Messages

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Why, in order to use this site, does it matter if I have walked in your shoes, or any NCP shoes for that matter?

I have my own shoes thank you & I really am not interested in pouring out my past history, it's ancient, it's over and my family is at a point of harmony. I don't try to revive near-dead rabid animals either.  

Who gave you the authority to rate what is considered what is truly suffering and what isn't? Everyone has their own threshold for pain & tolerance, no matter what the type of pain it is. If I haven't dealt with x, y & z I'm not worthy of respect? I should pack myself up and leave?

I'm not interested in becoming a coveted "regular" here. I don't feel I need to win your acceptance into the fold. My point is no one should have to feel like they need to "prove" themselves to you "oldtimers" just to be able to get the help they need without being disrespected.

MSD, you made a comment earlier that you didn't see me helping others much here. I've seen it said to others as well. Can I ask why that is necessary? Is that another "unwritten" requirement of being able to use this site that the "regulars" have established over and above what the administration posts as guidelines?

I belong to Columbia House and I have to buy a certain number of CD's a year, that is clearly defined in the terms of use when I signed up. I'm sorry, but I don't see anything here saying I MUST contribute in the form of helping others if I had a question or two answered for me. I don't find myself knowledgeable enough to answer most of the questions here, I'm sure a lot of people don't. So you'd rather I gave half assed opinion or comment to people here just so that I seem more legitimate?

I also see how it is continually told to people how long x person has been at this site over others, as if their opinion means more because of it.

Why do you feel it is necessary to treat sporadic or new users in this manner?

what I have or haven't experienced have to do with the price of tea in China?

If I haven't experienced these things, I shouldn't be allowed to post here in any capacity?

Want to explain to me your point?

if that's the case Brent, then what is with Bolivar posting this "fake" thing, for the second time I've been here - and why, in god's name is he just not letting this issue drop?

What was the point of posting the article?

All he keeps saying is "the people here" think this, and "the people here are here for that" and the people here..."

aren't I a person here, with a right to be here?

Why is Bolivar trying to make me feel so rotten for choosing to be the NCP to my daughter then?

Why is MSD bombarding me with 20 questions of "have I ever.."

What are they trying to accomplish other than to make me feel like I shouldn't be here?

Bolivar,

will you get off of your soapbox already?

What does this article have to do with anything? I can't for the life of me figure out what you are trying to convince me of here. As if I don't know there are NCPs who got a rotten deal and hurt? What the heck do you think I am? A brick wall? Dense foam? What?!?!?

I have said to you over and over an over again, I came here to ask questions based on MY situation, as it pertains to MY family and was and will continue to be only concerned with IT'S outcome. I posted on the DV issue because it is something I know, and hits very close to my home. Two very compartmentalized subjects. I'm allowed to do that you know, not take on the entire system, so I choose not to.

If you want to take on the world cause of NCP angst and bring it into your daily life and make your suffering that much more unbearable  - that is your choice, but will you cease and desist trying to shove it down my throat?

**What I am saying is you do not understand the fight and emotional battle of a NCP who wants to have 50/50 physical custody.**

well there you are wrong Bolivar. I was an NCP with very limited time when I first got divorced, the system chose my life too.

I got CP status due to my ex having a breakdown - if it weren't for that, who knows where I'd be right now in regard to custody and visitation with my daughter. So don't tell me what I do and don't understand if you have never even met me nor know my history.

You assume way too much.

Bolivar,

Once again, my custody situation is not yours, I may feel badly for you, but just because we are in different situations it does not negate my ability to use this site for it's resources, nor do you have the right to try to run me off.

I'm getting really really really tired of you assuming I'm giving up time with my daughter. Just because the "custody" status of my child was changed by choice, so that she could go to school by her mother and other considerations that come with that choice, does not mean we didn't make other consessions and changes so that I could see her when it was better for all of us, when I'm less busy, less stressed and can be a better parent.

