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Topics - wysiwyg

#31
Dear Socrateaser / Just a noe...
Nov 24, 2005, 06:21:15 AM
Soc,

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for all you do here and all your valuable input.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanskgiving with your family.

#32
Dear Socrateaser / helpful insight please
Nov 20, 2005, 03:36:29 PM
Soc,

IN here.

Court order #1 states "In the event that there is a dispute, and in the event the parties cannot resolve the dispute according to section I(E) of the guidelines, the parties must employ the Case Manager/Arbitrator to
mediate the dispute and to resolve the dispute as authorized by the Court's separate appointment Order."

Court order #2 states: "The parties are hereby ordered to submit to domestic arbitration/case management with Dr. so & So." & "Dr. sp & so, as the parties' Case Manager/Arbitrator, shall act as a quasi¬judicial officer and shall have limited immunity."

Court order #3 states:  "When a disagreement occurs regarding parenting time and the requirements of these Guidelines, both parents shall make every effort to discuss options, including mediation, in an attempt to resolve the dispute before going to court."

Court order #4 -When all the above failed and parenting time was still being denied, BF filed a motion ordering mediation to continue an additional 3 years and "ordering the Respondent to immediately communicate with Dr. so & so and the Petitioner within seven (7) days to set up and secure a two hour mediation session."

10 letters to BM, 2 phone calls to BM, 2 certified letters to BM attorney, 2 phone calls from Mediator to BM and 2 letters from mediator to BM and the above court orders all requesting BM to comply with the terms of the above have failed.

BF has been forced to hire an attorney and file a motion for contempt for the above.  This is the 3rd attorney for our case, we have managed for 2 years without due to mediation.  Our attorney is a young man with a high profile firm, but we have been told BM attorney is slick and misleading.  All we want is BM found in contempt of previous court orders, pay our attorney costs, and be ordered into mediation.

#1.  Without instulting our attorney and driving up costs, waht advice can we give to him or share with him on what he is dealing with and how to handle such a stubborn individual?

#2.  Our first attorney once told us if the judge asks, tell him you want the BM in jail because nothing else gets her attention, now 10 years, 4 contempts later and a court order that stated she is inflexible with Dad's parenting time waht can we instruct our attorney to  ask for or what could we tell the judge about what type of punishment she should receive, I do not know what the court would consider and what might be over the top (preferrably jail time would be the best, but that is jsut my opinion).

#3.  With something so blatant as refusing to abide by the last 7 day order and the attanched exhibits to the petition were letters from the mediator stating that he had not heard from her and that the time for the court order had passed, I believe that is sufficient enough to prove that she was not compliant, what are our chances of getting attorney fees reimbursed?  

#4.  What can we ask for in order to get her to mediation, if she will not call or respond to our letters or phone calls or the mediators or the courts orders, short of having the court escort her by sherriff to mediation what is would/could we ask the court to do to enforce this?

#5. lastly, any general advice on how to handle this in court?  

Thanks for all your valuable input, as I have read here many times, we had to scrape the $$ together as going in Pro se we would have been eaten alive and no hope for seeing the child in the future or getting to mediation to try and resolve the outstanding issues.

Again, thanks in advance and sorry to be lengthy.
#33
Dear Socrateaser / Wording help please
Oct 14, 2005, 11:39:59 AM
IN.

Court entered an order 9/03 ordering parents to mediation for 2 year. BM Refuses to continue with Mediation, for year prior to 9/03.  

Mediator has sent her letters telling her to pick a time and communicate that to him to set up an appointment.  (court order states Dr.  XXX shall act as a quasi¬judicial officer and shall have limited immunity.).

BM still refuses to abide by the above, BF entered a Petition to extend the period of services and order BM into mediation within 7 days, Petition granted and ordered by the court.

BM still refuses, Mediator wanted to give her additional week  to assure that nothing crossed int he mail, Mediator sent another letter to BM, her attorney and BF stating that she failed to abide by the last court order.

Writing a contempt motion now.

1.  Can I ask for contempt charges based on all three issues above?

2.  How would I word the end of the Petition asking that the judge find her in contempt based on the letters (which will be attached to the petition) of noncompliance of the court ordered mediator?

3. Since I am acting as my own attorney, how can I ask for repercussions and what can I ask the court to sanction her with?

4.  Is it proper to add to the petition that the judge should take judicial note that the BM was previsouly sanctioned by him for failure to turn over information under a compel order?

5.  Can I add that if the judge decides in the alternative to set the Petition for a hearing that BF then would like to ask the court for all relief from attorney's fees as BF then would hire an attorney for representation in court.  (or something tothat effect)

Thanks in advance as always.
#34
Dear Socrateaser / off the wall question
Oct 13, 2005, 07:40:31 AM
Soc,

IN here.  

This is a rental / lease question.  Our apt complex is being torn down and reconstructed, everyone has to leave, but the management or owners will NOT give anyone a time line to be able to plan, no one at the office is saying anything to the residents.  The first building r(of 14)received a letter to vacate in 60 days back in Sept.  I have not received a letter as of yet.  Family and I signed a new 1 year lease as we were told we would be asked to leave around March 06 and we did not want to move in winter.  Current lease is up 10/31, new lease is effective 11/1, but was signed in Sept for 11/1/05 to 10/31/06.

