Messages

>by all means FILE with the DA. This is not about revenge, it is about keeping relationship with your children in spite of the attempts by the other parent to prevent that at all costs.<

No, I don't file with the DA.  I am an emasculated Child Support Check, until such time as they can figure out how to make me into a "Dead-Beat Dad"  Which they have already gotten a jump on by harrassing my employer with subpoenas until the were forced to dismiss me of my $50K a year job.  What "best interest of the child"?

No THE POLICE have determined that this matter MUST be referred to the DA.  I just wanted a report to demonstrate to the honoralbe judge presiding that mommy aint so dearest after all.

Revenge?  Never on my part.  I'm only now waking up to the fact that for the past 5 years I have been too good for my own good.  When the CP has wept on my shoulder about how hard her life has gotten since "cutting the aproin strings" from her mother and father (whom she admits to sucumbing to in a co-dependant manner) and when she would whine about her lights getting shut off, her cell phone getting shut off, her office rent needping to get paid - I have been paying as much money extra as I am ordered to may monthly.

Vengeful, hateful dad I am, right?

I never ask questions, I respect her as the mother of my child and want the child to be well cared for so I pay whatever I have and can while stocking my own cupboards with oatmeal for breakfast and ramen and ketsup for all meals thereafter.

I provide my child with full insurance coverage on private insurance which I pay for and have put up thousands of dollars to get my child's mouth unilaterally repaired and made pristine.

When I signed up for the health club locally, I signed my daughter and ex-wife up as well so they would be able to enjoy the benefits of working out and swimming on hot summer days.

Why?  Because I love my child MORE THEN I hold the others in disdain.

>Nail her tail to the wall to the fullest extent of the consequences of her actions and then go after her attorney too.<

Well, of course the "fullest extent of the consequences of herr actions" as you put it - will differ greatly from the way they would apply to me - always have.

When, in 1999 after gambling our family's money away during a drug binge, the mother disappeared with my child... I went to the local police to try to find my daughter (I was the parent who spent the majority of the waking day with the child and because of the mother's revealing an addiction to speed and gambling - I was frightened).

Despite the fact that I demonstrated that the mother had taken off with my daughter in the absence of any divorce decree, was hiding her from me and had barred my access to the child, they kept sweeping it under the carpet while telling me to "just be calm and wait for her to cool down - she'll come back around".

It was the "Hysterical Lady" line, this time being used to shut me up (and they had no way of knowing the 5-year hell they would dispatch on my child in the process).

CAN YOU IMAGINE A WOMAN GOING TO THE POLICE WITH A CHILD ABDUCTION AND BEING TOLD TO JUST CALM DOWN - HE'LL PROBABLY COOL OFF AND BRING THE CHILD HOME!

It smacks of when the cops used to come out to find a wife with a black eye and they would just sweep it under the carpet telling her: "lady, he loves you, let him cool down and it'll all be alright - we don't want to get in the middle of a family".

Absurd rubbish!  If the shoe were on the other foot, and if it had been me who had gotten strung out on junk, gambled our family's money away then took flight to escape CPS - the evening news would have featured me in schackles and an orange jump suit being ushered to the area where I sign my life away on a prefabricated form rubber stamped "guilty".

Recently I subpoenaed the police reports from that early period of our case ONLY TO FIND THEY HAD BEEN DOCTORED, AFTER THE FACT, TO CONFORM TO MY EX'S FATHER'S SIDE OF THE STORY. THERE EXIST NOW TWO SETS OF REPORTS - THE ONE I FILED THE NIGHT OF THE ABDUCTION AND THE COPY THE POLICE "REVISED" ONCE THE EX'S DADDY GOT TO FILING HIS "GET-OUT-OF-JAIL" PAPERS!

About 90 days ago, outraged by my findings, I sent a formal complaint to Internal Affairs Department of the Police Department in Question.

Did they call me to disucss matters?  NO! However, my ex's father did try to subpoena the complaint I issued to the police.

Hhhhmmmmmmm... now, how could my ex-wife's father get notification about my complaint to the plolice regarding a matter which took place 5 years ago?

