spiral curls. (Very adorable!)
Three days after she returned to the X's house, I received a text stating that I did not have permission to cut her hair. X said dau. told him I told her to lie to him about her haircut- (I said no such thing) and that this issue would be "dealt" with. I did not respond, however I did update my attorney- he could not believe the X's reaction.
Next step- we go to court to attempt to modify (increase) my parenting time. Date has not yet been set.
X has still not signed release forms for my access to medical/dental information, still refuses to attempt mediation, still limits my telephone parenting time with dau., has made no attempt to reimburse prior daycare expenses from prior court order.
Meanwhile, I have been doing all I can to stay positive and focused on doing what is best for our dau.
I just pray that when we do go in front of the Judge they will take note of all of his bad behavior (for lack of a better term) and see fit to allow dau. and I to spend more time together.  I also hope that the Judge may be able to persuade X to straighten up and act in a more cooperative manner- but I won't hold my breath on that one.

I posted a few weeks ago looking for some good advise for mediation.
Was told by my attorney today that the X is refusing to go. It is not court ordered, but the Judge said they would not schedule anymore hearings until mediation was complete.

In the past few weeks, X has been pretty busy doing everything possible to ensure my relationship w/ our child is stressed.
1. Refusing to sign medical/dental releases allowing me access to records
2. not permitting me to exercise my full 30 minute telephone parenting time (child tells me, "I have to get off the phone now" (after 3 minutes of conversation)
3. sending more nasty text messages to me
4. telling our child things about the legal proceedings
5. and the latest- both the X and his new significant other yelling at me while I was speaking on the phone with our child.

I have done what I can to try speak with our child, I don't want her to think any of this is her fault.  She thinks the X is, "trying to erase" me from her life. (Her quote).
I have documentation of all texts, phone calls and have forwarded all items to my lawyer.
What weight will all of this documentation carry when we return to court, we currently have a temp. order and will be asking Judge for perm. order. ?
I am hoping to increase my parenting time currently, but am also going to attempt for custody at some point down the road. I need to play the waiting game and collect evidence to give me a solid cause of action so that the custody can be addressed.
I have read about others who were able to get custody reversed when the Judge was made aware of how the CP was violating court orders, alienating the NCP, etc...  If anyone has any good advise please comment.

The X has been given custody- I had legal custody of DD for past 7 yrs.  Judge has only given me the basic parenting time per our state (Ne.) w/ phone parenting time 2x per wk. , 30mins each eve. (Try to keep a 9yr. old on the phone for 30 mins.- she just doesn't do that) Hannah Montanna distracts her every time!!
The judge refuses to modify the parenting time until we go to mediation- ever try to reason w/ an unreasonable person?  Well, on this site- you all know what I'm saying.
What can I bring to mediation, as far as documentation- etc... to show how unreasonable the X has been.  (I have many nasty text messages, e-mails, etc... to show the X's behavior).
I am trying my very best to try and keep DD out of the middle of the issues between me and the X, but it becomes very difficult as the X involves DD in almost all of our texts/messages back and forth between each other.  DD told me tonight during evening meal that the X told her I could not take her out of the city limits for the holiday- "it's against the law".  (I am taking her 30 mins. outside of our city limits to spend the holiday at a riverside cabin with our extended family).  Nowhere in the temp. order does it state that I cannot take her outside our city (nor our state, for that matter) during my parenting time.
X also texted me last week, stating that I could not contact DD via phone more than once per week, as X was, "getting sick of you sending text messages every night asking DD to call you."  Judges temp order stated differently.
X also owes me over $1100 in unreimbursed daycare expenses as per our previous court order- which were never paid.  The list goes on and on..
Some advice for mediation would be greatly appreciated......... kinda losing my mind here.
Thank you in advance-  JadedMom

Judge ordered mediation for me and the X. We are unable to come to any agreement regarding my parenting time w/ dau. I now have a temp. order from Judge which gives me a 3hr visit during the week and EOWE. My attorney proposed that I be given more time, as the X works long shifts 3-4days/week. I do not believe Right of First refusal is recognized in my state.
X has history of being very unreasonable and do not expect that mediation will work. I am certain that the session will turn into a nightmare.