The complex is now saying that they are not tearing down our buidling for a long time, perhaps as long as 2 years.  Family and I are still happy to move in spring/summer 06 but would like to be able to leave with no repercussions.  The complex presale, would add an addendum to our lease allowing us no penalty to leave provided we gave atleast 30 days notice.  THhs was done in 03 for us, with no expiration date, however I believe that intent was to attach to that years lease.  Complex under new ownership states they are not doing this.

Is there any legal way I can break my lease next spring/summer or anything I can do before my new lease goes into effect?  I really do not want to listen or see construction 100 feet from my patio and I do not want a short term lease as that costs me an additional 50-100 a month.  We are long time residents (11 years) with no problems or late payments.

Thanks in advance.
#35
Dear Socrateaser / next order
Sep 23, 2005, 07:15:45 AM
Soc,

Court order of 2003 stated both parties shall enter into mediation for parenting issues for a period of 2 years, unless either parent requests provisions otherwise.

BM has refused to allow and discuss parenting issues such as time with BF and failed to abide by the mediators verbal orders (the court gave him limited power to make orders although he has refused to commit this to writing).  BM has been found in contempt for visitation, for failing to produce information to the court under a compel order and for failing to proivide accurate information to the childs physicians and school.  

BF asked BM numerous times via, letters, certified mail, and phone to contact the mediator to set up a session to resolve parenting issues prior to BF being deined additional time and summer vacation.  BM stated on 2 occasions that she would and failed to do so (this is in letter and in taped conversation).  

MEdiatior sent her a letter and left 2 VM for her -she refused to acknowledge or return correspondence of mediator.  Per the Mediators suggestion BF (I represent myself) sent BM counsel certified letter and attached mediators letter.  BM still refused to commit to mediation.

PEr the mediator - BM filed a MOtion to the court and attached mediator's letter asking the court to extend the mediation sessions due to the current contract being up and to order BM to contact BF, mediator and set up and confirm a session in 1 week.  COurt granted BF order and extended the mediators term and ordered BM to set up a session.

To date BM has refused to contact either mediator or BF to work on a session time.  

I am not sure how to proceed next.  I represent myself and BM has a high powered attorney.

1.  what is your suggestion on how to prooceed?
2.  What would have the greatest impact to show the judge her refusal to communicate, I also have letters from her stating that if I email her she will file charges on me, and her last email to me (yes she can email me but I can not email her!) said that child had a function and instead of giving me the location and phone contact info she said to get a map from mapquest and look at last years roster for the address and phone of the person who is hosting function.
3.  How much time past the one week should I give her, I was thinking an additional week to allow for the order to reach her attorney via mail, and to show that I can be reasonable.  

Thanks in advance.
#36
Soc,

Child support and wage garnishment in IN.

Divorce decree states "The Petitioner should be entitled to declare the minor child, as a tax exemption for income tax purposes beginning in tax year 1996, so long as the Petitioner is current in all child support payments due as of December 31st of the calendar year for which the Petitioner is declaring the exemption. The Respondent should execute any and all  documents required for the Petitioner to exercise said exemption as required by applicable state or federal taxing authorities."


Child support always shows as being paid on the dates I am paid.  We have had a few issues with the CHild support being posted to the account very late due to the employer paying 2-3 payments at a time, the court clerk not doing it timely, or the post office delivery and government holidays.

The Child suppot agency states that the date the child support is paid is the date it is credited to the account, but the paycheck stubs always show a date paid date.  I have tried to explain to CS folks that I have no control over the date the money is posted as I hvae never had the money in my hand to pay them that under a court order I have to rely on employer, post office and court clerk.


Questions:

1.  who is responsible for the payments after I have "paid" them in my paycheck?

2.  What is the actual date paid?

3.  Given the divorce decree quoted above, I as the Petitioner interpret that decree to mena that all monies owed as of DEc 31 need to be paid prior to my taking the child as an exemption, the ex interprets this to mean that I have to pay all CS by Dec 30 (courthouse closed on 12/31) in order to take the exemption.

4.  Lastly, if the last date paid for the year was on 12/31 and the money sent out on that same date - would there be a grace period that would be acceptabe for the above passage, ie the monies paid FRiday 12/31 and accounted for by THursday of the next week?

Thanks Soc!
#37
Parenting Issues / comments?
Sep 10, 2005, 06:47:31 AM
Went to pick up child last nioght for weekend BM stands in the doorway and says "See ya wouldn't want to be ya" then slammed the door when child went with dad.

Childish yes, derrogatry yes, but my opinion is that this sends damaging signals to the child and shows her incredible anger......
#38
Parenting Issues / Comments please!
Sep 04, 2005, 12:15:16 PM
I am having a hard time with ideas for this issue and would like some comments, perhaps there are ideas we have not thought of yet.

BM signs child up for anything and everything on our weekends.  She refuses to allow us to see the child anytime inbetween despite a court order that allows for that, but quite frankly our work schedules do not allow for that and we asked to have the time on our weekends and take the child to his school or day care provider on Monday morning.  She says that week days are weekdays only and weekends not allowed even tho the court order says that the parents should make accomodations for work schedules and follow the minimum time concept set forth in the court order.  Since we do not get that minimum time and have not been able to work it out, there is little we can do, (No attorney and the court said no more in the court go to mediation which is another entirely new story).