A shill "on the inside" you say?  Abuse of his Judicial Office by using his authority to manipulate the local police force to bend me over the barrell you say?

Yeah.  Freedom, Democracy, and The Best Interest of The Child...

>The kinds of actions your ex is perpetrating on her children is abuse and neglect.<

I filed on the abuse and neglect... doctors notes, teacher's notes, social workers notes, 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' and 'Divorced Malicious Mother Syndrome' psychological studies to support my case...

What I have right now is a whole different animal which I can only hope to Christ will cause the judge to at least take pause this time before he slaps me down with lip service and gives the "poor, down-trodden mommy" what she is asking for.

This time I will take it to the appelate court, because win, lose, or draw, I WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING FOR MY DAUGHTER'S SHARE IN THE AMERICAN RIGHT TO THE PURSUITE OF HAPPINESS - and woe to those who oppose the little children such rights.

>In the interest of the kids I suggest you request full custody unless and until the other parent can prove they are working in the best interest of the children and not in their own warped interest.<

The problem appears to be that WE act under the presumption that "the best interest of the child" means what it states - and it does not.

If that were the case, as soon as I brought before the court that the child had an injured wrist which the CP admits to injuring during corporal punishment (in violation of the order) and which the docotr's note I introduced states the child told the doctor that her wrist first started hurting when "mommy was hitting me", this same wrist ending up busted 3 weeks later when the child was hidden at the maternal grandmother's house for 6 days...

Wouldn't it be "in the best interest of the child" to immediately grant temporary custody to the father who brings the motion?

CAN YOU IMAGINE A WOMAN GOING INTO A COURT, STATING THAT HER HUSBAND HAD EXACTED CORPORAL PUNISHMENT ON HER AND ASKING FOR PROTECTION - THEN TO BE TOLD TO "HURRY UP AND WAIT".

INSTEAD - and whereas I DO NOT ASK THE COURT TO MODIFY THE SUPPORT I PAY AND WILL CONTINUE TO PAY TO MOM even should the court significantly modify the current timeshare in my favor...

NOW THEY ARE ASKING FOR ATTORNEY FEES (remember, mom entered in her Income and Expense Report that she pays $0,000.00 in attorney fees - as well she should since her bigotted dad represents her for his own joy of damaging his granddaughter's perception of and relationship with her father) AND SUPPORT MODIFICATIONS...

Did you ever get the feeling you've been swindled?

What kind of miserable excuse can we continue to poison our minds with to rationalize how we send countless boys and girls over to foreign lands to die in the name of words like "freedom, peace, democracy, The American Way of Life" when right here and now the system of our proud Nation is being usurped by special interests and is being turned into a crass, carnivale style money machine.

We allow America to be dismantled one family at a time.  We allow children to be conditioned to become "dependent" on The State to support them and mommy, in the meanwhile being conditioned to veiw "father" as being some kind of bumbling, (dead-beat) long distance paycheck.  A faceless eunich lacking any masculine or fatherly qualities at all.  A Benefactor forced to pay-up and stay out of the way (where fathering is concerned NEVER WHEN IT COMES TIME TO SHELL OUT THE TAXABLE DOLLARS).

What "best interest of the child"?

CHILD ABDUCTION - DOCUMENTED AND FILED.
#9168, "RE: CHILD ABDUCTION!?!...Probably"


The CP became the CP by initially abducting the child
from our home and then having their father/divorce attorney
file divorce papers after the fact to legitimize violation of
child kidnapping codes.

We do have an order of the court which does stipulate matters
to do with the child not being removed from the area without
prior written notice and consent filed with The Court.

We have JOINT LEGAL and JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY.  I was duped
into allowing the CP to hold onto the title of CP becuase I
was just so glad to have finally gotten JOINT CUSTODY back in
place.  See the CP and her lawyer have tried repeatedly to
wrtie me
out of my child's life following abduction of the child by
the so-called "CP".

The one thing that has always concenred me and others more
"qualified" (if not more "certified")
than myself is how insulary these people on the CP's side are
with my child.  Never wanting her to be taken to the doctor,
or dentist or school functions by anyone but the CP whose
father/divorce attorney had sufficiently conditioned these
professional to give the NCP "the treatment".

