Messages

Request for the next time that you are supposed to have your child and then if she says that she cannot afford it, you figure out a way to make the arrangements (plane, bus, train, etc) and take the time anyway.

Keep it all documented.  Good luck!
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

to arrange the transportation to stay active in your child's life.  Don't set the status quo to be that it has been months or years since there has been time spent with you and you child - that will give more incentive to keep the time away from you.

Take the steps to file contempt but after you have proof that you took the time.

Good luck!
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

I agree - it is nice to see people poking out of the darkness....

I stopped in the chatroom a couple of times last week.....maybe it was the time of day, but it seemed so quiet.  And it made me think back to when we had sometimes 30 or 40 people in there....was definitely my rock for awhile and a group that helped me and DH through some rough times.

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

Well wishes coming your way and please keep us old-timers updated!!!!


You're in my thoughts and prayers!

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

But, like you, I am thankful that this time she has found the where-withall to fight through everything and not end up in the psych unit.

Kudos to gr8dad for keeping his cool.  You too for supporting everything.

Hope that woman rots for the crap she's done over the years!!!!!
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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

And Mixed, you know my feelings on all of this.  You have been a tremendous support to so many out here on SPARC and for this chaos to still be continuing......it's very humbling and makes me consider the issues with my DH's ex to be small potatoes.

You watch.....Z will be old enough to follow suit of the other two.  It's just sad that in the mean time, this continues.

Hope he is able to be on that plane this weekend!
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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

Kids handle stress in different ways, and sometimes it is not even seen that they are under stress.  Some withdraw; others act out.

Again, you should get very close to her teachers - email them regularly.  Visit as often as you can.   Let THEM tell you what they see going on day in and day out - get THEIR suggestion for what would help.  Truly, they will become strong contacts for you and give you references when/if it comes to the point of needing character letters.

And something else that I wish we would have investigated closer and sooner - if your ex is admitting to YOU that she is overwhelmed and cannot handle things - she is admitting it and displaying it in other ways.  Contact the local child welfare and request a copy of any and all reports that involve your daughter.  We did this towards the end of our battle and the case file was 1 1/2 inches thick just on concerned neighbors, teachers, family members reporting that there was negligence going on.  Don't accuse your ex of anything - just request a copy of any records they have that involve your daughter.


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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

You could get an evaluation done by a psychologist who says 'Absolutely this child is suffering emotional trauma being in the day-to-day contact with her mother'.  And your ex's lawyer would be able to find another psychologist to evaluate and come to the conclusion that there is no emotional trauma being dealt with.

Emotions are too hard to measure and catalog.  Sad but true.

Here's what we did - because we also were dealing with a case where the mom was overwhelmed by everything going on in her life to take care of her kids.  You've already started on a good note with being very involved with doctors and teachers.  These will become HUGE allies for you.  Maintain the relationship with her teachers.  Even though you are several states away, the more often that they hear from you, and you participate in things, they will see that you are serious about being involved with your daughter's education.   Ask for copies of things to help your daughter over the phone with reading or math - we did this since we also were not local.

It took awhile, but we managed to have enough documentation put together and instances and witness list for the negligence our BM displayed that yes, my DH won physical custody of my SD.  That was 4 years ago now.

So, in answer to your original question - can a dad obtain custody.  Yes.  BUT it is alot of work and alot of stress and alot of maintaining and explaining, and begging and pleading to keep people keeping you aware of what is going on.  Keep offering for your ex to let your dd come to you for awhile.  Keep documentation meticulously.

GOod luck!  Keep us updated!



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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

Stand strong and use the power of documentation.....

Keep us posted!

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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh