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Topics - littlebit

#1
Alabama State Forum / Santa protest in B'ham
Dec 03, 2004, 07:51:31 AM
A protest in support of NCPs was held outside the courthouse in Birmingham Alabama.  The good news is that it happened at all.  The bad news is that there appeared to be only half a dozen peolpe there.  

Any start is a good start!!

Check out //www.alcfc.com for more info.
#2
Alabama State Forum / ala family rights
Nov 19, 2004, 02:16:41 PM
Yahoo has a group that is a good source of information: alafamilyrightsnews
#3
Alabama State Forum / PAS and caselaw?
Jun 03, 2004, 11:32:03 AM
I have found three cases in Alabama that relate directly to PAS and might be relevent to my case and others who post here.  However, I am hitting some dead ends trying to obtain more details.  Maybe someone out there a bit more computer savy than myself could be of assistance.  

I will share what I already have:

#1
C.J.L v. M.W.B., 2003 Ala. Civ. App., February 28, 2003
This case changed custody to the father, giving him sole physical custody. Mother appealed saying shouldn't have relied on doctor's diagnosis of PAS.  The ruling was upheld by the appeals court.

#2
CASE NO. DR-97-502272.03-C
Tina S Wilson
vs.
Drew C Wilson

This is a case filed in October 2003 in Mobile County.  The judge is Rosemary D Chambers.  A father's rights group has submitted a 40+ page brief to the judge supporting the BF's position in regards to the BM exhibiting signs of PAS.  The brief is posted at //www.ancpr.org  This case may very well be over by now, but I cannot seem to find any more info on the outcome.

#3
CASE NO. DR-96-761.01. Jan 06, 2001
Berry v. Berry, Circuit Court of Tuscaloosa County, AL

This case envolves PAS somehow.  That's all I know.

Thanks for any help and I hope some others will benefit as well.

LittleBit's Dad
#4
Shrink Rap / Anyone in Alabama?
Jun 04, 2004, 12:48:06 PM
Please see my post on the State message board for Alabama.

Little Bit's Dad
#5
I have taken the plunge and filed for custody of 10 yr old son and contempt of court against ex.  She will be served Friday right after I pick up son for the weekend.  

I am stressing very bad over what to tell my son, or even if to tell him anything at all. My top priority is HIM, ALWAYS! I do not want him to have to deal with these pressures.  That is the main reason I decided to go through the ridiculous court system again, to try to give him a little relief from her.

OK, I'll try to explain as briefly as possible.  Divorced when son was 5, I got custody.  2 yrs later ex won custody.  Although she used every sick tactic known to mankind, the judged ruled that I was a "fine father and good provider". But because I work for a living, and she & new husband stay home & live off government, son is better off with her instead of in daycare, and I got enlarged visitation.

--Fast forward 3 yrs to today--

Ex has tried relentlessly to erode mine and son's relationship and time together (PAS all the way). I have been silent and done nothing, thinking that it would be less stressful to our son and at least he could have peace of mind while at my house.  As soon as he is returned to her Sunday, she will make him read all the legal paperwork and make sure he understands everything that his Daddy is trying to do to them (that is small stuff for her!).  

I am agonizing about what he will be subjected to between now and the time we actually go to court (about 6 months).  

Should I have a talk with him about this?

If I do, What should I say? Will I be causing the same anxieties in him that his mother does?

If I don't, Will be completely unprepared for his mother's reactions?  And will he have nothing to base his opinions on except the garbage she is feeding him?

Wow! If I'm having such a hard time dealing with this, imagine what it must be like for a 10 yr old!!??  I have got to make the right choices for his sake!

Any help will be greatly appreciated!
#6
Filing date for change of custody and contempt was in AL on 02/04. Court date was set for 07/04. Evaluation was ordered and court was re-scheduled for 01/05. Evaluation was not done, so court was moved to 06/05. As of yesterday, Judge has a scheduling conflict, and the date is now 05/05.

I don't have much confidence that it will happen in May, because BM is notorious for postponning as long as possible.

1) Is there any limits on how many times the court date can be changed?

2) In regards to limits, does it make a difference if the re-scheduling is due to the court processes (as stated above), or if it is due to one of the parties...such as BM having last minute emergencies.
#7
Dear Socrateaser / child support refund?
Sep 09, 2004, 06:53:39 AM
I've paid CS for past 5 yrs based on me making 40K, and BM and husband making zero.

I filed for custody and contempt in February 2004, court date is set for January 2005.  In a deposition, BM said husband is self-employed and has made 30K last two years.

1) Can I ask the courts that I be compensated for past payments?
#8
I have joint custody of 10 yr old son in Alabama, BM has primary residential.  I filed for custody and contempt of court.  Court date is 8-30-04.  Time is important because son is currently not attending school.  

