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Topics - IceMountain

#31
General Issues / Meeting with son's counselor
Oct 28, 2005, 12:43:17 PM
On Monday I will be meeting with my son's counselor for the 1st time.  He has only seen her a couple of times so far and goes every other week.  

My ex claims that my son talks to the counselor about this or that, and usually points the finger at me, with the typical ex crap.  If she wants to prove a point she claims she talked to the counselor and then pulls the 'this is what they said so this is what we should do' crap, etc.  This week she claimed my son was upset about something and discussed it with his counselor.  I talked to the counselor last night and it was an outright lie.  My son doesn't even have an appt. until next week.  
(But my ex called to talk to her about it)

I want to expose my ex-wife for what she is doing and how she is trying to manipulate the counselor.  I'm sure she is trying to build a case against me as being a bad father before we go to court in a couple months.  

How do I approach the counselor in a 'professional' way without giving the impression I am doing the same thing she is.  I want her to be 'outed' so she can stop trying to manipulate the situation.

I tried to put my son in counseling where I live but I can't find one that will take Saturday appts.

Does anyone have suggestions for specific questions I should ask the counselor?  I want to be prepared when I go in on Monday.

Thank You
#32
General Issues / A small victory!!
Jul 04, 2005, 06:28:06 PM
Well we went to court on the contempt issues and for change of venue.  The contempt issues were dismissed and venue is back in the original county.  She has to pay to have venue transferred back.  The only thing we didn't get was attornies fees and costs, but we'll take the small victory!
#33
General Issues / Transcribing phone recordings
Jun 24, 2005, 11:16:46 PM
My ex is on a power trip and filed a petition to modify in her county of residence, even though we already have an ongoing case in the original county of the decree.  She did not follow court rules as far as telling them a case was pending in another county, etc.  

Three weeks later she filed contempt against me for not filing a paper with the court (which is sitting in the court file of the original court and has been for about 9 months) and for not returning my son at the designated time after a weekend visitation.

Some of you may remember my ex was threatening an Amber Alert if I didn't return my son after a weekend visitaion.  (she refused to meet at the spot we had used for a year).  Our court order does not address transportation issues, so I can't be in contempt of something not addressed in our divorce decree.

I was served on Tuesday with the papers for contempt.  Problem was the Affidavit to start Contempt was not included so my lawyer had to go to the courthouse and look in the file to find out what the contempt was for.  (the courthouse is 4 hours from me)

So now I am collecting evidence.  I am taking the police reports from the day she threatened the Amber Alert, the paper she claims was not filed with the court and a letter signed by her stating she is now willing to meet 1/2 way.  (the letter is dated the day after she filed contempt)  

I have hired someone to transcribe phone recordings for me.  The recordings include her 2 threats of the Amber Alert and messages and conversations about the weekend in question.  Is there anything I need to add to the transcriptions in order to submit them as evidence?  (Do they need to be notarized, for example?)

Thanks
#34
General Issues / Advice on mod direction
Jan 26, 2005, 07:27:34 PM
Ok, here's the background:

My ex and I live about 4 hours apart in different states.  We have a 7 year old son and are both remarried.  We were in the process of modifying our original decree, but there have been several changes that are affecting where we go next.

1.  I fired my lawyer 2 weeks ago.  He was completely incompetent and did not follow through on filing motions, etc.  I have requested my complete file from him, but only received info I sent him and copies of 2 motions that were filed with the court.  He did not include any notes, correspondence, other motions, etc.  So I am sending him another letter to request that info.  

I now need to retain a new lawyer, but have to save the retainer fee before I can do so.  Is there a specific time frame I need to follow in retaining new counsel in Iowa?

2.  I have changed careers.  After 2 years of being in and out of unemployment I have completed an educational course and obtained secure employment.  The only downfall to that is I will now be away from home for about 1 1/2 weeks at a time, which definitely affects my visitation with my son.  And, yes, I did consider that before choosing my new career... but I need stable income in order to support my son and my current family... it's a double-edged sword, but I will only need to travel extensively for the 1st year of my employment and then I will be able to be home more.