CP returned to the use of corporal punishment resulting in
the injuring of the child's wrist in violation of the
"no-spaking" clause I had written in to the order.

The same wrist ending up broken three weeks later when the
child was allosed by the CP to go 6 days without examination
nor treatment of the broken wrist is violation of the
existing order calling for attentiveness to the medical needs
of the child.

After notifying the CP repeatedly about  the child's
flinching when they
would eat or drink the CP took an alamringly dismissive
attitude rejecting my notification regarding my child's teeth
as as being the
child's play acting for attention which they picked up from
my "side of the family" since "bad teeth run
in my side of the family" - only to reveal once I, the
NCP took my child to have $3,000.00 worth of dental work
done) that the child was in need to have 8 cavities repaired,
two root canals and one molar extraction - a violation of the
same clause of the existing order calling for attentiveness
to the medical
needs.

CP allows the child to be subjected to the CP's family's
taking the child to a church where they fill the child's head
with how evil dad is and how he is a member of a cult (along
with every other member of any other christian sect besides
theirs is a cult) and allowing the CP's mother to tell my
child I am a liar and allowing the CP's step-father to
ridicule me in front of my child and her geusts - a vilation
of the clause in the order which calls for no disparriging of
the NCP is contempt of court?

Therefore, I brought a motion before the court and we are
scheduled to go to an evidenciary hearing on the matter of
custody being awareded soley to me the present day NCP in
less than a month.

The CP quite her job, withdrew from school, has ended
friendships and has demonstrated repeatedly and frequent
emotional breakdowns where she laments he decisions over the
past 5 years.

90 days ago the CP told the MFT we were seeing that she had
an unreasonable fear that if I got more time with my child CP
would lise the child forever.

Now I ask that the CP adhere to the order of the court and
instaed she flees the state with my child and wihtout the
written consent filed with the court and without providing me
with any notification as to where they are or how to contact
my child.

Just looking for even so little as kind words of support and/or advice of a non-legally binding nature.

My ex took off with my child yesterday.  My ex took my child out of state and caused me to miss my custodial time with my child.  This breaks about 3 different points in our order, and my attorney had wrriten a letter to their attorney pointing out that the time they were fighting for was in violation.

Because my ex has abducted my child in the past so as to relocate them as leverage in their case, I asked the local police to file a report.

After sufficiently grilling me (in case you have yet to guess, I am the non-cusotdial Dad) and overscrutinizing my court order (which I keep on hand like my license, registration and proof of insurance), the cop told me he would take the order back and scrutinize it some more, then call me letting me know his thoughts.

He did call me explaining that he and his superior wanted to know if I wanted the report sent to the DA for criminal charges.

What does this mean to me?  Will they take my ex to jail, and should I allow this?

Please advise.

>>Now shes refusing to sign off on it. (Father is in agreement to those dates).<<

I am not an attorney, and I am not giving you legal advice, BUT IF IT WERE ME, I think I might file an OSC (Order to Show Cause) checking off the box that states OTHER: and specify that you are uring expidition os signing the order and stating the best interest of the child being served through continuity and constnacy with the refusal of the opposing party as the CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCE.

>>Now our atty says that hes not doing anything else on the case without an additional 2500 retainer.  Weve burned through 1500
in the past 3 months alone.<<

Maybe hiring another attorney to sub in the day of the event then asking them to work on payments to finish the matter off?  You can even have a SELF-HELP clinic prepare your paper work on a WAIVER, you can submit it to the courts and serve the other party THEN hire the attorney to sub in for you after the fact.

THEN I would recommend you check with the STATE BAR ASSOCIATION and look into UNCONSIONABLE FEES as a possible complaint to file against you attourney.  I think they are bound by law to defend your case dilligently, and as in my case, I don't know that refusing to represent your interests pending payment of moneys is necessarily ethical or legal.  I'm looking into it and think you should too!

>>Mostly becasue she causes some scene at every single visitation exchange.  She denies, witholds, gets nasty, refuses to meet halfway.  it always works out at the very last moment, but its costing us a fortune.<<


List all these in your declaration and then ask for attorney fees and maybe snctions.