My attny and GAL think there might be enough evidence to go to trial without a custody evaluation.  They, and BM's attny, are meeting with judge 8-25-04 to decide whether or not to postpone court and order an evaluation, or hear the case Monday.

We are scrambling to get some information ready for the judge to view.

Myself, BM and son have been seeing the same psychologist off and on since 2002.

1) What must written statements contain to make them 'valid' to the judge or in court?

2) How much info, or what info, is my psychologist allowed to give to me as evidence?
    a. Appointment dates my son has had?
    b. Appointment dates BM has had?
    c. Appointment dates cancelled?
    d. Who initiated counseling?
    e. Who has paid for the visits?

3) Is it legal to contact BM's prior and /or current landlords and ask questions about her tenancy?

4) Is it legal to take pictures of BM's house (outside) without her permission?

5) Can I obtain records of DHR's investigations of BM

6) Just for curiosity if ya don't mind....Is it customery for the parties to be informed of a meeting between the judge and the attorneys?  

As always, Thanks for your time and knowledge!
#9
Dear Socrateaser / medicaid records
Aug 03, 2004, 08:37:43 AM
Change of custody and contempt hearing scheduled for first of next month in Alabama.  Right now we have joint legal custody with Mom having primary residential custody.

CP has our child (and the other six family members) on public assistance fraudulently.

To save time, we will try to get the records without going thru the court.  

1) Do I have a legal right to view my son's Medicaid records?

2) What about the original application filled out by CP?
#10
My 10 year old son is supposed to be with me for 6 weeks during the summer.  I am trying to decide how to handle the communications to & from BM while he is here.  

Myself and three different psychologists have already tried, with no success, to make her understand the harm she is causing our son.

Every letter and phone call last summer was intended to make son feel bad about being at my house.  And he was noticeably disturbed each time.  Here are some examples of things she says to him in either phone calls or letters:

"I sit in your room & hold your things to try and be close to you while you are gone."  

"I will never give up on having you here with me."

"It makes me cry all the time when you are not here. I know you cry for me too."

"I just knew you would hate it there.  I'll come get you whenever you want me to."

"Just remember everything me and (stepfather) talked to you about.  We will never ever let anything bad happen to you."

"Your family misses you so much."

"(little brother) cries every day asking 'where's xxx'."

"I pray to God every time the phone rings that it is you."

Almost every letter had notes written on the envelope and on the letters in big magic marker:

"Please call me as soon as you read this!"
"Write me a letter right now!"
"Your Daddy won't let my calls come through!"
"I need to know you are safe!"
"I'm counting on you to call me!"

1) Should I restrict or monitor the phone calls and letters from BM to son?  

--There is a custody issue pending in court--

2)Will I look like I'm playing tit-for-tat to spite BM?  

3) Or will the judge realize I'm only trying to protect my child?

LittleBit's Dad
#11
Dear Socrateaser / Amicus Curiae Brief
Jun 01, 2004, 02:42:56 PM
I am doing research for my upcoming change of custody case and came upon a document entitled "Application to file Amicus Curiae Brief".  It is written by a Fathers' Rights Organization and seems to be on behalf of a pending case.

The case seems almost identical to mine, and is being heard by the SAME judge I have.

1)  What is an Amicus Curiae Brief?
#12
Dear Socrateaser / self-employment / CS
May 24, 2004, 02:06:40 PM
I have been employed by the same company for 20 years.  I pay child support diligantly.  I am in Alabama.

I would like to start my own business and have been researching it for a couple of years.  I will have to quit my job to make it successful.  

We will be relying on my wife's income for the first couple of years when the new business will be barely breaking even.  She makes half of my current salary.

1)  Is this an acceptable thing to do in regards to the CS order?

2)  Should we expect the CS amount to stay the same, or change to an amount based on my wife's salary, or change to an amount based on my self-employed income?

Thank You.


#13
Dear Socrateaser / is this too petty?
May 03, 2004, 02:22:04 PM
I filed for change of custody and contempt in March.  BM erroneously filed for TRO against me 4/5.  Went to court on 4/13 and TRO was dropped.  

In addition, judge ordered BM to allow son to call me anytime he wants to, and for her to have son at home every Tuesday at 7pm to receive my phone call "no matter what"...

1st  Tuesday: got answering machine,  son called me back at 7:45

2nd Tuesday: no problems

3rd Tuesday:  had breif conversation then son said he had to get off phone because him & sister got into a fight earlier & his punishment is that he only gets to talk to me for a few minutes.

Son previously told me that he has asked BM numerous times (since the court order) if he could call me and her response is always "after you finish your chores", then it's "after we eat supper", then it's "time to go to bed", etc.

