Messages

A friend of mine wanted to "get back" at someone using the same Yahoo personals. My friend did in fact post a personal ad in the "gay" section. Friend told me it cost nothing to sign up, but if someone replyed to the ad that the person who submitted the ad *must* pay a fee to reply back.

This fee caused my friend to just not reply but left the ad up. I'm not sure if it's still there.

So, going by what I was told, your Ex ~had~ to pay to get the full service from the ad. If he did pay, it could be a way to nail him.

Just my 2 cents


TPK

>>
>>The Judge yesterday hinted he might not be the Judge at
>trial.
>>How can that be?
>
>Retirement, stepping down, vacation, appointment/election to a
>higher court., loss of election, reorg in court admin, etc.

Actually, he's a New Judge in the Supreme Court there, hasn't even been there for a year. Choosing from your above possibilities, a vacation is all I can think of but he made no mention of that or any else of the above. It would seem that if he's not the Judge at trial, we'll have to educate the new judge on all the issues :(

Thanks


TPK

>Temporary ordres are almost always permanent unless you prove
>the custodial parent is psychotic or paranoid, or she has
>affirmatively harmed the child.


You have pointed this out to me before. I was put on the spot yesterday where I had to make a decision on the parenting time. You always said to ask for more and settle for less. The Judge mentioned that we should settle now rather than having him make a decision which both parties (more so myself in this matter) might not be happy with (which is also what you have pointed out to me in the past)




>
>I'd consider asking for a custody eval by a child psychologist
>on grounds that the mother is exhibiting signs of paranoia,
>and use the completely unreasonble suggestion that vaccines
>cause autism, asthma, etc., as evidence, which the judge saw,
>displayed in front of you and both counsel.


1. Are you suggesting a custody evaluation that would result in a change of custody or getting a shrink to just agree with me on the vaccine issue?



>
>You don't want a GAL, you want a shrink (or a GAL that's a
>shrink, too).
>
>That's if you want to spend the money.


2. Typically, what kinda money are we talking about for a custody eval?....$5K....$10K?? From reading posts from other members here at Sparc, it seems like this is a lengthy process which most of the time never changes the "status quo".


One other issue that was loudly argued yesterday. When we were in Orange County the Judge there made the attorneys hammer out a CS plan. At the time (Dec  2004) I used my 2003 income. 2004 income showed a substanial change in income due to my company showing a very slight loss.

As I previously pointed out to you before, we are a Subchapter S Corp where the co. profits are taxable to my personal income rather than the co. because it's much cheaper.

Starting Jan 2005, I started paying XX amount for CS. In April 2005 after the co. and personal taxes were done (by accountant) I knew the co. would show a loss and it did (poor last quarter). Thus, there was no co. profits to tack on to my personal income. In April I started paying $110.00 less than before (per month).

Wife's attorney tried to argue yesterday that Orange County Judge ordered the amount. My attorney stated that it was ordered from the bench (court minutes) as no document exists showing it was ordered on paper. My attorney showed this new Judge the original complaint filed in OC in which the Judge "struck" or "crossed out" the part where wife wanted CS.

This new Judge hinted I was playing games and fudging the numbers. I have not fudged the numbers and have nothing to hide. Judge said that if this issue went to trial that he personally would scrutinize my tax returns and possibly add in some money to show it was personal income.

So I can either fight this in court, or go back to the CS amount which is $110.00 more. I have a feeling Judge will be determined to find more personal income and I will lose.

3. Is the $110.00 more a month worth fighting for or is this not significant $$ to waste the time? What would you recommend here?

4. How on earth can a Judge be considered an expert on "accouting issues" without being a CPA? I feel it would be up to my opponent to have expert testimony to dispute this.

My attorney offered to have me deposed on this. Wife's attorney stated her client didn't have the money for that, that's BS.

The Judge yesterday hinted he might not be the Judge at trial. How can that be?


I thank you kindly.

TPK

Soc,

I did well today.

It was supposed to just be a meeting in chambers between attorneys. After they were in there for a little bit, they called me and the lovely wife in there too. I was stoked.

Judge discussed the parenting time I wanted ( Fri 12noon to Mon 10am). My opponent countered with Sat 9am to Mon 10am. Judge looked at me and asked if this was OK. I sat silent for a few seconds, then he says "you aint getting everything you're asking for". He said it would only be temporary til trial in Oct. I agreed.

Then the vaccination issue was brought up. Judge questioned wife about her reasons for not doing it. Wife spewed the same banter "autism" "asthma" is caused by vaccines. Judge didn't seem to be buying it. Wife's attorney suggested a Law Guardian get involved. Judge said there was no need for that as the LG would never agree with wife anyway.