>>Now what do we do?  We had severe hurricane damage, we cant
afford even the 2500 in retainer, or to get another atty (theyd want the same thing im sure, weve  checked around already and most were very close or at least that).<<

Go the route of having the SELF-HELP clinic set up the paper work free of cost, then file and serve it on a waiver.

Then ask for 90 day continuance to gain the time necessary to save up enough for a cheap last minute sub-in.  I had one lawyer sub in and out the same day of my hearing just to argue my case so I could get in front of a mdeiator because while there I was able to get my custody back - try it andc see if it works for you as well as it did for me.

>>Our atty rarely returns calls, we try calling and leaving messages, he either doesnt get them, or i dont know what, then gets pissed cause we call every day when he doesnt return our calls.  But like right now, we have to have something taken care of monday, it didnt happen.  We have something else that was supposed to be taken care of by today, didnt happen.  He lets everything slide, but still charges us for his time<<

You've got to 86 the lawyer and get one to work for you who remember that THEY ARE SERVING YOU and not the other way around.

>>my fiance is hesitant to go pro se.  Should we or what?<<

You will be pro se or in pro per for the duration of time it takes you to find another attorney, but if you handle it correctly and line it up in advance, it will work to your advantage.  The other side's "snake in the grass"  will assume you are buckling, this gains you the element of surpirse then, because when you come back in with a lawyer who actually has some teeth to bite with, then they will be more prone to cooperate with you because they will know that you are prepared to do what it take to put things in check.

>>Negotiating with them is not an option, evne stuff they propose, when we agree, they change their mind.<<

Never negotiate unless it's on your terms.

>>Id rather leave it upto a judge at this point.<<

Thats what I'm doing.  The lawyers are just going to cut deals anyway, cut deals and kiss each other's bar cards.

>>Im so frsutrated i cant stand it and so is my fiance.  its beena  year since filing and we still dont have a final hearing! To top it off, the child now has bottle rot that she refuses to have treated.  And we cant even get one day of makeup visitation to get him seen on our time!<<

Fight for the rights of the child, and don't stop fighting until you win and the child is safe and properly cared for.

In Re: CASE NUMBER: FL – 48603
       Undetected Abuse.

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is James Chamberlain and I am a resident of
Northern California at 865 Red Bluff CA 96080.

I am a non-custodial parent of a seven year old
daughter and my ex-wife's father is also her pro-bono
divorce attorney in Tahema County Superior Case: FL –
48603.

My ex-wife suffers from serious psychological
problems, caused our car to be reposessed, ran up
thousands of dollars in bills, bouncing checks to and
verbally abusing our landlord who then issued us
eviction papers, the after gambling our family's money
away while on a drug binge in Las Vegas, abducted our
child and fled our marriage.

In March of 1999 she abducted our child and
disappeared with her for weeks.

Nonetheless, she has been sheltered from these issues
and her father filed divorce papers to legitimize my
ex-wife's child kidnapping after the fact.

Recently I had to take my daughter to the doctor
because she was complaining of a sprained wrist.
While at the doctor's my daughter told the doctor that
the first time the child's wrist began hurting was
when "mommy was hitting" her (evidently the child was
blocking a blow).

Weeks later the child susatained a break to this same
wrist while in the mother's care, but rather than
taking the child to the hospital to have the wrist
examined and treated, the mother cloistered the child
at the grandmother's trailer in the hills of
Cottonwood.

Previously my ex-wife has had her father revoke my
parental rights and in each instance I gain them back
with more time with my child being granted to me than
before.  

Most recently when I restored my parental rights I
immediately took my daughter to get her teeth worked
on to discover that the mother had allowed the child
to go 7 years with only one trip to the dentist and
the child now had eight cavities, needed two root
canals and one molar extraction.

There are also issues of the mother enabling parental
alienation which while constituting emotional abuse is
far more challenging to track and prove.

Because of all of this I filed a motion to modify
custody so that I could act as Primary Caregiver while
the mother completes her schooling and whatever else
it is keeping her from caring sufficiently for my
daughter's needs.