How can I prepare for mediation? Should I bring copies of his text messages/emails he has sent to me? The messages he has sent are rude, insulting and clearly show his lack of willingness to co-parent our dau. w/ me. Any other documentation I should bring?
Also, what can I expect to happen when the mediation is done and there is no sort of agreement?
I do not want his lack of cooperation to affect my ability to have more parenting time w/ our dau.  I understand how important it is to do what is best for our dau., but I have the opinion that his lack of flexibility will make the Judge think that more time w/ me would expose our dau. to more conflict. (Dau. has told me that she is usually questioned thoroughly following each parenting time w/ me.) X also frequently puts dau. in the middle of things by sending messages/comments to me through her.
Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated!

Long story made short- I lived in an apt. bldg.  where most of the people were less than upstanding.  My apt. manager and I  were social w/ one another, nothing else- I felt sorry for him b/c he was single and trying to mend a relationship w/ his 3 nearly grown dau's. 
There was some friction b/t us, as I found out he was reporting my daily activities to my ex. When I confronted him on this he denied it. He ended up assaulting me one night and trying to throw me off the balcony- in front of my dau. (He was intoxicated and was taken to the local detox center by local police.)
I ended up moving away shortly after this and when the ex took me to court he called numerous residents from the apt. bldg to court to testify against me. ( Several of them being ex-cons on parole, who admitted on the stand to drinking and using drugs). 
He also called my estranged husb. to the stand (who was also convicted of domestic assault against me, several yrs. ago)  He was ordered to attend 6 mos. of anger mgmt and it took him 12 mos to complete as he kept getting expelled for bad behavior.
The point is, the original judge denied him a change of custody. It was the appellate ct. that overturned it- I don't feel that they clearly looked at all of the evidence from the lower ct.  The ex called 10 people to the stand to testify against me, I had one witness, our dau. counselor- in the form of a depostition ( and it was "condensed" at that- numerous statements the counselor had directly quoted from our dau. were with-held- per the ex's att. request). When my att. contacted me after the decision of the dist. ct. he said, " Judge ---- really doesn't like bully's."  She saw through all of the junk the ex was pulling and she decided to leave custody w/ me.  I fell through in the apellate ct. 
My only concern right now is to do what's best for our dau.- I can see her behavior changing drastically since she's been living in the ex's home- when she's with me for the weekend and the ex calls, she goes into another room and I can hear her keep telling him, " I want to go now- we are busy." I usually have activities planned for her, whether it be a visit w/ family members, movie night, having her favorite girlfriend over from school or a trip to the local indoor waterpark for the evening.  I can tell that he questions her at great detail about what we are doing, and it troubles me a lot.  I give her privacy to speak w/ the ex., but she acts differently for quite a while after speaking w/ him.