But on our weekends she is scheduling him in other activities and expects us to just let him go to parties and sleepover and campouts instead of seeing his dad, and we have tired to switch weekends so that the child can see dad and go to his activities but BM states that that is her exclusive time with the child and she does not have to give that up.

WE are at our wits end on how to deal with it, most times we get a call from the child saying we can not see him on X weekend and that he will just see us the next time around, if we go to get him anyway he is not there or an altercation happens at the door and she will not let us have him.  She has already been found in contempt for this, but like I said we can not go to court Judge already gave us the low down on that - and mediation is a no go.  There are so many violations here it is amazing that she can get away with it all!  

If we take the child to his activities - Mom shows up and stays the weekend with him, and we try and allow him his independance to grow and have his friends, and one time we took him to his sport event and she would not give us the uniform for him to play and instead called 911 and told the police we were holding the child hostage and that turned into a real huge scary ordeal for all 4 of our children when we were surrounded by police with guns drawn.  So we feel like we are screwed either way.

Any other thoughts on how to handle these things?
#39
General Issues / expressing identity
Apr 06, 2007, 11:06:48 AM
I have to share this, I find it rather amusing.  My SS is with us for spring break.  During this time while myself and his dad were at work, SS went to the store, (He is 16) and come home to color his hair black and his fingernails and toenails black as well.  Both his dad and I view this and an attempt to express himself and have not yelled at him or disciplined him in any way - we did speak to him to see what his motives were and to make sure nothing weird or underlying was going on.  He is happy and no different than any other time he is with us.  

Both his dad and I take the view that he has done nothing that can not be reversed and nothing that is permanent.  Hair will grow out and so will nails.  There are no piercings, tatoos, drugs or alcohol involved.  

He has said he is tired of his mother controlling his every move, this was also addressed by the GAL and the PHd's in our case.  I think that personally it is a phase and not to make a big deal over it and he deserves a bit of freedom when it comes to his hair and body.

I can hear his mother giving birth to that calf now when she comes to get him Sunday night..........................
#40
General Issues / SS myspace
Feb 15, 2007, 01:54:29 PM
Got a question for all of you.  I am in a quandry on how (or if) to approach this issue.

I work for for several school districts and all of them have myspace blocked.  I am sure I do not need to preach on the issues this site has in regards to kids and school.

The other day I was in my SS myspace, he does not know I can get in, I simply try adn keep an eye on any potential issues brewing in order to intervene if it ever becomes necessary.  Please do not think I am snooping.  At our home none of our other kids can get to myspace as we believe it to not be a good influance - so it is blocked.  RE SS: he is now conversing late at night with a female (young) teacher, who also has another boy added as one of her buddies.  Nothing terribly inappropriate - comments like "its after 1 AM why are you still up (to teacher)" (teacher reply's) "I really miss you guys when I am not teaching" and "I am not as old as you might think" to SS and SS asking questions about her husband.  

I think it is terribly juvenile for a teacher - a role model- to be talking about private things one on one via myspace mail late at night, and encouraging this type of communication expecially since the school's stance is to prohibit it.  I have to wonder about her intentions.

I am leaning on perhaps saying nothing at this moment in time, my SS has a great open relationship with me and we have had many talks regarding girls and physical relationships, I am hoping he will open up about this and I can talk to him about it and express my concern.  However my question to you guys is "how or would you handle it with the school?"

Thanks!
#41
This evening at the dinner table my child produced a paper sent home by the school that stated their desire to do a food drive for a less fortunate family in the community.  While I think that this in itself is a wonderful opportunity for our children to learn about the spirit of giving, the school put some qualifiers on their project.
 
Each child is provided a list of non perishable food items to produce such as Black olives, Mandarin oranges, Windex, Rice-a-Roni clam chowder, bottled water, all sorts of juices etc.  The list goes on to list 96 different items and goes on to then reward the children with candy and soda in all 4 of their core classes for the contribution of 25 items, and 20 "citizenship" points in each of Language Arts, Math, Science and Social Studies for the contribution of 35 items.  My child also stated that she was told to not produce multiples of the same item, that in order to get the bonus points she had to give 35 different items.  
 
I am unsettled with the fact that asking my child to buy and contribute 35 different items – that in any grocery store will be of an average of $2.00 will cost me $70 dollars to boost my child's grade to something she did nothing herself to achieve!  Additionally I am not financially in a position to contribute this much to the cause as perhaps many children who will not be able to take advantage of boosting their grade because of their parents financial woes. This does nothing to teach our children honesty in achieving their grades themselves or take pride in their accomplishments based upon their knowledge and ability to demonstrate that they understand their subjects nor does it do anything to show them the satisfaction and compassion to help and give from their heart to help someone less fortunate.  I feel this is a loose loose situation for our children as the course is then driven by the child's desire/need to boost their own grade, the parents financial ability to buy the products for their kids (and those parents who can not) and not about a less fortunate family during the holiday season.  Therein lays an ulterior motive to be taught to our kids, and teaching them that this is all about themselves - how to get a better grade without the doing the work and not about helping someone truly in need.  This is nothing more than a slick marketing lesson.
 
