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As I stated previously, I received custody of my 2kids in April/04. My son is special needs child and he was 14yrs old when I won custody of him and his sister. The reason I won custody of him was primarly that he wanted to come live with me. And his sister was old enough and had seen for herself that her mom was not really providing for my son.

Also I won custody because my ex had taken son out of school without consulting me (I had joint legal custody/physical custody with his mom). Son was in a public school being main schooled and was making a "B" average. Ex stated to me in a letter after I found out that she had taken son out of school in Jan/04 that she was going to home school him. That she had son in a over the internet home school program and that he would have one on one tutoring via internet and that he would receive a diploma and it fully accredited in the state.

I did not have son for visitation for several weeks/months. When son finally did come for visitation the last week of Feb/04, I asked son how he like home schooling and replied it was "ok". Then I asked what his daily schedule was like and what courses was he studying. Son replied that he had not actually started his home schooling, that his mom had not actually gotten the thing set up yet, but that his mom told him that it would be coming soon(he had been out of school at this time 2months).

So upon learning that ex had not enrolled him or started home schooling him for 2months, which was typical of ex, she had failed son's physical therapies prior to this. I told son that was the final straw, I asked son since had stated to me and maternial grandmother that he wanted to come live me, that now was his chance. He stated that he did and I went to my attorney's office and attorney drew up an parental election form and son signed it. That was on Saturday.

I called the tutoring place that my ex had stated in the letter that she was going to enroll son in and they stated that had no record of son and that had not received any monies or registration for son to be home schooled thru their program.

Sunday afternoon I called ex and told her that son would not be returning from the visitation and that I would be at the Judges court Monday morning and I would be filing for an emergency hearing for change of custody. Monday morning me and my attorney meet at judge's court for an emergency hearing regarding change of custody. Ex shows up with no attorney and states that I had kidnapped son and that I was holding son against his will and I was endangering his health. The judge refuses to hear the motion for change of custody on an emergency basis. But judge does state that if at all possible to get an earliest as possible court date and that this matter would be required to heard on a full hearing basis. And that son would be required to be returned to his mother's custody until such hearing.

We leave the court and son is crying because he really doesn't won't to return to his mom. We aquire a April court date and ex is so notified of the date. Ex and son return to their home town. Emotions are running high.

At April full hearing, I produce the evidence that ex had failed son's home schooling, I produce records from son's former physical therapist that had discountinued son's therapy because ex refused to provide home therapies for son. I had my ex's step-mother come to the hearing and to state that son had told her on several prior occassions that son wanted really badly to come live with me. I had my daughter (18yrs old) at court and she wanting to tell the judge that the things her mom had failed to do for son and the things that she knew her mom had done to harm son and my relationship (PAS). Son was also there.

My attorney and ex (pro-sce) go into judges chambers/back office and discuss the merits of the trial that is about to take place. My attorney explains to the judge all the material that we are about produce and how that ex had failed son and that son had signed and stated that he wanted to come live with his dad. Judge stated that before trial that she wanted to speak to son and my daughter alone before the trial was to start. After judge spoke to my kids, judge requested that ex and my attorney return to her office/chambers. Judge then told ex and my attorney that she saw that it was pretty clear that there was indeed a grounds for change in custody and that she would grant the motion.

The judge then opened up the trial and stated that via mutual agreement of both parties that I/Mr. Grazer would now have custody and that child support would be granted at a later date. My ex stands up in court and states that she only makes aprox. $300.00 a month income and that she couldn't possibly afford to pay much or any child support. The judge rolls her eyes and states to ex that issue will be deceided at another trial.

Son ex return to ex's home town and I am ordered to go pick up son that weekend. I show up at ex's home to pick up son and his personal belongings. Son comes out of ex's home with just the clothes on his body. I get out of the car and go to ex's door and ask ex to please provide some clothes (coat that had bought him for christmas and several pairs of nice pants and several pairs of jeans) and some of son's toys/playstation/portable DVD player, ect. Also I asked ex to please provide son's leg brace that I had gotten son fitted for and aids in son walking. Ex stated that she was keeping "everything" and that son had stated to her that he wanted to keep everything there so that he would have clothes and toys when he returned for visitation (LIE). I said well at least please give son's leg brace. Ex stated that she didn't know where it was and that she thought that she had lost it (LIE).

SO, I get custody of son with only the clothes on his back.

I enroll son in a small private school and they test him and find that he is no where near the grade level he needed to be at, but they allow him in school since there were only aprox. 6weeks of school left. But the school would not pass him to the next grade until he received during the up coming summer, tutoring to get him caught up and re-tested. Son received the required tutoring, passed re-testing and was allowed to graduate to the next grade.

We had great summer of 2004, we studied hard, went on vacations, enrolled in some really good therapies which really helped son. Did not have much problems with ex. Things were good and peaceful.