Now she has told him that he can call me as long as it doesn't interfere with thier schedule, and only between 6:30pm and 7:00 pm.  Needless to say, I have yet to get a call.

1) Is this worth persuing in court or will I likely be perceived as being a nuisance to the judge?

Thank You,
LittleBit's Dad

 
#14
Dear Socrateaser / How can I speed things up?
Mar 18, 2004, 09:31:06 AM
I met with my attorney January 16th.  We both agreed that timing is very important so that the court can happen during son's 6 week summer with me.  He said there is about 6 month period between filing and court date.

On February 16th attorney filed a motion for contempt of court against BM and filed a motion to modify and change of custody.  He said she would be served February 27th.  I paid for a private server so that we can be sure she will be served when our 10 yr old son is not there.

The serving did not happen on the 27th due to "backlog and local holidays at the courthouse".  Attorney said it would be on March 5th; didn't happen.  Then it would be on March 12th; didn't happen.  Now we're hoping for March 26th.

Attorney says it's out of his hands now, that we are waiting on the court clerks to do thier thing. (?)  And until that happens all we can do is sit and wait.

We've already missed the 6 week window of opportunity when son will be with me.  No one seems to be in any hurry.  Meanwhile, I'm cultivating some furocious ulcers!

I read in another post here about a "calendar clerk" who apparently schedules the court dates.

1) Can my attorney talk to this calendar clerk (or anyone else) about scheduling the court during the summer?

2) Is there someone I can talk to at the court house to speed up the filing and serving process right now?

3) Will it tick-off my attorney if I go around him to speed things up?

4) Is this type of waiting normal, or am I getting the run-around?

Thanks for the help!
#15
Dear Socrateaser / home school
Feb 26, 2004, 11:34:22 AM
I am looking for information or knowledge of home-schooling in regards to custody. I have put up with so much nonsense from my ex and kept quiet for the sake of our child's peace of mind, but it has now gone too far: she has secretly taken 10yo son out of school to home school him. (We have joint custody) Without going into all the details, I will give one example. She said that the judge did not know what she was doing by giving me so much time with son, so she would deal with it her own way. And she has dealt with it many many times by keeping us apart, alienation tactics, false acusations, etc., but this is the last straw.

Would changing from public school to home school be a significant change of circumstance to justify change of custody or change in visitation?

Also, I have heard of a case in Etowah county Alabama (i'm in AL) that was just filed for similar reasons. How I could find out more details about that case?

#16
Parenting Issues / Anyone in Alabama?
Jun 04, 2004, 12:49:27 PM
Please see my post on the State Forum page.

Thanks!
LittleBit's Dad
#17
--copied this from another site--

The Today show has an upcoming month long show on parenting tips and concerns and is excepting emails about thoughts, worries, wisdoms on parenting.  

Here is the link: //www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6769709/

It is important for non custodial parents to write in and see if they will listen.  Basically the concerns would be how do you raise your children when you don't get to see them very much or how to deal with your children when the other parent is slowing alienating your child away from you.  I think if enough people wrote to them they might listen especially since divorce is one of the biggest problems today and many children are facing it.  Here is the link to send your questions, concerns,etc.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6769709/
#18
General Issues / medicaid records
Aug 03, 2004, 08:58:14 AM
(I posted on Soc board also)

Change of custody and contempt hearing scheduled for first of next month in Alabama.  Right now we have joint legal custody with Mom having primary residential custody.

CP has our child (and the other six family members) on public assistance fraudulently.  To save time, we will try to get the records without going thru the court.  

Does anyone have experience trying to obtain records for various types of public assistence?  I will be trying to get the information within the next week or two, and want to have all my ducks in a row before I start asking questions.

For instance, do I have a legal right to view my son's Medicaid records, or would they be considered to be the records of the NCP, and therefore not be available to me?

I am especially interested in seeing the application filled out by CP.  Anyone have insight on the best way to go about this?

Thanks!
LittleBit's Dad
#19
Second Families / SM getting blamed for BM's BS
Nov 05, 2004, 11:39:43 AM
Hi all.  I am littlebit's SM.  (Usually Dad posts here.)  I'll give some history of past events first and try to be brief.  

I hemmed SS's new jeans.  BM told him that I made them too short so she had to throw them away.

I hemmed SS's hunting suit.  Next season they needed to be taken out, BM insisted to SS that she do it.  She waited until the last minute, then tore out the old hem to where it ripped the fabric up pretty badly, then hemmed them up with big safety pins!  She explained to SS that safety pins are better because they wont tear his clothes up the way my sewing did, and they are easier to take out!

