Messages

>Hi my name is Steve,
>
>I have a son named Ryan that is out in California.I am in
>Phoenix. He is  a wonderful, bright boy who loves
>skateboarding and soccer. My ex wife and I adopted him from
>birth from his biological mother. We all lived together two
>years until my ex and I decided to get divorced. Her father
>had a friend who was willing to draw up the divorce papers and
>do it at no charge. I had been going through a bit of
>depression at the time and was all too happy to sign the
>papers. I did not have a lawyer of my own go over the papers
>and signed them. In doing so I gave her full custody of Ryan
>with reasonable visitation, all of our assets except a car.
>
>Since our divorce I have not been able to see my son without
>supervision, I put up with this when he was younger but now he
>is 6 and a half years old. I live in phoenix with my fiancee
>and our son and have a career working at a cadillac
>dealership. I have asked several times to take Ryan out on a
>day trip , just the two of us, but she said that her lawyer
>told me it was unsafe and could not give any specific examples
>why. She also states that he has "special needs" and thats why
>I can not see him. He has seen a psychiatrist for learning
>disabilities but that is it.
>I hired a lawyer to help me, for a 1500 dollar retainer. He
>wrote two letters to her lawyer and told me he needed 1500
>more dollars to continue. I cant afford that kind of money ,
>so I decided to take on the case myself.
>
>Now that I told you just a small bit of my story I have a few
>questions:
>
>
>1) What does reasonable visitation entitle me to in regards to
>visitation with my son?
>
>2)is there any resource area I can use to get my case
>started?
>
>3)is there any way to revisit the original divorce decree?
>
>I am committed to doing what is best for Ryan, and I feel he
>needs a strong relationship with his father.
>
>Thank you in advance for your help,
>
>
>Steve Connors
>


Reasonable visitation is whatever the two of you deem it to be. There is no set guidline. That is why a parenting plan is far better than just reasonable visitation. How many times would you say you have seen your son in the last year?

To get started you would have to file a request for modification. You can do this yourself, if you cannot afford an attorney. But, if you decide to then make sure you do your research thoroughly and be extra prepared when you attend the court hearing! Where was the original divorce decree signed? Where do you live now?
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I do have very good proof as to why I have not been able to see her, and presented that to the evaluator in my first visit. That nasty letter she wrote will just show once again, how they do not put my daughters feelings first.

Part of the year was my fault because I did not know my legal rights. But, I finally got my butt in gear and learned them on my own since I could not afford an attorney.

That is a good suggestion as far as saying hello to them when I walk in...Because chances are I would have not said anything! Not because I am rude, just because this has been a very long process at this point and I am extremely emotional.

My ex's new wife has done everything within in her power to frustrate visitations. But, I refuse to let her get to me! I will just remain calm, and let the evaluator see that my ONLY reason for being there is because I want to see my daughter.

Last questions:

#1 Last sunday they came by my residence to let me see my daughter (whom up to this point it has been a year since I have been able to see her) they did not call, or even give me any clue that they were going to drop by! Should I bring it up to the evaluator, that I feel they put my daughter in the position to be hurt by getting her hopes up that she was going to see me, when they really had no idea?

#2 Also, they claim I was home, and simply did not open the door because I did not want to make time to see her (not sure why I would be going through all this to get visitation established if I did not truly want to see her) but, anyway..The new wife left a nasty note on my car about how I just couldn't make time for my daughter. Should I take that with me to show to the evaluator if need be?

Sorry, I am just a bundle of nerves..Not thinking clearly today!

I had my personal evaluation with the court ordered psychologist on Nov.24, and my ex had his last Wednesday.

Now, tomorrow it is going to be My ex, his new wife, and I..Along with the psychologist.

This is not really a "legal" question perse...but, I need to hear some experiences from other posters!

I have an evaluation meeting tomorrow with my ex, his new wife, and the doctor! Can someone who has had to go through this before please give me a brief idea of what to expect....I was not expecting the new wife to be there, and there is a great amount of tension between us! I will just be calm, professional, and not get baited into any arguments by her...But, hearing someone who has gone through it before would be a gerat help...Not sure what kind of questions to expect.

