Messages

Just came back today empty handed.  My son didn't want to go; just kept hanging on to mom again.  Mom just stood there agian, casually tellling him to go -- never making any type of eye contact nor trying to get him unwrapped from her.  This is so sickening.. after her last contempt, she now feels that she'll be okay as long as she makes an "effort" for him to go.

Well anyways I start talking to my son about just going for pizza or something and then if he decides he wants to stay then he can stay.  So he let his embrace loose of his mother, and starting talking.  At this point his mother calls 911!  She calls 911 to deny me visitation!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!  I couldn't believe that BS!!!!   I don't know exactly what she said to the police officers or to the call but it was probally along the lines that son doesn't want to go and that I'm trying to *make* him go.  Who knows, she'll probally claim she called the police because I was out of control.

So police came; basically told them as before, I'm not going to drag him kicking and screaming anywhere, just want to go for pizza.  So that's it, just took him to pizza.  Spent 6 hours on the road today so I can have pizza with my son.  And guess what?  While at the pizza place, my son started opening up when I started asking him about what type of activities he would like to do at my place the next scheduled weekend.  And then his mother walks into the pizza place and gets him to leave with her about five minutes later!!!!!!

This is the second time she's done this.  The weekend I was suppose to have my son, she called the police after for some reason they failed to respond to my call.

Oh things get even better, case recently transferred from one county to the next.  So as of right now, my case doesn't even have a f***ing DOCKET number.   I haven't spend any meaningful time with my son in over a month, and I don't even have a docket number.  I'm in freaking limbo here.

I had talked to my atty about video taping these exchanges since all the events occur outside of her apartment complex.  Atty said I couldn't without mother's consent.  The state is PA.  However, I've been hearing elsewhere that it's okay to videotape.

In the meantime WHAT DO I DO?    

Actually I am confused on this.  This transfers take place outdoors.  The state is PA.  Can someone expect privacy while outside?

Hi all,

In a middle of custody dispute and having big problems with visitation.  I tried to get my son the weekend before last and he wouldn't come.   Since I filed for change in custody, mother has been doing a lot of talking to my son.  He use to be so enthusiastic about my weekends.

Mother just sat there and tried to look helpless.  In an earlier denied visitation, she actively denied the visitation... got a contempt on her for that one.  

I recently sent a letter requesting to change the venue of our pickups to a nearby playground because of the recent problems with visitaiton.  Just a few days ago, I received a written response.
Mother says that since the relationship between my son and I has deteriorated so much that I should no longer have my overnights but that I can come by to visit him there until our relationship improves.  (Please keep in mind I live out of state).  However, she also included that she understood "I still had a legal right" to have overnights.

This is such BS.  There's so much manipulation going on.  When the police officer arrived, he asked my son if he wanted to at least go with me for some ice cream.  My son couldn't even answer that, he held his head down, tilted it towards his mother, and waited for her to say it was okay to go for ice cream.   There's a lot of this eye contact that goes back and forth between him and his mother during this visitation disputes.

Police officer saw this, but it just went over his head.  These guys aren't trained for this sort of thing and they're not at all helpful.  The only thing they can be counted on *at best* is to just document that the visit did not occur.  

 What I need is to have a mental health expert on hand for this next pickup to observe mother and child interaction.   Is there any way I can arrange this?  Anyone know how to go about this?

Hi all,

I have an 8 year old son. When he goes into a tantrum --- he has a behavior disorder which is not being treated, I'm trying to get counseling ordered -- he demands to call his mother. However, whenever he goes into these fits, I give him a time out -- and tell him can't call until the tantrum ends. I don't have any issues with him talking to his mother just not when he's in a fit and being disciplined for it. After he calms down, I always ask if he wants to call his mother, and he often says no. Mother feels differently about the issue, that son should be able to call whenever he wants to. To my surprise, I just learned from my son that he believes that I won't let him call his mother for crying. This is definitely not the case, and I don't want it to perceived as such.

Any advice on how to address the issue will be appreciated.   I'm considering sending a list of rules to the mother concerning this issue, and *hoping* she will accept.  Any suggestions of possible rules will also be appreciated.