So, now, I don't know where to go next with the modification.  Do I continue with it now?  

3.  The reason for the mod is that the original was done when my son was an infant and me and my ex lived within 1/2 hour of each other.   Since the original decree my ex and I have both moved, in opposite directions of each other.  The travel distance has changed things, especially with pick-up and drop-off and holidays.

4.  To be fair, my ex and I do seem to work things out ok.... but usually only as long as it benefits her.   Things have been ok for the past 6 months since I retained a lawyer.  But, now that I fired Mr. Incompetent, she has already started playing games with traveling, etc.

5.  My last question is this.... I currently have my son EOW.  If I am not available on the weekend, can my wife (my son's step-mom) exercise the visitation?  Or can my ex deny that?  I plan to offer some of the weekends to my parents, but I don't think that will be a problem with my ex because she gets along well with them.

Sorry for the long post.  I just really need some direction and advice as to how to proceed.

Thank You,
Ice Mountain
#35
Visitation Issues / vacation agreement
Jul 30, 2006, 08:55:19 PM
If I've already asked this question in the past, please excuse my forgetfulness, but the issue has come up again and I need some advice.

In February my ex agreed to let my son attend a family wedding out of state this fall.  My son will miss a week of school to attend the wedding.  My ex agreed (in a roundabout way) to letting my son go in a recorded telephone conversation.  She also testified in court that she was allowing my son to attend the trip.  She made some small stipulations and said I would need to be the one to take him out of school so that it does not come back on her.

After she testified in court I questioned my attorney as to what my rights are if she denies my son going on the trip.  She advised me that I could sue her for contempt.

Fast forward to last month.  She got ticked at me about something and said my son can't go on the trip.  I told her that if that was the case then she would be the one to tell my son because he would be crushed.   In the meantime my son has continued to talk about the upcoming trip.  She never brought it up again so I didn't either.

This past weekend she picked an argument with me again because things weren't going her way and again said my son could not go on the trip.

I informed her this weekend of what my attorney said about contempt.  She claims that since the trip is not spelled out in our decree that she does not have to allow it.

From reading posts in the past I am under the impression that I could sue my ex in small claims court for financial damages caused by my son not attending this trip.

So my questions are:

1.  Will my ex indeed be in contempt since she testified in court that she was allowing my son to attend this trip, which is not my regular parenting time?

2.  Can I sue her in small claims court for damages?

3.  What other options do I have?
#36
Visitation Issues / son in emotional distress
Jun 26, 2006, 09:05:58 PM
My son, who is 8 years old, is with me for our summer visitation.  2 weeks ago his mom came to one of his summer games and when she left to go home (3 1/2 hours away) my son was so upset he was bawling.  

Later that night he was questioning when he would go back to his mom's house, so my wife made him a calendar which showed him the visitation schedule and all of the events for the summer.  

A little later he was in the kitchen studying the calendar then came to me upset and crying again and said he just misses her so much and that he doesn't think it's fair that he has to be here for 2 weeks but only goes home with her for 2 days.  I tried to explain but it didn't seem to help.

He went with his mom for the weekend and came back last night.  Today he was having lunch with my wife and talked about how his step-dad told his mom that he agrees with the 'divorcement'.  She talked to him a little bit to clarify what he was saying.  She then asked him how he felt about it and he tried so hard to be strong and not cry, but told her he was sad because he wouldn't have a step-dad anymore.  there was some confusion because he said his step-dad agreed with it but that they were not actually getting a 'divorcement'.  

This led to him saying he didn't understand why me and his mom were not married anymore.  He said that we argued when we were married but that since we didn't argue anymore that we should be able to live together again and there shouldn't be a problem.  (My son was 2 when we split up)

He then went on to say that last night his mom was really sad and laid her head on the pillow and started crying.  He asked her what was wrong and she said that she just misses him so much when he leaves her.

My son is having trouble concentrating and following simple directions.  He's telling little lies about stupid stuff.  I'm frustrated because I don't know how to help him.  I have had 1/2 of the summer since my ex and I divorced.  Transitions have never been this tough on my son.  There have been emotional issues in the past, but this summer seems the worst.  He just seems completely insecure about everything.