This has dragged out for months and now when my
daughter is seen by counselors they all scratch their
heads and state that my daughter does not look like
she is being abused.

I explain that there is no way to detect the abuse in
a situation where the mother is aware she is under
scrutiny and even in light of the doctor's notes,
teacher's notes, dentist's notes and even the mother's
own admissions to returning to corporal punishment in
violation of the existing order which she submitted
under the penalty of perjury to The Court in her
responsive declaration - no body seems interested or
motivated to assist with contempt of court or criminal
investigations.

I am trying right now to find statistics pertinent to
the number of children who are discovered to have been
abused which were previously undetected even by
counselors, etc.

Please advise,

James D. Chamberlain
[email protected]
865 Locust Street
Red Bluff CA 96080
530.527.5160

Hello:

I am presently involved in a court case involving
custody and child support issues in Red Bluff (Tehama
County) Northern California.

To preface the case: I married the daughter of a
divorce attorney.  She's got psychological problems
involving addiction to gambling and drugs, and in 1999
she kidnapped my daughter.

When I tried to enforce my rights and protect my
daughter ( who was at that time 2 years old ) by
filing child kidnapping charges pursuant Civil Code
Section 278 & 278.5, my father-in-law caught wind of
it and prepared, filed and faxed divorce papers to the
detective who was working on my missing persons case.

The detective then served these on me and from this
point until today (5 years later) the meter has been
running.

My opposing party has caused the court to revoke my
parental rights 3 times, once in 1999, once in 2001
and once in 2003 and in each instance I have been able
to cause the court to give me back my parental rights
with my daughter and in so doing I gained more time
with my daughter in each instance.

In October of 2004 I was forced to file for
modification of custody of my daughter because my
ex-wife has returned to the use of corporal punishment
in violation of our existing order of the court.

My daughter complained of a sore wrist and when I took
my daughter to the doctor, she told him the wrist
first started hurting her when "mommy was hitting me".

Three weeks later the child broke her wrist and was
then sent by the mother to her grandmother's home
rather than the hospital.

I found out about this when the child was sent home by
the child's school who noted that the child's wrist
was swollen, bruised and her hand was immobile.

I believe this might have been to keep the child from
reporting possible abuse to the medical staff.

I have also discovered that the child has only been
taken to the dentist by the mother once in seven years
and when I finally began taking the child to the
dentist on my private insurance, I discovered that the
child has 8 cavities, needs two root canals and last
month I had to have her molar extracted.

The mother has enrolled herself full time in college,
and reports having had to scale back her work schedule
-  although, in actuality she works several part time
jobs.  So she is doing college full time, working as
many as five part time jobs, she involves herself
exhaustively in the child's school (mainly to block me
from involvement).

This brings to light the issue of "The First Right of
Refusal" which they deny me, leaving my daughter to
stay with ANYONE but me whenever not ordered in the
court's order.

Subsequently my daughter has been sent with the
maternal grandmother to a weird "fire and brimstone"
church where they have been demonizing me and my faith
to my daughter.

I have not asked the court to eliminate my ex-wife's
parental rights, but rather to make me the custodial
parent until such time as the mother completes her
schooling.

In her responsive declaration, however, the mother
asks the court to make her the sole parent AGAIN
trying to deny me the right to father my daughter.

The lawyer that I hired I paid an initial $2,500.00
retainer to.  Following this I paid another $1,600.00
and just paid another $1,00.00.  However, the lawyer
now tells me I owe her $6,000.00.

She brought this up to me when I told her that I
wanted her to file contempt charges due to my
ex-wife's admissions in her responsive declaration
submitted to the court under penalty of perjury
wherein my ex-wife admits to violating the order of
the court by returning to the use of corporal
punishment - AND - by her telling my daughter that
they would be moving out of state (to complete my
ex-wife's graduate studies).

My attorney told me: "You are already into me for
$6,000.00 and after the evidencing hearing you'll be
up to $11,000.00 - so how can we afford to file
contempt when you can't even afford what we've already
done".

ALTHOUGH SHE HAS NOT ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING
ADVANTAGEOUS TO MY CASE.