Thanks...
 
 

Hi All,

My ex received my petition for change in custody last week; this Friday I went to pick up my son, my son was very hesitant.  This is uncharacteristic of him, he's always looks joyfully towards our weekends.

I had some problems with him my last weekend with him... his mother doesn't want him to get his hair wet at my house (we were an interracial couple... I'm white and his mother's black... she says his hair isn't like mine, I don't know how to take care of it, etc.).  Well, anyways he likes to take baths in the big tub and so his hair gets wet.

So at pick up time, I asked his mother if it's okay for his hair to get wet.  She said no, and then I replied I  don't think it's right to put that burden on him.  She gets angry and starts escalating the discussion... I see that my boy is getting upset (he was already unusually timid coming out) and his eyes starting to water.  So I told his mother, we shouldn't do this in front of him.  She saw this and decided to manipulate situation to her needs.  She accused me of starting the whole mess, and then asked him "Do you want to go with him?  You don't have to if you don't want to."  So he shook his head no, and she said "Well, I won't make you."  And they went in doors.  

This was particularly difficult because he had just had his birthday, and I had a party planned for him this Saturday.  My son knew this and he was looking forward to it.  Also, I live about 2.5 hours away.

So I called the police for them to right up a report.  His mother seeing this, came out with my son and starting accusing me of upsetting my son.  I was going to get my word in, but then looked at my son, and again told her (and the officer) we shouldn't do this in front of him.   And then I asked her why didn't she just leave him inside the house.  Well, anyways the police wrote up the report.  I don't have a copy.  They asked my son if he wanted to go with me, and he said no.  And that was it.

I'm afraid my son's mother is doing quite a number on him.   I want to nip this problem in the bud, I don't want to be denied any further visitation.  I want to file a contempt motion since our eventual court date will be a few months away.  

Reasonable enough?  Is there anything esle I should do?

Thanks

Hi all,

Need some advice here.  I and the CP just enetered into a new visitation arrangement... every other weekend and plus shared holidays and we're already bumping heads.

This coming weekend is suppose to be mine and I've made plans through friends to have some of their children to come by and play with my boy.  However, mom called last night saying that it is not my weekend and that my weekend is the weekend that follows Christmas.  The latter part of her statement is correct, I do have him from the 27th through new years., but as I said this weekend is also mine.  

I definitely don't want to cancel this weekend since I already invited people over.  What are my options if she steadfastly refuses my having him this weekend?

Thanks.

I was in the same situation too and CP knew it.  So CP started denying visitations and brain washed daughter.  You'll be surprised how short of a time it takes to brain wash a child.  More furstrating was that while all of this was going on, my petitions were not getting heard.  By the time I was able to get court ordered counselling for daughter almost a year of this crap had already passed (extremely long story).  It was all too late then.

Yeah, ex got in trouble for denying visitations and preventing counseling for daughter, but she was able to retain custody because of it.  

Hi all,

Some background... NCP of 8 year old son.  Son lives in PA with mom.
I live out of state.

Last November, son was diagnosed with behavior disorder -- lots of problems at school, fighting, etc...  Mom refuses couseling for son.  Last Feb., I filed for change in custody.  Since then mom has countiuously violated order.  She already has been found in contempt for refusing visitation back in February.  I have been trying to get counseling for my son since.  Mother simply refuses.

Since July, I have only been able to have one successful weekend with son.  We had a hearing that Friday, and since in presence of attorney's mom let son go with me -- this was in September.  All the other times, she called 911 and had my son tell police officers he doens't want to go.  P.O.'s then tell me I can't have son and that I should go to court.

I do have a contempt petition pending -- but it's been bundled with the custody hearing which has been pushed back until February.  Also, I have been appending the contempt petition as mom keeps violating the order.

 Well, at mother's insistence pickups got moved to local police station.  Mom was hoping to steamline the process of denying visitations, i.e. I guess she didn't like having to make 911 calls all the time.

