Messages

Please see my post on the State Forum page.

Thanks!
LittleBit's Dad

Double check about the specific restrictions your no-contact order imposes.  There is one in effect right now between my wife & my ex, but it doesn't prevent attending this type of event.

The ruling for us just happened this week, so we haven't seen any paperwork on it yet.  But the way the DA explained it to us is that it is different than a Restraining Order which specifically states the physical distance that you must keep between the two of you.

On the contrary, a NC order does not take into account physical distance, only "physical or verbal contact".  Such as a phone call to the other person, initiating a conversation with them during pick-up / drop-off of the children, or brushing against them on the shopping isle in Wal-Mart.

We specifically asked 'What about group activities such as church plays, school events, etc.?'  The DA told us that it is fine for us to go to these type of events because they are open to the public, and our intent is not to make contact with the other party.  As long as we do not speak to them, walk up to them, or bump them in the punch line we are fine.

LittleBit's Dad

See my post on the Visitation page entitled "PAS: losing...".  It relates directly to this.

Another suggestion, take a video camera and keep it on even before & after the play.  Although it worked OK for me, you can bet I'll never be w/out my camera again.

Good Luck!

Wow!  This could be my story down to the last detail!  The last straw for me was when BM told son "I would rather die than be apart from you! And then there will be no one to take care of your little brothers!"  Yes, it's SICK!  So I now have an attorney and am preparing for battle.....but that's a story for later.

Please please please get this book: 'Divorce Poison' written by Richard Warshak (I got it from the local library).  I'm not a big advocate of shrink books, but this one is totally different.  It shows lists of PAS characteristics and the actions to expect (and they could not be more on target).  But more importantly, it gives very specific advice on how to deal with this brainwashing of children, instead of suggesting to just ignore it and wait for time to pass.  The book gives great examples of what to say to your kids to help them understand what is going on, without stressing them out even more.    

The author says very little about how to deal with the PAS / narcissistic parent, mainly about helping the kids.  It also helps keep on track by reiterating what not to do, so I will not be like the nutsy BM!

Hope it helps!
little bit's Dad

--copied this from another site--

The Today show has an upcoming month long show on parenting tips and concerns and is excepting emails about thoughts, worries, wisdoms on parenting.  

Here is the link: //www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6769709/

It is important for non custodial parents to write in and see if they will listen.  Basically the concerns would be how do you raise your children when you don't get to see them very much or how to deal with your children when the other parent is slowing alienating your child away from you.  I think if enough people wrote to them they might listen especially since divorce is one of the biggest problems today and many children are facing it.  Here is the link to send your questions, concerns,etc.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6769709/

Not to be argumentative, but I have a completly different take on this.

What you are presuming is that a religion must be chosen by BM or she loses her right to make religious decisions.  That is wrong.  She is well within her right to decide that the children will be raised agnostic; complety void of anything relating to religion.  With that in mind, I view your bringing them to church against her will as defying the parenting plan.

In addition, there is no time limit on her making her decisions.  If she is "soul-searching" for the next 10 years, you still cannot expose the kids to a religion without her approval or changing the current court order.  

Whether or not you make a formal showing of your beliefs, such as baptism, is irrelevant.  Taking the children to any type of religious function that BM disagrees with is contempt.  Especially since she has made her wishes very clear and you continue to defy them.  Trying to say that a church function is just a fun get-together for the kids will not hold water.  

On a positive note though, it will probably be pretty easy to get the current order modified.  Unless she can come up with a darn good reason that the kids should have no religion instead of yours.  Judges, GAL's, etc are highly favorable to church involvement.  It's just a good invironment for families.  

So my advice is to get the plan changed ASAP.  It will be almost impossible to do later if BM decides to join a church and get the kids involved.  Very unlikely you'll be able to change it after the fact.

OK, I'm back on the phone again trying to stir up some sympathy for my cause.  Now I get the response that the new HIPPA law forbids them to give me any info on my son's medicaid benefits.  

Is this true or just another exuse to blow me off?  
Can anyone give me a quick tutorial on the HIPPA law?  

Thanks!

I do have an attorney.  He expects that he will not be able to get the records via subpoena in time for the court date (three weeks).  Although the GAL thinks this is an issue worth pursuing, our case is not tatally dependant on it.  So, is it worth rescheduling the court date for?---We filed in early February, didn't get a court date until late April.  If it's re-scheduled, it will probably be another 3-4 months.

I'm not giving up.  I just haven't found an alternative plan, YET.  Any ideas would be helpful.

Thanks for the input.

Well.....I spent two hours making phone calls and am completely disgusted and frustrated!  All I got was the stereotypicle treatment that assumes all Dads are sperm donors who hate kids.  

I am fairly sure the BM has already warned them (in her notorious drama-queen style) that I would be inquiring.  

After countless transfers and referrals, I spoke to the specific individual who handles BM & son's case, also the county supervisor, and also a medicaid official for the state.  All had the same attitude and gave me the same treatment!

I even read to them the specific law of our state that gives me access to any and all records pertaining to my son.  Furthermore, our divorce decree also spells out that I have access to everthing.....No one gave a flip!  One lady even told me that the law I quoted to her does not apply public assistance, but she would not provide me with anything to substantiate that!

They said that because my son is on public assistance based on BM's circumstances, all of the records are hers, not his.  So they would not provide me with anything.  And of course I explained that that was fine, I only want my son's records, even a simple list of his doctor visits etc.  And of course, I got a big fat NO.

Before I made the calls, my wife urged me to let her call and pretend to be BM.  I wanted to do it the right way and look where it got me!

I hate these brick walls!  I hate taking the high road and watching everyone else win!  I hate being the best Dad anyone could possible be, just to get treated like some predatory creep!  

(I posted on Soc board also)

Change of custody and contempt hearing scheduled for first of next month in Alabama.  Right now we have joint legal custody with Mom having primary residential custody.

CP has our child (and the other six family members) on public assistance fraudulently.  To save time, we will try to get the records without going thru the court.  

Does anyone have experience trying to obtain records for various types of public assistence?  I will be trying to get the information within the next week or two, and want to have all my ducks in a row before I start asking questions.

For instance, do I have a legal right to view my son's Medicaid records, or would they be considered to be the records of the NCP, and therefore not be available to me?

I am especially interested in seeing the application filled out by CP.  Anyone have insight on the best way to go about this?

Thanks!
LittleBit's Dad