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Topics - awakenlynn

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General Issues / Sort of had a hearing
« on: Jul 11, 2007, 07:27:42 PM »
Ex filed a petition to vacate a foreign order that she registered and to put in place the visitation that she wants.  We received those papers.

Ex then filed for a temporary hearing, which was sort of today.  Ex never filed a petition for a temp. hearing, nor did ex answer the interogettories they we sent.  We had no idea WHY we were going to court today.  Actually we didn't go, just attorney went.

The main reason our attorney informed us was for the temp hearing, was because even BEFORE visitation started, apparently we weren't allowing ex to stay in contact as much as she wanted with SD (she is 14).

(make sense?)

What ex WANTS is to impose her rules on us, which we won't allow.  We have 3 rules:
1, SD cell phone is off when we are home, we have a home landline and ex can call as often as she wants.
2, SD can take her phone with her if she goes out. (but she has to remember to keep it charged, on and take it with her)
3, SD has to let us know she is going to call her mom (this is only because the phone line is also the computer line and you can't do both at once.

If we are not home (which is often, for some reason ex thinks we spend our entire 8 weeks, sitting and twiddling our thumbs) and ex calls and leaves a message, we ALWAYS tell SD and SHE chooses if she wants to call back, sometimes she doesn't want to and we are not going to force her to.

Ex wants to know friends #'s so she can call there, she won't even do that for us!  If SD wants to speak with her mother, she can use her cell phone.
Ex wants MY family information because when it gets really hot (we don't have a/c) we spend the night there.  SD is welcome to call on her step-grandmother's phone and has done numerous times, and if SD wants she can use her cell phone, she just chooses not to.

So the 2 attorneys talked (basically our attorney, asking why he was even there) and they agreed to reschedule for it next week.  Ex talks with her daughter AT LEAST once a week if not twice, just like we do.
Ex says she is SD's mother and should be able to talk to her more.  (oh, the meaning of logic)

So we get the details down better with our attorney tomorrow along with 3 swimming lessons, golf lessons, work, running errands and trying to purchase a new, used car (ours was totalled last week in an accident hit and run, thankfully we weren't in it at the time!!!)  Where am I supposed to find more time?  I can't wait for school!!!!


General Issues / Have a question
« on: Jul 05, 2007, 11:31:38 AM »
We have a relatively decent size house, but when we are home we do work on it, you know general chores and then also actually fixing it up.  When ex and SD talk we generally try to give them some privacy, but once in awhile we do overhear part of conversations.

We heard a couple things that concerned us and that is what I have questions about.

Ex was questioning SD about if my husband was going to be at the court hearing that is being scheduled?  She is asking SD for information about our family.  We have never spoken to SD about our court cases or anything of a legal nature to her.  SD is now 14 and now we know ex is discussing it with her, we are thinking of sitting down with SD, explaining what goes on this house stays in this house and not for ex to be nosy about.  We also want to speak with SD about the case.  Not in specifics necessarily, just a conversation about what SD knows is going on, what are her thoughts, and ideas and concerns and to have an opportunity to explain our side so she has a more rounded idea of what is going on.

Ex also mentioned about SD about them possibly moving and that SD wasn't to say anything to anyone.  We don't pry into SD's conversations and would never usually ask.  They did have severe flooding in the area they live in, so we did ask if everyone was ok through the bad weather.  We keep it general and "social" chatting.  I do feel that if feels like ex is asking SD to "keep secrets" and that that is helping ex put a wedge between the relationship of SD and her father.  I and her dad want SD to be able to come to dad about anything and feel free to talk if she has questions.

Should we be talking to ex, how should we approach our talks with her? How do we get her to understand her maternal family and her paternal family stays seperate.  Information here doesn't go there and vice versa.

And yes, I know eavesdropping however unexpected does usually result in information you don't want to know.  And I think that is what makes this worse.  We have always tried to be good parents, never putting SD in the middle, not treating her as a babysitter for the younger siblings, giving her input, treating her equal and loved.  Ex doesn't do any of that and SD is 100% loyal to her mother.  On one hand I don't want SD to grow up, we love having this time together that we know we will get yearly, but on the other hand, we can't wait until she is 18, out of her mother's house and into college where she will have a better chance and an older mind to figure out what really went on for all these years.


General Issues / Vacating orders
« on: Jun 11, 2007, 12:29:00 PM »
Ex has filed in TX for us to go to court.  She registered the IL visitation order in TX as required and is now asking the judge to vacate the entire order (that has been in effect since 2003).  She has been living in TX since 2002.

She wants to be solely responsible for determining all visitation.  If the judge doesn't go for that she wants the TX standard order applied with some changes made.  That means we would lose 2 weeks every other year and 3 weeks the other years.  We only get to see SD 9-11 weeks a year as it is (spring break, 8 wks in summer and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks)  We would agree to splitting the Christmas vacation since there are only about 3 years left until SD turns 18.

Does anyone have any idea what TX considers substantial changes to allow such a drastic change in a court order?


General Issues / School information
« on: Jun 01, 2007, 10:28:57 AM »
SD starts high school in the fall.  We have contacted them to get their school information.  They flat out refuse.  They say to look at the website, but it doesn't answer some of our questions.  We have asked for a registration packet, and they have said we have to go to the school to get the information, they cannot "waste paper" mailing it to us because then they won't have copies for the parents that come in.

Is TX different?  What do we need to do to get the information we want?  We know they will fight us on every peice we want-grades, extracurricular information, anything.  We want to be made to be a point of contact, just like SD's mother.  Apparently they said we can't be because we live out of town.  What do we need to do to put a halt to this now?