Son started back in school in fall 2004, developed some friends, made some good grades, even made honor roll. Then summer of 2005 we discovered some really progressive therapies that son could do and son stated to me that he would really wanted to do so that he could get better use of his hand/arm. We met with the therapist and she stated that it was a very intense therapy and that son would be required to come to therapy 3days a week for 2hours a day. That he would be required have little or no interuptions of the schedule. Son stated that he wanted to, but that he wanted to go on a church retreat and wanted to go spend a week with his mom (son had already spent one week with his mom). Therapist stated that could be arranged. I sent a letter to ex explaining that son wanted to do these therapies and that son would miss 1 or 2 weeks of summer visitation, but for missing those weeks we would work very hard for son to come for long weekends (Thur.-Sun.). Ex never replied to the letter.

Son works really hard all summer in his therapies. The Thursday before the last week of summer son is scheduled to go to his mom's for visitation. We also have therapy this Thurs. and during therapies son's becomes very frustrated and just breaks down and starts to cry. This type of behavior had never happened before and son usually works during his therapy sessions with spirit and seldom gives up. When son leaves out my house, the last thing I ask him before he leaves, "I will be picking you up Sunday?" son replies "yes dad".

I drive to pick up son on Sunday. My son calls me on my cell phone aprox. 1hr before I am to pick him up. Son tells me that he has made the decision not to come home and that he and his mom are headed out of town for vacation. I state to him that he told me before he went for this visitation that he would be coming home on Sunday and that he knew that he had his last week of therapies(the most important week of therapies) the upcoming week and that I was really upset by this. Son stated that he had made the decision and that he really didn't care and hung up on me. I attempted to call him back repeatdly, finally son's stepdad (ex's hubby) answers the phone and states that son doesn't wish to speak to me and that they would bring son home to my house the upcoming Saturday. And for me not to call back because they would not answer my calls.

I drive all the way back home (6hr roundtrip). Totally frustrated! I could not go get legal help because it stated in the custody order that the this week was legally one of the 4weeks that ex was to have son for summer visitation. I know, I should have ex sign a waiver for the weeks of summer visitation that ex did not receive. But I didn't, my fault.

Son returns home on Saturday as ex promised. Son and I have a big sit down talk. The first thing I asked son, when he left to go to his mom's on Thurs. that he knew that he wasn't coming back on Sun. as he had promised and son replied "yes sir". I also asked that he and his mom had planned this prior to son going on the visitation, son replied "yes sir". So, in my opinion, ex had taught son to lie to me and taught son to disregard the importance of the therapies that son had worked so hard for during the summer.

Out of anger, stupid me, I asked son did he really wish to continue to live with me and did he think that he needed to go live with his mom, Son stated "yes he did want to go live with his mom" that he and his mom had discussed this while he was there. Again, out of anger and the feeling of betrail, I said to son, fine go call her and tell her to come get you, because I will not stand for your mother to teach you to lie and conspire against me and my rules. Son calls his mom and she states that she would come to pick him up on Sunday. Ex shows up and I meet with her and sign a hand written statement that I would in good faith, work out the details of son coming to live ex.

Son and ex leave and I'm broken hearted. I awake the next morning and per advice of my attorney call ex and state to her that I've changed my mind and that I still have custody of son and that I'm coming to get son. Ex states that will not be possible that she would be at the court the next morning for an emergency hearing requesting custody of son(this is Aug/05). I show up at court with attorney and ex and son are there. Ex has gotten son to sign a parental election form (at this time son is 15yrs old). Ex, my attorney, and myself go into judge's chambers. Ex explains to the judge that I had sent son to live with her and gives the judge a copy of the note that I had signed and asks judge to grant custody to ex. Judge asks me what happened and I told judge about the lies and ex keeping son for visitation and how had messed up the therapies that we had worked on all summer. That I had change my mind about allowing son to go live with his mom and that I was truely sorry for my allowing my emtions to get the best of me. But I had realized that it would "NOT" be in son's best interest to return to his mom's for all the same reasons that I was originally granted custody.

Judge again stated that she would not grant custody on an emergency basis and that son would be required to return to dad's. The judge instructed ex to aquire a Nov/05 court date so that the matter could be heard at full trial basis. And the reason for a Nov/05 court date, was if there was merit for a change of custody that the change could occur during the christmas holiday and break in school.

Ex lives in the MS Gulf Coast Region. Because of Hurricane Katrina, ex did not attempt to aquire a court date until Oct/05. The earliest court date that ex could aquire was Jan. 27, 2006. The second week of Jan/06 ex sends my attorney a letter stating that she would like to seek a continuance for the Jan/06 court date. My attorney calls me and says that he had received this letter but also stated that he could no longer be my attorney because he was being dis-barred/loosing his lawyers license.

