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All,

Two questions:

1) How can I look up past recommendations of evaulators in my county, Montgomery, PA? I'd like to get an indication on how strongly potential evaluators feel about issues that will arise in my case.

2) In a few weeks I am to attend a short list for my petition to change custody. I understand this mainly deals with scheduling issues -- but I am not clear of scheduling what? Since an evaluation has not been ordered yet (but I'm certain it will), and since from what I understand there is some variability on the time it takes to complete an evaluation, I don't see how a trial date can be set...

Any clarification on these two issues will be most appreciated!!!

for this since we both have joint?  

thanks.

Hey all,

thanks for your earlier advice/comments.  I filed for change of custody for my 8 year old boy.  I live out of state (about 2.5 hour drive). I received the records from the psychiatrist from his previous two visits (if you recall his mother stopped sending him to counseling), and saw that he was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder.  From what I read, it's rare for this disorder to not be accompanied by other behavior disorders... but then he would need more counseling to address that.  Although it's just a name to the problems I've witness, it does help to articulate what's going on. He's mother is overly protective of him when it comes to my weekends and she gives him things to be "oppositonal" and "defaint" about.  There are a few things that we are not allowed to do (one example:  he can't get his hair washed).  So whenever we hit these issues (like
for example, his hair gets dirty from playing outside ), he locks up and sometimes goes into a meltdown because he's at an impasse (he also wasn't suppose to get his hair dirty).  Further his mother now has given him instructions to call
her whenever things do not go his way.  I have no problems with him speaking to her on the phone -- but this is going a bit far.  His mother also often thrust him into our arguments (but I won't give examples here -- too long).  I've also noticed similar things with the school.   As an example, whenever his mother is not feeling well, she doesn't take him to school.  However, the school doesn't accept  this as a valid reason, and marks it down as an unexcused absence.  He tells me doesn't think this is fair and so he has to tell the school that he is sick.  Also, in the beginning of the academic year when I told him that I spoke to people at school and they said he's been having trouble, he locked up and said "they're liars, all liars."  This struck me as odd; however, her mother  has been insistent that nothing is wrong with him to the school.  She only took him to counseling when they forced the issue (under threat of removing him from the classroom).  BTW, the school also has expressed their frustration to me in dealing with the mother.

I feel a lot of this will be revealed with a series of psych. evalulations.  Now I've read the blurbs on the custody evaluation, and it only entails a breif evaluation of the child.  This is by no means adequate, so how do I go about getting a more thorough evaluation?

best....

you have very honest opinions, just a little brusk :)

Yes, I have checked out the statues.  He's having to attend after school detention to make up for lost time.  If this continue to happen, mother will have to appear before a judge.

For one thing, my son does have trouble transitioning from one thing to the next.  So the tardies are having an effect -- he doesn't have time to wind down with the other kids before his class starts -- instead he has to rush in, put up his book bag and be expected to focus right away in the class.   He just can't do that.

I

Now as I've said there are substantial documentation of the behaviour problems and tarides from the school, as well as their requests for counseling.  So there are no allegations with respect to those.   As far as the causes to those behaviors that's where the suspicions/suppositions/allegations.  My hope is the evaluations will be able to find out the causes.

Also, before the change to every other every weekend, I had visitation one weekend a month which I strictly adhered too.  Also, occasionally,  I would have him for some extra weekends (about 4 extra times in the year).  And I would call several times a week, but would be able to speak to him about once a week or two.  Also before this school year, I would make occasional visits to his school to get an idea of how things were going -- two to three times in kindergarten, first grade -- unlikethis year, I've been been to the school at least 7 times.    There's some distance involved... a 2.5 hour drive.
And about the previos visitation schedule... I had asked to have him the 1st weekend of the month and on the 3rd a saturday visit.  But his mother argued against the Saturday visit, saying he would be unruly on those days.  At the time, I was in graduate school working on my doctorate and working full time.

