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Idiots on Parade:

Weather forecasters weren't yet sure whether a snowstorm was coming, but Somerville, Massachusetts, Mayor Joseph A Curtatone wasn't taking any chances. Though not a flake of snow was in sight, he declared a snow emergency. The next day, citizens of the city awoke to find little snow. But some 3,000 of them found $50 tickets on their cars for parking on a snow emergency street. They were the lucky ones. Another 200 had their cars towed. The mayor says he has no plans to forgive the tickets or to cancel the towing charges, which could net the city some $179,000. Neither the state nor any other city in the area declared a snow emergency.

A funny sent to me by the admin:

If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
 
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
 
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
 
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
 
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
 
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
 
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
 
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
 
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
 
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
 
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
 
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
 
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
 
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
 
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
 
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
 
Q. When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
 
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
 
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
 
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
 
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
 
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
 
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
 
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
 
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.

Working off an anonymous tip, agents from the Business Software Alliance conducted their deadliest--and most successful--software piracy audit to date.  The raid took place at Children's World Daycare Center in Faribault, Minnesota, where it was suspected that employees had installed unauthorized copies of Microsoft Windows and Microsoft Junior Puzzle Challenge on at least thirteen Compaq PCs, a spokesman for the BSA said.

The early morning raid took place Monday as busy parents dropped their preschool-aged children at the door of the  Children's World compound and headed off to work.  A little over half of the center's 48 children had arrived by the time the raid began.  In full riot gear, agents of the BSA fired three rounds of tear gas pellets through first-floor windows of the small building and then stormed in through both the front and rear entrances.  The plan was to seize all thirteen suspect computers and immediately return them to headquarters for license key analysis.  

However, BSA agents say they encountered fierce resistance in the cubby room area, as children began hurling rocks and broken bottles at the officers and chanting anti-American slogans.  It's not clear whether the first shot came from the agents or from the angry child mob, but after the volley of gunfire had subsided, one toddler was dead and three others were hospitalized in serious condition.  One agent suffered a bruised shin, while another accidentally inhaled a dangerous amount of tear gas.
           
Results of the audit concluded that staff members of the daycare center had indeed violated Microsoft End-User License Agreements by installing the same copy of Windows and Junior Puzzle Challenge on every PC in the compound.  The EULA clearly states separate copies must be purchased and registered for each individual PC, with the exception of large corporations participating in Microsoft's "Software Assurance"  annual subscription plan.  Microsoft estimates the damage caused by Children's World to the overall US economy to be nearly 8 billion dollars.
           
"We make no distinction between software pirates and those that harbor them," the BSA wrote in a statement.  "Anyone who installs or uses unlicensed software is threat to both Microsoft interests and national security, and will be dealt with in a harsh and swift manner."  All Children's World students and staff are currently being held without bail in Rice County as they await federal charges.
           
Under the new USA Patriot Act, even extended family members of users of unlicensed Microsoft software can face steep criminal penalties.  The mother of the slain boy was arraigned in Minnesota Superior Court today for harboring a user of pirated software.  If convicted, the woman, whose name has not been released to the media, could face up to $50 million in fines or two years in prison.  Parents of the children who were wounded are also facing criminal charges.
           
All thirteen Compaq PCs had their hard drives removed and then destroyed in a quarantined area to prevent the unlicensed software from infecting other PCs.  Agents say at least one mp3 file was found on one of the hard drives but declined to name the title or artist, citing infringement concerns.


(For those of you who are Humor-Impaired, "It's a joke".)

[USB devices have been around for like 5 YEARS now]

SCO is run by a bunch of scum-sucking maggots, and a press release touts their new service pack for their crappy product. I had to comment on this...


"The two key features of the service pack are that it allows OpenServe administrators to to connect their systems to USB-compatible devices, including USB 1.1- and 2.0-compatible printers, and that it includes the object-relational database management system, PostgreSQL"

So, SCO's shitty software can now connect to USB devices. What a coup, except for the fact that USB devices have been around for like 5 YEARS now. Wheeeee, what a breakthrough! Man, leave it to SCO to be on the cutting edge. (cough, cough)

Second, SCO's lame-ass software now includes "PostgreSQL", a little-known database application that is a worthless piece of crap. They couldn't use mySQL (because that would work better and be faster), so they picked PostgreSQL. Ooooh, I'm dizzy from all the innovation.