So I go to court and notify the court that I am now pro-sce (representing my self) and for the court to now contact me. Three days later the court administrator calls me and says that my ex is in their office and that ex is wanting a continuace for the Jan/06 court date. Ex states to the court administrator the reason for the request for continuance that ex had been summoned for Jury Duty in her home county. I tell Court Administrator that I do "NOT" wish for continuance and that if my ex wishes for a continuance then she will be required to for a hearing with the judge and have the judge grant the continuance.

Ex secures a meeting time with judge for 3days later (ex-parte day). I prepare my motion for denial of continuance and state in my motion the reasons for my request for denial of continuance. Reasons; judge requested this matter to be heard in Nov/05 ex did not do. Ex in Oct/05 aquired this Jan27/06 court date and I had agreed to this date. Now ex is wanting this trial date delayed. That this matter had been hanging over me and my whole family's head for 5months already and I wished for a final resolution to the matter. That also, if a delay is granted that it will greatly hender any planning that I may do for my son regarding spring/summer/06 activities.

Ex and I meet in Judge's chambers and ex states that she has this jury summons and produces a copy of the summons. I produce a copy of my motion for denial of continuance. Judge states that under circumstances that ex had been effected by the Hurricane and that the Jan27/06 court date would not be really a good time in son's school schedule (already started back in school for 3weeks), that the judge would grant a continuance. And judge instructed ex to go immeditately and get a May/06 court date and that the judge would hear the custody case then. And that May would be very close to the end of son's school year.

So now I am burden with the fact that I now have to live in limbo for another 4-5months not knowing if I will be allowed to continue to be my son's father/dad or not. Not to mention the strife and uneasy feelings between me and my son.

As I said, Geesh, it never ends!! So sad

Grazer

I have a very close friend that is PHD. Pyschologist. He specializes in child abuse. He has told me numerous times that a person that commits child abuse, spousal abuse or sex crimes are generally known to be habitual. Meaning, that the guy that your stbx is currently associating with in all probabilties will commit alike crime again. Another thing friend has beat into my brain and forced me to remember, "past behavior is a very good indicator of future behavior".

Also, I had a good friend that got a divorce and his ex starting living with a guy that had just got out of prison for spousal abuse. He tried everything to get custody of his twin little boys. But the judge would not change custody because his ex's new boyfriend had not done anything wrong or beat up on his ex. Ex's boyfriend put on the show that he found religion, that he had changed, he wasn't ever going to be like he was in the past--blab,blab. It wasn't 3months later my friends ex shows up at his door with his twin boys and she had been beaten black and blue. She stated that she just wanted the boys to be safe but she wasn't going to leave her boyfriend that had just beaten the crap out of her. Friend immediatly filed for custody and was granted custody after an investigation into the ex and her boyfriend.

If your stbx's boyfriend truely has anger mangement problems, it is not a question of if he will beat her, rather it is a question of when. Be prepared with quality attorney and get your kids out of her custody or be prepared to request for supervised visitation with the mom.

The sea is in my vains, my tradition remains, I'm just glad I don't live in a trailer. James Delany Buffett

For the old timmer's here will hopefully remember me. I gained custody of my 2kids from my ex/BM in April/04. My son (16yrs old) that has now been brainwashed by his mom, wants to go back to live with his mom. He's signed a legal parental election form when he was with his mom for visitation. My son is a special needs child and I've provided many things medical, school and social that his mom never did or refused to provide for him.

I will write back when I have more time to explain the whole story!

Geesh it just doesn't ever end!!!

Grazer

NM

I agree with what Wendl advised!

Several other things you may wish your attorney to get done while you are at court regarding what happened at the hospital.
No. 1. File contempt against the BM for taking the child during your visitation time. If it is clearly stated in your visitation order that you were allowed this specific time for summer visitation and the BM took the child away without your permission, then this is blatant Contempt of Court orders and should not be allowed and should be brought to the attention of the court/judge.
No. 2. Have as complete of history regarding these harmful and disruptive tanturms. Get any and all medical records/pyschological/therapy information that the child has recieved. If you have joint "legal" custody or you have not given up your parental rights, thus you have rights to all records regarding child. With all the information you can obtain, then demand the court to court order help, evaluation, psychological help, and professional help for the child. The court has the power to order this done. And if the BM refuses to get the help the child needs and has been ordered to recieve, then you may file contempt against the BM for not following a direct court order for failing to the child help.

Good luck,
Grazer

Send a letter to BM, asking her to please respond in writting what her plans are regarding mediation. Hopefully she would respond stating that she is traveling out of town/state and state what her "real" reason for traveling on the mediation date. Take her written response to the judge prior to your mediation date and show the judge that ordered the mediation what the BM was planning on doing. I don't think the judge would be very happy with the BM's actions.

