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OMG! I wish I could trade our BM for all of you!!!!

All fiance wants is to get along with BM and to help raise his child. I can't express to you how depressed he is becuase he hasn't seen his daughter. When we pick out toys to send his daughter fiance gets so miserable becuase he knows he wont see the excitement on her face when she opens the surprise. And to top it off, BM doesn't care that he drops things off she just asks when she's going to get the support check and gets mad when I sign the card!!

Fiance doesn't hear about birthday parties, sleep-overs or events until a month later, unless his daughter tells him about it. Bm wants money to fund these things but she won't tell fiance about it in advance!!

To be honest, I really can't figure out what the BM wants from fiance. (I do know she doesn't want me around, but that's to be expected.)

1.She wants fiance to be involved but she wont give him the opportunity.

2.She want's him to see their daughter but she denies visitation.

3.She wants him to call his daughter but, when he does, BM viciously harrasses him over the phone.

What is he supposed to do!?!?!?!

Haha haha  I would love to tell BM that everyday!! Unfortunatly,I can't talk to her because she doesn't like me being around - hence this court mess we are in now =)

See, BM told the courts fiance was abusing drugs also. Fiance has a prescription for the surgery he had on his arm and BM said he was abusing that. She had a tape of him taking his medication, thats all! She has no proof he ever hurt his daughter or put her in danger in any way while on medication. Sadly we had a really sucky lawyer who did little to defend us and that's how we wound up with supervised visitation.

These visitaions, plus the cost of the evalutation, child support and the cost of living have really put us in a hole. We haven't had any money to see SD lately and that's why BM says fiance is a bad parent - becuase he has no money to see his daughter. The thing is, we'd have money if BM didn't bring the courts into this in the first place. =(

Thanks, we need all the luck we can get!

I don't know if you've read my other posts but the BM is a little unbalanced. She says she wants my fiance to be involved but then she dismisses his attempts to be involved. They have this court mess going on, with fiance having supervised visits. Fiance does all he can right now by calling his daughter all the time and we send her surprises and gifts when she's sick. But BM still writes nasty emails saying fiance doesn't care and isnt involved!! I guess you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

In our situation, BM has SD sleep in her bed. SD is 5yrs and does not have her own room or bed even though they have plenty of space. In this case, BM could get a one-room apartment =)

I see what you are saying about the electricity, I didnt take that into account. Thanks for the input.

I'm sorry to hear about your neglectful ex. Would you like to be our EX/BM instead? =)

Yeah my fiance and I had thought about the CS debit card/checking account idea but figured it would be a pain for the BM and she would probably just get the money from an ATM.

As for lying, having the BM show receipts is a good idea - if she could remember to keep them.

In my opinion, I dont think rent, mortgage, utilities or things like that should be included as child care/maintenence becuase both parents have to provide that for themselves anyway. I mean, it's not like BM got a house to live in just because she has a daughter!! In our case, BM owns a two family house, which she pays a mortgage on. It's expensive but no one is telling her to keep the house. She could always sell it and buy a one family for a cheaper mortgage or, if need be, she could just get a nice apartment.

What would you think if the NCP asked you to keep track of what you spent on the child with your own money AND child support?

Are we asking too much from the BM???

If your ex asked you to account for how the Child Support they sent was used what would you think/say/do?

Would you be for it or against it?

I'm asking because my fiance and I would like the BM to account for how the child support is spent. We don't think BM is embezzalling the money for herself or anything, we just think it would help if all parties had a better understanding of how much the total cost of caring for the daughter is.

Also, we arent trying to make things difficult for BM. Instead of always having to ask BM, fiance would like to already know if his daughter is growing out of her clothes or if she needs more school supplies, ect. We think having a logbook of how money is spent for their daughter would help to gauge what she needs now and help us better prepare for her needs in the future as well.

Suggestion, comments, criticisms or advice is greatly appreciated.

For awhile, the BM had her sisiter living in the lower apartment, free of charge. BM paid all bills, with no help from the sister. The sister moved out about 6 months ago, I think, and she has yet to rent the apartment again. As I said, she's had many offers and some of those people would be willing to write an affadavit.

The child is the main concern here. However, the daughter would benefit more from the mother renting out the apartment, instead of the father getting an increase on CS. LIke I said, the increase would be nowhere near what the BM would get in rent. Which is better - $600 more a month or $80 more? ($80 a month/$20 more a week is the legal maximum amount the CS can be raised.

I see what you are saying but I'm a little unsure of what you believe is the correct issue to challenge here?

I don't understand how the cost of heat, electricity, rent/mortgage and upkeep of a house could be allowed to be included in figuring out child supprt. The CP and NCP would have to pay those anyways, whether they had a child or not. I searched the MA DOR state site and I don't believe those expenses are considered in the CS guidelines.

The courts won't make BM rent the lower apartment, even though rent is considered to be income? Rental income is passive income and, unlike working overtime at a job, it doesn't take anytime away from the child. And if the BM is really paranoid about strangers, she could just rent the apartment out to a single lady. BM has already had offers from a few women, some she knew personally!!!

I don't understand why the courts make the NCP go to the ends of the earth to find a better job if they feel he/she is willfully underemployed but they won't go to the same extreme for a CP??!!??!! Um, what happened to "what is good for the goose, is good for the gander??

So, basically, all we have to do to not get a CS increase is show that the cost of child care hasn't gone up, since the last time CS was established?

Thank you everyone

[her]

According to the guidelines, any income from rental property, from either parent, is factored into the formula for calculating CS.

The problem here is BM can't provide for herself and I don't believe a small increase in CS is going to change that.

BM emailed us a list of what it costs her monthly  to pay for heat, electricty, mortgage, utilities and car insurance. (note: child care is split pretty evenly between the parents.) She can't afford her cost of living with what she brings home for pay and with leaving the apartment vacant. The house BM owns and lives in is a two-family and she's paying to heat and light the whole thing.

There has been no significant change in circumstances and there is no need for an increase in CS. All I'm asking is, how can we get the courts to understand that all BM needs to be able to provide for their daughter is to rent out her lower apartment?

Thank you

We all live in Mass. The daughter is 5yrs and is in daycare and dance class.

I checked out the guidelines and if the BM rented the appartment for about $700 my fiances C/S obligation would (supposedly) be reduced by $20. Not much of a difference, I'd say.

There has been no change of circumstances on the BMs part. My fiance is self-employed and we've found the courts don't look to highly on that, especially when your business is seasonal. Winter is the bad season and Bm really picked a good time to play games in court if you ask me.

From the list of expenses the BM gave us I figured out that she would be broke anyway, regardless of the cost of child care. She actually needs to rent out the lower appartment just to supprt herself.

See, the BM thinks that all her financial problems are because my fiance isn't paying her enough. She doesn't realize that he isnt' obligated to may alimony, he just has to help support his daughter.