Now, my lawyer tells me that it is my ex-wife's
constitutional right to spank my daughter. I reminded
my layer that my ex-wife agreed with me to make the
"no-spank" clause a part of our "Agreement" when we
met with the mediator, this was then reviewed by my
ex-wife's lawyer and they entered it to the court
which then made it the order of the court.

So, basically, it looks like I have paid $5,100.00 to
a lawyer who has stated that I am expected to pay her
an additional $6,000.00 WITH NOTHING TO THE ADVANTAGE
OF MY CASE BEING ACCOMPLISHED - and the order of the
court which we have in place is not worth the paper
it's written on because if I try to enforce it - it
appears that my attorney appreciates my opposition's
constitutional rights more than she appreciates my
daughter's rights not to be abused or my rights to
protect my daughter.

What the hell do I do now!?!

[email protected]

       

>>RE: Unless you have "documented Proof" that your ex is a * drug addict* alcoholic* abuses uses your daughter* sexually uses your daughterOr has a boyfriend or family member that does so, the answer
is NO.<<

While I encourage the documentation of all these things if you can get it... It is not as hard as you make it out to get CUSTODY.  Most often the other party will break down under a good mediation session wherein you state your argument with which you will take sole custody IF they don't agree to give you a more benign alternative - FACT.

>>A judge will not uproot a child and place it with the other parent unless there is obvious detriment to the child.<<

Even if there is obvious detriment judges like to cow tow to the feminist front.  

Still.  The right judge on the right day with the right pressure applied fromt the right angles...

In my humble opinion

>>Although unexplained persistent or recurrent illnesses or injuries involving a child (and possibly siblings) are potential clues to MSBP, the diagnosis can be elusive.<<

I was ready to add this to my arsenal.  After nearly replacing all my child's teeth which the ex allowed to rot, several instances where the child was allowed to get sunburn creating weeping blisters, and in light of the countless other well documented instances of abuse and neglect, it just made sense.

Word to the wise... mothers can back over their kids or drown them and get retried to avoid the death sentence, and they can be bag chasing crack addicts and keep their kids even though dad would be a well adjusted alternative - IT SUCKS THAT MUCH!

So MSBP is a good final nail in the coffin lid, but only on the tail end of a long list of other offenses for which the mother will definitely be scrutinized.

>>I posted this on Custody Issues with no response.  Hope to
>get some help on this board.<<

This is the norm.  I used to think it was because all these "Father's Rights" types want to research their response to make sure it is tailored to our needs and to make sure they are not putting themselves in liability by offering advice.

Come to find out we do not share the same emphasis on information sharing.

It would be nice if there were a place for fathers, by fathers... wouldn't it?

>>My 6-year-old daughter lives in Iowa with her mother. My ex is
single, goes to school, doesn't work and complains about EVERYTHING!<<

I have discovered that your ex may have gotten her information from a "WOMAN'S SHELTER" or "WOMAN'S ADVOCACY" group because it matches my ex to the "T".

I recently had an abuse/neglect case against my ex-wife which should have caused my child to be put in my custody.

But because my ex is in school and working several part time (under the table) jobs, she is milking me and the system for all the support she can get.

Check with your local social services department, the local unemployment department and get their "FRAUD HOTLINE" numbers.  They will have inforfmation with which you can determine how best to attack the possability that your ex may be exploiting her employment status fraudulently.

>>We have joint custody. I live in AZ and have seen my daughter on average every 52 days over the last 2 years. We talk on the phone almost every day sometimes twice. I stay very involved with my daughters? life; I keep copies of all of her medical records from all of her Dr's because I want to know everything that is going on with her especially when she is with me. I have arranged to have the school send me her progress reports for obvious reasons. I feel that I could
obviously do more but being 1500 miles away you do what you
can.<<

Document all of this and put into a journal format, because it will come in handy in a future hearing to demonstrate your attachment and involvement in the child's life.