So, he didn't order it today, but I strongly feel he will at trial. My plan is to have the court order it be done when child is 2. I know wife won't do it so I'll probably get a contempt on her and maybe a small opening of a change in custody.

I will let wife self destruct and then pounce on it.

  My wife embarassed herself and me today in chambers. She ranted on and on and interupted the Judge many times. She was so out of control and her attorney never tried to stop her. I sat back and said little, and let the Judge get an a$$full of her. I was shocked at her behavior. I was embarassed for her. There clearly is still something wrong with her. I can't believe I actually married this woman. What the F was I thinking. The Judge probably felt like hanging himself after being in her presence.

Being in front of 2 male Judges and 2 female Judges I now prefer female Judges. Seems the women are for the men and the men are for the women. I did have a minor victory today, but still kinda dislike this male Judge.

Thanks for your input on some of these issues Soc. As usual, you were dead on and from your help I knew what to expect and how to approach these issues.

TPK

Soc,

On the vaccination issue.

1. Is it important to include that in the divorce decree?



2. Will I be SOL if I wait til daughter is 2 years old (now 15 months) to bring an action in court about the vaccination?


3. If I waited til she was 2 years old would I appear to the court as not being overly concerned by waiting?

4. Should I being making a stink about it now?


In short, I'm wondering wether there any advantages either way to put it in the divorce decree NOW or bring some sort of court action when daughter is 2 years old. I want to make sure that if it's NOT in the divorce decree wether I'd be less likely to get the court to order post-decree.

5. If approaching this post-decree what would be the proper hearing to file...an OSC?

Just need your insight so I can discuss this with counsel tomorrow.


Thanks!

TPK

>>1. Will the judge frown upon my opponents unwillingness to
>>settle? I know you can't read a judge's mind, I'd just like
>to
>>know what your experiences were with stubborn opponents.
>
>Yes, the judge will bang heads and tell opposing counsel to
>get off his/her ass and settle, unless your wife has
>instructed her attorney not to respond or maybe she's not
>paying her attorney's bill.



Wife appears to be paying the bills, but I can't tell if it's the wife who is the problem or her attorney.



>
>>My parenting time now is EOW Sat 9am to Sun 6pm which is
>just
>>not enough.
>
>It never is, but, it probably won't get any better, unless you
>pay for the evaluation and go all the way to trial.


We have something up our sleeve on this issue. I will explain at a later time if needed.


>
>>
>>Wife still won't vaccinate child.
>
>The judge will order it, if your attorney asks. If nothing
>happens afterwards, that would give you some leverage to
>reverse custody, especially if the mother starts moaning about
>alternative medicine in place of vaccination.


Very interesting response.

1. Would I have to subpoena child's Dr. and have him testify? He has hammered on wife to vaccinate and she just waives him off.

2. Would I have to pay him as an expert witness or can he just be forced to appear via subpoena and give testimony??
>
>>
>>3. Where can I find any case law on a vaccination related
>>issue? I don't mean lawsuits brought against Pharm.
>companies
>>either.
>
>The issue is the fundamental constitutional right of a parent
>to direct the care of his/her child vs. the state's compelling
>interest in the child's welfare. The state always wins this
>argument, so you don't need any case law. The judge will just
>call bullshit and tell her attorney to have the kid vaccinated
>or go to jail until she agrees to do it.


Jail time, I like that.
>
>>4. I'm trying to get my golf handicap back under 10, any
>>suggestions??:-)
>
>Loosen your grip on the club and concentrate on keeping your
>head completely stationary is space relative to the position
>ball on the ground. When your head moves during the swing,
>your body shifts and you don't hit the ball square. Oh, and
>keep looking at the spot on the ground where the ball is until
>after you hit it. Most people try to follow the ball so they
>move their head at the last instant and they don't actually
>see the ball strike, which means they probaby didn't hit it
>where they think they did.

Gee Soc, it sounds like you play. I was a better golfer before getting married, and played very little after doing so. I used to play more than 40 times a year. I've shot in the 70s a few times years ago.

If you do play and are ever in the NJ area, look me up and the golf is on me! ;-)

Ted Williams??. Damn Soc, this is Yankees country around here. If you were my attorney just mentioning the Splendid Splinter would be grounds for your dismissal! :P


Thanks for your input, it's always appreciated.


TPK

...for a 2nd conference Soc. Last appearance was 2 months ago which was a meeting in chambers. I'm guessing this hearing is much of the same.


More than a month ago, my attorney sent wife's attorney a proposal for settlement. This included parenting time EOW, who gets child on what holidays, summer visitation. We never did get a response, no letter, no phone call....nada....zilch.