How can this happen and is it even legal to boost a child's grade for such a food drive?

Sorry just venting.............
#42
Thought I would share the greatest gift from my step son that came in the form of a handwritten letter as he was denied the ability to go shopping for his dad and siblings:

"Merry Christmas!  First of all I want to thank you for everything you have ever done for me.  I'm lucky to have you as a mom (Better than the one I live with).  You listen to me, talk to me, give me advide and you understand waht I am going through.  It's great to talk to you, but the bad of it is that it might be every other weekend.  But the time we do spend to gether is great.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Thank you for being there whenever I have needed help in any type of situation.  And I love you very much."

#43
Visitation Issues / activities and weekends
Mar 10, 2006, 05:53:51 AM
I kow this is a sore subject for everyone, but I wanted to ask opinions.  Here is the situation, Dad is to see child EOW, one night during the week and scheduled holidays and summer. Several court orders for mediation, and minimum time concept for Dad, and the only thing it refers to in regards to activites is that both parents shall make a reasonalbe effort to resolve so that the child can attend.  Dad has been flat out denied one weekend as BM sent child to a weekend camp despite dads attempts in email, letter and VM to BM (in excess of 10 attempts) to work out an alternative.  Dad went to house Fri to get child, child not home, mother refused to tell him where his child was or even to return calls to VM. I will use the time frame from 1-1-06 to 5-12-06.  During this 19 weeks, Dad only has three weekends becasue of activities BM has signed the child up to go to and her holidays, and due to his work schedule BM refuses to allow the child to be with him during an alternative due to dad's third shift job schedule.  This fails to fulfill the orders that state the minimum time concept.  SO for nearly 5 months dad only gets to see the child 3 times?

Thoughts?
#44
Father's Issues / CS question on Child's earnings
Jul 02, 2008, 05:37:20 AM
Sorry guys  - posting here because I hoped I could get a quick response.

If a child is working 30 hours a week - per the HS work permit filled out by the employer, how and should that income be figured into the child support obligation?  

It seems to me that as a minor the custodial parent has control of the child's income, and can have the child pay her for bills and things (she currently does for his eanrings for mowing lawns but this is not a legal tax paying job).

Whats your take on this?
#45
Father's Issues / just need to vent
Feb 27, 2008, 02:26:42 PM
ok so I am writing about my married daughter this time, but I need to VENT before I go nutz!

Daughter married with 2 kids 10 months and 5 years.  Hubby is a civvy, never worked FT in 6 years and only made a total of 8K the entire marriage.  Daughter is E5 in Army.

Hubby violent, she got EPO on him, he was escorted out of the home by her Commanding officer. Up to the EPO, hubby was calling, emailing and visiting the CO making allegations against daughter about other men.  He got his mother and step mother in on the action and betwene the three of them, called her 1st sgt, CO, colonel Inspector General and the congressman, housing (trying to get her terminated from housing by stating to them she was living with someone) and JAG becasue he wants 1/3 her housing allowance.  Hubby and mother were documented on base taking pictures of cars license plates and homes and calling neighbors and us.  I have several messages from his mother in her tirade of 7 calls in 19 minutes to me.  His mother leaves messages for my daughter that she watched the child get off the bus and noticed that the baby arrived at day care late.  Weird eh?

Go to court Monday - daughter testifies about the abuse, rape, harassment, and the judge listens asks hubby if was true he said no, she went off on him because the FBI called her - turns out that hubby tried to purchase a pistol under the RO!!!!!!!!!!!  My gut hit the floor when my daughter told me that.  

THe DVO was issued for 3 years, she gets kids, he has to stay away 1000 feet, supervised visits with the kids, needs to under go a full psych eval and parenting classes and is not to harass her family or chain of command for 90 days.  He was found in violation of calling, stalking, being within 1000 feet of my daughter and for his mother adn step mother calling and harassing all superiors, taking pictures and calling family members.

Today my daughter gets called into her commanders office, and her hubby had given him copies of HIS cell phone bill stating that she was calling other men.  This is within 1000 feet of her, and harassing her superiors (2 violations) This is HIS bill her name is not on the bill and she did not make the calls, he CO believed the HUBBY - told her that military does not have to abibe by her DVO and threatend to bump her DOWN a rank, give her 45 days of extra duty, forfeit 1/2 a months pay, and give her a field Article 15 that will follow her throough out her career.  He also wants her to pay him 300 a month for housing!  Obviously no one cares about the kids or how they are going to eat or be cared for........................
#46
Father's Issues / military housing question
Feb 04, 2008, 01:05:33 PM
My daughter is a Sgt in the Army, has filed for divorce and her STBX (civilian) has decided to not leave the home.  She has gotten the family base housing and has $735 deducted every month for housing and electric etc.  I told her to consult her attorney on how the household bills should be split since there is a pending filing but both parties still live in the home, both parties should be responsible, and she is unsure what she can do if anything but bear the brunt of the costs while he lives there without any contribution to the household bills, day care for the children or vehicles etc.  All is deducted from her pay.

Any ideas or anyone with experience?