I took SS for a day at the "kids-explore-museum".  He had the most wonderful time!  Few weeks later, he said BM took him to the Firehouse because thats were big kids go, instead of the little kiddie museum that is for babies.

I highlighted SS's hair during the summer.  He wanted it done because his big brothers were doing it.  He was so proud of it, and even bragged to BM on the phone about it.  First day back to her house, she buzzed his whole head with a #1!  He said it was because the highlights were done so bad they couldn't be fixed, but his BM was gonna do it right when his hair grew back.

SS picked-out a book bag & I bought it for him.  BM put it up in her closet because he "didn't need that kind".

OK, now to the present.  SS wanted blue hair for Halloween.  It was the kind that washes out in 8-10 washes.  Guess what...another buzz!  

This time he is directly blaming me and I am losing all patience with this vindictive woman!@#$!  SS lashed out at me saying it's all my fault he had to get a buzz.

I am tired of keeping quiet and saying and doing nothing.  I am sick of sitting back and watching this crazy lady destroy this child's mentals!  I am sick of getting blamed for her spiteful actions.

Here's the question:  How do I explain to SS that it is not me doing things wrong?  Or do I just continue to suck it up until I just rupture?


#20
I wonder if it's possible to get supervised visits for my 12yr old son and his BM?  Even now that I have temporary custody (likely to be permanent in January), she simply will not stop playing with his head and his emotions.  Her negative actions in this area have been noted by the GAL, the evaluator, and son's phycologist.  And they have all told her to STOP, but she won't.

I have been recording thier phone coversations for 8 months and BM knows it.  At first she backed off, but now, with court fast approaching, she is worse than ever on son. And if she is doing this over the phone, I can not even imagine what he must go through during the weekends he is with her.

For example, son will sit on the phone with her and say maybe 2 words, mostly just uh-huh's and mm-hmm's, etc.  Nothing personal to her, he's just not a phone-talker, he does that to everybody.  She gets angry about it, starts fussing at him, and crying, saying how she only gets so much time to talk to him, and she misses him so much, and his siblings miss him so much, and if she means that little to him she will just hang up right now....then she hangs up on him!

That type of crying, emotional, guilt-trip, is happening almost weekly now over one thing or another.  And twice he has mentioned to her that he wanted to stay with me more than the scheduled time, and she went off the deep end with the crying and screaming over the phone until he was apologizing and trying to calm her down!

She will tell him every detail of communications between me & her, between her & her attorney, between our two attorneys, and every thing that happens having to do with court, visitaions, etc., she tells him these things.  She even refers to the attorneys and the judge by first name when talking to our son!

She has encouraged him to be defiant to my wife and to disregard her rules.  She told him it was my fault he had to repeat 5th grade (she was home-schooling him!).  She puts her 4 & 5 yr old on the phone to ask him when he's coming back home.

These things have a noticeable affect on him.  I cannot stop him from talking to her and seeing her, and I don't even want to do that.  I just want her to let him be a child and stop putting such burdens on him!  I want her to enjoy our son, and allow him to enjoy BOTH of us without having to even know anything else is going on!

After being advised to change her ways, and after losing custody, and now that son is started to withdraw from her, she still will not stop.  So I can only assume that nothing will ever change her behaviors.  The only thing I know to do is ask for some type of supervision for visits and phone calls so someone can stop her when she start in on him.

Has anyone ever known of supervised visits for a child 12 yrs old?  Or maybe some other solutions.  Surely someone out there has gotten some resolution to this type of behavior against a child.  I'm trying so hard to do right, and to encourage a relationship between my son and his Mother, but sometimes I wonder if that really is the right thing to do?

LittleBit
#21
Visitation Issues / Need help with PAS
Feb 10, 2005, 10:54:40 AM
We have a court date in 6months.  BM does typical PAS stuff dating back to as far as I remember. But it's getting more common with the pending court date.

Me & son have one phone call per week.  BM records them and sits next to son telling him things to say and to ask me; trying to trap me in something of course.  Another common tactic of hers is to make a big deal about having some great fun place they were planning to go for the evening, but can't, because they have to be there for the phone call.

I missed my last two weeks' calls (first time in 12 months).  First time was due to surgery.  The other, I was 30 minutes late and got answering machine.  When someone finally answered they said he was in bed already.  Son left me ugly messages saying "...I can't believe you would forget to call your son..."

I say it's minor only because, so far, when son comes on the weekends, his attitude is great.  Nothing is said about the crazy phone calls or e-mails that happened during the week while at BM's house.  We have a great time as if nothing has happened.

I know she is completly coercing him to do & say these things, but my patience is running thin.  So far, I've done nothing and said nothing to him about it.

