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Win5Low,

To help Socrateaser answer your question as quickly and as accurately as possible, please follow the posting rules for this particular board (otherwise, you won't get a response):

1) Break your post into paragraphs of no more than four sentences.

2) State your facts first, then your questions.

3) Number each question, so that I can number my answers.

[Do NOT let her leave with the child!]

>I live in AZ, have been married 4 years have a 3 year
>daughter.  Wife told me she wants a trial separation(verbal
>only), and is taking daughter to live with her father Jan
>15th.  

Do NOT let her leave with the child! That child isn't her property to do with as she pleases! If you let her leave with the child you'll set a precedent that will be hard to correct- the judge will say that you "let her go" and then you're screwed. Trust me on this one- DO NOT LET HER TAKE THE CHILD! Get an RO to prevent the child from leaving the state. Once she leaves with the child your game is over. Ask anyone here if you don't believe me.


>
>She has been spending less and less time with us at home
>staying out 4-5 nights a week.  I have documented all the
>parenting time I have had since being told she intended to
>leave.

Do not let this child leave with her, period. The child belongs in the family home, which is where you should stay. The moment she leaves with the kid, it's all over for you.


>
>1.  Can I prevent her from taking my daughter out of the only
>home she's known?

YES. Get a restraining order ASAP. The child is not to leave the state, period.



>2.  If I have a separation agreement drawn up before she
>leaves and she won't sign it, what can I do?

File it without her, AND file a parenting plan immediately. DO NOT let her move away with the child- I can't stress this enough.

Here are some links- start reading this stuff now, and I mean right now:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

First Aid Kit For Divorcing Dads
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/firstaid.htm

>  How do we thank SOC?

I'm sure he wouldn't be offended if you offered to send him some good ol' fashioned money. :)

Attorneys almost always say that they'll seek a new evaluation if it's unfavorable to their client, but most judges will go by the evaluator's report unless it can be shown to be severely flawed. They don't like "evaluation-shopping", plus most evaluations are difficult to overturn (again, unless they can be shown to be very flawed).

Overturning Parenting Evaluations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/overturn.htm

Talking to Your Children About Terrorism
by dr. robin f. goodman

     Kids ask lots of tough questions, but questions about acts of terrorism or war are some of the hardest to answer. When the news media provides immediate and graphic details, parents wonder if they should protect their children from the grim reality, explore the topic or share their personal beliefs.

     Adults also must reconcile the dilemma of advocating nonviolence while explaining terrorism and why nations maintain armies and engage in war.
     Contrary to parents' fears, talking about violent acts will not increase a child's fear. Having children keep scared feelings to themselves is more damaging than discussion.

     As with other topics, consider the age and level of understanding of the child when entering into a discussion. Even children as young as 4 know about violent acts, but all children may not know how to talk about their concerns. It often is necessary for parents to initiate the dialogue themselves. Asking children what they have heard or think is a good way to start.

     Adults should look for opportunities as they arise, for example when watching the news together. You also can look for occasions to bring up the topic of when relevant related topics arise. For example, when people in a television show are arguing. Discussion about larger issues such as tolerance, difference and nonviolent problem solving also can be stimulated by news. Learning about a foreign culture or region also dispels myths and, more accurately, points out similarities and differences.

     Far off violent events can stimulate a discussion of non-violent problem solving for problems closer to home. For instance, helping children negotiate how to share toys or take turns in the baseball lineup demonstrates productive strategies for managing differences. Older children may understand the issues when related to a community arguing over a proposed shopping mall. Effective ways of working out these more personal situations can assist in explaining and examining the remote violent situations.

     Adults also should respect a child's wish not to talk about particular issues until ready. Attending to nonverbal reactions, such as facial expression or posture, play behavior, verbal tone or content of a child's expression offer important clues to a child's reactions and unspoken need to talk.

     Answering questions and addressing fears does not necessarily happen all at once in one sit down session or one history lesson plan. New issues may arise or become apparent over time and thus discussion about war should be done on an ongoing and as-needed basis.