Thanks in advance.
#47
Father's Issues / ugh!
Apr 21, 2007, 03:23:04 AM
I went to get my SS tonight, he was sitting on the porch with his BM the custodial parent standing there screaming at him, I did not get a chance to even put the car in park before he grabbed his stuff and was in the car saying lets go.  When we go to the end of the street he was bawling like a baby, (he is 16) I asked what was wrong and he said his mother stole his posessions again, (this is typical lately, his colored light bulb, a calendar, etc).  He said he asked her why she made fun of his dad when his dad asked for joint physical custody, she denied it, he took her to the computer where he found a letter to us she had written stating it was the "best joke she had hear in long time".  She grabbed his shirt soved him on the bed, then when he tried to get his posessions from her she started hitting him and calling him a little bastard, and let loose with a string of mean hateful things about his father.  

how terribly cruel................
#48
Father's Issues / Disgusted and Done
Mar 05, 2007, 01:53:00 PM
OK I will start with an apology if I get lengthy.

Was in court today, and presented attorney with a short outline of new charges that we had wanted to go in on:  Denied parenting time, denied makeups, not having the child when BM left the state and left child in someone elses care without my knowing, CS Mod and failure to carry insurance on the child.

We have one of the most respected attorney's in the county, and he is a great guy, and will shoot me straight everytime.  But according to him here is what our petition would look like:

Denied times:  if the child had something going on at school or scouts or something and it fell on dads time then no judge will rule a contempt beuase these activities are important, even though we went without seeing the child for 6-8 weeks at a stretch and was even denied Christmas and Fathers day as he was "camping".  I guess the courts think that these things are more important than a fathers mentoring and love, and being with siblings etc.  Not to mention that BM is a part of the scout troop planning the campouts on dads weekends, but can we prove it  NO!

Denied makeups times, unless there was an emergency we are not entitled to make up times, because the order is too elusive, as it states makeups are only allowed for things outside the normal family routine, I view scouts and campouts not within the family routine, but appearntly the court does not.  Therefore makeups are not going to be awarded.

BM left the satate multiple times and left the child in the care of others, despite dad being less than 5 miles from the child - he was not told of it or allowed to care for the child but because the order does not specify the length if time the CP can be away without offering dad the time, she can do as she pleases, even if it is 2 weeks at a time.

CS, dad was imputed 10 years ago based upon another job, and the last several years has not made that kind of money, dad gets no credit for subsequent children, yet BM can still declare her income from 11 years ago collect day care expenses and medical insurnace funding, even tho she is unemployed, does not carry insurance and the child is a junior in HS and no longer needs day care.

At this point what have we to fight with?  All the money is gone, over 100K spent and 13 years trying to see the child, while being physically beat, stalked, harassed, and run off the road.  This is the problem with guidelines that are meant to "fit" all types of parents, they are so general that NCP can never get to see their child.

I am done.
#49
Father's Issues / Dilemma help
Jan 08, 2007, 11:13:01 AM
Over the weekend 15 son came for weekend as per parenting plan, we had numerous conversations as always about all topics of life etc, however this time a twist and I need your help.

Son came out the door from home BM on Friday afternoon storming from the house yelling at her, once in car he explained that she is on his case - so I listened. Since she is admittedly violent and physically abusive (in court records) and on prozac, and since I have been the brunt of her beatings I see hints of problems to come in the future between the two of them however I maintained my cool, let him speak and we discussed his issues in detail, and I offered my advice to him. My issue is that he said some things including drinking, sex and leaving his home and coming here.

Given that his mother refuses to speak to me in any way shape or form, including refusing to answer her phone or return any message (if by chance the machine is one which it usually is not). I thought about calling the police and asking them to assist, however I do not want the child to have a record of any sort since he has ambitions of going to the military and do not want to blemish his record.

My question is as followss;

1. How do I handle this situation if/when he shows up some late night at my home?

2. What if he has been drinking?

3. If I call and notify her and then have son talk to her, and request that she allow son to cool down and stay the night, telling her we get him to school the next morning and she refuses, how do I handle that and make my son believe I have not betrayed him since I do not have custody?

My concerns are that I want to help my child however being the NCP and her resentment of me that she will somehow twist this around (as she has done previously and filed false police reports) that we kidnapped him or something to that nature.  She is so resentful that the child is not allowed to bring in his gifts from x mas from us into his room (they have to stayin the garage, his stereo, clothes, games, books etc) and when he snuck in a light bulb and a calendar she ripped the calendar off the wall threw it across the room, and told him that chaning the lightbulb in his room was "destroying her house".  She will not be receptive to any help I can offer my son and will only insist things her way - even the GAL, Mediator and custody evaluator were not able to get her to be open to anything about me being a parent to my son.  

Any suggestions?
#50
Father's Issues / audio books & Articles
Dec 29, 2006, 09:18:37 AM
Does anyone know if any of these wonderful books or articles I have seen here and on other dads sites are in audio formation?  I would love to listen to them while driving and working but simply do not have the time to just sit and read.

Thanks in advance.
#51
Father's Issues / cell phone question
Dec 18, 2006, 03:40:17 AM
I know this has been posted about before - but I have an added twist and want opinions please.

15Y SS got a cell phone recently.  He has not been to our home yet with it, so I do not really know if he will be allowed to bring it but I venture to say he will as I think his BM will use it as a short lease for him.

