Messages

Oh do I understand what you're saying completely.
Just keep telling yourself that this is not about you
or your ex---it's about what's best for your kids and
what you're doing is speaking up in their behalf. If
you think about it as doing your best to not let them
down you can only come out ahead.

Don't picture it as the big ugliness and live it in your
head between now and then. Breathe. It's OK to walk
away from it all for thirty minutes and clear your head.
Sometimes that can help the best. Take care of yourself.
You have to be strong but that doesn't mean carrying
the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.

Take this time to take this jumble of stuff (been there)
and put it into separate files. Go to Kinko's. Mark each
file clearly. Practice flipping through it so if something
comes up in court you can whip it out quickly. Believe it
or not, sometimes just pulling out records can make the
other party see you in a different light. You have something
to show for what you are saying! The other party may not
be that savvy.

Read over the archives of this site. In my court case they
were almost all meaningful in some way. I took what I
needed from here and there. Keep a notebook handy by
the computer or wherever you are researching and use this
numbered list as your questions to your atty. Ask your atty
if maybe a day or two before the hearing he/she can do a
"mock trial". This way it's all fresh in your memory and you
will know what's going to come at you.

Another suggestion I have, if you haven't already heard it on
this site, is to shoot for the moon. You won't actually get the
moon, but your kids will end up with better than they have now.

In my court experience over the summer, I asked for primary
custody because my OD had said she wanted to live with us.
A year of court delays gave her father time to manipulate her
plenty, but when she did speak she said she wanted equal time
with both of us. That was just the beginning. Her father retained
primary, but due to those many file folders (I joked to my atty
that I could throw a few more his way if I hadn't included
enough) what my ex DIDN'T get was 10K he claimed I owed
him in arrearages (that year allowed me to document everything
I did for our kids), he didn't get to only allow me minimal visits
(I was able to show how involved I was in our kids lives), and
he didn't get to make up the rules anymore. It was rough, but
now it's all carved in stone.

One more thing to add. You are allowed to disagree with your
atty. Mine wanted to play softball, and I steadfastly refused.
The judge gave us some time at the beginning of the hearing
to see what we could work out. If you get this chance stand up
for what's best for your kids. Your atty won't be living your life
for the next umpteen years you will be dealing with this court
order. Don't let your ex's atty spook you. Keep in mind that
there are always things that your ex hasn't told him. That
turned out to be the undoing for my ex.

Sorry, long winded. Hope this helps. If you need anything more
specific please let me know.

Please feel free to post a question.

There are many here that have had experiences with psychologists and psychiatrists during court happenings. You may receive an answer based on a similar occurence someone else has had.

It has also been used as a support forum for people that seem at the end of their rope during custody trials, and also for questions regarding the other parties' possible mental issues.

Me too.

I think you can file a supplemental petition. I also seem to remember that you have to file it so that there's a certain amount of time. The supplemental part has to also be filed and served upon the other party. If the hearing coming up is in, say, ten days from now, you'd probably have to hold on until the hearing. If you've got six weeks or more until the hearing, you should be able to file now so that it's served in time.

Probably your best bet would be to go to your local county family court office or family court library. There are protocols that are different to every court and/or state, so this may be a good starting point to see what the local rules are.

Good Luck!
FLMom

WTH? Some news, puleeze!

You know. . . . .

At first I thought "nahhh", but then I went back and re-read some of Mistoffelees postings. Hmm.

Remember that Soc told us that he'd fill us in on everything one day----why he did what he did? Mistoffelees' postings have him in the middle of a custody battle and in mediation right now. I always thought Soc was older and was at least at the tail end of his journey through family courts.

However, I remembered something that Mixed Bag said. She's a mediator in her state, but said she had to step away from that right now because she found that she couldn't give unbiased advice while she was going through her current divorce.

Could someone else have had to step away from giving possibly biased advice in their role as an attorney due to their own situation? And maybe just be a "regular Joe" for a while?

It's a good theory you've got. Perhaps Mistoffelees will wander on over this way and either have a giggle at us, or fess up.

Just for the heck of it, I went and looked online to see what Indiana had in the way of family law forms.

Here is a link to a site I found---this may be what you are looking for:

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/selfservice/forms.html

It has the forms broken down by county towards the bottom.