I should add that my ex and I were in court earlier this year for a modification.  Also his mom just moved at the beginning of the month.  He doesn't seem to have any issues with her move, but he has only spent a handful of nights at their new apartment.  We are also moving, but my son 'seems' very excited about the upcoming move.  He loves the new house.  

Any ideas?  Is it possible he is just more aware of the custody situation because of his age and that he is just having trouble adjusting?  

I have joint legal custody.
#37
Visitation Issues / How is summer normally split?
Mar 22, 2006, 08:52:58 PM
I have 6 weeks visitation with my son in the summer.  I also have EOW and shared holidays.  My ex-wife and I live 4 hours apart.  We share transportation.

How likely am I to get summer visitation increased to 10 weeks?  This would leave 2 weeks vacation and EOW with his mom.

All opinions welcome.
#38
Visitation Issues / Mediation canceled... again!
Aug 20, 2005, 09:58:48 PM
Ok, my ex informed me that she will be rescheduling our mediation appt. again!  This will be the 3rd change.  

1.  Mediation was ordered 5/31/05.  At the time our case was at a 'stand still' because I filed to order mediation in my county - and she filed a petition to modify in her county - in the same week.  She didn't inform the court of the current case, etc. and I had to file to have it dismissed.  (which was done on 6/30/05.)

2.  My ex then filed contempt charges on me, again in her county, and I had to go to court on 6/30/05 and spend almost $600 on a lawyer to get the contempt dropped and venue sent back to my county.  I did not set up mediation until the case in her county was dropped because I knew she wouldn't go anyway when she was adamant venue should be in her county.

3.  The 1st mediation was set up by me and canceled by me, but because she couldn't go.  I rescheduled the appt.

4.  She called and 'tried' to reschedule the 2nd appt. which resulted in the mediator's office contacting me and my lawyer and stating how uncooperative she was in rescheduling the appt.  The specific mediator was ordered by the court and only took appts. 2 days a week.  

5.  I met with my lawyer 2 weeks ago and she advised me that we really needed to get the mediation over by the end of this month because the order for mediation was signed on 5/31/05 and we had 60 days to comply, which was 7/31/05.  She suggested that since the mediator ordered by the court was obviously not working for my ex that I should just let her pick a new mediator, a date, a time, etc.... make it easy for her and maybe she'd run out of excuses for not being able to attend.

Well the ex found a mediator and we are supposed to go on Friday.  She said she can't afford the appt. again and that she will be trying to reschedule in 2 weeks.

6.  We are now 21 days past the deadline for the court order.

So now I have a decision to make.  My lawyer advised me that if the mediation was not completed by 8/31/05 I could charge her with contempt.  She also advised me that in reality she could file a motion to bypass mediation and just go to trial because of the bs.  (I live in a county where it is required)  In a previous post I mentioned how my ex didn't agree with 90% of my proposal, so I guess I'm not sure what would be best to do at this point.

Should I charge her with contempt?  Should I agree with another rescheduling?  Or should I just say the hell with mediation and get a trial date?  I haven't talked to my lawyer yet.

On a side note, the original petition to modify was done 6/04 and I received a notice from the court saying that the case needed to be decided by 12/31/05 or I face a dismissal.

All opinions are appreciated!!
#39
My ex and I are going to mediation next month.  I have a proposed  parenting plan and delivered it to her almost a year ago.  It has been a long process to get to this point (mediation).  I met with my new attorney a couple weeks ago.  We agreed that giving my ex a copy of the plan may have been intimidating to her and also probably ticked her off because she likes to be in control.  I honestly never looked at it that way.  I took the advice and parenting plan samples from this site and adjusted it to our situation.  It includes all of the suggested topics that pertain to our situation.  In all honesty I think it is a very reasonable plan for anyone truly interested in co-parenting their child.

Background:  My son is 7 years old and lives 220 miles from me.  We currently have the standard EOW and 6 weeks in the summer along with shared holidays from 9:00 to 6:00.  We have both moved since the divorce.