I (SM) say if he brings it, put it up and hand personally to BM when she gets him at the conclusion of parenting time, with the statmemetn that he is not to bring it to our home and to continue to call him on our home phone or either cell if necessary as she has done in the past.

BF says lets see what happens.

True, SS will be calling everyone he knows, but here are my concerns:

1.  The phone has pix, text, video and voice messanging, this can be used for unconventional things that he can give his mother, such as convdersations, pictures videos etc.  I do not have anything to hide, but 14 years in the court room have shown us how anything can be twisted to harm you, and I believe this is an invasion of my privacay and my home.
2.  The phone can be used at all hours of the day/night whereas no quality time will be spent with BF or siblings.
3.  Previous Letters from BM says that the child does not like to speak on the phone - so I think the cell phone will be used for other intentions that are not good, as I have a horrible feeling about this.
4. SS has not called us yet to give us number and I am assuming that BM will tell him not to give us that number.
5. BM has handed out our home unpublished number to all SS friends so no one has a problem calling him and geting ahold of him, additionally he is allowed to IM with his friends when he is here with us within reason, ie not for an entire day but for maybe 1-2 hours a day.
6. BM has our home, both cells and both work numbers to call us at.
7. BM refuses any communicaitn from BF, refuses certified letters, does nto return calls, and when she gets the child, knocks on the door then runs 50 yars away from the door so when it is opened she is long down the road.

Opinions please?  
#52
Father's Issues / comments?
Nov 12, 2006, 04:47:27 AM
When I (SM) went to get SS, BM said he would be a few min and slammed door in my face, when SS comes out at 610 he says on way to car that he has a school activity at 630. I said we did not know and did his mom talk to his dad he said no. When we got in the car I handed him my cell phone and asked him to call his mother and ask her to work it out with his dad (she calls me a whore, flips me off and will not speak to me - all this is docucmented in court with the GAL's report) I pulled over in the car and waited for him to co,plete his call so that I did not get too far in case there was some decision to be made.  BM refuses to answer home or cell phone, so SS leaves a message to contact dad. I called dad and asked him what we should do that I felt uncomfortable in that I had nothing from BM that said he had any activity and not that I do not trust SS, but court records from GAL already pegged him as a liar - and I was not going to leave him some place on a minors word with no confirmation that this was indeed a school function that he was to attend.

BM finally calls back nearly an hour after child was to be at the school and leaves a mesasge that "SS was negligible for not contacting BF earlier in the week" and "that the child "was delinquent" in giving BF the information" and that SS left 2 phone messages earlier today and if we caused him to not go then SS would face repercussions in school...etc etc etc. When we got home tonight there were 2 prior calls from SS - but both on home phone and he knew we were both at work and no call was ever placed to either cell phone or to our work. As a parent I would never allow my kids to go anywhere without speaking to antoher parent with whom my child was to be with.

The court order does not give me the authority to take and drop off the child anywhere I see fit without the knowledge of his father while in our care. When I called BF he had heard nothing from BM or anything to confirm this activity. So he said he was only comfortable with having the child with us since nothing was discussed otherwise.  The GAL report entered into court already found the child to be a liar and while I had no reason to doubt SS at this time, I felt uncomfortable leaving him anywhere without any kind of documentation or parental knowledge of the activity.  

Court orders pertaining to this situation provide for SM to pick up child in place of BF as his representative. BF to have parenting time EOW from 6 to 6 and to be availalbe at the residence of the CP, BM is to tell BF as far in advance of any activity on his time to either work out alternate arrangements or decide if child is to go due to pre scheduled activities with BF, neither party is to involve the child in their disputes in regards to parenting times and the child is not to act as a go between.


Comments?

#53
Father's Issues / venting - I just dont get it
Sep 25, 2006, 07:48:35 AM
We are in court Wednesday, becasue BM is PO'd and claims "failure/refusal" to pay CS.  The facts, BF got a new job and waited 2 pay periods to see if the withholding order would go back into effect, when it hadn't BF paid all Support in full and current and remains so.  She claimes she was without for 6 weeks, the facts again: she got all money 2 weeks PRIOR to her filing and was paid ahead at the time BF changed jobs.  No malice at all on BF part, we expected to continue on as we had for the previous 5 years with a WH order.

BM gets held in contempt and ordered to pay our attorney's fees within 90 days or an immediate judgement in favor of our attorney firm will result.  Guess what?  She never paid it all and got the judgement, got a court date to show up for wage with holding, and she nor her attorney show up!  Got another court date in fall, but she now says if we FORGIVE her failure to pay her arrears, she will drop the CS petion!  So she wants us to over ride a judges order and forgive her and allow her to not pay the outstanding attorney's fees that the court ordered her to pay, her failure to show up in court and in the mean time we have 3-4 more billable hours in preparation and court time that she wants to not have to pay?  Who is the one at fault here?  What was willful?  Additionally BM has several other actions against her for failure to pay her Credit cards and once she was backed into a corner she pays them in full at the last minute, the last one was in excess of 10K after her filing on us that she "can not afford to bring the action to court "and asked the court to award her attroney's fees.  Again, the facts, claims she is poverty stricken, gets CS routinly and pays off a debt in excess of 10K after she files............