FLMom

As I'm dealing with this right now, I have my paperwork out. Here's how mine is written:





IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE ____________ JUDICIAL CIRCUIT IN AND FOR ____________ COUNTY, YOURSTATE

CASE #____________
FAMILY LAW DIVISION



XXXXX,                                                  
PETITIONER                                            

AND

YYYYY,
RESPONDENT


STIPULATED AGREEMENT TO ESTABLISH OR MODIFY CUSTODY AND CHILD SUPPORT (underlined)

The parties have voluntarily entered into this stipulated agreement, and ask the Court that these changes be amended to the previous Order. (or, you could also say be entered as an Order, depending on if you have one already or not)

1. Agree to blah blah blah.
     a. Mother shall do this.
     b. Father shall do this.

2. Next issue.

3. Next issue.

4. Next issue.

5. All other orders not specifically modified herein remain in full force and effect (if you have a previous order and you want some of the items to stay the same).

6. Parties request that this Court reserves jurisdiction over the parties and subject matter of this petition.

                                                       Respectfully Submitted,
     

                                                       _____________________
                                                       XXXXX, Petitioner


                                                       _____________________
                                                       YYYYYY, Respondent


Remember, even if you two have agreed to stuff, you still have to "ask" the court to put it into effect. So, what you are making is a motion for a stipulated agreement. What the judge will type out and sign and order is a stipulated agreement or order.

As far as child support, you'll need to see what Indiana's statutes say about child support calculations. If you go to your local family law library, or even easier, look online for your state's family law forms, much of this is written out on it. It will probably tell you what forms you'll need to file with what, and how to make the calculations yourselves. If you agree on a certain amount that isn't what the guidelines say, you may have to file another paper that explains why you are deviating from the state-decided amount. Look for:

*Family Law Financial Affidavit
*Family Law Child Support Guidelines Worksheet
*Motion to Deviate from Child Support Guidelines
(every state will be a little different, so look for something similar)

These papers will probably have a section that tells you how to fill it out, and what other forms need to accompany it when you file.

Good Luck,
FLMom


PS- Your signatures will need to be notarized since you are doing this Pro-Se.

Just for the heck of it, I went and looked online to see what Indiana had in the way of family law forms.

Here is a link to a site I found---this may be what you are looking for:

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/selfservice/forms.html

It has the forms broken down by county towards the bottom.

FLMom

As I'm dealing with this right now, I have my paperwork out. Here's how mine is written:





IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE ____________ JUDICIAL CIRCUIT IN AND FOR ____________ COUNTY, YOURSTATE

CASE #____________
FAMILY LAW DIVISION



XXXXX,                                                  
PETITIONER                                            

AND

YYYYY,
RESPONDENT


STIPULATED AGREEMENT TO ESTABLISH OR MODIFY CUSTODY AND CHILD SUPPORT (underlined)

The parties have voluntarily entered into this stipulated agreement, and ask the Court that these changes be amended to the previous Order. (or, you could also say be entered as an Order, depending on if you have one already or not)

1. Agree to blah blah blah.
     a. Mother shall do this.
     b. Father shall do this.

2. Next issue.

3. Next issue.

4. Next issue.

5. All other orders not specifically modified herein remain in full force and effect (if you have a previous order and you want some of the items to stay the same).

6. Parties request that this Court reserves jurisdiction over the parties and subject matter of this petition.

                                                       Respectfully Submitted,
     

                                                       _____________________
                                                       XXXXX, Petitioner


                                                       _____________________
                                                       YYYYYY, Respondent


Remember, even if you two have agreed to stuff, you still have to "ask" the court to put it into effect. So, what you are making is a motion for a stipulated agreement. What the judge will type out and sign and order is a stipulated agreement or order.

As far as child support, you'll need to see what Indiana's statutes say about child support calculations. If you go to your local family law library, or even easier, look online for your state's family law forms, much of this is written out on it. It will probably tell you what forms you'll need to file with what, and how to make the calculations yourselves. If you agree on a certain amount that isn't what the guidelines say, you may have to file another paper that explains why you are deviating from the state-decided amount. Look for:

*Family Law Financial Affidavit
*Family Law Child Support Guidelines Worksheet
*Motion to Deviate from Child Support Guidelines
(every state will be a little different, so look for something similar)

These papers will probably have a section that tells you how to fill it out, and what other forms need to accompany it when you file.

Good Luck,
FLMom


PS- Your signatures will need to be notarized since you are doing this Pro-Se.