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Messages - Mamacass

#131
Father's Issues / RE: Don't hide the truth
Aug 08, 2006, 08:56:32 AM
hey, I may have responded to you before.  We're in VA and going through a similar "battle."  BM is planning on moving to NC where her boyfriend is moving and she doesn't work.  Our first court date is 8/30, and we are nervous b/c you just don't know what will happen in court.  We have a pretty good case, but nothing is guaranteed.  
We agreed earlier this month at my stepson's therapy appointment not to discuss the possible move with him until a final decision was made.  At the time she told us she would like to move and take him with her, but wanted to know our thoughts.  At the time we told her that we didn't like the idea, and suggested he remain in VA with us.  2 days later she called at bedtime to say goodnight to my SS (we have him for the summer) and she told him then that they were moving to NC.  She said she didn't intend to tell him then, it just came up.  Why she would bring up the move late at night over the phone when there wasn't time to really discuss it, I'll never know.  When he got off the phone, he was upset, especially when he realized that NO ONE else in his family was moving- not his grandparents on any side, aunt's or uncles or his dad, stepmom and brother and baby that's due any day now.  We told him at the time that nothing was final yet, and there would be some changes but we would let him know as soon as we knew, and he could always talk to us about anything.  
2 days after that BM informed us that it wasn't really a discussion, b/c she was definitely moving and SS was going with her, no compromise.  Although for the past year we have had ss almost every weekend, and sometimes for  a day or 2 during the week, she is planning to cut us back to standard visitation as it is currently set up through the courts.  
Everytime she has talked to SS since then, she brings up the move and tells him how great its gonna be and what there house is going to be like.  We're left in the same position as to whether to contradict her or not.  I don't want him to feel put in the middle, and its not his decision, so I don't feel the need to try to "get him on our side."  However, if we win our case I do want him to be prepared for the fact that he would more than likely be living with us while Mommy is in NC.  It's a tough position to be in, b/c the last thing I want to do is stress him out, or make him feel like he's in the middle.  
Hope you don't mind if I rant for a sec, but it pisses me off that she can't act like an adult.  I think th reason she's trying to convince him that this move is such a great thing is b/c it makes her feel better.  It's like she thinks she's won something if she can convince him to take her side.  If only she could grow up and realize that he doesn't get to make the decision and the judge is the one that she needs to convince.  This is just one more time that she's put her own wants and needs ahead of his.  In a way I'm glad that he's too young to see how his mom really is, but there is a part of me that can't wait till he's old enough to see through all her mind games.  This is actually mild compared to some of the other things she's told him in the past, but it still sucks.  It's so frustrating when we're trying to do the right thing and be as supportive as we can for him, and all she wants to do is make thinks more difficult.  
#132
Father's Issues / RE: Don't hide the truth
Aug 08, 2006, 08:56:31 AM
hey, I may have responded to you before.  We're in VA and going through a similar "battle."  BM is planning on moving to NC where her boyfriend is moving and she doesn't work.  Our first court date is 8/30, and we are nervous b/c you just don't know what will happen in court.  We have a pretty good case, but nothing is guaranteed.  
We agreed earlier this month at my stepson's therapy appointment not to discuss the possible move with him until a final decision was made.  At the time she told us she would like to move and take him with her, but wanted to know our thoughts.  At the time we told her that we didn't like the idea, and suggested he remain in VA with us.  2 days later she called at bedtime to say goodnight to my SS (we have him for the summer) and she told him then that they were moving to NC.  She said she didn't intend to tell him then, it just came up.  Why she would bring up the move late at night over the phone when there wasn't time to really discuss it, I'll never know.  When he got off the phone, he was upset, especially when he realized that NO ONE else in his family was moving- not his grandparents on any side, aunt's or uncles or his dad, stepmom and brother and baby that's due any day now.  We told him at the time that nothing was final yet, and there would be some changes but we would let him know as soon as we knew, and he could always talk to us about anything.  
2 days after that BM informed us that it wasn't really a discussion, b/c she was definitely moving and SS was going with her, no compromise.  Although for the past year we have had ss almost every weekend, and sometimes for  a day or 2 during the week, she is planning to cut us back to standard visitation as it is currently set up through the courts.  
Everytime she has talked to SS since then, she brings up the move and tells him how great its gonna be and what there house is going to be like.  We're left in the same position as to whether to contradict her or not.  I don't want him to feel put in the middle, and its not his decision, so I don't feel the need to try to "get him on our side."  However, if we win our case I do want him to be prepared for the fact that he would more than likely be living with us while Mommy is in NC.  It's a tough position to be in, b/c the last thing I want to do is stress him out, or make him feel like he's in the middle.  
Hope you don't mind if I rant for a sec, but it pisses me off that she can't act like an adult.  I think th reason she's trying to convince him that this move is such a great thing is b/c it makes her feel better.  It's like she thinks she's won something if she can convince him to take her side.  If only she could grow up and realize that he doesn't get to make the decision and the judge is the one that she needs to convince.  This is just one more time that she's put her own wants and needs ahead of his.  In a way I'm glad that he's too young to see how his mom really is, but there is a part of me that can't wait till he's old enough to see through all her mind games.  This is actually mild compared to some of the other things she's told him in the past, but it still sucks.  It's so frustrating when we're trying to do the right thing and be as supportive as we can for him, and all she wants to do is make thinks more difficult.  
#133
My husband and I are currently at the beginning of the same battle.  we live in Virginia, and his ex-wife is currently planning on moving to NC.  so we definitely sympathize.  She doesn't work (is on disabiltiy) and says she's moving to get a fresh start.  It's weird how she needs to make her fresh start  in the same town her boyfriend is moving to.  I feel pretty confidant about our case, and have read as much as could find relevant to relocation cases in Virginia.  I've compared schools that my stepson would attend, and hers is comparable to ours.  All of his extended family is here, and we have always provided the stable family environment for him.  Since she doesn't work, she can't prove an economic inprovement.  Also, we've always been very involved in my stpeson's life,.  Still there are no guarantees, so we're stressing a little.  We'll keep you in our prayers, and ask you to keep us in yours.  I'm sorry that you're in the same boat as us, but it helps to know we're not alone.