Google results for "mysql":  about 16,100,000

Google results for "postgresql": about 3,280,000

In other words, there are about 5 times as many people using/coding for mySQL as Postgesql. Way to go, SCO- pick a loser, then announce it as if it was a smart move. Yeah.


In other news, buggy-whip companies reported lower earnings this quarter....

Ugh. It's hard to believe there are this many bad parents in the world. :(


http://asdf.org/~anna/fucrel/fucked_archive3.html

>What can a parent do to prevent the other parent from lying
>about what's "really" going on???

You can't stop him from lying, but you can refute his lies. In my experience the best and only way to refute lies is with documentation. Get the phone records, if possible, to indicate when he did and didn't call.

All you can do is live your life the best you can. That doesn't mean you can't correct any misperceptions that your child may be fed by your ex, but you can't prevent him from lying if that's what he wants to do.


>Is there ANY way to stop someone from dicking the other parent
>around?  I can't stand this crap anymore.

If you can prove that he didn't call, that'll put an end to that. Check with the phone company.

 
>Basically, they're 0wn3d!

Yes, they are, but there are two owners. Many newspapers and magazines are decidely 'liberal', but there are an awful lot of them that swing the other way, airing mostly 'conservative' viewpoints as well. FOX News is one of them- there's no way they could be called a part of the 'liberal' media. They're JUST as biased, except in the other direction.

To me, the majority of news and media outlets (TV, newspapers, magazines, etc) have an agenda to push.

Oh, and if you despise Jesse Jackson (like I do), you ought read "Shakedown", by Kenneth R. Timmerman. It shows that good ol' Jesse is nothing but a thug in a business suit.

Shakedown: Exposing the Real Jesse Jackson
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0895261650/102-7327236-8000915?v=glance

In either a brilliant move or a sick commentary on politics (or both), Amazon is now selling U.S. Presidential candidates, or at least contributions to such.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/misc/flag.html/102-7327236-8000915

I just feel so relieved that charles has taken on the role of "Avatar Policeman". As soon as he forwards us Volumes 1 through 3 of the Official Avatar Guidelines we can all work on getting into compliance. ;)

But I will say that even though he's a pompous gas-bag, it's good to know that there are still people like him who have enough free time to micro-manage everyone else's life.

>Brent, I am somewhat disappointed in your post.

You poor baby! You should ask for a refund right away.



>Just when I
>thought we were making progress in promoting a kinder, gentler
>image for you (and you have made progress), you are showing a
>hint of backsliding to some of your old habits.

You go to a lot of "12-step" meetings, don't you? I can tell, your terminology reeks of it.




>I concede to you one point. You are correct in your proposal
>that I did not read six months of posts,

My "proposal"? That wasn't a "proposal", you wind-bag. You must mean my "assertion". Perhaps someday you'll learn to speak English properly, but I won't hold my breath. And maybe one day you'll stop LYING, but I won't hang around waiting for that to happen either.




>my lack of trying. While attempting to re-read your prior
>posts, I selected the listing option to retrieve six months of
>posts. It delivered five pages of threads. Focused on content
>as I was, I neglected to note the posting dates. Consequently,
>I assumed that there were six months of posts when there were
>really only about two months.

Did it take you this long to think up this convoluted "explanation" for your LIE? You are so full of shit, charles. Ummm, gonna tell me which of my posts were "edited"? Hmmmmm? Ooops, I fogot- you were LYING about that, too.




>Attention to detail is always of
>great importance, and I dutifully acknowledge my error.

NO, you mean your LIE. You dutifully acknowledge your LIE.




>Now as far as some of your less constructive comments, it is
>important to keep in mind that an insult is never effective
>unless it is accepted by the intended party.

Well I'm sure all the people here who have been referring to you as a "pompous jerk" will be terribly disapponted. But they're still right.



