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How much control does a parent with full custody have? I'm asking because BM now has full custody and, because she's vindictive, I'm sure she's going to use it to make hell for DH.  (Yeah, I mean more than she has already.)

Another thing, BM moved so we're only going to see SD EOW. DH and I want to have a lot of fun things planned for when she comes. For instance, I started horseback riding lessons and would love to have SD come with me when she's here. But can DH just sign SD up for activities himself or does he need permission from BM, even though it's on his time? Also, what happens if there's an emergency and we can't get a hold of BM or she can't get down here?

Once lost, is it possible for a parent to gain custody back?

My fiance lost his legal custody because he couldnt afford to complete the court ordered evaluation (which would prove he's not a drug abuser) in time for trial. Now his ex is gone and he has no idea where is daughter is or what kind of environment she's in. Also, he has no way of finding out, since he has no rights anymore.

Does anyone know what steps we can take towards having him gain his legal cusotdy/rights back?

OK, since it seems a lot of parents are in the spirit of moving lately, I figured I'd better ask questions while the topic is still fresh.

1. What exactly does a judge look for when deciding to allow a parent to move? Or, in other words, what is the common deciding factor?


BM wants to move to be with her boyfriend and has stated that her home state (2hrs away) is much better than here in MA. Truth be told, Fiance and I did a lot of research (we have charts) and found out that our state is actually better, not by too much, but there is more family here and more of everything else - schools, hospitals, museums.....

Bm also said she'd make more money there, working with her family, however "WE" know that isnt true. Is she going to have to prove that or will the judge take her word for it?

The biggest thing is we've concluded that if Fiance and BM share legal and physical custody, with child living with other parent everyother week, BM wouldnt need to make more money and she would't need to move. How do we go about proving that in court?

Thanks for your time and any help you can offer.

I was wondering what everyone's experience has been like with using email to communicate with the ex/other parent and with using emails as evidence in court.

Recently, my fiance suggested he and his ex use emails to communicate and express major concerns or issues. Using the phone has become extremely difficult, seeing as my fiances ex would use the phone to verabally attack him and then deny him phone time with his little girl. Also, we figure this would be a good way to document how her mood/attitude changes from naughty to nice everytime she gets a support check. (Typical!)

My fiances emails have been respectful and rational, even when the BM was completely awful. He has not been insultiing, never sweared and was always focused on their daughter. But after thinking about it, we are afraid the courts will think our polite emails are just a bluff and are an attempt to fire the BM up to make her look bad.

Also, we have court in 3 months and are trying for both 50/50 physical and legal custody. We would ulimately like to show that all parties can work together to raise this child. However, the lack of cooperation on the BM's part will most likely sway the courts into thinking 50/50 is a bad idea, in which case, BM having sole custody would be MUCH worse.

Please share your stories, nightmares or details of your still on-going battles =)

By the way, we live in MA, in Hampden County.


Thanks

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I've made a post about joint-custody before, and recieved a lot of good advice, but my fiance and I still have some questions. We would appreciate the help =)

Nutshell: My fiances ex is doing everything under the sun to punish him for moving on and being happy with another woman. In the name of "Childs best interest" the ex has taken my fiance to court for:

1. motion to not allow significant other at visitation,

2. motion to suspend visitation due to drug abuse (although that allegation is false), motion for fiance to pay half medical bills and motion for more child supprot. (these motions were all in one shot and to make sure we went broke)

3. Contempt of child support.

All of these motions were brought before the court in a matter of 4 months and they all started as soon as my fiance and I became serious in our relationship.

My fiance is going through a substance abuse evaluation to prove he isn't abusing his prescription. We have a court date in either three months or on the completion of the evalutation.

The court order my finance and the ex had previously was only tempory, which means, when they go to court now custody, physical custody and child support will be decided upon.

For the past three years, the ex has had temp. physical custody of their 5yr old daughter but my fiance wants 50-50 legal and physical custody. Recently, our lawyer told us that we've pissed off the judge too much and it's unlikely that he'd do us any favors and grant joint custody. My opinion to that is, I don't care what the hell the judge thinks, he can't make a ruling without a law to back it up. (As of now, there is no legal reason why 50-50 shouldn't be granted.)