We are going through mediation via our attorneys right now and will meet w/ judge next month. I made out a "wish list" of the things I would like to see happen for our dau.
One of the items I am requesting of the dis. ct judge is that it be ordered for our dau to be allowed to cont. counseling w/ her current person (she has developed a rapport and trust w/ this person as she has been seeing them for almost 2 yrs.) Ex was invited and made aware of sessions but chose to not participate (except for calling counselor to threaten her against continuing therapy w/ dau since she is now living in his home.)
The dis. ct. judge originally left cust. w/ me- the ex requested new trial and dis. ct. judge denied. Ex then proceeded to appeal to higher ct. and they overturned decision.
Have been told dis. ct. judge is "on my side" and am told by student attorneys that it is likely that most reasonable requests I make of the court should be granted. I am hopeful this will happen.  Have not made unreasonable requests, just things pertaining to continuing counseling, remaining in same school (he lives in her district), telephone contact, and liberal visitation (dau has spent 8.5 of her 9yrs living with me). I am trying to be the "bigger person"- even though it proves to be quite difficult.
Per ex's request, I have assumed his prior normal visitation schedule- every Wed eve 5-8 and EOW. I had to have my student att. call his att. the first wk. end I was supposed to have our dau. to remind him he requested I take his visit schedule-  was merely trying to do what he had requested that I do, and he tried to deny me the visit.  No way to reason with an unreasonable person. 
Spoke w/ dau. 2 Sat's ago (his wkend) and she told me she missed school the prev. day w/ fever of 104.  She went on to say ex took her to acute care clinic to see MD who said she had bronchitis and prescribed antibiotic.  In prev. custody order it stated I was to notify him in event of illness or MD visits- which I promptly did.  I have documented every little detail of our dau. life since 2002- just makes me upset that he thinks I do not need to be notified of what's going on in her life.
Attended her school conf. @ the beginning of Oct.- ex called me wanting to know why I was going to her conf.- (he had not scheduled his own conf. and knew nothing about it)  I told him, "that's what parents do- they go to school conferences."  It's like he expects me to just bow out of her life now that I am a NCP.  I also go to school at least 1x per week and take lunch to her, and volunteer for helping w/ school parties, carnivals, etc... 
When I had full custody he rarely called to speak to her during the week (perhaps 3x in the whole duration) and only attended one school conf. and one open house for the start of school. (In fact, he made a comment to our dau. 2 yrs ago at the open house that her teacher for 2nd grade looked "hot"-)  I couldn't resist- I made a comment that since he thought her teacher was so attractive- perhaps he would come to her conferences that year.
It's been a tough road w/ him- I am not without sin as far as my behavior, I will admit.  But now, I just want to focus on doing the right thing and making our dau.'s life as happy as possible.  It's tough to deal w/, I call every nite and I know he's listening to our conversation so I try my best to keep things light and happy.  It's so tough though, when I tell her goodbye and tell her, "I love you"- she hesitates, and then she says very quietly just above a whisper, "I love you too Mommy."    It's breaking my heart- could really use some words of wisdom right now.

The ex has sole custody. Dau. is living with him now, but there is no order from the court yet outlining all of the details regarding my visitation, CS or any other information. My student attorney tells me that we will not be able to get all of those details in writing from the judge until we go to court in several months.
My way of thinking tells me that unless I am ordered specifically to not take her to counselor apts. by the judge, I should be able to do so and pay for it on my own.
Plus, if he goes to the judge to complain- I don't feel the judge would be angry with the situation, I am doing this in my dau. best interest- especially now that my dau. life is totally turned upside down and she can really benefit from seeing her counselor and having someone she trusts and can talk to.
The counselor is also concerned about this, as she doesn't want my ex to try and sue her for continuing sessions w/ my dau.

Ex just got custody of our 9yr old dau- she has lived with me in my custody since we went our separate ways 7 yrs. ago. Order came from state sup. ct. and we are awaiting a district ct date to set up new visitation and CS orders for me.  I have been taking dau to a counselor for almost 2 yrs. now, due to stress from her dad's behavior towards me.  Bills were submitted to his ins. co, as he carries her ins. coverage.
He has told me via text to not take her to counselor anymore- he's angry b/c counselor submitted a deposition to the ct. during the battle which painted him in a bad light as far as his parenting abilities. The district ct judge denied him custody and he appealed all the way to the ct. of appeals, who overturned the district ct. judges decision.
The way it stands right now, there are no orders re my visitation or any rights whatsoever- this will be resolved soon though.
I'd like to continue to take her to counselor at least once/month. Being represented by senior law students at our local university and they don't even know what I should do. They are researching it too.  The best advice they give me is to take her to apts. and pay bill on my own and not let bill be submitted to his ins.
Does anyone have any ideas?