I'm not a lawyer and don't know if this would work. Could you all possibly suphena the BM to the mediation. My ex had made a regular mission of getting pending court dates postponed. And at last court hearing regarding custody, my ex stated to my kids that she and her hubby were planning a trip out of state for the week of our court hearing. She had been notified of the pending court hearing via her attorney. We suphena ex to make sure she would be attending the court date and not be traveling out of state and then at last minute say that her car had broken down while traveling and not show up for the court date.

Please take the advice below as just for what it is, free and not legal advice. But simply advice or ideas that I have experinced in my own situation.

First and foremost, it is always my belief that if you ever enter into a court battle and the opposing party has an attorney representing them. Then it is often foolish to attempt to represent yourself. The reason: attorney's have all sorts of tricks, quirks of law, and experince of court trials, that a person that is "not" a legal/experinced attorney does not have. And if you attempt to represent yourself and are not "totally" experinced with court battles, then you become easy prey for the opposing attorney. This is especially true if the opposing side's attorney is a shark/less than a scruplous attorney. And often, it appears to me, attorneys that practice domestic law, are often less than scruplous.

If you represent yourself in a court battle, the opposing attorney will use all sorts of tricks/legal quirks to completely destroy your case. Because opposing attorney's know that you will most likely not know tricks/legal quirks, and use those tricks to thwart, stall, mislead, and basically legally destroy your attempt at justice. It's sad fact, but a fact that I truely believe.

The question of obtaining an attorney in the same court/county that has jurisidiction, is two sided. Often attorney's that practice law in the county that has jurisdiction, have repor with the judge and has faced the particular judge that you will be apear before. Therefore an attorney that practices law in the same county will know the history to the judge and often know/be experinced how the judge will rule or know the attitude of the judge of particular issues(ie; pro-father/pro-mother bias, or pro-shared custody/pro-joint legal custody, ect.). Also the attorney will probably know opposing attorney and be able to better communicate with opposing attorney. Or know that it will be hard to get anything done because of opposing attorney is a slim ball. Also attorney in same county will not charge you hourly and milage for travel to the court, as an attoreny will often do from another town/county.
 

I can hardly believe it. So I have to keep typing it over and over again.
I'M A FULL TIME DADDY AGAIN!!!!
I was yesterday awarded full "physical" custody of my 2children. My daughter that is 18yrs old and my son that is 14yrs old.
Wow, I'm still in shock! After 10 long years of being messed with, thwarted, PAS, having my children moved away from me, my ex neglecting my children and just about any other thing that my kids BM could do to mess with me and my children's relationship. I now have custody.

I truely wish to thank "ALL" person's that have listened to all my years of coming to this site(since aprox. 1998). That have listened, given advice and generally been very supportive. And I especially would like to thank Waylon, the founder, creator and thriving force of this site(Waylon can you believe it).

Now, I'm going to need help being a full time daddy to my kids. LOL Something that I haven't done in over 10yrs.

Also, praise God, for prayers are truely answered!!!!!!!

AGAIN, I'M A FULL TIME DADDY!!!

No I did not have to end up paying alimony. I took my case thru the court system, and ex and her attorney retracted their threat to ask for alimony. Don't know if they had asked for it, they would have gotten it from a judge or not. But the threat of asking for alimony on top of 20% of adjusted gross income for child support. Had me very scared! If ex would have been awarded 20% of my income for child support and then been awarded alimony, I would have been paying my ex wife almost a 33% of my monthly income and would have left me with very little to live off of.

Yes my ex was awarded custody. In my state women are awarded custody over 80% of the time. And for a woman in my state not to be awarded custody, the woman must either be in prison or not want custody or some other very drastic reason.

This is exactly what happened to me during my divorce. My ex was having mutiple adulterous affairs. I found out and ex agreed to never do it again and I agreed to go to martial couseling. We attended family and marriage couseling for 1.5 years. We continued to have sex. Found out that ex was still having affair. Ex filed for divorce, before I could, knowing that the spouse that files for divorce first usually has an advantange.

Ex and ex's attorney proposed a very un-realistic divorce settelement. I counter proposed what I believe to be what the court would grant in the form of settlement. My ex's attorney very nastly and threatened in a return letter to my proposal for settlement, "I wish for you to be aware of Supreme Court ruling xyz that states that audltery does not automatically allow a spouse to not pay alimony to a spouse that committs adultery".

In other words what ex's attorney was threatening, agree to our un-realist divorce settlement or we will file for alimony also and probably be granted it. Even though I had done nothing wrong in the course of the marriage and my ex had mutiple affairs.

Sounds to unreal to be true. But upon my attorney and other attorney's advice, I found that Suprem Court ruling to be exactly as ex's attorney had threatened. So I had fight thru the court system for a reasonable/equitable divorce settlement. Which my ex and her attorney dragged out for over 2yrs.

So this story that Brent has posted, doesn't only apply to the victim being female and the adulteror being male!!