I am asking for the entire summer minus 2 weeks, holiday weekends rather than days, EOW, Fridays & Mondays that school is not in session on my weekend, every other spring break and shared Xmas break.  For Xmas I am asking for alternating years of day school dismisses to the 26th or the 26th until the day before school resumes.  

I asked her, after talking to my attorney, if she had had a chance to go over the parenting plan and make notes as to what she would propose.  I suggested that we try to negotiate and agree to what we could before mediation and court.   She said she doesn't agree with 90% of the plan!!  ... and that I am not taking into consideration that my son's school and friends are with her!  

Am I totally off-base here with what I am proposing?  Am I missing something that would make her truly not agree to 90% of the proposal?  All I want is to co-parent my son.  I want to have the same courtesy during the summer that she has during the school year!   I want to be able to spend a holiday with my son without watching the clock and spending 1/2 the time driving.  I want my son to be able to fully participate in the summer recreation and sports he joins in my town.  My son has friends in my town and my wife's family members who think he is the greatest kid in the world (I have to agree).

She is pro se and I have an attorney and a well-written plan of action.  

My only downfall is that I am a truck driver.  I work a rotating shift where I have every other week and weekend off.  I'm looking for local work now that I have 6 months experience behind me, but I know my job could potentially hurt my case.  I know the case will go to court.  I am desperately trying to find a local job before that will happen.

Any opinions?  
#40
Visitation Issues / Help for my sister in law
May 28, 2005, 11:43:46 AM
My sister-in-law is having some trouble.  Here is a little background:

'Sue' and 'Tom' were never married.  They have 1 son together who is 8.  The two of them split about a year ago.  BF seldom pays child support.  BM seldom lets son see his BF.  In my opinion neither one is interested in the best interest of the child.  They both reside in Iowa.

BF has a GF who also has children.  Her daughter, who is 9, was sexually abused.  (I don't know when or by who).  It appears that during a weekend visitation about a month ago my nephew was fondled by the 9 year old girl.  The school and police have been brought into the situation and investigated the incident the very next day.  The little girl was blaming my nephew.  It has now come out that this has happened to my nephew before and that his dad warned him not to tell his mom.

My sister-in-law is livid that her son was told not to tell and that her ex did not take the proper measures to protect him from future abuse.  (the kids were playing alone upstairs when the incident happened).

My sister-in-law has retained a lawyer but was told that she really can't do anything as far as the little girl is concerned.  She would like to have supervised visits.  She was told that will likely not happen.  She would like some type of restraining order but was told they can't do anything becuz of the child's age.

Does she have any options to protect her child?  There are currently no visitation orders in place.  I understand both children are victims here, but a pattern of abuse has been set and nobody wants it to continue.  Her lawyer's retainer was just way too cheap and made me suspicious from the beginning.  Is there anything more he can be doing for her?  The BF and GF are planning to get married next year so this is a 'somewhat permanent' situation.

#41
Visitation Issues / Ex threatening Amber Alert
May 21, 2005, 10:34:58 AM
I also posted this to soc.

My ex and I divorced in 2001. At the time of the decree we both lived in the same city. We have both since moved and live 210 miles apart. She moved a month after the decree was finalized and I moved almost 2 years later. Our decree does not address transportation at all. My ex has now decided that she will no longer meet at the 1/2 way meeting point we have used for almost a year. We had the same problem a year ago when she claimed I needed to do all of the driving, but then she did compromise and we began meeting again at the 1/2 way point in August of last year.

We are in the process of having our current orders modified. The original decree is in Iowa, which requires mediation before any case goes to court. I have filed a motion to have mediation ordered. It has not been signed by a judge yet. She still lives in Iowa, I am in Wisconsin.

When I had my son two weeks ago my ex informed me that she would not meet 1/2 way and that if I wanted my son I would have to drive round trip on both Friday and Sunday. I tried to reason with her, but she flat out refused. When I realized it was mother's day, I called her to let her know that it was a holiday and that she had visitation starting at 9:00 a.m. She then agreed to pick up our son at my house only because it would be 'starting her visitation'.

