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Messages - Iwant1c5z

Pages: 1
1

What is her options to you so far?

This is what she's sent her "mediator" to put in the msa for her:

No over nights until he's 3.
Son is not to leave her county of residence without her permission.
No travel away from home until he's 5.
He's to be returned to her by 6pm on days that I'm there visiting before he turns 3.
I (me) pay for all travel.
Child support needs to be reassessed.
Atleast a 3 week notice before visit.
Split costs of activities for son.
Holidays will be in California until son is 5 and then it alternates.
Birthdays will be where son lives since he'll be in school (or wherever she decides to move to).

Word for word what she text me. Obviously that's not quite the agreeable attitude, that I understand haha. This was a few months ago when we were battling pretty hard. Fast forward a few months and she is engaged to be married, and due to have this guys baby end of May. I was in the Marine Corps and this guy is in the Navy and he's deploying this summer...so she is desperate to get a divorce and settle all of this before the new baby is born and before her fiancee deploys that way they can get married and get base housing. (Basically all military members, once married, get to decide whether they want a house on base or an approved neighborhood for free only paying utilities, or they get paid a particular amount of money to live in a normal house or apartment.) She wants to get in base housing but that can only happen after they get married.

I have been nothing but flexible throughout this whole ordeal and I think a judge would see that (I hope), I've given up a lot of things for our son and she hasn't been willing to negotiate or meet me in the middle or even be flexible in the slightest. Now that she has a bit of pressure on her I hope she will be willing to negotiate with me in terms that are similar to the courts long distance standard (even giving up a few days though having longer and more ideal visits). I have no confidence or faith in the mediator she is using, he's been nothing but disrespectful thus far and has basically only repeated what she wants vs finding a happy medium between the both of us for the sake of our son.

Little bit of back story: The case is currently a Texas case, but due to the amount of time he has lived in California and the amount of foot dragging that has taken place she has hired an attorney in Texas to get it transferred to California. That April visit that they made here, she signed my paperwork at my attorneys office that way we didn't have to get her served, and then later filed a new case in California even though the Texas case was open and under way, due to her mediators advice. She'll openly admit this. They mailed me this paperwork to Alaska where I was at temporarily for work, since you can't have two cases for the exact same divorce open in two different states I didn't officially respond to said paperwork. They can't even prove that I received it as I was sharing a mailbox with a buddy of mine who signed for it. She has mentioned that she could get a default ruling in that case, though I am unsure how if the whole filing of her divorce case in California is based off of an improper filing.

It's a hell of a mess, are there every any clean divorces?  :o

I assume, assumptions kill as we say in the Corps, that since us coming to an agreement would fast track this whole case(which we both want to have happen) she would be more willing to accept an offer of mine that was very similar to what the courts will most likely issue.


2
Well we separated November of 2013, this whole last year has been a battle of attorneys and states battling jurisdictions etc etc. We have no court orders and we have no temporary orders. It's all a mess and I am well aware of how unstable of a mess it is.

Tension and anger was high throughout 2014 between the two of us. We have leaned on our attorneys and mediators but for one thing or another it just hasn't played out or gotten to court for the divorce to get completed and visitation orders to get determined. It was random visitations along with skype calls twice a week and a phone call once a week. I have never been a fan of having a court determine how the rest of our lives should be handled and I believe she agrees with me there.

After they left I went for a week long visit in January '14 for his birthday and stayed with both of them during that visit. In April we split costs for them to fly here and visit me for a week and they stayed with me. Throughout the summer a lot of tug of war was happening and I wasn't allowed to visit until September of '14 where I stayed for a week at my father in laws house while picking my son up each morning from her apartment and dropping him back off(she hasn't wanted me to keep him overnight, I've only dealt with it in order to get to see son) each evening by 5:30pm. Mom and I had another falling out while I was there and the next time I've been allowed to visit was his birthday(she gave me an ultimatum of christmas or his birthday not both) this year in January. I again picked him up each morning from her apartment and dropped him off each evening this time at 6pm I believe it was. We also napped together every day while I visited him and he cuddles up to me and there are no issues with getting him to go to sleep, so I imagine he wouldn't have much of an issue once staying overnights with me??