>There is a measure of people who use such boards as this as a
>sort of "bonding" ritual, seeking affirmation of self-worth by
>having their opinions accepted at face value. They would take
>your unkind remarks as a sign of personal rejection, which
>would in turn impact their self-esteem.

Righteous gas-bags like you always seem to miss the word "self" in "self-esteem". That's because you're not terribly intelligent, and you don't take responsibility for your actions. That way you can always blame someone else for the way you feel. Well, too bad, charley. You're a pompous boob who's desperately trying to be accepted here, but no one wants to have anything to do with you. Just like in your real life.



>Rather, I am among those who visit for
>useful information and for the occasional exchange of ideas,
>accompanied by their intellectual debate.

Oooh, you're so refined and special.




>
>As you know, not all ideas are created equal. Everyone is
>entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts. Thus,
>those proposals with less than stellar merit deserve to be
>challenged and reworked until they can stand the litmus test
>for validity. That is how we learn to separate good ideas from
>bad ones. We can count upon good ideas to give us a strong
>foundation for our thinking and for our lives. Bad ideas will
>always lead us down a treacherous path.


Wow, listening to you is better than Sominex. I was actually asleep before I got to the end of your paragraph.





>I will be presumptuous in making the following suggestion.

You'll be presumptuous making a sandwich, changing the channel, or going to the bathroom. What do I care?




>But that, of course, is only my opinion.

Which is worth little or nothing to anyone who would prefer to (gasp!) do their own thinking. Sorry to burst your bubble, charley.



>
>And finally, one reflective observation... should someone choose
>to adopt the role of a paladin fighting righteously for
>fairness and equity, then one's avatar should reflect that
>moral initiative.

Gee, I guess I didn't see that in the Rulebook, charley. Can you tell me what section that's in? Is it under  "Things Idiotic Users Say" or in the "Care And Feeding Of Your Avatar" chapter?




>While "Mr. Smith" certainly portrays an
>aggressive image, he exemplifies bad programming from start to
>finish. A better choice as a paradigm for "fighting the good
>fight" might, instead, be "Neo".

LOL!  Now you're giving me advice on my avatar? LOLOLOL!!!!!! A burning issue for you, no doubt. Yes, this was definitely worth your writing me about, as it's clearly a very, VERY important thing to consider. (snicker)

Thanks for the laugh, charley, I'm going to copy your post to a whole bunch of folks so they can see what a complete bozo you are. LOL!



>
>I leave you with the following quotation that might strike you
>more positively than my signature.

I'll leave you with this quotation: "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

>He has had them for about two years.

That's starting to approach the point where a judge will be reluctant to make changes. One thing you need to change custody or to make changes in the parenting plan is what's called a "Substantial Change In Circumstances". This article talks about that:

Defining ''Substantial Change In Circumstances''
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.htm



>I just want to be able to have them come
>over at least. But I would prefer full time.

Therer is no reason why you shouldn't be able to see your children and spend significant time with them. Getting full custody would be a more difficult task. (And you'd probably be better off starting off by asking for more time, rather than going for full custody.)


>I want him to
>stand in front of a judge and tell the judge that he lied.

Based on the many, many ex's I've known, and based on what you've said about him, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for this to happen. :)


>I want to show all of the school records showing my kids lived
>with me.

Documentation is important in court. If you haven't been documenting all along, start immediately. You may also want to consider retaining an attorney. Here are a few pages that will help get you going:

Tips On Keeping Documentation
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.  


> He's their dad but I'm their mom.

I'm not sure what you mean. I'd much prefer to hear "He's their dad and I'm their mom."  



>I think their should be a new law passed about this he should be
>arrested for stealing my world.

Millions and millions of fathers feel the same way. If they put all the parents who did this in prison, they have to build about a thousand new jails. You may not want to hear this, but what your husband did to you is routinely done to fathers almost every day. It's a classic tactic we've heard a million times. The only difference in this case compared to all the other ones is that the genders are reversed.



>I know he feels untouchable but there has to be something I
>can do about him lying to the court.  

I wouldn't concentrate on this too much. It's usually very difficult to prove this kind of thing to the court, and in the end it often doesn't matter to the judge. You're better off building your case and not trying to prove something that won't materially affect its outcome.