It is again my weekend with my son. We have continued to argue/talk about the transportation issue for the past two weeks. She again has informed me that she will not be meeting 1/2 way and refuses to pick up our son at my home on Sunday.

When I arrived at her house on Friday at 5:00 a sheriff was waiting for me to serve me papers for 'modification of dissolution of marriage'. When I left I asked her if she would be picking up our son at my house on Sunday at 5:00. She replied that she would not be and that if I did not return my son on time that she would have an Amber Alert issued. The sheriff was no longer present during this conversation, but I do have it recorded.

We have joint custody with her as primary.


1. I have researched Amber Alerts and found that they are not to be used in 'child abduction' cases unless the child is believed to be in grave danger. This is not child abduction. She is refusing to pick up our son. Our son is not in any danger. What ramifications will she face if she lies about this and has a false report filed?

2. What are my rights as far as transportation is concerned?

3. I have contacted my local police department concerning the issue and they have filed a report. Is there anything else I should be doing?

4. I also contacted the police department in her city and they informed me that if the Amber Alert is indeed issued that I could be arrested. How likely is this to happen? He stated that she has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that our son has been kidnapped before any action can be taken.

5. Is this considered kidnapping or child abduction? I gave her the option of meeting 1/2 way and to pick him up herself, she is refusing to pick up our son.

6. Now, about the modification papers I was served. These papers have already been filed in the court of the original decree. They were filed in May of last year. We had a pre-trial conf. in October and mediation motions were filed in December. I fired my lawyer in January. I refiled the mediation motion and it is file stamped before the papers she just filed in her district. Who has jurisdiction or venue over this case?
#42
My orders state:

Custody of the parties' minor child*******, shall be and remain jointly in the parties as provided by law.  The primary physical residence of ********** shall be placed with the respondent, *********, subject to the following visitation schedule:

***** shall have visitation with the children alternating weekends from 5:00 p.m. Friday until 5:00 p.m. Sunday commencing with the second weekend following entry of the decree herein;

Six weeks summer visitation.  ***** shall provide notice of his intention to exercise summer visitation not less than four weeks prior to the actual exercise of said visitation.  *************** shall receive alternating weekend visitation during's *****'s summer visitation.  Said weekend visitation shall be from 5:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m. Sunday, (yep, you read that right it states 5 to 5 on sunday, a typo that could be difficult for CP), commencing with the second week of *****'s summer visitation.

During each even-numbered year, ***** shall have visitation with the minor child on Easter Sunday, July 4th and Thanksgiving Day from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., and from 12:00 noon on December 23 until 9:00 p.m. on December 24th; during each odd-numbered year, the same oare reserved for **********.

During each odd-numbered year, ****** will have visitation with the minor child on New Year's Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. and from 9:00 p.m. on December 24 until 5:00 p.m. on December 25; during each even-numbered year, these are reserved for **************.

***** will be entitled to have the child every Father's Day and ********* will be entitled to have the children every Mother's Day, irrespective of teh visitation schedule set forth above.

***** Robert shall, in any event, have reasonable access to visit the minor child on his birthdays, and on his own birthday, by telephone, or otherwise, as the parties may agree.

Such other times as the parties shall mutually agree.

As you can read, it does not state anything about transportation.  Our situation concerning the transportation issue has gotten ugly over the weekend.  (see my other post:  Frustrated)

I informed my ex that I will not be meeting her where she wants me to and that I will be meeting her at the 1/2 way point.  She replied saying I could pick my son up at her home and that her only responsibility is to 'make my son available' for my visitation.  I replied by telling her if I was going to pick him up at her house then she would be driving the 4 hours to my house on Sunday to pick him up.  After all, by her logic, I only have to 'make him available' for her to start her visitation.  I also reminded her that Sunday was Mother's Day and that she would be picking him up at 9:00 a.m.

She then replied that this Sunday she would pick him up at my home because it is her Mother's Day visitation, but future weekends will find me doing all of the driving.  

Funny how 2 days ago she could not drive her car even 2 hours, or borrow a car to drive the 2 hours... yet now she can make it 4 hours????