Thanks for letting me vent.............I hope the court system can see through this BS when we go to court.

#54
Father's Issues / interesting reading
Aug 05, 2006, 06:35:03 AM
Ind. Decisions - More on: Supreme Court denies transfer in the Morgan County same-sex adoption case
Cordell Eddings of the Indianapolis Star has a story today headlined: "Challenge fails: Adoption by gay couples stands State supreme court declines to hear case." Some quotes:

Same-sex couples in Indiana will be allowed to adopt children after the Indiana Supreme Court let a lower court ruling stand.

In a 4-1 decision Friday, the state's highest court declined to hear arguments against unmarried couples adopting, effectively upholding a lower-court ruling that allowed adoption by joint petition -- a procedure that gives both partners equal custody.

"This is a very important victory for children and the lesbian and gay community," said Patricia Logue, who represented Kim Brennan and Becky Hamilton.

In 2004, the Morgan County couple's adoption of a baby girl was approved by a judge in Marion County but denied by a judge in Morgan County.

Brennan and Hamilton, who could not be reached for comment, have foster and child-care experience and have lived together for more than 10 years.

Logue said the decision would mean more homes for children who wouldn't have one otherwise. She said it's also a victory over the bias against gays and lesbians.

"The facts speak for themselves," said Logue. "Two people can create a caring, stable, loving home for children without being married."

But Justice Brent Dickson wrote a three-page dissent suggesting the Supreme Court should have heard the case in order to clarify issues regarding same-sex adoption.

"The court is missing a valuable opportunity to address and resolve important questions left undecided," Dickson said. "By denying this case, we are missing a valuable and important opportunity to minimize uncertainty and confusion."

The decision also disappointed state Sen. Jeff Drozda, R-Westfield, who is opposed to same-sex adoptions. He said the courts were not representing the views of Hoosiers. He said he will introduce legislation in 2007 to bar same-sex couples from adopting. * * *

Attorney General Steve Carter, who could not be reached for comment, sought the Supreme Court review after the Indiana Court of Appeals overturned a ruling by Morgan Circuit Judge Matthew Hanson.

Hanson opposed the joint petition of Hamilton and Brennan because, he said, Indiana law limits adoption to married couples and individuals. State law prohibits same-sex marriages.

The appeals court ruled that adoptions by unmarried couples were legal and there was nothing in Indiana code that limits a lesbian couple's right to adopt.

Previously, adoptions by unmarried couples were granted only if the child was either the offspring of one partner or already had been adopted by one of the partners, rights that have been granted by other recent appellate decisions.

The appeals court ruling placed Indiana among about 25 states that allow joint adoptions by unmarried couples, Logue said.

Ashley Herer of the AP wrote this report, first posted Friday by the Chicago Tribune online, as in today's paper. Some quotes:
INDIANAPOLIS -- Indiana's Supreme Court let stand a ruling that allowed unmarried couples, including those of the same sex, to adopt children through a joint petition that gives both partners equal custody.

In a 4-1 decision posted Friday, the high court refused to hear arguments in the case that the Indiana Court of Appeals ruled on in April.

"The court acknowledged that two people can create a caring, stable, loving home for children without being married," said Patricia Logue, senior counsel for Lambda Legal's Midwest office in Chicago. "Not only is this a decision that will keep our clients' family intact, but this is a victory for the thousands of children in Indiana desperately in need of a caring home."

Logue represented a lesbian couple from Morgan County whose 2004 attempt to adopt a baby girl was approved by a judge in one county but denied by a judge in another. * * *

The earlier Appeals Court decision overturned a ruling by Morgan Circuit Court Judge Matthew Hanson, who opposed the joint petition of Becki Hamilton and Kim Brennan because he said Indiana law limits adoption to married couples and individuals. State law prohibits same-sex marriages.

The appeals court said state law requires married persons seeking adoption to petition jointly.

Justice Brent Dickson, in a three-page dissent, said the Supreme Court should have heard the case.

"This court is missing a valuable opportunity to address and resolve important questions," Dickson wrote. * * *

Hanson was conducting hearings to terminate the parental rights of the girl's birth mother when he learned that Hamilton and Brennan were living together and not married. He ordered the Office of Family of Children to look for a married couple to adopt the baby instead.

The couple turned to adjacent Marion County in their bid to keep the girl, and a probate court judge granted the adoption, saying it was in the child's best interest to be with the couple.

Hamilton and Brennan have retained custody of the child during their appeal.
#55
Father's Issues / shaking my head - too funny
May 01, 2006, 01:46:47 PM
Thought I would post this - I find hysterical and I am sure many can relate.  Maybe it is becasue after 12 years of trivial BS I finally hit a place that everything is funny.

Got an email from BM the other night, she had sent the original email to an email address she "Thought" we "might be using".  It bounced back to her as no such user, obviously not a valid email address.  She then forwards it ALL to me at my  normal email address that she has been using for 3 years, now mind you all the above is in the email - the forward the wrong addy etc.

She starts off the email that she "believes" that that address that bounced is my "real one" and insisits that I email her from that account as she will only accept email from that account from now on!  

ummmmmm ok.........