General Issues / Case moved to Bell county
« on: Sep 06, 2006, 11:14:26 AM »
We are unfamiliar with the TX laws regarding visitation and child support.  We already have orders in effect from another state, but mother moved again!

Does anyone know Bell County?


General Issues / Court Jurisdiction?
« on: Aug 16, 2006, 12:42:17 PM »
Background:  Ex resides in Texas(her husband is in military).  My family resides in Iowa(but we keep our residence as IL).  The case jurisdiction currently resides in Illinois.

SD is 13, and court has had jurisdiction since child was born.  The ex's family has moved 6 times within the 13 years because of the military.  They are currently moving across state(TX).  

We have gone to court over different issues 4 times over the 13 years with a hearing for court again now.

Problem: Ex's attorney has asked for a 2 week delay in order to file a motion for a change of jurisdiction to Texas.  He told the ex that she should file in Texas(hasn't done yet) and told her what he would do.  We have to go to a hearing in 2 weeks to try and fight the move to Texas and to keep it in Illinois.

Questions: Is there anything we need or can do to make our case    
                Has anyone done this and won before?  
                Are there any sites to check for drivers license or voters
                    registration to prove ex still has some semblence of
                    residency in IL?
                We have an email chain letter thing, that asks a question
                    about home and her answer is that she still considers IL
                    her home.  Will this help or even be admitted?
                 What are our chances?

Judge wants husband to go and testify.  All pick-ups/drop-offs for visitations are in IL.  Ex goes to visit family at least once to twice a year.  Ex's parents, in-laws, my husband's parents all live in the same county that has the court jurisdiction.

General Issues / Medical information
« on: Nov 18, 2005, 02:48:01 PM »
We have been asking ex for dental and vision information.  We just want the doctors names and phone numbers.  We already have the medical center information to get an updated copy of her medical record.
Step-daughter is coming for a visit soon and we want to make sure everything is up to date on this end.  I am going to be sending out a certified letter to her.  What else can we do?  December is coming up fast. Thanks

General Issues / Letters?
« on: Aug 18, 2005, 02:59:45 PM »
I have pulled up the medical request letter and the denial of visitation letter.  Do these letters both work?  I know the privacy stuff has changed when it comes to medical issues.  Ex's husband is in the military and we need a copy of SD's medical records for her doctor here.  Is there anything special I would need now that we have to sign that privacy paper and do we need to do anything different since SD is seen on a military base?

Thank you.

Visitation Issues / Going to Court.....Need a Devil's Advocate
« on: Jan 25, 2008, 05:11:36 PM »
My husband is going to court next month.  Here is the background.  Ex moved to TX in 2003 (her husband in military).  My husband was in military until 2004, so IL kept jurisdiction until 2007.

In 2007, ex had visitation jurisdiction moved from IL to TX.  She has now filed a petition to get the visitation order that she registered in TX to be vacated. (The current order says every spring break--we pay tranportation, 8 weeks in summer--ex pays transportation, and alternating Thanksgiving/Christmas break--we pay).  We have had this order since 2003.  Ex states that if judge will not vacate the order then she would like the TX standard order in place with changes. She wants every other spring break(a change from TX standard order), 6 weeks in the summer and alternating Thanksgiving breaks and splitting Christmas up.

We don't have a problem splitting Christmas up.  But we would ask that ex pay for the transportation on the years we are paying for Thanksgiving, since we can't afford 2 tickets that close together.We would ask the judge to more clearly define the transportation issue.  Ex refuses to allow daughter to fly on a layover flight (SD will be 15 in a few weeks).

SD has flown with a layover before.  We purchased Christmas tickets and ex drove her from TX to our house and then kept SD out of school even when we gave SD up a day early in order for her to drive back to TX.

Anyways, as the for Devil's Advocate.  Ex is claiming a substantial change in circumstance.  I am looking for what everyone would think to be a substantial change.  I want to make sure we have everything cover that ex could possibly be thinking of.


Visitation Issues / Not sure what to do
« on: Dec 28, 2007, 04:33:15 PM »
Quick update first.  Ex dropped of SD on the 22nd, a day late.  She decided she HAD to drive to IL instead of putting SD on the plane, even though she had us get tickets to the airport she requested.
Anyways, after some more games about where she would drop SD off, she finally came to our usual spot at the local McDonald's.

Ok.  The court order states that we are responsible for the Christmas visitation.  That is spelled out.  Then it is spelled out that Christmas visitation follows the school calendar.  We have copies of both the school calendar and the district calendar.  The dates are 12/21 to 1/2/07.  School starts 1/3/08.

SD is 14 years old and talked to her about the pro's and con's of flying.  She has already flown with lay-overs and this one is short at 1 hr 15 min.  She has no problem.  Our attorney asked what we thought was in the best interest of the child.  So hubby and I sat down and discussed it, asking questions of SD when they came up for her input.  SD would rather fly.  We would rather she fly.  She would leave about 10am and get in to her city about 3pm (about 5 hours total with layover)vs 20+ hours driving with her mother and siblings.  This way, she doesn't have to get up ungodly early, makes the flight, is home in time for dinner, get ready for school and chill out for a few hours.

Ex called.  She is throwing a FIT!!! She said if SD is not there when she comes to get her on 1/31 (3 days before the court ordered visitation is to end) she will bring the police.

Should we cave in and have SD ready on the 31st or should we stay firm and let her know this is all court ordered and she is violating it?  What can the police do?  We have copies of the court order, the 2 calendars and plane ticket.  We had plans to go out of town to visit family for the New Years.  Not sure what to do?  She is definately ruining the holiday.

Any advice??

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