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I have a friend who has recently (this week) split up with his wife. He has 2 young children and he wants to make sure he has a chance at custody (as least joint) with his kids.  I know the best thing is for him to stay in the home and keep the kids and have her leave, but this isn't really an option for him as she won't leave. In addition, when he is in the home she trys to make their discussions physical by pushing him, blocking doorways, and he is concerned she's going to claim domestic violence when that's not the case so he felt he had to leave.  

He also has concerns she's not mentally stable, but has no "proof" of this besides his word vs hers.  He didn't want to leave the kids with her, but he knows she will track him down and physically take them if he trys to take them.  So where does he go from here - any advice on some of the first steps he should take to make sure he doesn't screw things up for chances of custody with his kids?

MySonsDad - are you from South Dakota?  We live in Sioux Falls, so I was surprised to see someone else reading the Argus Leader!   :)

I agree with the others that you are asking for too little.  The best advice I have is that this is your BEST chance to get the most visitation or custody of the child, because once the decree is final it is very hard to change things, especially if the mother is awarded custody.  So don't settle now thinking you can go back and change it later, try to get stipulations put in for now and later.  Before the custody arrangements are final is the only time you are on "fair" playing ground, after that if she is awarded custody (physical) she will have favor in all future proceedings.  I'm not trying to sound negative, just being realistic.  Absolutely don't settle for giving her sole legal, and fight for as much visitation as you can.  Best of luck to you!

I haven't been on this board much so I don't know your story, but I had tears in my eyes watching that video. Thank you for sharing it with us, and I'm so happy for you!

My DH has joint legal custody.  We filed for a change of custody last summer and SS's daycare was contacted during the course of the custody evaluation and they also testififed for BM at the trial.  To make a long story short, the Assistant Director at the Daycare (Montessori) lied to the custody evaluator and also then lied under oath.  She stated that BM was current on payments and had never been late, when we had the records showing BM had never been on time, and a letter from the director stating his account needed to be paid or he would be kicked out.  When we produced these her story changed, but by that point (trial) the recommendation had already been made by the evaluator and that played a huge part in the result.

So DH wrote a letter after trial to the executive director of the Montessori telling her how this person lied under oath, and also how she stated that DH has no rights to find out any information about his son.  The director called DH after receiving the letter and SUPPORTED the person who lied, stating that she was correct in saying he has not rights to find out anything about his son because he was not the custodial parent and his name was not on the enrollment forms (because BM didn't put it). DH offered to show her the divorce decree which says he has joint legal custody and a right to this information (about SS's behavior, records, etc).  She refused, stating it was not their "policy" to get involved in divorce situations.

DH told BM that he did not support SS attending this daycare that did not support him being involved and asked her to change. He found others and offered them and she refused.  He had always paid his portion (62%) directly to the daycare 30 days in advance. BM owed DH over $500 for past daycare that he had paid while SS was with us during the summers. So DH told BM he was not going to pay at Montessori until the amount reached the total she owed him if she was not going to switch.  This may not have been the right thing, and we know we could have taken her for contempt, but money is the only way to get through to BM.  So once the account was $415 past due she finally decided to switch daycares to one that they both approved of.

Which brings us to now... DH got a bill from the daycare.  They have sent it to collections in HIS name for this $415.  He has tried calling, writing letters, and even having our atty write letters stating they have no right to bill him when his name was not on the account.  They refused to have any contact with him when his son was attending there. Now they are saying that he owes this money.  His name is nowhere on this account, so legally how can they do this? Shouldn't they need to go after BM, and then she would have to go after DH?  They tried telling DH since he had paid consistently over time he had created a "contract" so they had a right to bill him.

My questions are:
First is it legal they are going after him?

Second, if we end up going to small claims DH would like to countersue the Montessori for having a director lie under oath (we can prove this). Is this slander or is there a law this would fall under?

Thanks in advance for your advice....