Our lawyer also stated that it would be better to just get a visitation order and then go back later to ammend it. (What????!!!!!????) The problem with that is we are broke because of the ex's games and we'd never be able to afford to go back to court to get it "modified."

Can anyone please explain what the hell our lawyer thinking? I'd say he's thinking about job security =)

How difficult is it to modify an order?

If you have any advice or tips on how to achieve 50/50 or if you have a story to tell, please share. We are desperate for any help.....

My fiance went to court, when he broke up with his ex, a few years back. Everything that was decided on then was temporary, including physical and legal custodyof their now 5yr old daughter. At the time, it was decided that the daughter would live with her mother and my ex would be the NCP.

Presently, my fiance is having a huge court battle with his ex. Long story short, the ex has tried to remove me from visitation, has falsely accused my fiance of abusing drugs, has motioned for my ex to pay for all medical bills, has motioned for more child supprt and just took him to court on contempt of child support. (note: all this was done in 4 months)

We have a pre-trial and a court date coming up soon. We know that court is the deciding factor and, after that, things can't be changed.

Because of the ex's malicious actions due to our engagement, my fiance is considering trying for joint physical custody. (I know, I know, it's a long shot.) We believe this will be better for their daughter, so as to keep her from being a pawn.

I was wondering if anyone would like to give us any suggestions/advice on how to prove joint-physical would be better for the daughter?

Assuming we get joint-physical, I'd like some opinions on which is a better arrangement - switching every week, 2 weeks or month??

Thank you

I'm not sure where to put this post. It's for my fiance who is thinking about trying to obtain custody.

My fiance is the non-custodial parent and his ex has brought a motion before the court asking for him to be responsible for delinquent medical bills, totaling $335. She didnt tell him about the bills until they were late and can't recall all the reasons for why she brought their daughter to the doctor so frequently.

Their daughter has croupe right now. We know that is common in young children but she seems to get it everyother week. We know the ex is very untidy, doesn't dust or vacuum and she owns a dog. We are worried that the living conditions (which are worse than I can explain) may be contributing to the poor health of the daughter.

Can anyone tell us just how common croupe/outbreaks are and if living conditions play a role with frequent outbreaks?

If the conditions are contributing, could that be seen as neglect on the mothers part?

Thanks

Here's our story.....

Since separation BM continuously denied visitation, never allowing one full weekend sleep over or extra visitation time. When fiancé and I became involved, BM denied visitation even more. One week after I was introduced to SD, BM files motion to "Prevent Significant Other from being present during visitation." Temporary order was granted for one month (don't ask me why, I never ever hurt the kid) Two weeks later BM makes allegations against fiancé of "long-time, consistent drug-abuse."

Despite producing valid prescription for medication, fiancé is forced to undergo an evaluation and supervised visitation, neither of which is affordable. A year later, Fiancé, who is unable to afford to pay CS and pay to see his daughter BECAUSE he was trying to satisfy the court order, becomes dead-beat dad of the year and loses his legal custody at this past trial. He still has to complete an evaluation and has no visitation. (Note: he never hurt is daughter, himself or anyone for that matter while on his prescription.)

BM has now moved to a new state, with her supposedly "recovered" alcoholic BF, without leaving behind a forwarding address or phone number.

Fiancé has no way to see or contact his daughter and has no legal right to her whatsoever. God help me, if I ever get my hands on her........

So, what the hell do we do now? Please, please help if you can.

Thank you.

How do you retaliate when your ex throws every motion under the sun at you?

What do you do when your ex is succeeding in her mission to use the court system to bury you? I am a great guy and a dedicated father but she has made me look like the biggest loser to the judge. Ofcourse, she is Mother Teresea, but if they only knew about her history with drugs.....

Her games in court have made me go broke and I can't afford to live, let alone pay child support. She brought me back to court on contempt, which put me even further in the hole.

I just want to be with my daughter but, becuase my ex is jealous wench, I havent seen my little girl in over 7months. My ex got the judge to believe supervised visits were a good idea but I can't afford those either.

