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Been there, done that.  

Bio mom is coming from a position of control and power that she always had but has now lost.  The time to to be flexible and giving will come later.  Right now she needs to realize that she no longer has the control she once had.  If you give in, the abuse will continue.  Tell her calmly that this is the way the court order has always been interpreted, so things will not change now.  Keep telling her that you will be going by the court order.

I do not see that you are playing games.   You are doing things exactly as you should, and you are feeling as though you need to justify your actions.  You don't.  That's why you have a court order.  Son obviously is tired of what has been going on.  That's all the justification you need.

I'll say it again.  Son needs to have time to adjust and get ready for school.   Don't take that time away from him just because she wants to be in control.  It's not about her.

You have every right to feel the way you do.  Everyone needs to vent.  Remember, "We're going by the court order!"

I totally disagree with letting mom take him on vacation right before school starts.  The custody orders are written to have children back a week before school starts for a reason.  First of all, he needs that time to transition between households before the big push of school starts.  Also, the first days of school are very important.  Routines are set,  teachers set their standards, friends are made.  

Yes, being flexible is a good thing, but from the looks of your ex, if you gave her inch, she would take a mile.  When we went through our custody reversal the mantra was, "We're going by the court order, we're going by the court order."  There were so many requests, demands, and threats that we had to give that response repeatedly.  It was the only thing that worked.  

How can she file contempt charges when you are only following the court order?  If she kept him longer, she would be the one in contempt, right?