So now I am thinking of new email address to set up accounts - some examples -

[email protected]
[email protected]


your turn........:)
#56
Father's Issues / what is your opinion of.......
Apr 04, 2006, 11:42:53 AM
A few weeks ago child said BM told him he could do an activity after school.  When he got home BM confronted him and was angry he forgot to turn in some papers at school - child said it was ok that he still had time as the deadline to turn in had not passed yet.  BM yelled at child and told him he was not going to his activity.  CHild got extremely angry, stomped to his room and stated he started to cut up some collectible stuffed animals, like ears, feet, hair and tails off and thought it was really funny.  BM found out and told him that "You make me sick".

I think this is some underlying scary anger issue and think the child is headed down a dark path.  This is the 4th child BF and I raised and aside from the other 3 normal lying, refusing to shower and change clothes and  dirty rooms, I do not see cutting as any behavior that would be considered as anything other than troublesome.

Comments welcome.........please!
#57
Father's Issues / Summer vacation question
Jan 22, 2006, 02:17:48 PM
Opinions please:

Order reads that each parent gets 1/2 the summer vacation.  The order also spells out which holidays go to each parent in what year and that holiday take precidence over summer vacation.  

My theory has been to take the time the child is out of school to the time child returns, subtract the total holiday time (which includes fathers day, 4th holiday and both parents b days = 4 total holidays) then split the remaining summer time in half.  I feel this is fair because holidays take precidence over summer vacation.  QUESTION: would you use this theory or just divide the total summer vacation in half?  The order does not specifically say to do this however my belief is that since holiday takes priority it can not be considered part of the 1/2 either parent receives........ thoughts?

The other problem is that the order also says that when one parent has the child for more than 14 days the other parent can exercise an evening during the week, and that the summer time MAY be consecutive or split into 2 segments.  The child and the mediator both believe (and was mediated the last 2 years) that the child is old enough to not need to visit with the other parent for three hours during the week, child is 15.  Thus we have always done the summer schedule as 2 weeks with mom, 2 weeks with dad, for the entire summer which gives each parent 3 segments.  If we schedule 2 segments then she will be over here every week for her 3 hours, but due to Dad's work schedule he is unable to see child during the week, and she will not allow dad an alternate time for this three hours, if we schedule three segments BM has threatened legal intervention for what we have exercised for the last several years.  QUESTION:  can anyone see any other alternative I have not yeat explored, which alternative would you use?
#58
The "babysitting" clause in the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines is just the type of area where such hay can be made. The clause provides:  
When it becomes necessary that a child be cared for by a person other than a parent or a family member, the parent needing the child care shall first offer the other parent the opportunity for additional parenting time.
Straightforward, no? No. "Family members" in my experience have included step-parents (reasonable), grandmothers, great-grandmothers, siblings, nieces, distant cousins, etc.  You get the picture.  So long as the custodial parent can find someone, anyone related to them to watch the kids, the non-custodial parent gets no extra time.
 
Well, in  Greg Shelton v. Alaina Alice Shelton, dad called foul, and the Court of Appeals reversed the trial court (very rare in domestic litigation) and ruled that the term "family member" is limited to relatives living in the custodial parent's home.  This is good clarification, because at least now we know (at least until the Supreme Court gets a-hold of it).  

(found on Kempblog.com)
http://www.in.gov/judiciary/opinions/pdf/10120502mgr.pdf
#59
Father's Issues / Brain teaser?
Dec 23, 2005, 10:49:04 AM
Please decifer this for me:

One-half of the period which will begin at 8:00 P.M. on the evening the child is released from school (Dec 20) and continues to December 30 at 7:00 P.M.  If the parents cannot agree on the division of this period, the custodial parent shall have the first half in even-numbered years.  In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent's week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day.

My take:  Figure out the time between Dec 20 and Dec 30 and divide in half evening the "half" for the parent who gets noon to 9 so that each parent gets one half of the holiday.

BM says that since xmas falls in my half and my "half is over at 8 PM" the child will not come back to me at 9 since her "half starts at 8 PM.  I contend that the time is to be split in half totally and that the order is inteneded to split Chrsitmas with one parent getting 12-9 and the other parent getting to noon and after 9.  I also believe that you can not consider time NOT spent with me to be a portion of my half of the holiday.

Any ideas?
#60
Father's Issues / Familicide
Nov 05, 2005, 01:22:07 PM
Recently I read- a father killed his 4 year old son then took his own life.  Fathers estranged wife had temp custody and plans on taking the child several states away.  

The father was quoted in his email as saying: ""I was going to try to fight this legally, but I have almost no chance of winning. The mother automatically gets the benefit of the doubt as being the most important parent when the child is age 8 and under -- the "tender years". I would have to show that she is not fit to be a parent in order to gain custody."

A psychiatrist in a major hospital quoted in the paper said:

"To think that you have the power or opportunity to judge how someone else's life should go, or to end somebody's life because of whatever I believe, is wrong. And it usually comes from a disturbed mind."

isnt this what the courts do?  They decide if you get to be put to death or when, where and how you see your child?  I suppose that this guy is really stating that our court system has a disturbed mind since they do have the power to to judge how an entire family can spend their life in a divorce situation.

Just my 2 cents here........