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I'm confused AGAIN. Can anybody please tell me if conversations IN THE HOME (threats, etc) can be tape recorded --- whereas the other party does NOT know it's being recorded?

Thank You.

Eye

Good Morning All!

I was a member here for some time during a VISITATION battle in 2003 I believe.  Things got worse...then better...then they evened off.

I have some wonderful news for everybody about the 14 yr. old female child in question (she is in central, MN, small town, kangaroo court) and her father!  In a nutshell, the child LIKELY is coming here for a "trial basis."
 
OMG... I can't believe it. :-)  She's become too much of a handful for
 biomom/step-dad....but is a "good girl" here for the most part.  Long story.

The transfer will LIKELY happen around the middle of March when the school quarters change.......BUT biomom/step dad (and us) want a written agreement.  We have the basics down HOWEVER I'd like to post on the board or have some fine tuning this.  We don't want any loopholes where biomom says, "The girl comes back NOW."  That's not good for the child......it's not good all around.  We KNOW we're missing critical stuff that biomom will use when she starts feeling guilty or whatever she feels.

There's an  unusual twist also.  I (stepmom) live in WI (literally across the river from MN) but DH works in Minneapolis and comes home on weekends.  There just is no pay here unless you consider $9.00/hr good pay for a full time person.  Uggg.  So although the biomom would (insists) retain legal custody of the child... she has relented to doing "the right thing" and letting Dad/hubby have physical custody for the TRIAL PERIOD.....BUT the child will live here in WI and attend school in WI(biomom is fine w/ this).  Oy.  Kinda sloppy.  There are a few more
issues that need addressing

Do you think friends here at SPARC can help w/ wording and issues for this "agreement"?  Biomom refuses attorneys and runs like a scared
puppy at the sound of the word.  Therefore this will have to be a
written agreement, signed and notarized between biomom, biodad, and
the steps (since the child will be living with me).

Oh.....what a mess.  BUT it is a great start I think.

We all MUST meet face to face, hammer this out, get in in writing, etc.  This must be done rather quickly as the child will have to transfer schools and the new school will NEED her records so she can continue schooling, uninterrupted.... and get the credits she needs to finish her 8th grade.

The child IS a handful for biomom and her step dad... however in OUR estimation the main reason is a clear as day. We won't get into that HERE or right now though........and will CONTINUE her counseling in WI.

So is anybody up for a little help writing this document? Warning: I had suggested a re-evaluation of the living arrangements just prior to the middle of August.  Biomom says that's unacceptable..... and at first said a re-eval would be at the end of the school year.  NO...the child would not have time to settle in, have a report' with a counselor, etc.  I had suggested August because of the upcoming school year.

In any case...... THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL!!!!

Jurro....if you're still around... you may remember our case and the kangaroo court in central MN. Oy vey.

We very much look forward to hearing from anybody and everybody who would like to care, share and be a part of this celebration..... and the nuts and bolts that will pull it together!

I've looked at WISCONSIN law and don't quite understand it.

Can one party tape record the other party's without their knowing inside the married couple's home? i'm mainly referring to threats of violence.

Thanks.

Eye

Hi Everybody..........everything is going GREAT here.  For those of you who are still in the trenches.....keep fighting and keep working in the child's/children's best interest!  It does pay off.

Some of you may remember that after several years of bitterness and fighting.... the teenage child came to live here (from MN to WI) about 4 months ago.  BM retained legal custody and gave BD and I physical custody.  The child has blossomed....it's incredible.

The child, BD and I all spoke to BM last evening.  The child happily chitt-chatted about what's going on in her life, looking forward to school and such.

I spoke privately to BM since POSSIBLY she and I get along better than BD and BM.  I don't know if this is true or not.......but then again I was not married to either of them.  LoL. (Did that make sense?)

Bottom line......... BM is ready to give total custody over to BD and I.  No kidding.  I guess she too sees the wonderful improvement in the child.  It's hard to miss.  The child is happy.......no more is she cussing (well NOT where we could hear her, lol) and her poor choices are at a minimum.

Neither BM or us want to hire attorneys.  Actually, we cannot afford it.  I am permanently disabled and draw SSD and my husband is temp. out of work due to a serious (non-life-threatening.....very painful though) medical condition.

The court order is in central MN.  Does anybody know if we both can come up with a Parenting Plan that is agreed upon, can this be used as a motion to modify custody?  I thought about taking a pre-fab one from this wonderful site and adjusting it to meet both parties needs.  Or, MUST an attorney for each party be present?

This is kind of dumb.......but since this is uncontested...... can the parties "split" an attorney?  Just somebody to either write the motion and present it...... JUST WHAT IS NEEDED?

I will call that counties court administrator for advice because I think there is only ONE judge for the entire county **rolling eyes** and see what HE likes.

Ok.... I admit.... I'm a little lost in this area.  Suggestions, comments (positive OR negative) are welcome.  If you have 2 cents.... we'd love to hear it.

Blessings and Thanks!

Hi All......... it's been a LONG time since I posted on any board.  I was a bit skiddish because we believe somebody on a state board was actually related to BM. Uggg.

Anyway.... SMILE WITH US please. It's been a LONG uphill battle. DH was given only 1 w/e a month visitation in a midwest kangaroo court out in the middle of nowhere a few years ago. He had to also pay for all related expenses to see his child. This was a huge burden since we make relatively little money in the area which we live.......and BM and her brood do pretty dang well.  Ya know the type, gets every available state/public assistance but lives on nearly 20 acres of lakefront property, new vehicles, boats, ATVs for each plus all the kiddies.  

Anyway........the child, now a teenager was giving BM such a hard time that BM requested our assistance. We were HAPPY to help. Anything to get the child on the right path.

About 3+ months ago, BM and child were REALLY getting into it all the time. Verbal abuse was on both sides and occassional physical abuse by both parties.

BM decided to take us up on the offer to come and live HERE (**gasp**).  It must have been pretty bad!  However since the child has been here there has NEVER been any abuse or even a cuss word. Yeah, we're aware of the "honeymoon period" but that came and went a long time ago.

The child is in counseling and her psych scores have risen drastically since she's been here.  The counselor thinks she should stay.

We WERE set to discuss this with BM during the second week in August, but I do think the time is NOW to get this set into motion.  Until now, a p.c. written agreement has been in-place. We're fully aware this wouldn't hold up on court and BM COULD theoretically come and yank her back at anytime.

Ok folks........ BM is aware the child is doing well. BM is aware the child is happy. BM has NOT been to see the child at all. She once sent a check to put her on the bus for a w/e visit.....but the busses didn't meet.  The child would have had to spend 20 hours or so in a major metro bus station.  Ahhhh, NO, not on MY watch.

So how do you think this should be approached? Somebody suggested a parenting plan and get a court date.... and ask the judge to sign it. WHAT if BM won't do this? What if she wants to retail legal custody?  We HATE the idea of the child yanked back on a whim.  We NEED legal custody.....but don't want to scare BM off. ~~~  When I told BM last week that the child was (still) very happy and looking forward to H.S. HERE, she said, "Yeah, I figured that."  The tone was ok. ~~~ BUT we also know if she goes back for a visit right now.....they'll ALL work on the child to get her to change HER views.

There is SO MUCH more to saw.....this is so involved...and many eggshells are crossed daily.......but so far everything is FINALLY WORKING OUT.

Suggestions on how to handle a change in custody sure would be appreciated.

TYVM!!!