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HAVE YOU HEARD THE OTHERSIDE TO JOINT CUSTODY??? THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ACTUALLY THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

GO TO THIS SITE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK

http://members.aol.com/asherah/jointcustody.html

Thanks to the both of you for your advice.  

I really hope we can make this happen. It's not good for a child to have a paying visitor for a parent.

When it comes to their daughter, BM rarely works with my fiance and it's causing a lot of problems. Before all the allegations, visitation was every wednesday and everyother weekend. This was practically cut in half by the BM and her games! We are hoping a court order mandating cooperation will help remedy this. Honestly, besides the current allegation of substance abuse (which we know is a big deal in court,) we don't believe there is any reason for 50/50 to not be granted. Maybe that's just wishfull thinking, I don't know.

I think it's really funny that BM's scream about the fathers not being active in parenting but when the fathers want to be involved, the BM's do everything to combat that. Why is it like that???

Thanks again

Thank you very much for your help.

As it stands, my fiance is going through a substance abuse evaluation and supervised visits because the ex made allegations that he was abusing his prescription. (Because we had a bad lawyer, who didn't come to our defense, we are now paying out the rear-end for this evalutaion!)

At our home daughter has own room, bed, toys and clothes. At BM's, daughter shares a room and bed with BM, even though BM has plenty of rooms.

My fiance makes every attempt to be involved but BM has yet to include him in major decisions such as: daycare, dance lessons, doctor visits....things like that.

We are concerned the BM has developed a dependency on the daughter. In other words, the BM needs to be needed and she thrives on her daughters need for her. This makes normal visitation and sleep-overs extremely difficult. Normal visitation is so short as is, but then BM would make it worse by claiming daughter is sick and can't go or BM would either not be home or just plain threw a tantrum at time of pick-up. We have police reports of her interference.

We don't believe BM is a bad mother, so to speak, but we do feel she has "irrational tendencies." For example, BM will "rig" a board game so when they play, the daughter always wins.  Also, for some reason, BM recently neglected to enroll daughter in school, but instead placed her in a daycare, which is getting costly.


Anyway, we are confident the evaluator's report will prove he isn't abusing drugs but if it doesn't will we lose our chance for 50/50??

Do we have prove that living full time with BM could be tramatic to the daughter or do we just have to show the benefits of 50/50?

[temporary]

This may sound stupid but can anyone give us some ideas on what exactly the courts are looking for when one parent requests 50/50??

For 3 yrs, my fiance's ex has has  temporary physical custody of their 5yr old daughter. We will be going to court soon. My fiance would like 50/50 for numerous reasons but mostly to keep the daughter from being a measly pawn for the rest of her life.

The father/daughter relationship is excelent, despite recent problems with bm and we don't believe 50/50 would be tramatic to the daughter. However, the daughter is young and there hasn't been much of an opportunity for the fahter to prove his involvement - ie: school functions, sport function, ect....

We want 50/50. What can we do to get the judge to consider???

Note: All parties live in MA

I think secrets are ridiculous and immature. This isn't grade school! Parents need to work together to communicate and be on the same page or else the children are going to learn to use that to their advantage.

Secrets just make things uncomfortable for everybody.

BM's:
While you're leaning forward to smell a pot of cooking soup, a disgruntled relative shoves your head into the pot and holds it there. Your face is quickly cooked as you choke to death on boiling hot soup.

FDH'S
While walking to your car after visiting a friend in a rather bad part of town, you are caught in the middle of a drive-by shooting. You are hit several times in the chest. You watch as blood pours from your body as you fall to the ground. You die from massive blood loss.

Mine:
While walking near a construction site, an open box of nails is dropped from several hundred feet above your head. You are impaled by hundreds of rapidly-falling nails, turning you into a human sieve.

Freaky, my fiance owns and masonry/home repair business and I help him on jobs all the time

Has anyone had any success proving to the court that the motivation behind the ex's actions are jealousy and insecurity?

My ex told the courts I was abusing drugs. I'm wasn't then and I'm not now. The truth of the matter is I have an injury from a motorcycle accident I was in 3 yrs ago and I was prescribed prescription pain killers. When I quit my job and became self employed, I own a home repair company, I lost health insurance. I needed medication to work my company and I couldn't afford insurance at the time. Until I got health insurance again I got medication, when I needed it, from a friend with a similar back problem. I realize this sounds bad but I never took medication around my daughter and never put her in jeapordy.

My ex never had any problems with my medication, or the way I got it, until I became serious with my present girlfriend. From time to time she would even ask me for some to get rid of her headache.

When my girlfriend and I moved in together, my ex took me to court to get an order to keep my girlfriend out of visitation and away from my daughter. (my girlfriend and ex have never even met) The judge issued a one month order, before the end of which, my ex told her lawyer I was abusing drugs.

So now that I have no health insurance and a positive result on a drug screen I have been ordered to undergo drug evaluation and supervised visits. I haven't taken medication in 2 months and could pass a drug test.

My ex has also just taken me back to court for contempt of child support. I've been doing the best I can but she just keeps making it worse.

I can't afford this and am in a financial hole because of my ex. My business has suffered, I'm in major debt, I can't afford my deadbeat lawyer and I can't afford a new one. I can't afford to fix this.

I just want to see my daughter. How can the courts not see that this whole mess is becuase my ex is a jealous, insecure, self-centered whench?

If anyone has any suggestions.....