The Depressed Child: Knowing the Signs is Crucial
by jim strawn

     Do you remember growing up in the 50s, 60s or 70s? Looking back it is hard to believe that we have that we had it so good as children.
     As children, we would ride in the back of a pickup truck on a warm summer day. We drank water from a garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors.
     We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us on a cell phone. Unthinkable.
     We got cut and broke bones and broke teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
     They were accidents. Remember them. No one was to blame but us. We ate whatever we wanted but were never overweight, we were always outside playing. We shared one grape Nehi with four friends and no one ever died from this. Life was a bubble.
     Childhood and adolescence used to be a time of carefree adventure and fun-filled times. However, for thousands of children and teens, that is not always the case. Childhood and teenage depression is on the rise, according to the National Mental Health Association.
     As school violence and the threat of terrorism has erupted across the country, we are reminded of the many challenges facing our young people.
     They are dealing with violence, peer pressure, single parent homes, the threat of terror, and other issues that can create fear, disconnectedness, anxiety and despair.
     Suicide is one of the leading causes of death for West Virginians age five to nineteen.
     Not only adults become depressed. Children and teenagers may also have depression, which is a treatable illness. That is the good news. Treatment is available and treatment works. Depression is defined as an illness when the feeling of sadness persists and interferes with a child or adolescent's ability to function.
     About 5 percent of children and adolescents suffer from depression at any given point in time.
     Children under stress, who experience loss, or who have attentional, learning, conduct or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Depression also tends to be hereditary.
     The behavior of depressed children and teenagers may differ from the behavior of depressed adults.
     Child and adolescent psychiatrists advise parents to be aware of signs of depression in the youngsters. If one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek professional behavioral health treatment:
     · Frequent sadness.
     · Crying.
     · Hopelessness.
     · Decreased interest in favorite activities.
     · Low energy.
     · Boredom.
     · Poor communication.
     · Low self- esteem.
     · Guilt.
     · Anger.
     · Difficulty with relationships.
     · Poor concentration.
     · Change in eating or sleeping patterns.
     · Talk about running away from home.
     · Suicide ideation.
     A child who used to play often with friends may now spend most of the time alone and without interests. Things that were once fun now bring little joy to the depressed child. Children and teens who are depressed may say they want to be dead or may talk about killing themselves.
     Depressed children and teens are at increased risk for committing suicide. Depressed adolescents may abuse alcohol or other drugs as a way to feel better.
     Children and adolescents who cause trouble at home or at school may actually be depressed but not know it. Because the youngster may not always seem sad, parents and teachers may not realize that troublesome behavior is a sign of depression.
     When asked directly, these children can sometimes state they are unhappy or sad.
     Early diagnosis and medical treatment are essential for depressed children. This is a real illness that requires professional help.
     Comprehensive treatment often includes both individual and family therapy. It may also include the use of antidepressant medication. For help, parents should ask their physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose the treat depression in children and teens.
     Remember, it is not a hopeless battle. And the problem will not go away if ignored. Get the help your child deserves and put that carefree adventure back in their lives.

>Went to pick up child last nioght for weekend BM stands in
>the doorway and says "See ya wouldn't want to be ya" then
>slammed the door when child went with dad.

I highly recommend that you start documenting this in detail. One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information. Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

I think this will help answer some questions:

Presenting "Negative" Information
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/example.htm

>unless it is specified in the court order, the step
>parent does NOT have the right to seek medical
>care (for the flu, etc.), take to the dentist, pick
>up from school, etc.

I haven't read the whole thread so pardon me if I repeat something that's already been mentioned, but usually the NCP can use a Power of Attorney form for this kind of thing.  The POA allows the step parent the right to do things like seek medical treatment for the child, pick him up, and so on.

It's kind of a long link, but this will bring up the Power of Attorney stuff:

http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=Power+Of+Attorney+Forms+&Match=1&Realm=All

> I have demanded they not play for his team

You can't do that. It's not reasonable, nor will it be effective.


> What can I do?!

Richard Warshak has a very good book out called "Divorce Poison" that might give you some good ideas and tools for dealing with parental alienation:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/review22.htm