Messages

Maid Marion,

I have to respectfully disagree here. IMHO: Involving the children is not a good idea. Especially now, when things are highly emotionally charged. Those kinds of actions could be used against him at a later date. Better to leave the kids out of it. You are right about spending as much time as possible with them and reassuring them that he loves them. The ugly details of mom and dad's divorce are better left unsaid. I am sure mom is saying enough already. Those kids have got to be wondering by now why they aren't going back home.

We don't know, the mom may have good reason for leaving (not making any accusations about the original poster here) HOWEVER, running away is not the way to do it unless there is physical abuse and even then, the distance is still not good. She should have made other arrangements if she desired to divorce her husband.

Wrenching the children from their normal environment is not what a good parent normally does. Good parents act in their child's best interest. Clearly, this is not what is happening here. Just laying down and letting the kids go with mom is not always the best choice. Besides, we don't know her earning capacity, environment kids will be raised in, etc. She may have been an excellent parent up until the day she left and now all that may have changed. He doesn't know that because he is not living with her anymore.

You say that the poster should just let his wife out of the marriage, but to secure a relationship with his children. Well, you never know what demands some people place on their spouse while divorcing. He has to make sure they reach a settlement he can live with and that doesn't ruin him financially or place his children out of his reach. Atlanta is a good distance even if you are at the closest point in Tenn.

You are right about documenting.

"If you want to be near your children then you have to somehow get along with mom" - I have to tell you that was the statement that got to me the most. I have spent many years trying in every way possible to "get along" with my ex and SHE has chosen to be bitter and vengeful. Her choice is not my responsibility. HOWEVER, I have done everything I can to make sure the relationship with my child is maintained despite the wishes of the mother. And at this point, there is a custody modification in process that I am very positive about and more importantly will put my child in a much better environment to live in. The fact that the modification has proceeded against her is a direct result of her failure to get along with me on any level.  Some people will never be reasonable and do what is best for the kids no matter what the cost (to themselves or their children and THAT is NOT good parenting).

Filing for temp. custody and having the children returned to their home and normal environment is what is best for them. Everything else can be worked out as the process is plodding along. If he waits for a divorce and normal custody hearings to take place, months will have gone by and she may very well have the legal time in Atlanta for residency.

It is best for him to keep his communications with his soon to be ex as business like as possible to protect himself.

Please don't be offended. Just letting you know that there is another side to consider.

IF YOU CAN AFFORD AN ATTORNEY - GET ONE ASAP. DON'T WAIT FOR THE ATTORNEY TO FILE FOR EMERGENCY CUSTODY.

Go to your court and file an emergency ex-parte motion for custody. Your grounds that the children are better with you is that the mother has deserted the family and removed the children from their stable home environment. Also, get your divorce filed for on the grounds of desertion or whatever terms apply in your state. There should be a pro-se office in your court house, ask them for assistance. If not, explain to the clerk.

If you plan on hiring an attorney - do so asap and give him/her copies of your filings so they can proceed accordingly.

Now, do you have ANY idea why she left?  It is time for you to document and assemble your proof of anything that she has done that is not in the best interest of the children and detrimental to the marriage. Can you search your computer to see if there is any evidence on there of her planning to leave. Being you are a software guy, you should know how to find all those secret places the computer hides things I would hope.

I don't believe this meets the level of a crime because there isn't an established order designating custody yet. You need to get that in place asap.

ALSO - I HIGHLY suggest you post on Socrateaser's board for guidance. Remember to read the guidelines for posting.

Keep us updated - there are many here who have experience with what you are going through.

Remember - DO not EVER lose your temper. Do NOT EVER involve the children (I do not agree with Maid Marion about asking the kids who they want to live with), and make sure you keep your nose squeeky clean cause the mud will be flying. PS - do what you can now to protect your assets also.

This is just my opinion - not legal advice.

We are all hoping things work out for the best.

Look, you have all the evidence you need. File for a change of custody due to a significant change in circumstance (YOU have child all the time and mother doesn't want her full time.)

Sounds to me like you are being jerked around by your attorney. If you feel comfortable with the process, get rid of the attorney and go it on your own. Caution: you will need to make sure you follow procedures to the letter. It takes a bit of research and I would suggest you have someone close to you help you out with things.

Personally, I would send a letter to the attorney asking why he requested a continuance and that you are directing him to file for a a change of custody based on the above items. You are the employer and have hired the attorney to do a job for you. Also, you may want to look into the commission that oversees attorneys in your state, this may be a violation of some kind. It does not seem like you are being adequately represented.

You have witness' who are willing to testify, right?
copies of receipts for all that you are doing for the child outside of your CS obligation.

This is just my opinion - not legal advice. You need to do what you feel is best for the best interests of your child and yourself.

If there has been a material change in circumstance, you have grounds to change your existing order. It is up to the court's discretion to decide what is really material change.

Change in job, living conditions, ability to care for child, actual care for child (bad grades, missing school, etc.), moved, income changes, failure to follow court orders, etc......

Just as Aggiedad said, we cannot relate our experiences to you if we don't know specifically what you are trying to get.

We all need to rant sometimes. Unfortunately, it rarely, if ever brings about any positive change, just blows off some steam.

You don't have to have a lawyer to work this system. But you do need brains, common sense (not that the court has any), and a heck of a lot of self-control.

I am not famaliar with Texas law, just MD - it seems they are all biased to some degree.

If you want to know how others have fared in similar circumstances, you have to post specifics.

Good luck!