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Chris,

Joint legal custody doesn't mean that you each get to dictate the parenting decisions of the other parent.  It means that you each get to make decisions for your child while the child is in your custody.

Just as you can't dictate whether the mother leaves your daughter alone (or prohibits your daughter from wearing hats, or forces peppermint ice cream on her for dessert every night, or drives her in a car that didn't get 5-star crash safety)... the mother can't dictate what parenting decisions you make while you're with your daughter.

If she's not breaking Colorado laws, then imagine how you appear to Colorado authorities who enforce the law.

Your impression of joint legal custody is wrong, hence your conclusions about it are wrong.

You're correct that the courts DON'T CARE about parental rights.  The only person about whom they're supposed to CARE (and which they may not) is the CHILD.

So, as you've heard before on these boards, the best way to help raise your child is to move to Colorado.  It's been quite a while since your daughter moved to CO with her mother.  Make it happen.

Regardless of how unfair your situation is, no amount of complaining will help it.  It's up to you to get to CO... that seems to be the only option to improve it.

Good luck.

Okay, Marc...

You've got a potentially years-long situation in front of you to try to resolve what's going on.  Or a potential slam-dunk if you know what you're doing, you gather the right kind of evidence, and you get it before a judge in a proper manner.

If you have very little cash to throw at this, your only hope is your personal education about how the family law system works.  To that end, I recommend that you get a book called Win Your Child Custody War, by Hardwick.  You can buy it through Amazon (for convenience, there's a link to it via my website listed below).

Going into this largely ignorant of how family law works will be your biggest obstacle, since it appears you don't have the cash to hire an attorney.  So, you have many late nights ahead of you just reading about how the process works... start with that.

That is your first step because it's imperative that you understand WHAT issues are relevant in this process and HOW to present those issues.

Next, you need to build some admissable evidence based upon all the allegations you outlined.

You can spend relatively little money and get the criminal background of your ex's husband in FL.  That information is of public record.

You can take your daughter to a reputable psychologist to have that person later testify as to concerns about daughter's welfare.

Your major problem at this point is that you haven't really been around in your daughter's life.  As such, you have little credibility to stand in court and say, "After 12 years, daughter should be with me."

I appreciate how you may have felt all this time, but the FACT (not judgment) remains that you really haven't been around your daughter all that much... so a judge may raise eyebrows and think, "Who does this guy think he is all of a sudden???"

So, my greatest advice at this point, rather than shooting from the hip with no long-term strategic plan, is to read some books about how to influence child custody decisions and thereafter develop some good approaches on helping your daughter (i.e., in a way that has best chance of influencing a court).

At that point, also, come back to these discussion boards (and others) to ask long-timers how to best utilize facts XYZ or situation ABC in your overall plan.

Your daughter is 12.  She may be 13 or 14 before you can see results for what you start today.  But if what you say about her mom's living arrangement is true, that would still give her a solid 4 years in your home before graduating high school.

Patience and persistence will be your allies in this.  Unless you can show with clear and convincing evidence that your daughter is in imminent danger, this is going to be a long haul for you.

Best wishes on this.

Hi,

I have much empathy for the financial challenge of hiring a lawyer.  I went through that myself-- borrowed from everyone I could, maxed out credit cards, went deep into debt for custody litigation that dragged on for four years.

That said, I don't think you'd want any lawyer who would accept a $500 retainer.

If you need a lawyer, beg and borrow whatever you can to retain a good one.  A bad one will take your money and potentially leave you worse off than you started.

Most lawyers will give priority to the cases for which they know they'll get paid.  If you go into a lawyer's office saying, "I only have $3,500 and that's it", then once billable hours exceeds $3,500, you suddenly may become a low-priority client.

I know nothing about Jeffrey Levings, but I've read what some purported clients said about him on Amazon book reviews.  Maybe he's great.  Maybe not.  I don't know.

You may want to go to some divorce support groups in your area and ask if anyone would recommend a reasonable, good attorney.

The best for which you can hope is an attorney who is effective, but who won't kill you on nickel/dime stuff (e.g., 5 minute phone calls, brief letters, etc).

Hello,

Sorry for all that you're going through, and for all your daughter is enduring.

If you're willing to invest much effort into your situation, I can offer some guidance to you.

If you're looking for an easy answer that will fix everything, unfortunately that won't be an option to you.

Before I write more, can you advise if you think you have the time and resources to really help the situation?