Thank you for your support on the Socrateaser board!! I need any and all advice I can get..I am so discouraged! The judge even admonished my ex's new wife in court...And I quote "I can see that this relationship is being frustrated, as I see your wife shaking your head that no her mom does not need to be in her life" "She needs to understand that you had a child with someone else" "Let it be known that there is presidence that custody has changed parents because of interference with a court order"...But, I will stop ranting..just very sad tonight!! The judge would not even see my evidence.

He is going to try and claim that I have made no attempt to contact my daughter. Luckily though I was smart enough to make copies of letters, and keep evidence to the contrary..As well as my cell phone records. I definately do not have any history of drug use/abuse, child abuse, promiscuity or anything along those lines. This is simply a case of the new wife not wanting me around, and my ex not stopping her! I really honestly do not care if he gets found in contempt, I do not necessarily want him in trouble..I just want to see my daughter. I drafted an agreement already that I filed with the court with my contempt papers. I included even numbered years, odd numbered years, pick up and drop off, phone conversations, mothers and fathers day, clothing for the child during visitations, summer vacations. I think it was extremely well covered. I cannot tell you how helpful your response was! I could not afford an attorney, so I have done as much preperation and research as I can do. I know claiming ignorance of the law will not make me look good in court, so I have made sure to be as knowledgeable as possible. I have copied and pasted the modification request. I replaced our names with Mother and Father. Did not want to get in trouble for posting his name on anything!!  Sorry this is so long!!


          Section One.
           Weekends




Father, shall have the care, custody and control of Child, born December 20, 1997, now 7 years of age, the minor child of the parties. Mother, mother shall have the right of visitation with the child as follow.

Mother shall have visitation on alternating weekends, commencing October 1, 2005.

Weekend visitation shall begin at 7pm on Friday and end at 5:00 pm On Sunday.

If any weekend provided for in this section included any day, or falls during any weekend or other time period provided for in Sections Two through Four or Section six below, the visitation provisions of that section shall govern.

   
         Section Two.
              Holiday Weekends


A "holiday weekend" is a weekend in which the immediately preceding Friday or following Monday is an official holiday observed by the school attended by the such, such as (but not limited to) Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Presidents' Day, Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, and Veterans Day.

Mother, mother shall have visitation on the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Presidents Day, Fourth of July holiday weekends on odd numbered years, and on all other holiday weekends on the even numbered years. If the designated holiday is a Friday, the holiday weekend shall begin at 7 pm on Thursday, and terminate at 5 pm on Sunday. If the designated holiday is a Monday, the holiday weekend shall begin at 7 pm on Friday and end at 5 pm Monday.


         

Section Three.
                                 Even Numbered Years

In even-numbered years, Mother  shall have visitation on the child's birthday, and during Thanksgiving and New Year's. For this purpose, the child's birthday shall begin at 7pm the day preceding the child's actual birthday and end at 7 pm on the child's actual birthday; Thanksgiving shall begin at 7pm on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving Day and end at 5pm the following Sunday; and New Years shall begin at 7 pm on December 28 and end at 5 pm on the day before the first day of school following the child's Christmas-New Year's or winter school recess. If the child's birthday in an even numbered year falls on a weekend on which MOther would have visitation under Sections One or Two above, visitation shall be governed by either of those sections.



         Section Four.
               Odd Numbered Years


In odd-numbered years, Mother shall have visitation during Easter and Christmas. For this purpose, Easter shall begin at 7pm on the last day of school preceding the child's Easter or spring school recess and end at 5pm on the day before the first day of school following the recess, and Christmas shall begin at 7pm on the last day of school preceding the child's Christmas-New Year's or winter school recess and end 5pm on December 28th.


         Section Five.
                   Mother's Day

Each year, if Mother  would not have visitation on Mother's Day under any section of this visitation schedule, Mother shall have visitation beginning at 7 pm on the day preceding Mother's Day and end at 5 pm on Mother's Day.


         Section Six.
              School Vacations


Each year, Mother  shall have visitation during the child's school summer vacation, for a period of 4 weeks.

On or before April 1st of each year, the parties shall agree on the inclusive dates for that year of the visitation provided for in this section, or shall on properly noticed motion obtain a court order specifying those dates.