>>Periodically I have the unfortunate situation where the ex
gets on the phone and just rips me a new one because she is
stressed and just happens to be having a bad day. Usually this
is done with our daughter in the next room or in the room of
their apartment.<<

You can site these instances as cause for action and any of a number of different of your circumsntances as a "CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCE" whereby to justify bringing the matter back to court.  ONCE IN COURT, you should, either in mediation or by judges order, stipulate that all telephone contact be free from such interference from your ex.  State that it puts pressure on the child to have your ex interfere in the phone contact and state that this is action on your ex's part is detrimental to the best interest of the child.

>>During these times, and their have been a few, she says things like, "I can't do this anymore, I'm done, I don't have a life, It sucks being a single mom, I have to bathe her, cut her nails, do her homework, make sure she is fed, etc...<<

Boo, hoo.  Tell her that you will gladly alleviate her bellyaching by taking full custody of the child and watch how quickly she chirps a different song.

>>What the ex doesn't know is the under the advisement of my lawyer I have most of these conversations recorded.<<

Maybe you want to be careful how much of this you admit to on this message board.  BELIEVE THIS - your ex may now or may in the future troll through this board trying to pre-emptively second guess you.  At the end of the day - USE EVERY DEVICE AT YOUR DISPOSAL TO WIN YOUR CASE AT ALL COSTS.

>>The ex is in school and does have homework everyday so I am
not saying she has it easy but the message she gives me is
that our daughter is really becoming a burden to her.<<

The CLEAR and UNARGUABLE edge your ex has on you is that she can cry on your shoulder about how burdensome you child is on her and then when she goes to court she can sing the other song about how the child needs her and she is the better parent on because she has a uterus and you testicles, the judge will ALWAYS be entranced by her argument which is the same baseless argument regurgitated over and over every day.

>>I have offered on 3 occasions to take our daughter until the ex
finishes school. She won't hear of it, "that's not the answer"
she says.<<

TAKE NOTE:  Your ex will tell you what is and isn't the answer.  TAKE NOTE: Your ex will act like YOUR PARENTAL RIGHTS and THE RIGHTS OF YOUR CHILD TO HAVE YOU IN THEIR LIFE is something that the ex can give or take away...

CHALLANGE THIS POINT OPENLY AND VIGOROUSLY BECAUSE THIS RIGHT IS CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED.

>>When she needs help financially, I help her, when she needs help with schoolwork or understanding something, I help her. I pay $1100 a month for Child Support and to be honest I wouldn't care if it were higher.<<

RETHINK THIS.  I used to say the same thing - I even said it to The Court: "Your honor, I am not asking you to modify child support even though your giving me more time with my child in order to deal with the mother's abuse and neglect will increase my time".

THEN the ex and her sleazy divorce lawyer father tried to knife me in the back with "MODIFICATION OF CHILD SUPPORT AND ATTORNEY FEES" stating that "his income has increased since the original order was drafted".

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT A LOVING AND CARING MOTHER WOULD TURN THEIR OWN ISSUES OF NEGLECT AND ABUSE INTO A PLATFORM TO MILK MORE MONEY AND SUPPORT OUT OF THE SYSTEM LIKE THE CHILD WAS A PAWN IN SOME FINANCIAL DISPUTE?

So I shaved two thirds off her child support and took 50/50 custody until the next hearing - and I encourage you to do likewise.

>>The answer to all of my ex's problems is for me to quit my career, sell my home and move to Iowa. The ex and I had a very unhealthy relationship for the first 2 years of our daughters? life.<<

The answer is in the statement... she wants you to surrender your financial leverage and put yourself in a position of financial disadvantage so she can sucker punch you.

Don't let her hypnotize you using your "good-guy" guilt syndrome.

>>To this day, our daughter still recalls our arguments. This was the reason we split.<<

You can bet money on the fact that thats not what your ex is conditioning your child to believe and it is only a matter of time until you start to see the signs of parental alienation.

Time will wear away at the innocence of your child and they will gradually start to assimilate the message they are subjected to:

"Mommy is the parent - daddy is the visitor".

>>I obviously love my daughter to death but packing up and
moving closer to help take care of her knowing that the ex
would just want to pick fights and make my life as well as our
daughters miserable is definitely not my idea of what is in
the best interest of our daughter.<<

Nothing is obvious to The Court.  Everything must be meticulously spelled out, defended, supported and proven - start building up your case now.  Pick you fights and the ground upon which to fight them.  

