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My DH and I have an upcoming hearing and we are asking the judge for 50/50.  We have a custody evaluation that says 50/50 would be the best situation for the child at this time (we recently moved to the same city as SS so we have the opportunity to see him more).

The problem is that we live in South Dakota and the court system seems to be about 10 years behind everywhere else.  Our attorney has been reseraching to try to find case law to support us, as her attorney has listed various cases in SD that recommended against shared parenting (but they are from 10-50 years ago, nothing recent).  

What I'm wondering Soc is if you know of any case law or anywhere specific we can search to find cases where the court has recommended a a change from joint custody (mother is primary) to a shared parenting (50/50).

Even if there's no precidence set in SD, I think if we could reference strong cases from other states that may help...?

Thanks in advance for your help!

My DH and I filed for a change of custody last summer (state is South Dakota).

We went through a home study and the evaluator praised DH (good role model, great parent) and said that BM is not a good role model, more of a parent than a friend, needs financial and emotional counseling, BUT the bottom line of her recomendation is that the child had not been damaged enough by the BM to recommend a custody change.

So last November DH and I moved to the same city where SS/BM live. BM has not made ANY changes, and actually things have gotten worse. We want to file again for a custody change because we believe the evaluation would be different now that SS would not have to change schools, etc and based upon the fact she has not made any of the evaluator's recommended changes.  

Our attorney says that moving to the same city is not enough for a significant change of circumstances.  

DH also now works out of the home, so he can pick up SS from school almost everyday (if he was allowed to).  

BM has also recently refused to give SS medicine that a Doctor prescribed. SS is 7 and still has "accidents" in his pants, so the Doctor told us to give him a stool softener daily. She has refused. Granted this is not life threatening, but it is an example of neglect in my opinion.

Where can we go from here? Are any of the above "significant" enough in your opinion?

Thanks...

Thanks Soc -

Divorce decree states "that the parties shall share joint custody of the minor child, with physical care and custody to remain with" BM.

Daycare:
"The Plaintiff and Defendant shall each be responsible for their pro rata share of said daycare expense.  Specifically Plaintiff (BM) is responsible for 38% and Defendant (DH) is responsible for 62%."

We have talked with our atty and he said that she (BM) can hold us in contempt, but if she does that she is also in contempt for monies owed to us for daycare expenses we incurred during our extended summer visitation that she did not pay for.  

Atty says that the daycare can't legally go after us - specifically DH - because his name isn't on the account...but we have had some issues with him and I just wanted a second professional opinion.

Thanks again!

We went through a similar situation - we discovered our SS was receiving free lunches and also was on a state paid insurance, when we know that BM does not qualify for either of these things.  DH actually pays BM in his child support for the cost of insurance.  

Unfortunately in our situation the courts did not take this into consideration because it did not directly impact the child.  We had many other things to add to the list of financial problems and lies she has told, but the bottom line (according to the court) was that the child was doing okay and not directly impacted by BMs financial instability. She has even been evicated 3 times from various homes, but because the child has stayed in the same school they considered her "stable".

I'm not trying to be negative, just sharing what happened with us.  We didn't like it either, but...so is life when it comes to the family court system.  :-)  Hang in there.

Ooops - thanks for the tip!

I'll try again:


DH and BM currently have joint legal, BM is the primary guardian. BM enrolled SS in a daycare that DH did not support, mostly because the daycare refused to give DH any information about his son - how he was doing etc. We lived 90 miles away from SS and we did not get any info from BM about SS so he relied on daycare, school, etc in the past to inform him about behavior, etc.

The daycare director told DH because his name was not on the "enrollment papers" that they could give him no info, even when DH offered to show them the divorce decree which states he has joint custody (he first tried to be nice but they were not cooperative). In the decree DH also had daycare seperated from child support because BM has had issues with not paying daycare, so it is ordered for DH to pay his 62% portion directly to the daycare.

BM ended up agreeing to switch daycares mostly because DH wrote her a letter and said that he was not going to pay for a daycare that did not foster a relationship between him and SS (in addition to the fact that BM owes DH over $600 in past due abatements and daycare fees he has overpaid). He said he would begin paying once that amount she owed DH was caught up, although he still did not agree with the choice of daycare. He also wrote the daycare a letter explaining the reasons he was not paying and that since his name was nowhere on the account they should seek BM for any payments.