At police station, I start playing with my son.  Officers see son laughing as I pick him up on my shoulders, tickle him, etc...  While I played with my son, mother
goes to front desk and tells them my son does not want to go with me.
Officer on duty says they have to enforce the order.  Mother refuses to leave and makes lots of accusations against me.  Officer is skeptical since he witnessed me playing with my son.  They seperated my son from the discussion with another police officer and son makes accusations too.  The first officer also spoke to son and felt son was only echoing what his mother has been telling him.  PO says they have to enforce order.  Tells her if she doesn't give up child for weekend she will be inviolation of the order.   Mother still refused to leave without son.  

So she left with son.  PO wrote report stating mother refused to give custody of son while in presence of officers.  From what I gatheraccusations were along the lines of isolation of my son -- locking him in his room, denying phone calls, denying food.  They're probally more, but these were just some of what I heard.

This is quite a spin on things.  I have a house rule that son is not allowed to make calls when he's having a tantrum or is being disciplined.  As I don't spank my child, my main form of discipline is time outs.   He has  timeouts in his room which last about  5 to 10 minutes and aren't applied very often (at most two times in a weekend, many weekends not applied at all).  I'm not much of a disciplinarian because I want to ensure weekends are lots of fun.
Now I don't know where the issues of food are coming from but I'm sure another spin on something.

None of these accusations were made in September before either of our attorney's when I got my son for that weekend.  And I made sure he had the best weekend ever since I didn't have him since June.  Also, I have been pushing counseling hard to mom since March.  I've sent at least 10 letters (all certified)
on counseling -- even submitted a list of counselors I contacted who would be able
to counsel son.  Mother flat out refused counseling.

This crap has to end now.  Suggestions appreciated.

 

Hi all,

My son is covered under his mother's policy.  I of course pay my percentage (over half) of the coverage.  I have joint legal.  I've sent the provider twice a copy of the court records which state I have joint legal -- the last time via certified mail.  When I called, the person I spoke to on the phone was pretty adamant that I was not entitled to their records concerning my son.   She explicitly mentioned HIPPO.

Is she correct?  If not, I'm going to push through this and get those records.

Thanks!

Hi all,

In middle of a custody dispute.  I am an NCP with a 8 year old son.
Son throws tantrums in school (way too old for this); school counselor has recommended counseling; however mother won't budge.  

I've been trying to get counseling for him for many months.  The dispute is also putting greater strain on him -- mother is on an active campaign to brainwash him agaist me.

A few nights ago he went into a huge tantrum -- he wanted a latenight snack but didn't like anything I offered him/.  Running up to his door and kicking it, throwing things, threatening to overturn his fish tank; and screaming, crying the whole time.  He's been going through this episodes since the age of two; but it hasn't been this severe for some time.  I had to go in and restrain him for fear he would hurt himself.    Since mother will not agree to any counseling; I took him to the emergency room after he calmed down.  I wanted to get help/advice/referrals from the staff there and maybe even a recommendation for counseling.

Well, I called my ex to give her heads-up.  She calls the hospital and tells them  not to let anyone see him.  She makes the 3 hour trip (I live out of state) with her grandparents to the hospital and walks out of the hospital with him.  Her father pulls up to the entrance and try to rush him into the car.  I do not allow them to leave; I signal my wife to have security call the police.   The police arrive quickly, but offer no help -- despite explaining to them that this time is in the middle of summer vacation with son and so he's considered in my custody.  So ex, gp's leave with my son.  Officers didn't even write up a report since it's a "civil matter."

Mother did spend time alone with son in the evaluation room which is video taped.
Is it possible to get a copy of these tapes?  I believe they will be very revealing on how ex manipulates son.  Also, what about the outside security tapes which show grandfather waiting in car in front of emergency room in an attempt to make a quick exit?  What about subpeona's to the police officers involved?  Keep in mind these officers are from my state not mother's.  Can I have subpeona's or depositions taken in my state?  Can I do the same with the hospital staff, including security officers involved?

I'm not able to reach my attourney until Tuesday.
Please, any help, suggestions, advice!!!!!