Topics

21

Dear Socrateaser / Going to Jail Question

« on: Jun 30, 2004, 07:38:29 am »

Case is in AL - BM has custody and lives in FL.

BM has suffered 4 contempt of court rulings against her for blocking visitation within 3 years or so.  The last one was in Dec 03 where she was sentenced to 15 days in jail (AL county jail).  In Jan 04, she simultaneously asked for reconsideration and for the Judge to recuse himself because he was biased against the BM and because he is in cahoots with DH's attorney for the purposes of attorney fees.  (To date she has paid over $5K of our attorney fees.)  The judge refused on both counts and she was to start her jail time when the kids arrived for summer visitation.  In May she asked to push the start date out to Aug because of her military reserve (COL) duties during the summer.  He agreed but said no more delays.

Now…. She is asking to serve her time in FL under a work release program, alleging financial difficulties if she is not allowed to work (Federal employee).  IF she has financial difficulties, it is not from an income perspective ($90K per year), it is because of poor judgment in financial decisions.  

1. In your experience, have you ever seen a judge allow something like this?

2.  As a disinterested 3rd party, is this a reasonable request?

Thanks

LizaLou

22

Dear Socrateaser / Do you have a clue....?

« on: Mar 16, 2004, 01:00:10 pm »

Soc,

Back during the summer the judge appointed a psychologist to evaluate 2 children.  The Dr. came back with PAS by the mother.  Mother has been sanctioned to 15 days in jail for blocking visitation (to be served in the summer - Mother & kids reside in FL we live in AL).

Over the past couple of months older SS has expressed desires to live with father because he refuses to participate anymore in PAS behaviors of  the BM.  The BM went crazy and the rest of this family is treating him like a traitor.  

our attorney said to take SS back to psychologist during the spring break visitation.  We did this morning.  At the end of the appointment the Dr. told DH that he was meeting with the Judge and our attorney this afternoon.  He said the mother did not need custody of children because she had mental problems and implied meeting today would be about changing custody.  our attorney said he was informed to attend the meeting and that's all he knew.

The mother is pro se and back in FL.

1.   Do you have a clue as to what is going on?

2.  Can they just change custody without notice to the BM?

Thanks

LizaLou

23

Dear Socrateaser / Reasonable "college" Expenses

« on: Mar 01, 2004, 10:41:41 am »

Dear Soc,

Divorce Decree states DH will pay 50% of reasonable college expenses for up to 4 years of college for full time students until age 22.   It also states the DH will be involved in any major financial decisions.

1.  Is auto insurance a reasonable college expense?

2.  Even if the kid has a full time job, states he/she is emancipated (age 20) and take their own tax exemption?

3.  Does in make any difference that the kid independently, sold the older model car paid for by parents and financed a new car without consulting the DH thus forcing higher insurance costs?

Thanks,

LizaLou

24

Dear Socrateaser / Recusal of a Judge

« on: Feb 12, 2004, 09:16:17 pm »

Dear Soc,

I'm back with more questions about DH's ex (we are in AL).  She has just filed, pro se, papers requesting that the judge be recused because he does not put the children first and because he is in cahoots with our attorney (her other claims are beyond ridiculous).

Her document annotates service to our attorney and to Family Court, i.e. our judge.  But the tense of the document makes it lseem she was sending it a third party for a decision.

1. Who makes a recusal decision?

2.  If our Judge makes the decision and refuses to recuse himself can she appeal somewhere else?


Thanks

LizaLou

25

Dear Socrateaser / Tax Questions

« on: Feb 10, 2004, 08:10:26 pm »

Dear Soc,

We anticipate the DH's ex will file for an increase in child support in retailation for his filing for joint custody, temporary custody if she gets deployed and a revised visitation schedule.  Thus, we expect she will want our tax return. BTW we are in AL.

1.  Is there any benefit to filing our taxes separately?

2.  If we do file separatley, does it matter who takes the credit for the mortgage interest?  (If he takes the credit the refund is larger and the bulk of it will come from his return.)

3.  If we file joint, can I excise any and all info about me and my child?
 or must the document be complete and unaltered?

4.  Is the tax return really necessary or is the W-2 good enough (there is no other income)?

Thanks.  Your the best.

LizaLou

26

Dear Socrateaser / Unadoption

« on: Feb 05, 2004, 04:28:44 pm »

I guy in my office said he was going to unadopt his adult adopted son because he was drug addict and did nothing but cause them grief.

Can he really do that?

LizaLou

27

Dear Socrateaser / Air Travel

« on: Jan 08, 2004, 01:52:30 pm »

Soc,

The BM refused to put SS on the airplane for the Christmas visit.  She already had the ticket DH bought but refused to use it.  Instead she drove 12 hours to deliver the SS -- 6 hours late by the 12:00 p.m. requirement.

  We are hoping the following language in a bilateral agreement will help for next time.  We don't really expect her to sign the agreement but we thought we'd give it a try as we are offering to accommodate some of her desired changes in the visitation schedule.  

1.  Air Travel:  The parties agree to provide the logistics to and from the airport in the event that the parties, either together or individually, provide airline tickets for the minor children for the purposes of visitation.

