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I know you asked for no lectures about spanking, but I ask that you think about your own comment before you decide whether spanking will help:
"it is clear that spanking will teach him good lesssons because he wouldn't misbehave to that extent when he is with his mother who disciplines him with spanking and the like"

What good lesson does spanking teach?  It is OK to hit?  The stronger more violent person gets their way?  Violence is a good solution?

Sounds like these are the exact behaviors you are trying to show him are wrong.  You might consider taking parenting classes to help you learn how to best approach your discipline problem...not only will you avoid any possibility of abuse allegations but it will help you look good in front of the court (as well as be a better, more effective parent).

My only advice on the psychologist issue is perhaps you should wait until the evaluation is done...maybe it will become a non-issue and you could avoid a lot of undue stress.

About the stooling problem...do some reading about encopresis or stool holding behavior.  While medications are fastest and it is hard to accomplish much if your time with SS is limited there are a few things you can try to help.  With encopresis, the child usually gets into a cycle where they have held the stool and become constipated, then stooling becomes painful and they want to hold even more.  The goal is to create a very soft  stool so that passage will not be painful (ironically, you may have to create even more "accidents" to solve the problem).  Avoid fast foods, greasy foods and sweets (all the usual bad stuff) as they are constipating.  Hydrate well and give lots of juices (prune, plum and pear all help loosen stool) and provide a high fiber diet.  All of these things are a good idea nutritionally anyway and very hard for BM to complain about.

Resolution of this problem takes weeks to months so don't expect a quick fix.

I hope this helps.

I hate to burst your bubble, but if mediation in GA is anything like the mediation we went through, don't expect too much.
The goal is not to find out what is best for the child, evaluate the situation or the homes, it is only to mediate between the parents and come to a middle ground.
We went through mediation twice and very little was ever solved.  DH was pushing for full custody and we got a little extra time, but not much.  I think it takes a full custody evaluation to have someone really look hard at the situation, consider all the evidence and make any kind of seroius change.  I don't think a mediator will make a recommendation outside of what they feel both parents will agree to...and my guess is one party would never agree to a change in custodial parent.
After slowly increasing our time little by little through mediation, we now await the results of our custody evaluation in hopes of real change.
Keep your fingers crossed for us and good luck to you...BTW ask for the stars because you will likely be given a middle of the road compromise!

Congrats.  Our situation seems similar in many ways but thankfully not so violent and dangerous.  

I have one question for you...How long did the whole process take?  We are starting month eight and though each parent has sent an occasional letter (last one about 2 weeks ago) about new situations arising we haven't heard a word from him or had to go in for a meeting/testing since June.

Congrats on your pregnancy.  Take care of yourself and your baby!

Looking for something good to say? So were we and here is about all we could come up with.

We were fighting like crazy over custody, any extra minute was a battle even though she loved to put him in daycare as long as possible.  That translated into...she is very passionate about child.

We were accused of abuse for taking him to the doctor and getting his medical needs met.  This translated to...she seems very concerned about his safety.

Get creative, but be sure to follow it up with your concerns.

What would her mother say her good points are?  How about the child?

I have to say (and we don't have our report yet) our experience was much different than the one just given.  We gave the evaluator a 200 page binder of info and documented proof.  Now the eval is almost over  (after a lot of interviewing and psychological testing of all parties involved) and there are a couple points that have escalated since the start of our eval (4+ months ago), my DH asked the evaluator if we could provide a little more info and he said he is willing to read anything we feel is pertinent.  We know he read the first binder from his questions/actions so far.

BTW...Mom gave nothing, no evidence of abuse, no documentation, nothing.  It sounds like in your case she is the type to do the same.

This is your big chance.  Look at it that way.  Hope your evaluator is good.  But either way give it your all!

Good luck.

I have found a place on this website where one custody evaluation report is reproduced.  It was invaluable in giving me an idea of what to expect for our upcoming eval.  Recently a GAL report was published in this forum.

Would it be possible to ask everyone willing (hopefully with positive and negative outcomes) to submit reports to be posted (perhaps in a separate area of this site)?  It would be great to have all identifying info except the State of case removed.

This would be really helpful in preparing for an eval, deciding how likely you are to win (to plan when to request eval) and giving info and what sorts of info helped the eval go well.

Would love everyone's thoughts as to whether this would be useful.

Thanks!

If anyone is interested...here is more info on the case (the articles seem just a little biased to me).

Perhaps this high profile case will help some of us in similar situations.

http://www.able2know.com/forums/about25808.html

Hi all,

I was hoping that someone else here had heard of this and could help out.  My husband got a note this morning from his Mom to let him know about a case of PAS that was going to be discussed on Good Morning America this morning...but we got the note too late and missed the show.

Apparently the case was in New York of twin girls who were taken from their mother(maybe last name of Marks) and given to father due to her alienation.  This was supposed to be a landmark case as it was the first time the court REALLY acknowledged that PAS exists.

We would love more info if anyone has it!

Thanks.

We had a paternity test done.  All it involved was a mouth swab from DH and child, about $200 and a few weeks wait.  I believe we used this service: http://www.swabtest.com/

The catch is...we just did it for our own knowledge, understanding that we would probably have to go through it again if we needed it to be admissible.  (thankfully it proved paternity and we didn't have to bother).

My belief is that you will likely have to request the test through the courts and jump through whatever hoops they require for it to be legal.  Maybe you should ask Socrateaser before you spend any money?

You probably will have to go to court for an order for examination, but you can initiate the request.

The custody evaluation will definitely be of both parties (that is why you need to start preparing yourself now if you are even thinking of this).

A custody evaluation should really be able to pick up personality disorders such as narcissism or borderline.  Almost all evaluators use the MMPI-this is a 500+ question test that checks for personality type and major psychiatric diagnoses.  Even though she is able to fool everyone else, this test has many internal checks which make it hard to fake.  The evaluator is then able to correlate the tests findings with what they learn through interviews.

With any luck, your BM will do what ours has done, completely decompensate under the stress and show such little insight into the situation that she has made many of the wrong choices regarding the exam.

Good Luck.