Good lord you make it sound as if my daugher is never spending nights or bulk priods of time with me. You have it completely wrong. With the schedule adjustment we made it made sense for my ex to be the CP again, that's it. We both are trying to not get so caught up in the terminology anyway.

What am I supposed to do for you Bolivar? Apologize to you for finally having what you want?  A peaceful relationship with my ex and a happy situation for my child that includes an open door when it comes to seeing her?

**P.S. ....to allow NCP to vent and share their ups and downs.**

and my situation doesn't qualify? I was an NCP, I was temporarily a CP,  now I'm an NCP again - I don't have ups and downs? Or just because of my brief period of being a CP I'm now unwelcome? Or actually never have been in your opinion.

**Based on your posting ability here I am sure you visit other web sites. What are they I would love to visit them and express my view. I of course will not resort to name calling when I am visiting a new site. It is after all, quite uncouth.**

Personally I find namecalling at all "uncouth", but I'm not the one who started that here now am I? You've been calling me names since September. I've had it with your treatment and lashed out. This whole "bigsigh you are a fake" string was just a dumb, insensative, rediculous and childish move on your part. You'd think, since you have been here so long and seen so much you'd know by now what a waste of space it is to do and refrain, but no, it's the 2nd time you've pulled this with me.

And no, I don't go to any other websites. Don't you recall, the last time you called me a fake & other names was back in September when I couldn't remember what my old screen name was when I was going through my divorce originally. My posting ability comes from having used this site before, quite a while ago.

**I express myself in a professional manner **

since when is calling someone a fake, a liar and all of the other things this string you started says, professional?  

I get it from the diatribe he wrote about the sufferage he and others like him are going through and making me feel as if I should never have posted to this site just because at the time I wasn't a suffering NCP.

Why should any of my posts to this site regarding my situation have to benefit the global need? why should any of my posts empathize with him over the fact he can't walk into a store without feeling like he got kicked by a mule, and all of the other overinflated comments he made?

This isn't the first time I've been called a fake or been called names by Bolivar simply because he didn't agree with my choice for my child. I'm not some leper to be cast out simply because I choose to be the NCP to my daughter, either way, there are still custody issues that need to be addressed.

He makes incredibly broad assumptions that I'm choosing to practically disown my daughter, or not take an active role in her life when that simply is not the case. My case is not his, and he needs to stop projecting his problems onto my situation.

I have not received anything official from anyone in administration informing me I was "removed".  For all I know it was my computer and a cookie problem as I did have to do some cleaning of it.

**One thing I noticed, you come here for help and suggestions, which is fine. But, I have never seen you post to help another**

then you haven't looked very close. I may not post much, but I have offered several suggestion to several people on other boards. I don't spend my life here. And pardon me if I feel expanding the view on DV *IS* helpful.

**Don't care if your male or female, black or white, purple or green, CP or NCP. We all face many of the same issues.**

Why don't you tell your friend Bol there to adopt the same view as you then. This "you are a fake" post was completely unecessary.

**No need for name calling. Your post is full of derogatory remarks.**

so what is calling me a "troll" a "fake" etc? Warm fuzzies?

**If something offends you, then pass it up and go on.**

Why don't you give that advice to your dear friend Bolivar...

**I know you have been going after me, so be it.**

Going "after" you? All I did was inform you of a DV helpline to educate you that there is help available for men nationally. It was a friendly post directed to you because I thought you would find it interesting since it seemed to be a concern you had. Not once, did I ever consider any of our brief conversation about DV as attacking or otherwise. We share different views and we were both informing each other. Is there no "discussion" here? You either take it as help or conflict and that's it? Never once did I disagree with you that there are incrdible inadequacies when it comes to help for men in DV situations, I just disagree at what you feel the reason is.

**Starting trouble here is not the way to go...**

Excuse me? I didn't post this flaming crap about someone being a "fake" or a "troll". I'm not the troublemaker here.