She also stated that on future weekends if I do not return my son to her home she will 'pursue it' meaning her earlier threat of calling the cops.  And that if I didn't like it I could take her to court.  I've saved the msgs she left on my phone and recorded them to a tape.  Last summer when things were 'touchy' I started recording all phone converstations with my ex.  Then, I stopped when things seemed back to 'normal'.  I now regret not keeping that continuous log.  I bought a voice recorder today for pick-up and drop-offs and to record phone conversations and msgs.

I know the police will consider this a civil matter and not do anything when she calls the cops.  Any other suggestions?

Again, sorry for the long post.
#43
Visitation Issues / Kitty C.?? I need your help.
Apr 30, 2005, 06:32:51 AM
I hope you remember me and I hope it is ok to ask for your particular advice.  Can you advise me of a good lawyer in that area?

if you want to e-mail:
[email protected]

or reply here,
thank you so much!!!
#44
Visitation Issues / FrUstRaTeD!!!!!
Apr 30, 2005, 06:29:32 AM
I am so frustrated!!!  I just got off the phone with my ex.  I wanted to know which meeting place we were using on Friday. (we have 2 depending on whether or not she also has to pick up her husband.  1 is 1/2 way between our homes, the other is where her husband works and requires her to do 2/3 of the driving.)

Transportation has been an issue with us for almost 2 years.  Our decree does not address transportation issues because at the time of the decree we were living in the same town, and we have a generic decree which I was too stupid to know at the time.

I'll give you some background:
My ex lost her license about 2 years ago for failing to pay a fine.  At the time I was ignorant to my rights and when she informed me that I was going to have to do all of the driving, I just did it because I didn't think I had a choice if I wanted to see my son.

The drive is 8 hours round trip and it was a definite financial hardship.  When I found out she got her license back, I asked if we were going to start meeting again.  She would not agree to it and sent me a letter stating that during my visitation I would need to drive and during her summer visitation (alternating weekends) she would drive, so whoever was receiving visitation would do the driving.  

At that time I retained a lawyer and he advised me to 'be nice' and do the driving, which I did.  I continued to drive and when summer came she did the driving.

At the end of the summer I informed her that I would no longer be driving the 8 hour round trip and that if she did not meet me 1/2 way on Friday, then she would drive all the way to my house on Sunday.  Since then we have met 1/2 way, which was in August of last year.

In November my wife and I split up for a week.  During that time, I verbally agreed to meet at an area an hour from her home because at the time I was going to move back to my home town and it would again be the 1/2 way point.

That didn't happen because my wife and I reconciled.

She is again pushing for me to meet at the spot an hour from her home because her car is not working properly.  I informed her that there have been times when my car did not work and I had to borrow one, which is what she will need to do because it is not my resp. to make up for her portion of the driving.

We got in a heated argument.  I informed her that if she did not have my son at the 1/2 way meeting spot between our two homes on Friday then I would file papers for contempt of court.  She told me to go ahead.

I need help!!  I fired my lawyer in January because he was incompetent and did not follow thru on filings.  Can I file contempt papers by myself or do I have to have a lawyer to do so?

Sorry for the long post, I'm just still so ticked off and completely frustrated.
#45
My decree allows me 6 weeks summer visitation with my son.  I used 1 week at Xmas. so I have 5 weeks left.  I have to give 30 days notice of when I want to exercise visitation.

Now to my question:  I am an OTR truck driver and this is a new career for me.  I have continued to exercise eow visits with my son, but cannot take 5 weeks off work for the summer visitation.  

My wife, however, does not work summers.  Can 'I' still exercise the visitation?  

My son and my wife have a very good relationship.  He is 7 and wants to play sports here again this summer.  (he participated in his first sports activities last summer.)  My ex has flat out refused saying that he participates in the same 2 activities now so he doesn't 'need' to do them at my house this summer.

My ex is in Iowa, I'm in Wisconsin.