BM switched daycares about 4 months ago and now DH gets a "bill" from the daycare stating he owes them $400 for past due services on the account he was enrolled in. His signiture is no where on that account, and he clearly made them aware of the situation in numerous letters.  We think BM went back at the end and added his name, and gave the daycare permission to bill him because he has never been billed or given any communication from the daycare. He has always paid his portion in full 30 days in advance.

My main questions are:  
1.  Is this legal - can they go after him when his name was not on the account?  
2.  Any advice??

We realize she could take him to court for contempt (because the orders state he is to pay) however if that happens we can also prove she is in contempt and would owe us more than the past due daycare amounts. She has HUGE financial problems and has many judgements already against her, so although we recognize it was probably not right to do, DH felt it was the only option.  The state is South Dakota.

Thanks so much for the help.... it is truly appreciated.

I'm going to try to make a long story as short as possible... DH and BM have joint legal, BM is the primary guardian. BM enrolled SS in a daycare that DH did not agree with, mostly because the daycare refused to give DH any information about his son - how he was doing etc.  DH lived 90 miles away from SS and we did not get any info from BM about SS so he relied on daycare, etc in the past to inform him about behavior, etc.  Daycare stated because his name was not on the "enrollment papers" that they could give him no info, even when DH offered to show them the divorce decree which states he has joint custody (he first tried to be nice but they were not cooperative).  In the decree DH also had daycare seperated from child support because BM has had issues with not paying daycare, so DH is to pay his 62% portion directly to the daycare.  BM ended up agreeing to switch daycares mostly because DH wrote her a letter and said that he was not going to pay for a daycare that did not foster a relationship between him and SS (in addition to the fact that BM owes DH over $600 in past due abatements and daycare fees he has overpaid).  He said he would begin paying once that amount was caught up.  He also wrote the daycare a letter explaining the reasons he was not paying and that since his name was nowhere on the account they should seek BM for any payments.   BM switched daycares about 4 months ago and now DH gets a "bill" from the daycare stating he owes them $400 for past due services on the account he was enrolled in.  What the heck?  His signiture is no where on that account, and he clearly made them aware of the situation in numerous letters.  Is this legal - can they go after him when his name was not on the account?  We think BM went back at the end and added his name, and gave the daycare permission to bill him because he has never been billed or given any communication from the daycare.  He has always paid his portion in full 30 days in advance.  Any advice??   Thanks so much.... it is truly appreciated.

Ooops - thanks for the tip!

I'll try again:


DH and BM currently have joint legal, BM is the primary guardian. BM enrolled SS in a daycare that DH did not support, mostly because the daycare refused to give DH any information about his son - how he was doing etc. We lived 90 miles away from SS and we did not get any info from BM about SS so he relied on daycare, school, etc in the past to inform him about behavior, etc.

The daycare director told DH because his name was not on the "enrollment papers" that they could give him no info, even when DH offered to show them the divorce decree which states he has joint custody (he first tried to be nice but they were not cooperative). In the decree DH also had daycare seperated from child support because BM has had issues with not paying daycare, so it is ordered for DH to pay his 62% portion directly to the daycare.

BM ended up agreeing to switch daycares mostly because DH wrote her a letter and said that he was not going to pay for a daycare that did not foster a relationship between him and SS (in addition to the fact that BM owes DH over $600 in past due abatements and daycare fees he has overpaid). He said he would begin paying once that amount she owed DH was caught up, although he still did not agree with the choice of daycare. He also wrote the daycare a letter explaining the reasons he was not paying and that since his name was nowhere on the account they should seek BM for any payments.

BM switched daycares about 4 months ago and now DH gets a "bill" from the daycare stating he owes them $400 for past due services on the account he was enrolled in. His signiture is no where on that account, and he clearly made them aware of the situation in numerous letters.  We think BM went back at the end and added his name, and gave the daycare permission to bill him because he has never been billed or given any communication from the daycare. He has always paid his portion in full 30 days in advance.

My main questions are:  
1.  Is this legal - can they go after him when his name was not on the account?  
2.  Any advice??

We realize she could take him to court for contempt (because the orders state he is to pay) however if that happens we can also prove she is in contempt and would owe us more than the past due daycare amounts. She has HUGE financial problems and has many judgements already against her, so although we recognize it was probably not right to do, DH felt it was the only option.  The state is South Dakota.

Thanks so much for the help.... it is truly appreciated.