Anyway, this wknd I goofed a little.  Son wanted to stay extra, so I called and asked BM.  She got nasty quick and said "If you don't have son back by 5:00 husband will be there to kick your ass and then I'll have your ass thrown in jail".  I hung up and told wife what BM said...son was right behind me.  I felt like such a jerk!

So our weekly phone call consisted of him saying things like: why did you lie about my mother?...I know she didn't say that....She recorded the call and I listeded to it...

My response was the usual:  that is a conversation for adults...Change subject...I'm sorry you have to hear things like that...change subject...you know I don't talk about grown-up things with you...change subject...

So BM won't let it drop, and now come the e-mails today...You shouldn't lie about my mom...if you loved me you wouldn't make up lies to me...you didn't care about adult conversations when I heard what you said about my mom...

I'm losing patience, and losing hope!  How in the world do I make him see who the real f..ing lier is!!??  I have never told him ANY of the horrible things BM has said and done.  He knows nothing about how she accused me of sex with my children, or how she had an affairs with men and women, or how she tried to keep me from ever seeing him again, or how she has kept me from him a hundred times, or all the physchotic messages she has left me, or the threating letters I've gotten...I could go on and on!  Fact is, he seems to believe that she is all good, because of me... because I won't poison his mind with all that crap!

 



#22
My 10 year old son is supposed to be with me for 6 weeks during the summer.  I am trying to decide how to handle the communications to & from BM while he is here.  

I feel so much anger towards her right now for things she is doing to us that I want to be sure that it is not clouding my judgment.  For that reason, I will not mention in this post the things she has done except those directly relevant to the question...

Every letter and phone call last summer was intended to make son feel bad about being at my house.  And he was noticeably disturbed each time.  Here are some examples of things she says to him in either phone calls or letters:

"I sit in your room & hold your things to try and be close to you while you are gone."  

"I will never give up on having you here with me."

"It makes me cry all the time when you are not here. I know you cry for me too."

"I just knew you would hate it there.  I'll come get you whenever you want me to."

"Just remember everything me and (stepfather) talked to you about.  We will never ever let anything bad happen to you."

"Your family misses you so much."

"(little brother) cries every day asking 'where's (big brother)'."

"I pray to God every time the phone rings that it is you."

Almost every letter had notes written on the envelope and on the letters in big magic marker:

"Please call me as soon as you read this!"
"Write me a letter right now!"
"Your Daddy won't let my calls come through!"
"I need to know you are safe!"
"I'm counting on you to call me!"

1) Should I restrict or monitor the phone calls and letters from BM to son?  

--There is a custody issue pending in court--

2)Will I look like I'm playing tit-for-tat to spite BM?  

3) Or will the judge realize I'm only trying to protect my child?

LittleBit's Dad
#23
Since my filing for custody & contempt, BM has been refusing my son & my time togeter (joint custody) and exhibiting serious PAS signs.  My lawyer is going in front of judge tomorrow to ask for some help.  

I have kept great records with times, dates, and details.  But the attorney says this is not the time for trying the whole case, just the matter at hand.  

How much if any details should I put in it?  

How in the world do I get my point across to the judge in such condensed form?  

The following is my affidavit.  Any advice or input is SO appreciated.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF XXX COUNTY, ALABAMA
DOMESTIC RELATIONS DIVISION

DAD D. FATHER,
     PLAINTIFF,

VS                                                     CASE NO.   DR XXXX.

CRAZE E MOTHER,
     DEFENDANT.
AFFIDAVIT OF DAD D. FATHER


Before me appeared Dad who being known to me was duly sworn and deposed and stated as follows:

   "My name is Dad and I am the Plaintiff in this matter.  I have previously filed with this Court on XXX 00, 2004 a Motion for Custody and/or to enforce my visitation rights.  Since the filing of the Motion the Defendant has been served and more than 30 days has elapsed since service.  I have been able to talk to my son , XXX, only briefly a couple of times and each time I have spoken with him he has not been his normal self and is not allowed to speak freely with me.  His Mother and stepfather are trying so desperately to alienate my son and myself that they stand over him while we are on the phone and tell him what to say and then force him to be ugly to me and hang up on me.  His Mother has denied his requests to call me, and given him punishment for it.  He seems to be depressed and under a lot of stress.  His mother has refused to allow us to see each other, even though the court has ordered otherwise.  She has denied our court-ordered Spring Break as well as our weekends together.  She sent a letter threatening to do this, then forced our son to relay her agenda to me on the phone.  She has even taken our son to hide him at another house when it is my time to pick him up.  Because of her recent actions, I expect that she plans to not let me exercise my visitation for the six weeks of summer, and I will have no way of contacting and checking on XXX.  The defendant has denied me visitation and has repeatedly refused to let me talk to XXX on the phone.  I am asking this Court for an Order to pick up my son for our regular weekend visitation and extent the time through the end of summer to make up for the already lost visits.  During which time I will again get him some professional help.  The Defendant is putting too much stress and coercion on our son.  She has made criminal allegations against me, all of them have been found by the courts to be false.  And she has just recently (XXX 00, 2004) been put on probation in XXX for a criminal charge due to her attempts to separate us, and I think it would be in XXX's best interest to be away from that environment and go to counseling."
                     _________________________
                     DAD D FATHER
   Sworn to and subscribed before me on this ____day of June, 2004.
                     ___________________________
                     NOTARY PUBLIC   
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LittleBit's Dad
#24