Yes I have posted to Soc and I did receive awsome advice but, unfortunately,he's NOT my lawyer and isn't the one defending me. My (new) lawyer at this time believes I shouldn't worry about retaliating against my ex and just thinks I should just try to comply. That's a real kick in the b*lls.



What do I have to do to prove that it was my EX who caused me to go broke???

What can I do to prove my ex's actions aren't in the best interest of our daughter??!!??

I'm not really expecting any asnwers to my questions. I know how biased the system is, this was just more of a rant. But hey, if you got a an evil wench too, I'd be more than interested to hear your story.

I was wondering what everyone's experience has been like with using email to communicate with the ex/other parent and with using emails as evidence in court.

Recently, my fiance suggested he and his ex use emails to communicate and express major concerns or issues. Using the phone has become extremely difficult, seeing as my fiances ex would use the phone to verabally attack him and then deny him phone time with his little girl. Also, we figure this would be a good way to document how her mood/attitude changes from naughty to nice everytime she gets a support check. (Typical!)

My fiances emails have been respectful and rational, even when the BM was completely awful. He has not been insultiing, never sweared and was always focused on their daughter. But after thinking about it, we are afraid the courts will think our polite emails are just a bluff and are an attempt to fire the BM up to make her look bad.

Also, we have court in 3 months and are trying for both 50/50 physical and legal custody. We would ulimately like to show that all parties can work together to raise this child. However, the lack of cooperation on the BM's part will most likely sway the courts into thinking 50/50 is a bad idea, in which case, BM having sole custody would be MUCH worse.

Please share your stories, nightmares or details of your still on-going battles =)

By the way, we live in MA, in Hampden County.


Thanks

HAVE YOU HEARD THE OTHERSIDE TO JOINT CUSTODY??? THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ACTUALLY THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

GO TO THIS SITE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK

http://members.aol.com/asherah/jointcustody.html

[temporary]

This may sound stupid but can anyone give us some ideas on what exactly the courts are looking for when one parent requests 50/50??

For 3 yrs, my fiance's ex has has  temporary physical custody of their 5yr old daughter. We will be going to court soon. My fiance would like 50/50 for numerous reasons but mostly to keep the daughter from being a measly pawn for the rest of her life.

The father/daughter relationship is excelent, despite recent problems with bm and we don't believe 50/50 would be tramatic to the daughter. However, the daughter is young and there hasn't been much of an opportunity for the fahter to prove his involvement - ie: school functions, sport function, ect....

We want 50/50. What can we do to get the judge to consider???

Note: All parties live in MA

Has anyone had any success proving to the court that the motivation behind the ex's actions are jealousy and insecurity?

My ex told the courts I was abusing drugs. I'm wasn't then and I'm not now. The truth of the matter is I have an injury from a motorcycle accident I was in 3 yrs ago and I was prescribed prescription pain killers. When I quit my job and became self employed, I own a home repair company, I lost health insurance. I needed medication to work my company and I couldn't afford insurance at the time. Until I got health insurance again I got medication, when I needed it, from a friend with a similar back problem. I realize this sounds bad but I never took medication around my daughter and never put her in jeapordy.

My ex never had any problems with my medication, or the way I got it, until I became serious with my present girlfriend. From time to time she would even ask me for some to get rid of her headache.

When my girlfriend and I moved in together, my ex took me to court to get an order to keep my girlfriend out of visitation and away from my daughter. (my girlfriend and ex have never even met) The judge issued a one month order, before the end of which, my ex told her lawyer I was abusing drugs.

So now that I have no health insurance and a positive result on a drug screen I have been ordered to undergo drug evaluation and supervised visits. I haven't taken medication in 2 months and could pass a drug test.

My ex has also just taken me back to court for contempt of child support. I've been doing the best I can but she just keeps making it worse.

I can't afford this and am in a financial hole because of my ex. My business has suffered, I'm in major debt, I can't afford my deadbeat lawyer and I can't afford a new one. I can't afford to fix this.

I just want to see my daughter. How can the courts not see that this whole mess is becuase my ex is a jealous, insecure, self-centered whench?

If anyone has any suggestions.....