1. Will the judge frown upon my opponents unwillingness to settle? I know you can't read a judge's mind, I'd just like to know what your experiences were with stubborn opponents.


My parenting time now is EOW Sat 9am to Sun 6pm which is just not enough.

2. If no settlement can be made regarding parenting time, can this issue go to trial??

Wife still won't vaccinate child.

3. Where can I find any case law on a vaccination related issue? I don't mean lawsuits brought against Pharm. companies either.


4. I'm trying to get my golf handicap back under 10, any suggestions??:-)


Thanks!


TPK

Soc,

My NY attorney is a single practioner and also some sort of town Judge. I'm getting a little weary of his lack of attention..and some lack of detail.

I've retained him since 12/04. In that time he has returned a phone call 1 time that I can remember. I always had to call back. On 5/31/05 I called him to tell him about my wife's brother's end of allowing the Weds & Sunday visits at his house. Attorney said he'd call wife's attorney to see what he could do (revise visitation). I told him that upon speaking to her to call me back with any feedback.

A week and a half goes by and no phone call. This past Weds. I called his office to inquire about this situation and he was in a meeting with a client. His gal told me she'd ask him about it and call me back. I never got a call back but got a bill for that 5/31 phone call to him.

I found out he never submitted an "answer" to my wife's pleadings. I found this odd.

After the preliminary conference I told him that I wanted EOW Fri to Mon. He replyed "don't you want a Friday off?" I told him absolutely not and that my demands were firm.  He just seems to want to "push it thru" and get the divorce done. His comment bothered me.

My NJ lawyer was part of a 3-man firm. He was very diligent and always returned phone calls and copied me on everything. He was worth the money I spent and had a very professional attitude.

I guess I can see a difference between a firm and a single practioner. My NY lawyer may have a full plate, but I don't want excuses.

1. Should I be more demanding with him?....ie "I WANT you to do this etc"

2. If so on #1, where do I draw the line on my demands (it is my money I'm spending).....I don't want to be too much of a pest.

Being a business owner myself, I know how to cater to the customer til he's 100% satisfied.

3. Other than ethics matters, what else should be grounds for firing him?

My divorce is almost complete so I may keep him on board til it's over but will seek other counsel in the future.

4 Lastly , how important is it to be 100% comfortable with your lawyer?


Maybe I'm nit picking, but this divorce is taking too long and it seems like he's sitting on his thumbs up there.


Thanks

TPK

>
>Any significant modification, without some adverse
>action/inaction by the other parent as a justifying cause,
>will likely be too much for the judge, who will resist (as
>will your attorney) any attempt to modify the temporary
>orders. You need a good reason, and I'm not seeing one appear.

My attorney has always insisted we would ask for an increase and feels we'll get it. He doesn't believe we'll get it willingly from wife and her attorney, but anything we've gotten so far in NY has been from a judge and not from my opponent. I have gotten everything I wanted so far in NY, and wife has lost on everything. Wife's denial for increase in time was because the "child is an infant". Her own attorney corrected her by saying "the child is 13 months now, she's not an infant". She's almost 14 months old now.


>
>No, but like I said, the judge ain't interest in reasonable at
>this point. He has other temporary order motions to hear and
>you had your shot. You merely want to mitigate the situation
>caused by the brother's unwillingness to continue acting as a
>site for the visitation. But, remember, the judge could just
>tell your attorney, "Take the child to a motel," and that
>would be the end of your motion.


I haven't had "my shot" in front of this Judge yet. Venue was transferred from Orange to Ulster County. The OC judge gave us an increase in just 6 weeks from Weds and Sundays to overnights in NJ. I have little reason to doubt Judge would've increased it more as a permanent order if she had heard the divorce case. She was well aware that wife had secreted herself and child from me for 4 months. The visitation she gave us was for me to get to know child again.

It seems that I should not file a motion NOW based on what you've pointed out here. Rather I should just wait til July 12th or whenever the divorce proceedings begin, then we'll address the court on permanent visitation. I do like my chances.


1. If needed, can I have someone other than her brother testify??ie my mother or father, or my brother or my sister-in-law??

Thanks


TPK

Soc,

I have overnights now EOW Sat to Sun, the OC Judge gave me that. What I'm asking for is an increase to Fri to Mon now that I don't have child every Weds and Sun in NY.



I suppose I could get him to testify if needed, he does believe child would be better off with me. I was hoping I wouldn't need his testimony because I didn't think Fri. to Mon. was asking for too much.

Now that wife won't get alimony, she'll need to work more. I thought by asking for Fri starting at 12noon it would give her another full day to work. She admitted she's working at some dept. store when I have child EOW. Returning child on a Monday at 10am would give wife Fri-Sat-Sun to work to support herself.

Am I being unreasonable here??

TPK