A little history in the order in which they occured:

BM asked that I begin dropping 10yr old son off at thier church so he can make practice for the Christmas play, I said yes. She said OK for me to come & told me the date & time.

I requested school info from her via certified mail.  

She responded via CM the day before the Christmas play by saying she did not want us there.  (And no shcool info by the way)

I attended son's play.  After the program, her & members of her family initiated 3 seperate confrontations with me & family.  The night ended with her screaming obscenities at us, making obscene jestures, & throwing a glass of ice at us (yes, at HER church, in the prescence of ALL the children!)

My wife filled charges against her.

BM couldn't make the first court date.

I filed for custody and filed charges for contempt of court

BM filed erroneous Restraining Order against me the week before Easter with thier church specifically named in the order (RE: Easter program)

RO was thrown out.  In addition, judge ordered HER to allow our son to call me anytime he wants, AND that he is to be at home every week at a designated time to recieve my phone call!

BM couldn't make the second court date (for the church incident).  Rescheduled for 5-19-04.

5-18-04, Weekly phone call with son went horrible!  He told me things like (sometimes screaming) he knows what I've done to his mother, he knows I call her names like #@*& and *#$@, he doesn't want to come to my house this weekend because I get him for six whole weeks and his mother needs to spend time with him.  He even starts talking about things that happened between his mother & me 6 years ago!  Of course BM was in background egging on the whole thing until his SF told him to just hang up on me....and he did!!!  Needless to say I am devistated.

5-19-04, Court finally happened.  BM refused to settle, even when offered to drop charges in exchange for anger mgt or parenting classes.  Judge was openly furious at her & told her to stop putting herself first & think of her child.  Also said thier was more than enough evidence to confict right now, but he delayed ruling for 6 months, at which time we all have to come back.  Judge promised her that he would personally see to jail time if she had the slightest incident between now & then.
----------------
So basically she has figured out that I'm not taking her crap anymore and she's running scared.  She has exausted all sources trying to get me in trouble and it hasn't worked: DHR, phychiatrists, doctors, teachers, police, courts.  So now it seems her only chance is to turn our son completly against me, and she is apparantly doing pretty damn well.

After all that venting, I guess I'm just looking for a little advice or ideas.  I know what to do if BM refuses to let me have son, but what do I do if son refuses to come?  How should I react?  What do I say if I get to talk to him?

#25
Visitation Issues / expecting denied visitation
Apr 28, 2004, 10:09:32 AM
I am supposed to pick up son Friday.  He is with me the 1st, 2nd and 3rd weekends.  BM refuses our time together whenever it suits her whim.  I am expecting that she will pull something this weekend since she knows we have been planning a family trip that cannot be re-scheduled.

Here are a few facts:
-BM is serious PAS case
-I filed for change of custody & contempt in Feb (court should be around end of year)
-she filed for TRO 3 weeks ago; it was thrown out, PLUS, judge ordered her to allow me phone calls with my son
-she continues to defy judges orders
---too much detail to go into---

Here is my dilemma:  I am getting completely discouraged!  I do not want her to ruin our plans anymore!  It not only affects me & my son, it sours the trip for my wife and our other children too.  I hate having to plan our lives around this crazy woman and her psychotic behaviors!

As you all know, there seems to be NO recourse...sure I can call the police.  They will do what they have done every time before & tell me to go back to court.  The last time (which was when she denied us our spring break together), I specifically asked the policeman "So when we go back to court, and I get yet another piece of paper that specifies my time with my son, and she will still not let him come, will you be able to do anything about it?"   His reply: "No, you'll have to go back to court."

What the F***!?!?  Why am I spending all this time, money, and heartache if nothing will ever change?!  It has been 4 years now since she took my son away and I am running on empty.  Why can't she just leave us alone!  Can she not see how she is hurting our child!?  What kind of mother does this!?  How have I become so helpless!?



#26
Custody Issues / Will BM see evaluator's report?
May 25, 2005, 11:12:54 AM
Evaluator's report just arrived at attorney's office this week.  It contains good and bad things about both parents, mostly just hearsay that each parent told the evaluator.  