In any year in which the parties neither so agreed nor obtained a court order, the visitation provided for in this section shall begin at 7 pm on the first Friday in July and end at the fourth Sunday afterwards.

         Section Seven.
                  Pick-up of Child


At the time specified in this agreement for the beginning of each period of visitation, Mother shall pick up the child at the residence of Father

At the time specified at the end of each period of visitation, Father shall pick up the child at the residence of Mother

On two hours' prior notice to the other, either mother or father may designate another person to pick up the child on a specific occasion.



         Section Eight.
                                      Illness of Child


If the child is too ill for visitation, the then-custodial parent shall so notify the then non-custodial parent at least 4 hours in advance.

On demand the then non-custodial parent within 4 hours after such notification, the then custodial parent shall within 5 days of the demand provide the then non-custodial parent with written verification of the illness by a licensed medical practitioner.

Days of visitation missed due to illness of the child shall be made up by visitation of and equal number of days. The days on which the visitation is to be made up shall be specified by the then non-custodial parent, but unless the then non-custodial parent consents, the days may not conflict with the provisions respecting visitation on holiday weekends, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year's.

         Section Nine.
                 Illness of Mother


If the then non-custodial parent is too ill for visitation, the then non-custodial parent shall so notify the then-custodial parent shall so notify the then custodial parent no later than twelve hours before the time for visitation to begin as specified above.

A specific period of visitation is waived if the then non-custodial parent, or the person designated by the then non-custodial parent in accordance with Section Seven, fails to appear to pick up the child within 60 minutes after the time specified for the beginning of that period of visitation.

Days of visitation missed because of the then non-custodial parent's illness or failure to appear may not be made up.

         Section Ten.
                                             Child's clothing


The then-custodial parent shall provide suitable clothing for each period of visitation. This clothing shall be returned by the then non-custodial parent at the end of each period of visitation.

This provision does not prohibit the then non custodial parent from furnishing clothing for the child, and keeping that clothing in the non-custodial parent's possession between periods of visitation.

         



Section Eleven.
                    Telephone Communication with Child


Mother  shall be permitted to contact the child by telephone three times per week when the child is with Father

Father  shall be permitted to contact the child by telephone once every two days when the child is with Mother for more than three days.

All telephone contact must occur between 4pm and 7pm. "Contact" means actual conversation with the child for at least 15 minutes, and no longer than 30 minutes. Except for the purpose of answering the telephone, neither mother, father, or any step-parent may listen to or otherwise participate in any such contact between the child and the other party without the express consent of the child and that other party.

         

When you state that my statement is very broad do you mean in regards to my specific case, or the question that I am asking?!?

If you mean in regards to my specific case...My daughter is seven years old, almost eight and has been living with her father, and stepmother for the last three years. I have liberal and reasonable visitation, but my ex's new wife has interfered at every step. She will not allow me to speak with my ex in regards to our daughter, nor will she allow me to see my daughter at all..I am not allowed to even talk to her on the phone. They agree to visitation, but at the last minute they cancel for some assanine reason. I have done nothing that would prevent me from seeing her, it is just the new wife not wanting me in there lives. I have already filed the contempt papers, as well as the request for modification and are going to court this week. My question is simply that when we go into court will I be able to present character witnesses, that can attest to how I am with my daughter, and serve as witnesses for me...or will it simply be me advising the judge how and why my ex should be in contempt, and my ex getting a chance to prove why he shouldn't be?!? Just trying to get an understanding of what to expect. Sorry if my first one was too broad or too vague

I currently have filed contempt of court order against my ex husband, and we go to court this week! I am as prepared as I can be, and have done as much research as possible on the internet as what is needed to be prepared for this trial! What I am needing is any advice from anyone that has actually filed for contempt of court, and a modification order, that has done it pro se them selves?!? Do I need to have character witnesses, and affidavits..Of is this is a simple hearing where he has to show why he shouldn't be in contempt of court!? I am just needing to know what to expect. Any help would be greatly appreciated. THank you!

Has anyone used any online parenting courses? I am looking for a good, reputable, online parenting course? Preferably as low cost as possible, but I would appreciate anyone that has taken one. This is not court ordered, this is something that I am wanting to do for myself. Thanks in advance!