I'm going to try to make a long story as short as possible... DH and BM have joint legal, BM is the primary guardian. BM enrolled SS in a daycare that DH did not agree with, mostly because the daycare refused to give DH any information about his son - how he was doing etc.  DH lived 90 miles away from SS and we did not get any info from BM about SS so he relied on daycare, etc in the past to inform him about behavior, etc.  Daycare stated because his name was not on the "enrollment papers" that they could give him no info, even when DH offered to show them the divorce decree which states he has joint custody (he first tried to be nice but they were not cooperative).  In the decree DH also had daycare seperated from child support because BM has had issues with not paying daycare, so DH is to pay his 62% portion directly to the daycare.  BM ended up agreeing to switch daycares mostly because DH wrote her a letter and said that he was not going to pay for a daycare that did not foster a relationship between him and SS (in addition to the fact that BM owes DH over $600 in past due abatements and daycare fees he has overpaid).  He said he would begin paying once that amount was caught up.  He also wrote the daycare a letter explaining the reasons he was not paying and that since his name was nowhere on the account they should seek BM for any payments.   BM switched daycares about 4 months ago and now DH gets a "bill" from the daycare stating he owes them $400 for past due services on the account he was enrolled in.  What the heck?  His signiture is no where on that account, and he clearly made them aware of the situation in numerous letters.  Is this legal - can they go after him when his name was not on the account?  We think BM went back at the end and added his name, and gave the daycare permission to bill him because he has never been billed or given any communication from the daycare.  He has always paid his portion in full 30 days in advance.  Any advice??   Thanks so much.... it is truly appreciated.

Unfortunately I don't have much advice for how to proceed at this point to try and see your SD more, but I wanted to tell you that you're not alone!  My DH and I have been going through almost the exact same issues over the past few years with my SS - BM has been evicted from last 5 homes, moves in the middle of the night, has 2 warrants out for her arrest, etc etc.  

So we moved to the same city as SS to try to see him and help him get out of this situation. Bm agreed to 2 nights/week and everything was fine and dandy until she realized child support would be adjusted because of that and everything changed. We even offered to keep CS the same right before we went to court, but by that time she wouldn't agree to anything.  

The judge didn't think us moving to the same city and my DH working out of the home now was "significant change" so we couldn't go for change in custody, and he wouldn't agree to the 50/50 request we were asking for.  We even had a custody evaluation done by a GAL who said that 50/50 would be best and that SS needs to see his father more AND that mother has issues with being good role model, etc.

So at this point we've exhausted all we can in the legal system - that is until she "hangs herself" and we have enough for a significant change.  We have decided to swallow our pride and kiss BM's butt, because that's the only way we get to see SS.  We're going to focus on what we can do to impact his life in the short time we have him now (1 night/week and every other weekend) rather than focusing on how we can have him more in the future.  

I know it's not the answers you want right now, but know that you DO make a difference in your SD's life right now, even if it's less time that you want to have with her.  Continue to build a strong relationship with her and have confidence that she will grow into a smart young woman who will probably choose your DH to live with once she has a chance!

Best of luck...

SS is having/has had problems with having "accidents" in his pants a few times per week (pooping accidents).  SS is 7 yrs old.  DH took SS to the Dr just last week after years of going back and forth with BM and she had claimed she had taken him and that it was normal.

Dr prescribed a medicine (Lactulose) which is a gentle stool softener, and BM is refusing to give it. Told SS he is not to take it at DH's house (even though he already had) and that it would make him sick.  We believe that his pooping problems are directly related to anxiety he feels from his mom, she puts unneeded stress on him and lies - to him and to us. We think she has also told him things that he is not to tell us, therefore the poor kid has a lot on his shoulders.

Right now they have joint custody and she is primary caretaker. DH and I have SS on Tues and THurs nights and every other weekend.  WE are currently in the process of asking for a change so that DH is primary, based upon many things that have happened over the past year (I won't go into that too much right now).  

Some people have suggested we take SS to see a psychologist and spend some time to get him to "open up".  He is a very well-adjusted kid and he seems mentally "fine" to us, but I'm afraid she is telling him things that aren't healthy and I don't want this to affect him in the long term.  

My question is:  if we take SS to see a psychologist do we have to tell BM?  What will that look like to the court?  Our main objective is to just find out and make sure he's okay...and the pooping problems could be a result of other things going on in his life that he hasn't talked to us about.  

We don't want to cause any problems and BM will FREAK OUT if she would find out we took him to a psychologist without telling her. But she will also FREAK OUT if we tell her, and God only knows what else she will tell him and make things even worse on him.  Should we wait it out - we are in the middle of a custody evaluation by a social worker and she may recommend a change anyway, just based upon the documentation we can provide.