We have since dropped down to one Skype call a week for 30 minutes, I bought him a book while visiting recently and bought a duplicate for me to have so I can read it to him over skype which he gets a real kick out of, on Sundays and one 15 minute phone call Wednesdays (obviously Skype calls are much better, preferred, and allow for a better connection and understanding and it is quite interesting to keep and maintain the interest of a 2 year old boy on the phone when he can't see me for 15 minutes).

In the beginning when mom and I were still getting along sending a selfie to her for his sake was great and she would try to capture his reaction and that was great for him as well as reassuring me that he didn't forget me but that no longer happens unfortunately. We have been able to maintain our strong bond through all of the virtual chats and phone calls so much so that when I go to pick him up, even after long times being away, he smiles real big and comes running. Huge relief!


So far...

     Seeing as how we are such a long distance away from each other, I believe we will both agree that longer visitation while less frequent, will be the obvious choice here. It will be cheaper for both of us on transportation costs(split 50/50), as well as not effect our work schedules as much as the more frequent visits are bound to.

Standard long distance visitation includes: Approximately 11 round trip flights per year. (73'ish days a year approximately)
-one weekend a month
-a week for spring break every year
-42 days of summer vacation
-Father's Day weekend if he is not already with me
-6 days with me for Thanksgiving on odd numbered years
-Christmas odd # years=Dec 26th from noon until 6pm day before school resumes
even # years=6pm on the day school is dismissed until noon Dec 26th
-Birthday from 6pm until 8pm (Obviously I would attempt to use my one weekend a month visit near his birthday
to omit this 2 hour visit)

What I am asking for prior to him starting school:6 round trips flights per year(69 days a year that allows greater flexibility for both of us)
-One week(7days) long visit every other month, last 7 days of each of these months (January/March/May/July/September/November)
-Open to a progressive visit starting out which includes me staying in California the first week long visit that I have him 24/7 (in order to be nearby mom incase he gets fussy and needs mom, if it goes well then the next visit I would like to have him at my residence, if it goes poorly then I am open to further visits in San Diego until he can relax and enjoy his time with me, least amount of trauma on our son as possible) so long as it is not during my Summer visit with him as that would include an extra round trip flight.
-35 days of the Summer from June 15th thru July 19th (Which would then cancel my week of having him the last week of July, I would next have him the last week of September, also puts him with mom for Mother's Day and with dad for Father's day)
-Open to a Skype call to mom once each week that he is with me visiting(12 per year, 7 of these during summer vacation). If you'd prefer more then I would also ask to receive more Skype calls with him each week.

That's it so far.

That is based off of Texas' long distance court ordered visitation schedules. I have tried to find California's, where the case will most likely be heard it seems, but have been unable to as of yet. I believe I'm mistaken on the 42 days being standard for Texas, somebody here can probably help me.

I have that labeled as "prior to him starting school" but that can be changed as I don't quite know where to go with it once he starts school. I am completely flexible and open to whatever might work and or would be best for our son, any help or ideas or corrections are wanted and appreciated!!

3
My soon to be ex wife lives with our 2 year old son in California, I currently live in Texas but may be moving to Idaho shortly. We attempted to come to an agreement in the beginning, then failed and went to attorneys for help and are back at attempting to come to a healthy visitation schedule.

Neither of us are made of money unfortunately so frequent, short visits would be extremely taxing on us. I have come up with a rough draft that modifies the long distance court schedule but am not sure if she will agree to it or even take a second look at it. I came here hoping for better ideas in order for us to make this work.

I understand that children are able to adapt and overcome many more obstacles than we generally give them credit for at such a young age, I'm also aware (due to recent research) that removing a child from his primary care giver (mom) can create physical and psychological trauma for our son. A progressive visitation would be best for his needs, I believe, and to ensure he neither feels abandoned nor kidnapped. Now the hard part...how to come up with a schedule that will be agreed to by both parents and most importantly will benefit our son.

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