Messages

You have any friends that have divorced?  Ask them what lawyer they used and if they were pleased with them.  It is tough to find a good lawyer, but if you want to know they are good and not some person that just wants to settle and isn't a good litigator.

I know your ex is moving things fast and it is going to get heated.  But whatever you do, don't demonize her, hate her more than you already do at this point.  It won't help.  I'm not saying don't fight and don't ask for what you want, as I would never recommend that.  I'm just saying if you can do your best to get along with her the better it is in the end for your kids and you!

I disagree, if you make someone your enemy the more it gets nasty and the less you can coparent with them.

I suggest you try and work as much as you can with your ex, at the same time spending as much time as you can with your kids.

Maybe talk to her about getting into Coparenting Counseling while you are going through this divorce so you both can keep things easy going while dealing with courts, etc...

Why can't you live closer to the mother?  If I was you I'd move as near as possible.  This will help your situation by showing the mother you want to be involved and know your child.  It gives you a chance to work things out with the mom where you and her can coparent and get along for the sake of your child.

Yes, you can go to court, etc.. and I feel you should but things can improve by not spending money on court fees if you would help them improve by moving close to your child.

Problem is that lawyers cost so dang much and if anyone really wants to go to court it costs beyond what it should be.  Honestly, I think it would be great if there was a new law that said family lawyers could only charge so much for their fees to help a father or mother go to court.  I know that is not going to happen, but I think if the state wants dad's taking care of their kids financially they should find ways to help them get involved physically.

I totally know what you mean.  I have gone to several web sites where people answer with rude remarks rather than just answering the question w/out judgement.  Just chalk it up to the fact you are seeking advice from people you do not know on the internet.  You don't pay them for their advice so they are free to say whatever they want, rude or not.

I suggest that if you want strictly legal answers w/out judgement you ask a lawyer or find a legal site online where you can ask a lawyer a legal question, not a regular person.  Otherwise you are subject to hearing something you don't want to hear.

I'm sorry you have had bad experiences.  I've been told I am a bad parent, loser, you name it by someone who doesn't even know me or my son's.  Hang in there and don't let the comments get to you.  

You have the right to attend anything your daughter is at and should.  Your wife can go with you.  You have rights, rights, rights, rights.

But how do you go about getting them?  

COPARENTING!!  The best advice I can give you is to task your ex wife to go to some Coparenting Counseling with you.  It will help you win in more ways than you can imagine.  I went to Coparenting with my ex and it was the best thing we ever did.  We get along great now and even consider each other friends.  I even do things with my ex's spouse now and than and we are now in business together.  Figure that?  I have heard over and over excuses as to why people can't get to Coparenting Counseling and that they can't get their ex to go with them.  Ok, if you can't get your ex to go with you, ask her to go alone, or you get in their by yourself.  

Here is the thing, you can't control your ex, or the situation.  An attitude about your new wife being a better mother than your ex to your child will not get you anywhere either.  It will only make your situation worse.  Your ex is not the enemy and she is not evil.  You have to see that besides not liking each other you and your ex both have the best interest of your daughter in your hearts and love her more than anyone else.  Stop demonizing the ex and your whole world will turn around.

So, how do you do this?  Kill the ex with kindness, do unto her the way you would want her to be with you.  So, on your weekends when you take your daughter to a game ask the ex to all go eat together after the game, sit near her at the game, talk to her.  Obviously at this point she doesn't like your new wife.  Fine, so don't push your new wife in her face right now, that will only make the situation worse.  Don't treat your wife like she is the mom in front of your ex, cause she is not and will only make things worse as well.  When you go to a game on your ex's time sit away from the ex and don't cause a scene where she could get you kicked out of the game.  By the way, I don't see how you could have been asked to leave a game for making a scene in front of people unless you really were.  So don't make a scene.  IN fact be nice, smile at the ex, go over to her during a break w/out your wife and say hey.

The more you give the more you get.  Yes, you can always go to court and get things on the court paper giving you YOUR rights and sometimes that is needed.  As far as the telephone conversations go, call when the mom says you can and don't complain about it.  fact is some dads don't even get allowed to talk to their child on mom's time.  I know it stinks to feel controlled. On your time tell mom she can call whenever she wants to talk to daughter.  Show her how nice you are and she just might start bending her controlling ways.  

Whatever you do don't talk bad about your mom to your daughter, to your daughter.  Don't get into heated conversations with your ex and don't let your wife get involved with issues with your ex.  You should be the one to deal with your ex and no one else.  

There are so many other things you can do, but it would take all day for me to go through every situation.  Again, check out the Coparenting.  I highly recommend it.  It feels so good to be free of the past with my ex and how easily things are now.  I was a person that was going to court left and right over rediculous issues, and we would get into a lot of crap with each other.  Not now, so it is possible for anyone to get to the point where I am.  I really hope it gets better for you.

Personally I think this is a stupid idea.  People have civil rights and no man and women in marriage should be forced by a law to have  DNA test to prove that the man is the father of his child.  bad idea IMO.

BULL CRAP!  This is scary!