You cannot protect them from an emotionally absent and uninvolved father. Let the relationship take its' own course and stop trying to direct it. You left out a LOT of pertinent information and that is why some of us went in the direction we did with our posts.
YOU are only responsible for the portion of the childhood experience that the kids have with you. You cannot direct and oversee what goes on with their father, grandparents, etc.
If you are so comfortable with talking to him, why don't you talk to him about this? There may be things you aren't aware of. The kids may be manipulating things or, you may be 100% right and there is absolutelly NOTHING you can do about that. You knew the type of person he was when you married him and you still decided to have kids with him. You cannot change that now.
He is most likely parenting just as he was parented. Many of us with rotten parents never learn how to rise above it and do better for ourselves and our children. I am not among that group, but I know of many and I also know that it was difficult for me to recognize the behavior patterns I was repeating even though I hated them. Not everyone has the fortitude to step out of roles they have been forced to live in, yet have become complacent with.
Being overprotective to make sure your kids have a "happy" childhood experience is a detriment to them. It will not produce well adjusted adults who know that life comes with good and bad. Let them deal with the relationship they have with their father. If one or the other comes to you with complaints about dad, tell them they need to talk to him about how they feel. They are old enough to handle this themselves mom. IF, they continue to have problems, I would talk to dad in a conversation out of the hearing of the kids and don't tell them about it. If you talk to dad, you have to be non-confrontational. The kids are teen and pre-teen - a lot of this may have a lot to do with that and nothing else. Who knows? Nobody will unless it is handled carefully and soon.
I told you that I may be wrong, but I still don't think I am totally off the mark. Missing them on the weekends they are gone is still too much emotional attachment no matter if you are remarried or not. Crying when they are gone is too much. I still think you need to take a close look at how you are reacting to this situation and realize that you are most likely contributing in some way.
YOU are only responsible for the portion of the childhood experience that the kids have with you. You cannot direct and oversee what goes on with their father, grandparents, etc.
If you are so comfortable with talking to him, why don't you talk to him about this? There may be things you aren't aware of. The kids may be manipulating things or, you may be 100% right and there is absolutelly NOTHING you can do about that. You knew the type of person he was when you married him and you still decided to have kids with him. You cannot change that now.
He is most likely parenting just as he was parented. Many of us with rotten parents never learn how to rise above it and do better for ourselves and our children. I am not among that group, but I know of many and I also know that it was difficult for me to recognize the behavior patterns I was repeating even though I hated them. Not everyone has the fortitude to step out of roles they have been forced to live in, yet have become complacent with.
Being overprotective to make sure your kids have a "happy" childhood experience is a detriment to them. It will not produce well adjusted adults who know that life comes with good and bad. Let them deal with the relationship they have with their father. If one or the other comes to you with complaints about dad, tell them they need to talk to him about how they feel. They are old enough to handle this themselves mom. IF, they continue to have problems, I would talk to dad in a conversation out of the hearing of the kids and don't tell them about it. If you talk to dad, you have to be non-confrontational. The kids are teen and pre-teen - a lot of this may have a lot to do with that and nothing else. Who knows? Nobody will unless it is handled carefully and soon.
I told you that I may be wrong, but I still don't think I am totally off the mark. Missing them on the weekends they are gone is still too much emotional attachment no matter if you are remarried or not. Crying when they are gone is too much. I still think you need to take a close look at how you are reacting to this situation and realize that you are most likely contributing in some way.