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and the fact that it's called "Taxachusetts" is enough for me to know.  He won't be getting my vote.  

Has paternity been legally established by you taking a DNA test, signing the birth certificate or signing an acknowledgement of paternity?  Your best bet is to get an attorney, file for joint legal and physical custody and ask the court to stop her move.  Otherwise, she can do this and you'll be SOL.

>
>Anyone know if it was legal to not serve my husband notice all
>those years ago?  I know it might be petty, but that is why he
>isnt a party to "the case" because they provided
>false/inaccurate B.C.
>
>I know I am babbling.......

**If you can prove it, but you'd need to get a look at the case file.  Some states consider it proof of service as long as someone dropped it in the mail....and it may have been too long ago now to bring it up, but who knows?  

**You would have to get the controlling state to give up jurisdiction before a different state will take the custody order.  

**I hope someone else has something else to add, I hope this works out for the child...

Dang it Kitty!  I haven't been around here too much and had no idea you and DH were.......dang it!   I feel just awful.  You know how much you are liked around here, we'd do anything we could to help!

As far as SS, kitty, you give him your phone number, your work number, an e-mail address, your home address, anything and everything and MAKE SURE he knows he can contact you ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT!  You make sure he knows YOU are there for him and, while you can't interfere with parenting issues, he can ALWAYS talk to you.  Set up a yahoo e-mail address for him if you have to, something he can access from a library or a friends house.  Make sure he knows he is not the problem....

Kitty, I'm so sorry.  Major hugs and prayers have been sent your way.

:(

I was spanked as a child (not abused, but spanked) and it taught me several things.  The first thing it taught me is that my parents run the house, not ME!  Now maybe you "got the holy crap" beat out of you, but that is quite different than what we're talking about here.

Rini, you and your husband have the right to run your home.  You are not your children's friends, you are their teachers.  If your son is treating you or your husband in such a disrespectful manner then he deserved to be treated with disrespect in return.  YOU run your home, not those kids!  

Personally, I would not let him go to his fathers to live.  I would tell him that until he learns to respect YOUR household you will not send him off to disrespect someone elses household.  I would not let him play Gameboy, Playstation, whatever.  Heck, if I had to I'd take the TV's and telephones out of the house.  He needs to stop walking all over everyone in the house and you need to be the one to show him how.  You and your ex need to get together on this somehow, no more "on a whim" and figure out what to do with this kid.  He's going to end up in jail or worse, and you'll spend your life wondering what you did wrong.  The fact is he knows what he did is wrong, but until someone drives the point home, he'll refuse to take responsibility for his actions that led to this fight.  If you give in, you'll only be rewarding his bad behavior by giving him what he wants.  There should be no rewards for bad behavior.  Put him in counseling, go to family counseling if you have to, and get help straightening this kid out before our correctional system has to.

BTW, I hope physically you're feeling better.  You do need to get well, but giving into this childs demands will only prolong your illness, as you won't have a moments peace.

I will also ask, what if he finds out it's no better at dads and wants to come back?  Does he get to pick and choose that too ?

Please take care rini, I hope I've been helpful.

>11. Maternal grandmother contacted Father after nearly 8 years
>to have him in childs life. Child met father, and family. Talk
>immediately began between both parties to move child to the
>fathers home in Mass, by way of notarized letter in which
>grandmother transferred all rights. Grandparents stated clear
>inability to care for child. Grandparents stated that they had
>no contact with the childs mother. Father and fathers family
>stated definite ability to care for child in more appropriate
>way. Numerous visits and constant contact between child and
>father and fathers family occurred during this time.
>12. Child was allowed to make decision as to where she lived,
>and the notarized letter transferring custody, was signed by
>all.

****This was the mistake.  Father should have filed for legal custody immediately.  No notarized letter can override a court order!  The grandmother had every legal right to take the child.  Now, likely, mom is filing for custody, grandma will give up custody to mom, child will be permanently messed up!

>16. Visit did not occur, as mother and grandmother showed up
>demanding that the child be released to them. Child had to be
>forced to leave by father. Child was in Massachusetts from
>July 28, 2003 until January 17 2003.
>
**Just short of the 6 month residency requirement.  Sounds like grandma pulled a fast one at the expense of this child.  
>
>Again, sorry for the long post. I want to add: we are trying
>to find an attorney, but cannot afford the 5 to 10 thousand
>they want for retainer. Yes, looking into legal aid, but we
>need to go to court in NY and their legal aid wont help us
>unless we have no income. Mass legal aid will only help i
>domestic abuse/emergency cases.
>
>Does anyone have any ideas? We are looking for some advice on
>jurisdiction issues, as NONE of the courts want to hear this
>case. (Ma or EITHER county in NY) ANY and all thoughtful
>advice would help.
>
**Personally I think dad should go file for custody in the county in which he lives, stating that child has resided with him for six months.  He should find out about an emergency ex-parte order.  Honestly, you need an attorney!!!