2.  As currently written the transfer times are 12:00 p.m.  Do you think we need to add language about allowing time adjustments since we have no control over the airline schedule?  I'd hate for her to refuse because the airplane arrives at 10 a.m. or something.

Thanks for your input.  Your are the best!

LizaLou

28

Dear Socrateaser / Taping Phone Conversation

« on: Dec 22, 2003, 08:58:59 am »

Soc,

I saw your recent post about intercepting phone conversastions in Florida and need a bit of clarification.  All my questions are premised with we're in Alabama and the ex is in Florida.

1.  May I from AL tape phone conversation with a person in FL without thier knowledge and use it in an Alabama court?

2.  Assuming I give them notice the conversation is being taped may I use it in court even if they don't give permission to tape because it's an Alabama Court?

3.  Absent an affirmative "permission not granted" from the person in Florida can it be assumed permission was given if I give notice of the taping and the conversation continues?

Thanks ever so much!

LizaLou

29

Dear Socrateaser / Visitation cut short

« on: Dec 10, 2003, 08:36:54 pm »

Dear Soc,

From your experience, what do Judges generally do, given the following facts:


Our Judge in a previous contempt finding for denying visitation ordered the BM to provide door to door interstate transportation to the BF (no longer meet half-way) as well as 15 days in jail (suspended).

At Thanksgiving the BM's commercial travel arrangements cut the visit in half and the BM specifically refused to allow the BF to transport the child by auto as he was visiting their city anyway when visitation was supposed to have started.

We filed contempt papers with the court.  

1.  Do Judges general say half is better than none and find in her favor?

2.  Is VOLUNTARY school a mitigating circumstance in her favor?

Thanks for all you do.

LizaLou

30

Parenting Issues / Parenting Differences/Just a Vent/long

« on: Feb 25, 2004, 02:24:05 pm »

For the most part my ex is a walk in the park.  But last night he really frustrated me.

Last term DD (age 8)  hid her failing math papers under her bed.  But, the report card of course gave her away (D in math).  As punishment, she cannot watch TV during the week (with a few exceptions) for this term.  We developed a plan to take the fear of of math and she starts tutoring next week.  So I see the issue as closed.

Well that's not good enough.  Dad wants her to drop out of Brownies - her only activity other than Church.

This weekend is Dad's but DD has a special Brownie function Saturday from 8 - 12.  I offered to transport her or swap weekends his choice.  He said no on both counts.  He told her If she'd rather go to Brownies than see him, then she just loses the weekend.  He left the decision up to "you and your mom".   DD is so confused because she wants to do both.  Which is easy to understand from a child's perspective.

Just this month, he declined to participate in the He and Me Nature Walk and  the Me and my Guy Dance/Party.  DD predicted he would not participate and she was correct.  Both events are next month, but he says she doen't need to go and should stay home (my house not his because the events are not on his weekend).    This was offered free and clear - no strings.  All he had to do was give her his time.

He also said she needed more punishment for a lie she told almost 2 months ago.  She told a neighbor a story that ended in them going out to eat instead of coming directly home after school.   Her  punishment was to withdraw the cost of the meal from her PRIZED savings account, pay for the meal and apologize to the neighbor.  She also lost our  (mine & DH)  trust.  For 2 weeks we tortured her with "trust" issues.  Checking up behind, searching her book bag, notebooks - anything that just bugged the heck out of her.  She hated it.  We stopped after the point was made.

I found out last night for the past 3 or 4  months he has been punishing her for misbehavior at putt putt by not taking her anywhere.  She just sits a his house or goes to Church.   She is no longer allowed to visit his parents who live next door because "they" let her do what ever she wants.    For example, taking her shoes off and walking around in her socks.  For watching what ever THEY are watching on TV and for eating popcorn that was OFFERED to her.    He said she watches too much TV so she's not allowed to watch any over there and that she eats too much.
IF she visit's GPs, she must be supervised my either him or his wife.

Granted she likes TV but with no kids around or adults too busy to spend some time what are her options?  She takes books but you can only read so much.  My rule has always been you eat what's put in front of you so she is not picky eater.  She does have an healthy appetite but does not eat much junk food and she's NOT overweight.  So what's the problem?

In the past, he as wanted me punish DD for him.  Maybe I should have if this is what he does?  Of course, I don't really mean that.  He has no clue how his actions are affecting his relationship with DD.  
No insult to those who don't have children, but unless you have'em you can't imagine it.  Both my ex and his wife (no children) seem be on a soapbox saying my kid's never.... fill in the blank... when they have no idea what they are talking about.  They want her to be perfect.

He said all this to both of us .  My response was minimal because I didn't want her to see we  were not unified in her interest and because I had to leave for an appointment.  

Dad has visitation on Tuesday evenings and just stays at our house when he wants - like last night (and that's ok-he was invited  because he lives 40 minutes away).  Well, after I left DH said he continued to rag DD for 30 more minutes.  After Dad left, Dear Dear Husband (DDH) put her in front of the TV and told her to relax and enjoy.  He said she was so stressed she was almost crying.    

To end this, DD grandfather is taking her to the Me and My Guy stuff and I plan to speak to her Dad offline.

Thanks for listening.

LizaLou