But...the child's interview's were GREAT for Dad.  The main points are :
child gets punished by BM & SF for expressing desires to see and talk to Dad,
child is spanked excessively by SF,
child is very worried about BM finding out what he says to evaluator, child prefers environment at Dad's home.
Evaluator expresses great concern about the secrecy at BM's house,
and notes that BM has successfully decreased Dad's ability to participate in child's life and in decisions.
Evaluator further noted that Dad can provide a stable and healthy environment for child.

In light of specifics mentioned in the report, we are scared to death for what punishments child will suffer if BM gets to read the info.  DH's attorny says it is up to BM's attorney whehter she sees it or not

Is it normal for the parties to get to read the report?
Is there some way to keep BM from seeing it?

#27
Custody Issues / Paying the evaluator
Apr 12, 2005, 08:34:18 AM
Our evaluator made it very clear that she expects to be paid in full before her report is released.  I am responsible for my visits, BM is to pay for her visits, and we are each to pay 50% of child's visits and for the final report.  

From our origianl divorce 6 yrs ago: BM's 1st attny dropped out due to lack of payment;  her second attny has never been paid either; BM still has not paid her half to the GAL from 6yrs ago; nor did she pay the shrink that she hired for an evaluation.

So...what happens if BM doesn't pay her portion to the current evaluator?  Will I have to pay her part to get the report released?  Will the judge get a copy of it anyway?  Or does the evaluator have the right to simply not give it to anybody?
#28
Custody Issues / re-scheduling court dates
Apr 12, 2005, 08:24:29 AM
Filing date for change of custody and contempt was 02/04.  Court date was set for 07/04.  Evaluation was ordered and court was re-scheduled for 01/05.  Evaluation was not done, so court was moved to 06/05.  As of yesterday, Judge has a scheduling conflict, and the date is now 05/05.  (Yes, moved backward this time!  WooHoo!)

I don't even have much confidence that it will happen in May, because BM is notorious for postponning as long as possible.

Is there any limits on how many times the date can be changed?  Does it make a difference if the re-scheduling is due to the court processes (as stated above), or if it is due to one of the parties...such as BM having a last minute emergency.
#29
Ex-Spouse Threatened to KIDNAP your child?

The Dr. Phil show is looking for a parent who fears their bitter custody battle will end with a kidnapping. Has your spouse threatened to kidnap your child? Do you dread sending your child to school because you fear they might be taken? Have you moved to get away from an ex-spouse for fear they will take your child? If you fear your child could be kidnapped by your ex-spouse, you want some help from Dr. Phil and YOU ARE WILLING TO APPEAR ON THE SHOW, email us your story.

#30
The following is e-mail correspondance word for word between me and my child's other parent (minus personal info of course).  I am hoping to get some objective feedback.  Basically, who is right and who is wrong, and who is being nice, who isn't, etc.  We have custody court in about a month.

Terry:
I need Child's Dental Insurance information. He has an appointment next week. A filling fell out. Thank you. Hope ya'll had a blessed Thanksgiving.

Pat:
Insurance carrier (XXXX) has not changed since 2001, has Child not been going to the dentist? would you like me to send a form in the mail? I will be glad to take him to Our Dentist if you would like, and also have his cleanings scheduled along with his brothers twice a year.
   Hope Child's tooth is ok, please keep me informed and let me know if I can be of assistance. When is Child's appointment and with whom?

Terry:
Yes, Child has been going to the Dentist. Since our move I can not find the dental insurance information. If you can please give it to me again, that would be very helpful.  

Pat:
When is Child's appointment and with whom?

Terry:
Dr. Specific and Dec.15 11:40. Now will you give me the needed info?

Pat:
Thank you kindly.  I will put the insurance form in the mail as I mentioned earlier.  
   We have an activity that I would like Child to be included in.  He would need to stay with me Sunday night and return to your house Monday afternoon.

Terry:
Last time you gave me the insurance info. over the phone. Why can't you just email it to me or give it to me tonight when you talk to Child?      
   What is the activity that you want to include Child in?

Pat:
I was simply trying to be nice by offering to mail the form that you need.  The insurance carrier is XXXX.  The policy is in my name and Child is listed as a dependant.  The form to use is called XXXX Company Dental Expense Claim Form.
   As for using my weekly phone call with Child for your needs, please refrain from doing so.  You allow such a brief time for communication between me and Child, I would prefer that that time not be spent on anything else.  You and I can communicate any other time.
   If there is an event Child is involved in that would be customary for his parents to attend (ball-games, plays, Scouts, ceremonies, etc.), I assure you that I would always make you aware of them.  That is not the case here, so I prefer not to give you our plans.  
    I would hope that your cooperation is not based on whether or not you approve of our plans.  I have never requested details about your activities before agreeing to your requests, and I would appreciate the same in return from you.  It is very important to me that Child be there, otherwise, I would not ask.

