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Not sure what a Pendente Lite is, but we are in VA and my DH won full custody of SS (physical and legal) in September.  We  are still awaiting the appeal.  It's been continued once, and we're still waiting for BM's attorney to contact oursto set a date.  We're in no hurry as SS is living with us and thriving under the current order.  However, our attorney told us that it appeals to the circuit court and they hear the entire case like it was never heard the first time.  From what I understand, Virginia's appeal process for custody cases is different than most states.

Again not sure what pendente is, so I'm not sure if it works the same way, but if it's like an appeal, I would assume that they will hear the whole case again.  

Keep in mind, if it was bad enough for you to get the kids to start with, and they are thriving while living with you now, there is no reason for the judge to change anything.  Good luck!

http://www.virtualchase.com/topics/criminal_records.shtml

This is a pretty good site, and it includes link to every state's court systems (I think, I've only tried a few of them).  I used the Virginia courts link off of here and found out about a few of BM's charges.  To this day she still thinks our attorney dug up all that info on her!

As far as I know, you can't get DMV records.  I had called the DMV to see if we could find out if BM had gotten her license back before we let her pick up SS and they told me we had to make a written request, and I can't remember the timeframe.  We ended up just asking to see a copy of her license when she picked him up.  I think you have to have a really good reason for them to relinquish those records.  

Right now I have an order that awarded me custody of my son and the mother very limited visitation (less than the standard for my area).  However, it in no way mentions legal custody.  I assume since it only lists visitation for the mother that there isn't joint legal custody at this time.

BM has appealed the courts decision, and now we are actually working through our attorneys to try to settle outside of court before the next trial.  She is not trying to get physical custody, just more visitation.  She sent an offer with her proposal for a new visitation schedule which includes giving her joint legal custody.

We have answered her proposal with our own modified version.  One of the things we disagree on, is the joint legal.  As our attorney explained it, joint legal means that we communicate about the child.  We all, my attorney included, had a good laugh over that because communication with the BM is extremely difficult at best and usually impossible.  

Now supposing that BM doesn't agree, and this goes to court, can you help me understand the joint legal thing better?

1. Since the current order doesn't list legal custody at all, does that mean I currently have full physical and legal custody?

2. Do we have to agree on everything if we have joint legal custody?  I'm not sure I fully understand what joint legal means, perhaps you can give a short explanation?  

3. What would some reasons be that a court would deny joint legal custody?  

We were given custody in September and BM appealed the courts decision, so we have the appeal date set for next month.  The original decision gave BM visitation of 1 month during summer, 1 week at Christmas and Mother's Day weekend.

Since September, BM has moved back to the area to be closer to our child, so I have allowed her to see him on night a week for 3 hours, and every other weekend.

We feel pretty good about our case going into the appeal.  While BM has improved some situations, she has also has gotten worse in other areas.  Since we have had my son for the majority of the time since last June, and I have a stable household, I feel that I will be able to keep custody.

The only improvement I can see BM gaining from this whole thing, is increasing her court ordered visitation.  

So with that in mind, I thought about offering to go to mediation and offer to make the amount of visitation I'm already giving her official through the courts, and asking in turn if she will withdraw the appeal.  This would save me some time, stress, and a lot of lawyer fees.  

1.Would there be any reason that I shouldn't offer this?  

2. Would this hurt my case, if she declines?  


By the way, one of the weekends that I would give her next month falls on a weekend that I have a huge family function, that includes relatives coming from out of the country.  If I offer to trade weekends, it would have to be for the weekend after, because we have plans for the weekend before.

I would give her the option of saying no, but my son really wants to go, and I would hate for him to miss out.  It's not something that can be rescheduled.  She has asked on several occasions to switch days for her convenience, and I have obliged every time.  

3. Even though it isn't court ordered time, is the court going to frown upon me trading weekends with her when she doesn't want to?  

4. And as a related question, will the courts view it as  a bad thing that I have set up a regular visitation schedule?  (I just wanted to provide some stability for my son so that he knows when he gets to see his mom)

>If the mom has a serious mental disorder which could affect her ability to parent, then yes.

Would bipolar disorder be consdered a serious mental disorder that coud affect ability to parent?i

I don't want to take up space on Soc's board, but I want to comment, so I'm starting a post on the General Issues forum titled "Blatant Violation moved from Soc's forum"

We were awarded custody in September and the mother appealed.  the appeal date is set for February (5 months after the initial decision).

In Virginia, an appeal is not a review of the original decision.  The appeal is to rehear the case in front of a higher court.  So from what I understand it's like we have to prove all over agian to the courts why they should change full custody from the mother to the father.

1. Since we have had the child for the last 5months (and a substantial amount of time even when she did have custody), will the courts look at him living with us being the status quo?



Also, she has been known to lie in court.  How much weight does the "he said she said"  carry with a judge? Or is it more about what you can actually prove happened?

I actually work in a collections department for charged off accounts for a major credit card company.  We do not remove the info from a credit report when the account is settled.  The account is instead updated on your credit report to reflect that it is charged off and settled, and it reflects the balance left over after the settlement.  The account normally remains on your credit report for 7 years from the date of delinquency (usually 6 months prior to the date of charge off.)  
The only exception to this is when there is an error somehow on our part.  If you are disputing a charge, or the balance, call the cc co. directly.  In most cases, the agency handling the account only has authorization to collect, not investigate for fraud.  If you are disputing finance charges or fees, it is too late.  It may still be too late to dispute charges, since most companies require you to initiate the dispute w/i 90 days of the charge, but its worth a shot.  
Back to the credit report.  In talking to customers, I have heard that some collectors at agencies will promise to remove info from the credit report in order to get a payment.  The credit card company can't remove info early though (even for a settlement or pay-off) because then we would not be reporting accurate info.  We have to report all history fairly and accurately whether you are making payments on time, or not.  
Also, like Soc said, get it all in writing.  Make sure that you get the settlement offer in writing, and get a letter stating that the account has been settled.  You probably won't ever need it, but its good to have just in case.  

Court ordered me to pay c/s starting 04/03.  In 05/04 my ex and I came to an agreement outside of court that we would share joint custody, with the child spending 2 weeks with us then 2 wks with her.  We also agreed that neither party would request child support to the other and she agreed to cease the request for child support.  
She said she didn't want to go through the courts, and I was afraid that if I pushed the issue she would change her mind.  Instead, we made a contract which we eached signed and we had it notarized.  She also acknowledged the arrangement in a letter she wrote to me 11/05.
Now I have filed for (and won) custody, and in turn she has filed a show cause for c/s in arrears since 5/04.  

1.  How much weight does the notarized agreement carry with the court?  (Is it enough to have the show cause dismissed?)

2.  If the court orders me to pay back c/s, can it be adjusted since it was calculated to include child care, which she hasn't paid since around 5/04?

3.  Will the courts subtract for expenses I have paid?  (I have some receipts for clothes I purchased for my son for my house and for her house.  Also, my son has attended daycare since 5/04, but I paid the bill.)

We have filed a motion (in Virginia) to stop relocation and also to change custody from the mother to the father.  We received our summons on August 7th and assume that the BM had hers delivered the same day.  Now since she's looking to move, she was actually out of town until the 12th (looking at houses and preparing for her move).  Last night she called the house to talk, but acted like she never received the summons!  We are pretty sure she has received it b/c of some of the comments she made, but she never directly mentioned it.  We think she is going to pretend she never got it.  

1. If she says she didn't get it, and doesn't show up for court, does this mean the case gets drawn out longer, or do we automatically win?

2.  Should we give her a copy of the summons so as to keep her from pretending she didn't receive it?