>>The ex is a person who is never happy about anything, complains about everything and quite frankly nobody will ever do anything to satisfy her.<<

What if she is just playing head games to manipulate you?  What if she is sharing how happy she is with her friends and family and sharing how much life sucks with you?  

>>She is just that way.<<

A pathological condition which could take a toll on the emotional well being of the child if you don't take action to correct matters.

>>My question is how bad do things have to get in order for a
father to petition the courts for custody?<<

It comes down to how well you can argue a case.  I bet if you took a weekend and read through case law regarding child custody in your area, you could find several points with which you could petition the courts.

The issue becomes one of finding an argument with "teeth".

Read the case law and esisting statutes governing "Family Law" in your area.  Mark out wherever you find your ex is in "violation" of the order you have or where the order you have is contrary to what's best for the child.

Find suitable CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES to justify coming before the court.

State a suitable cause.

>>I'm not asking for sole but I would like to have physical custody. The emotional stress that I feel when haveing to talk to her is difficult to
deal with.<<

No matter what, you should always ask for SOLE custody while offering PHYSICAL CUSTODY as a plan B.  Gamble on the fact that the deck is tacked and you have a greater chance of arguing them down to accepting plan B.

>>What can I do, if anything, to get my daughter?<<

Read through your post here listed and find where what your ex is putting your child through violates your child's rights them come in hard and heavy on these points.

They will attack your sense of worth as a dad, they will try first to exhaust you financially then lastly they will resort to false accusations.

Gaurd yourself with counselling and keep your money flow right.

>>Any input is appreciated.<<

NEVER LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN.

I wonder if the Roman who coined this phrase ever thought that one day a culture of fatherlessness would see to perpetuate fahterlessness.  Then again if they had The Empire might not have fallen.  Welcome to America.

Thanks to everyone who has assisted in my case by offering advice on these boards and off - I prevailed in my case and now have 50/50 custody (after 5 long years of struggling to get out from under a rigged case).

Simply put, I should have had 50/50 custody at the very onset of the split - but because of my opposition's abuse of authority as officer of the court, and the biological mother's insidious lies - I have had to fight 5 years - somtimes In Pro Per, to get this far.

But my kid needs me and was never going to be anything to BM besides a social services meal ticket - so I never gave up despite the fact that it's been a long hard thankless hill to climb.

My ex-wife and her lawyer (also her dad and my ex-father-in-law) were trying to punish me for motioning the courts (how dare I protect my child from neglect and abuse - AND - enforce my rights as a father) by asking for modification of child support.

While I got the 50/50 I was after - they did modify child support for mom - THEY SHAVED 2/3 OFF HER SUPPORT!

Following the 'fire-side' advice I received on the sly from several of my opponent's rival lawyers in town - I got a Certified Family Law Specialist from out of town who also modified the order so there is no longer a CUSTODIAL and NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT and no VISITATION.

Now we are PARENT and OTHER PARENT and we have TIME-SHARE with the child.

MY LASTING COMPLAINT:
I probably could have gotten SOLE custody - were it not for the fact that the BM and her dad/lawyer kept threatening to bring in a panel of expert whitnesses which they stated would support allegations.

Additionally, they said that they were in posession of emails sent from me to the child's school and that these would somehow be damning to my case.

Never mind that fact that I am on the PTA, teach a class at the child's school and have confirmed with the clergy, principle, teachers, and parents of students from this school all encouraging my involvement and participation in my daughter's environment - somehow the BM has been able to gether up emails and keeps a clandestine "panel" of ringers waiting to chime in about whatever they have to crucify me with.

Obviously it is harmful to the child to have the BM constantly stalking me and trying to manipulate ANY of my parenting measures against me as somehow representing an attack on her.

MY QUESTION:
What can I do to protect myself?  How can the BM enter into court data when the only relevance it has to custody is to demonstrate how much the BM hates my fathering my kid?

Thnaks again and keep them cards and letters coming!