His mother threw up a lot of barriers.  My phone calls were seldom returned, it would be hit or missed when I could speak to him (i guess the calls are documented via both of our phone records).  Also, when he went to school A, mother didn't tell me until a few months later (after repeated requests).  The same thing happened with School B.  I expected nothing less, for she's made it clear to me she thinks I'm the scum of the earth and makes no effort to shield my son from these feelings.  I didn't make a big stink over these issues at the time because I knew nothing could be done.  I did think about going for contempt but then it would just boil down to a he say, she say type of scenario-- and there's no way I could think of a change of custody then (my family lives in the west coast, mother is in her hometown, and all my friends were grad. students with no children).   And if I bring these issues up now, it will still be he say, she say.  But at least now I have a support base.  

I hoped she would overcome her bitterness, but that hasn't been the case.  She still never notifies me of anything, and my calls are still rarely returned.  However,  his mother is starting to answer my calls more often... I'd say about 1 in 3 calls get through now.

About coinciding with the new wife with respect to the new schedule... well, I just got married late February.  I requested for the new schedule last March and we got it finalized in court in August.

Your responses were a bit discouraging, but nevertheless honest.  However, I should clarify things a bit more.  I wanted to avoid details to keep things objective, but in doing so I may have understated the problems.  So here we go...

By serious emotional problems (this stuff I didn't know about until recently):
   I mean episodes of hitting students, slapping students,
   kicking students, hitting kids at recess with sticks (hit one in the head)
       looking up classmates blouse, pulling down classmate's pants, etc..  there                                                                              seems to be episodes such as these *documented* every two months -- and so that  serves as a low estimate...

    (this stuff I was aware of, albeit after positive spin by teachers)
   also frequent verbal outbursts in class,  hides under teacher's desk,
   and meltdowns... these type of things occur a few times a week

By highly intelligent:
   top 1%

Now, about the counseling... I didn't give out all the info...
    mother actually pulled a fast one.  she had me believing
    my son had started counseling in the summer.  in fact, i took him there once
    a few weeks before we went to court... that's the last time he
    went... (and he had only two sessions before that)


I have documentation on all the above (including tardies).


I should mentined again that I wasn't very proactive in the past and no doubt I'd get burned on this in the court room.

I should also point out that since I've been more active he has showed some signs of improvement.   His outbursts, meltdowns, etc... are still frequent but not as frequent.  However, I haven't notice any real change to the physical component of his behavior.  I've recently read a few books on troubled kids with
symptoms similar and so I feel I have a better grasp of things. I'm convinced counseling on a regular basis will be of an enormous help.

There's a lot of signs here, but as indigo and others has stressed we don't know the root of the problems
(I just have my suspicions).  So how good are these custodial evaluations?  And what other types of evaluations can be ordered through the court?  The more thorough the better.  I don't want things handled on a superficial level.

Hey all,

I'd like to get some indication of what my chances are for a change in custody.  So please don't try to question the veracity of my statements... how would making false statements here help me?

My son is 8 and I live out of state.  His mother and I broke up when he was two (we both moved to two different states at this time).   He attended preschool and kindergarten at school A and first and present grade at school B.  Both school A and school B have recommended prof. counseling and mother has not responded.  He's highly intelligent but since he's been in school B has been performing average/below average in school.  He also has very serious emotional problems.  Mother is unable to get him to school on time (about 1/4 of the time he's tardy) which only adds to his problems.  Also, mother is about to have another child out of wedlock (a girl).  They live in a 2 bedroom apartment.  All of the above I can establish easily.

Now I have a good, steady job with even better benefits and I just got married and moved into a new house.  I now have a family base (i.e. my spouse's family base), which wasn't the case before.

My biggest fault is I wasn't proactive in the past.  I would have visitation one weekend a month, and occassionally an extra weekend.  My wife has been very encouraging/supportive and so this past August I got increased visitation to every other weekend (his mother resisted).

Also, I was aware of some of the problems at school, but until recently I didn't know how bad it really was -- his teachers would tend to try to put a positive spin on things and his mother never divulges any information.  I'm now in frequent contact with the school.

My wife and I are convinced that the tardies, lackluster performance at school, and the lack of counseling are signs that his mother is unable manage the situation.  And we further believe that that household will be under more pressure with the arrival of the new baby.  We feel its best if we have him, and so we want to go for custody.