Terry:
First of all I was not asking you to use your phone call with Child for my needs. You have talked to me briefly numerous times during your phone call with him. It has never been a problem before. Also, it was the court that set the time allotment if you remember.  But that is fine.
   Thank you for the insurance info.
   As far as the other, I've already told you what my lawyer said.  If you have any other questions about  visitation, have your attorney contact my attorney.

Pat:
Yes, I have spoken to you before during those times.  It has only become an issue since you will not allow me & Child to talk to each other any other times.  
    I have also agreed to every request you have made of me to change scheduling for your benefit.  Attorneys were not necessary for you to make those changes that benefitted you, and you were even willing to discuss changes with me two hours ago when you wanted to know our plans.  
    I am making every attempt to be cooperative and nice.  Your welcome for the info.  Any time I can help I will.
    Yes, I do remember the court.  Will you allow me to talk to Child on the phone at times other that what the court has ordered you to?

Terry:
When I switched weekends with you, it benefited both of us and that has been the only thing I have asked of you. It did not interfere with Child's schooling. Your request have done that . I asked what your plans were because I thought if it was something Sunday evening then you could of possibly brought Child home later that night.

Pat:
I assure you, It did not benefit me to give up the only Halloween Child has had with me, or to allow you to pick him up early, or for him to miss out on our camp weekend we had scheduled.  There have also been times when we re-arranged schedules at your request during Child's "school hours".  I made these decisions based on what is good for Child.
    I'm confused about your requests regarding attorneys.  It is OK with you if we arrange your schedule changes between the two of us?  And if I only want to change the schedule by a couple of hours, that's OK too?  Please clarify.  
    Again, will you allow me to talk to Child on the phone at times other that what the court has ordered you to?
    I hate to hear that Child is sick.  Hope he gets better soon.  Please keep me up to date on his condition.

Terry:
First of, when I switched weekends with you in October, it was for Child's benefit. He wanted to go to my friend's wedding. I offered you the third weekend and that wasn't convenient for you. You took the Fifth weekend. As for Halloween and me picking him up at 5:00 on Sunday evening, you would have been driving for that hour until 6 anyway.  
As for your camping trip I don't know what you are talking about.
As far as you re-arranging your schedule during Child's school hours; I don't know what you are referring to.  You pick Child up every Friday at 3:00.
   You did not state in your email that you wanted to change visitation by a couple of hours, you stated a whole extra day. I will not let anything interfere with Child's education. That is where the attorney thing comes in.
   You continue to make caddie remarks in your emails and you continue to be disrespectful.  I do not consider that attitude as being cooperative.
If you can not email  me or talk to me without being caddie and disrespectful, then don't bother.
  Child is still sick. He has a cold. You will need to continue giving him medicine this weekend if he is not feeling better by tomorrow afternoon.

Pat:
>>>>First of, when I switched weekends with you in October.....    
>>>>As for your camping trip.....
>>>>As for Halloween....
We simply have opposite viewpoints here. I don't care to comment on those things further, unless you can point out something positive coming out of continuing with it.  

>>>>As far as you re-arranging your schedule during Child's school hours....
What are Child's school hours?

>>>>You continue to make caddie remarks.....
Whichever communications you view in a negative way, I sincerely apologize, as none were meant that way.  I feeI that an open line of communication is always best, and whatever it takes to do that, that is what we both need to do.  I will make every effort to watch how I word things.  Please do the same yourself.

>>>>You didn't state that you wanted to change by a couple of hours....
I agree.  You brought that up.

>>>>I will not let anything interfere with Child's education.
Interfere?  I have expressed my desires numerous times to help Child and you with his education, and for you to include me.  That is still my desire.  I want to be a part of his education just as you are.  As long as he is doing home-school, you and I could arrange it any way we wanted to. That is not interference, that is beneficial.
I mailed the insurance form to you.  Hope it helps.
Again, will you allow me to talk to Child on the phone at times other that what the court has ordered you to?

Terry:
You talk in circles. I will no longer banter back and forth with you. You are so concerned about Child having more time to talk with you during the week. Where was your concern for him during this summer? Don't you think he would of enjoyed talking to us more than once a week. You thought once a week was good enough then, then it should be good enough now.

Pat:
Child has no restrictions on his phone usage here.  
What are Child's school hours?

--no response--

Pat:
Child will be staying with me until Monday at 6:00 pm.

Terry:
I already told you no. Bring Child home at 6:00 Sunday like you are suppose to ordered by the court.