Messages

Thanks for your earlier response, but once I have a list of possible evaluators, I'd need some help in choosing an evaluator.

One of the issues I'm concerned about is divorce poisoning on the part of mom (CP).  From my readings, evaluators don't like it and some feel more strongly about it than others.  So I want to select an evaluator who feels strongly about this.  

1)  It would be a great help if I could get hold of some of their past evaluations so that I can have an idea of what each feels is important AND how strongly they feel about, etc..  I don't know if getting their past evaluations is possible; how should I proceed in getting an idea of their views.


Thanks again!

Dear Soc.,

State in question: PA.
County:  Montgomery.

Two questions:

1) How can I look up past recommendations of evaulators in my county.  I'd like to get an indication on how strongly potential evaluators feel about issues that will arise in my case.

2) In a few weeks I am to attend a short list for my petition to change custody. I understand this mainly deals with scheduling issues -- but I am not clear of scheduling what? Since an evaluation has not been ordered yet (but I'm certain it will), and since from what I understand there is some variability on the time it takes to complete an evaluation, I don't see how a trial date can be set...

Any clarification on these two issues will be most appreciated!!!

 

I asked the school counselor if they had his school records, and the answer was no.  I don't think mom told them which school he was at the previous year.

Also, what is an IEP?

And thanks for your reply.

Thanks for your reply.  My son has been at this school for about a year now.  He started right after last new years.
 

My son's school does not have his school records from his earlier school.  He's been having discipline problems at his present school -- some bad days, but more good days than bad.  He's in the second grade.  He was *more unmanageable* in his previous school... admittedly, he has been improving.
I asked mom why the school doesn't have his school records from the previous  school and she says that's because the present school will hold this against him, i.e. label him, etc...

I would think that the more information the school has, the more effective their school conselor and psychiatrist can be.

What's you're take on this? And please feel free to dispense advice.

It's so frustrating that the Police are being used to deny my weekends.

Sometimes they do try to mediate these weekends but they're awful at it.  Last Friday, one of the officer's crtiicized me for not apologizing to my son for picking him up and trying to take him to my car.  (Mother claims I yanked him from her).  I did nothing wrong -- she grabbed him from me.  Instead, I tried talking to him about other things to get his mind off the present situation.  At this point, mother goes "I'm getting tired of this" and ends my conversation with son.

Then the officer goes further and says he has a nine year old so from a divorced wife and he doesn't have problems getting his son for the weekend.  Well officer is that because you're wife is not on a campaign to remove you from his life?  But you know, often you can't reason with this guys -- they're not very verbal.  So I just have to sit there and particpate in the BS.

I bet the guy didn't put in the police report that  Mother made treats to my wife and had to be physically restrained.

No, I prefer the times they don't try to mediate so I don't have to go through more BS.

Yes, my son wanted to be with me too.  Before I filed for change in custody (lots of issues here), I had trouble getting him to go back to his mother's on Sunday.  Now after I filed for custody,  he says I'm "mean and a liar."

I have read "Divorce Poison" -- an excellent book.  I was employing many of those techniques and it was working but mother has lately been just too determined to alienate us.


Whenever I come to pick him up, they always put on a big show.  My son hides behind his mother acts like he's scared of me.   The police aren't  trained for this sort of thing at all.  They get taken in by the show.  Mother goes on her tirades in front of them and the dufesses don't realise that at no point does the mother try to encourage son to go.   This escapes them.

I try to talk to him to get him to go but of course he's not going to go because he knows his mother doesn't want him to.

Each of the times I tried to pick up son, mother will get tired of my efforts and
calls 911.  When police come, son hides behind mother and police do not enforce order.

All,

For background, please see my earlier post with subject line "need help here."
Also CO states I have every custody every other weekend.

The weekend before last, I had a master's conference with respect to my contempt petition.  Hearing date is in late November.  Ex brought son to conference hoping to get him to testify... no testimony taken from either parties, just got our date.

Since son was at conference (which was on a Friday), my atty approached my son and she encouraged him to go.  My ex was on the spot this time and so when my son looked at her to see if he could go, she said he could go.  So I got him, we had a great time at the county fair, lots for rides, etc..

Got a letter earlier this week from mother accusing me of ruining that weekend since I didn't let him take a baby hamster home with him that Sunday.  She accused me of promising a hamster and not coming forth with it.  I was very clear with my son he can have a baby hamster after they're weaned.  And at the time they weren't, in fact their eyes had yet to open.  

So when I came this Friday, it was a repeat of all the crap that happened july, august, and beginning of september.  He was hiding behind his mother, holding on to her arm.  When I squated down (eye level) I reached out and tickled him.  He let go, laughed, and then grabbed his mother's arm again.  

Seeing that he was
responsive, I decided this time to try picking him up -- he wouldn't let go of his mother's arm, and so I put him back down.  He smiled a little -- this is somewhat of a game to him.  So this time I picked him up, unwrapped him from mother's arm, and started walking toward my car.  He was not kicking nor screaming -- which was what I had feared the earlier times.  Mother grabs his upperbody and starts pulling him from me.   Not wanting a tug-a-war, I let him go.  Mother then accuses me of trying to grab him against his will and take off.  She calls 911.

Police come, son hides behind mother, and I don't get custody of my son for the weekend.  Don't have this video taped -- tried to have pictures taken, but pickups are in evening, so nothing came out.

No allegations of abuse -- at least not to the police officers tonight.

Also, my wife was in the car, and mother -- unprovoked -- threatens wife.
Police had to physically restrain ex so that we could leave.

Bottom line:  Mother knows if she calls police I don't have my weekends.
I'm already at 3 months of denied visitatioon, and since court date in mid November, I'll have 3 more denials.

This is disgusting.   We've already filed a supplemental to our contempt petition.
It was granted emergency status, but at Masters' it was relegated to normal petition because "there's no blood."

On the brigher side, Mother's petition for an immediate move away was denied.
She was told she can't go until change in custody petition resolved.  

Background: 8 year old son, lots of behavior problems.  CP refuses to get therapy for son.  Applied for change in custody several months ago.  I live out of state.


I hadn't had weekends with my son in over 3 months.  Mother has told him that I'm trying to take him away from her, that I have my atty lie for me, that I'm a liar, etc...

When I go to pick up my son, they (CP and son) put on quite a show.  Son hides behind his mother and refuses to go.   I spend time trying to get him away from his mother by saying we just go for pizza (in walking distance) and see afterwards if he'll go.  At pizza, he's back to normal... laughing, etc...  And then when we come back, he still refuses to go.  When police are called he continues hiding behind his mother.

Mother's action in all of this:  she stands there doing nothing.   I'd prefer her not to be out there at all, because her doing nothing only encourages him.  Also, lots of eye contact between the two while I try to negotiate with son.  For example, when I mention let's go to the playground, he looks at mother, mother grimmaces, and he says no.

I don't know what to do.  I'm hesitant to force him to go; I'm sure mother will only use this against me.  Also, worried about his mental well-being.  Mother is trying to make this pickups as difficult as possible for me.

When at masters (I filed for contempt) Mother claims she does her "best to get him to go."  Our hearing date scheduled in late November.  

I don't want to force him and I don't want to go until late November with missed visitations.  What should I do?
Advice please!