>As with all custody issues, I feel like everything is falling
>apart.
>
>Due to some harsh response I recieved in another forum, for
>being the step mother I want to add that YES I am the step
>mother, and YES my husband is the one who has to take control
>of this, but I have always accepted all of his kids as they
>were mine, and I am involved in this 100%, with him. I love
>her, and have as much "stake" in this matter as he does.
>
>We did not expect this battle, AT ALL, and its crummy what
>this kid is going thru.

**We don't do that on SPARC except under extreme circumstances where the step parent is truly interfering or something.  All are welcome here.

**You need to at least consult with a few lawyers.  You cannot wait long at all.  If you do, the judge will not return the child.  What a mess.  Hopefully someone else has some ideas.
>

call someone a deadbeat dad, and he must be one.  How pathetic!  I hope this woman's attorney, himself a man, finds himself in this position one day.  Then he can call himself a deadbeat!

Is she in MI like you thought or somewhere else?  When will you actually see her in person???

Very, very happy for you!  :)

Rap mogul's former wife seeks more child support
By DESIREE GRAND
THE JOURNAL NEWS
(Original publication: January 21, 2004)

NEW ROCHELLE — The ex-wife of Sean "P. Diddy" Combs is claiming she needs more child support for their 10-year-old son and has taken the rap impresario to court to get it.

Yesterday marked the first day of testimony in an effort by Misa Hylton-Brim to secure $30,000 more per month in child-support payments. Hylton-Brim, a fashion stylist for hip-hop artists such as Lil' Kim and Mary J. Blige, said the $5,000 per month she receives now is not sufficient.

Hylton-Brim testified along with real estate agents and accountants in Family Court in New Rochelle.

Combs, who spent most of his childhood in Mount Vernon, did not attend the proceedings.

Brett Kimmel, Hylton-Brim's attorney, said she needs the increase to keep up with her son's expenses, which include private school, a full-time nanny and round-the-clock security.

"The law states that the only way to determine the child's reasonable needs is by understanding the resources of the parties involved," Kimmel said. "This child's needs specifically relate to his father being who he is."

Combs' attorney, Peter Galasso, couldn't be reached yesterday for comment.

"I want to be able to provide everything my child needs," said Hylton-Brim, who has sole custody of her son, though Combs has liberal visitation rights.

Kimmel said Combs has not been forthcoming in providing financial information, despite a high-profile and extravagant lifestyle, and now pays about $30,000 a month for the support of his younger son, whose mother is model Kim Porter.

The trial will resume Feb. 6 because of a crowded court schedule, Kimmel said. Kimmel is an attorney in the firm headed by celebrity divorce lawyer Raoul Felder, who is representing David Guest in his divorce proceedings against Liza Minnelli.

In 2002, Combs was named in Fortune magazine's list of 40 richest people under age 40 and is known for hosting exclusive parties in the Hamptons for his celebrity friends.

But he also has a giving side. In November, he raised $2 million for New York City public schools by running in the New York City Marathon.

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**Is this insane or what?  How do us humble people live on less than that PER YEAR??  The insanity needs to stop.

I'm definitely not condoning what Eric said, but.....how do I put this?.....

Is this another form of desperation men are exhibiting due to years and years of discrimination, humiliation and aggravation?  Is this level of insanity how far our unjust family courts have pushed some of our men?  Is this what it will take for someone to finally listen (though of course, NOT what ANYONE should do)?  

To me, it goes back to some of the highly publicized stories of men killing their kids, or their exes, or even themselves on courthouse steps.  I could never fathom killing anyone.  But some people don't need as much as I do to put them over some type of edge.  We tell men they have to be good fathers to make them good men.  Then we don't allow them to be good fathers.  Then, we don't allow them to be fathers at all.  Then some give up, they're back to square one...not good men.

Once again, never would I condone violence of this or any other type of violence, and I know SPARC doesn't either.  But what exactly is it going to take to get equality for men and kids in this country?  Personally, I think legitimate fathers groups all need to get together and make some noise, and continue making noise until someone finally listens.