Is there anything I can do?  I know I won't be available every day, but my son still wants to come.  Can she deny this time?
#46
Visitation Issues / truck driver's visitation
Apr 27, 2005, 06:51:11 AM
I am an otr truck driver.  Prior to this career change I had hired a lawyer to modify visitation, but fired him about 6 months ago.  I still want to modify but realize my career change affects the way the courts look at my case.  I'm not asking for much, just shared school breaks, holiday weekends and clarifying transportation and times, etc.

I have to work for my company for a year to pay back tuition.  At that point I was going to look for a regional job where I would be home every weekend (I'm currently home eow to see my son) and a few nights a week.

I have an option with my current company to work 1 week on and 1 week off.  It would mean less miles and income, but I would then be able to have school break visitations and get my 6 weeks summer visitation 'back'.

Any opinions on how the courts would view my eow week work schedule?  Longterm I would lose $300 to $600 a month, which is comparable to the income I had before becoming an otr truck driver.  The money isn't an issue with me, but will it be an issue with the courts?  
#47
Visitation Issues / year round school
Aug 18, 2004, 07:08:32 PM
We are in the process of modifying the visitation order for my husband.  We had it all about 90% figured out, but now there is a wrench thrown in.  His ex informed us today that my stepson will be attending a year round school... which totally changes everything as far as the extended summer visitation we were asking for.  There is just no way to fit the amount of weeks in when he will only have 12 weeks off the whole year compared to 15-16 with regular school schedule.

Do any of you experienced parents have a suggestion for a fair schedule that has worked for you?  
#48
My ex and I have always gone against the court order and I have had visits on 1st and 3rd weekends, her 2nd and 4th and 5th for grandparents.  This schedule was nice, I'll admit it, it made it easy to plan.  However, we have decided to follow the decree from now on.

I am in the process of modifying my order.  Because of a 200 mile distance between us, I have proposed to have holiday weekends, as opposed to the original 9-6 schedule.  These holiday weekends would be irrespective of the EOW schedule.  

OK, this all sounds great, except when I try to put it on paper.  It's getting confusing.

ex. If I have the 2nd and 4th weekends in June and the 3rd is a holiday weekend (Father's Day) do I get all three weekends?  Or do I get the 1st and 2nd and then wait two weekends before my next visit?

I want to be able to highlight my EOW schedule on the calendar.   But when I tried to also highight what holiday weekends I would have we run into this 'glitch' twice next year.  In June I would get 3 weekends in a row and in December she would get 3 weekends in a row.

Does anybody have some insight on this????  

Thanks in advance



#49
I am going to a 'free' consultation with a lawyer on Friday.  This is the first lawyer I am meeting with.  I have checklists I've printed of questions to ask about the lawyer himself, etc.  I read all about not going over 30 minutes or they will charge you, etc.

My question is, since this is just a consultation, what do I need to take with me?  A copy of our divorce decree?  Nothing?  Just a pen and notebook for taking notes?

I really don't know what to expect.  Can someone give me some insight?  

I'll be attempting to modify a visitation order.

IM
#50
My ex and I have verbally agreed to some clarifications in our current divorce decree concerning visitation.  These changes will all affect me positively.

Since I know she is not to happy about the changes and because I'm afraid she will try to back out on one of the agreements, I have decided to put them in writing.  

I am going to ask her to sign with the agreement with a notary, but I'm pretty sure she won't agree to this.  As an alternate I will be sending the letter to her certified mail with return receipt.

I have seen some posts on here where it appears a copy is then sent to the courthouse to be placed in your file.  How exactly does this work?  If I send a copy to the courthouse, won't it have to be signed by both of us?  Will it have to be notarized to be legally binding?

We have clarified the following:
transportaion plan
holiday schedule
weekend visitation
summer visitation

We haven't made any changes, but we have agreed to make past verbal agreements null and void and to go strictly by the divorce decree concerning holidays, weekends and summer.  I guess my main concern is transportation.  It was not addressed in the original decree and we have agreed on a plan that I want to have some 'weight' on proving when and if she decides it's not convenient for her again.  

Any suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, IM
#51
Custody Issues / temp custody order
Aug 24, 2006, 08:09:53 PM
I also posted this on soc's board, but am looking for any help I can get.  This is for my brother.

State: Iowa

My ex and I split up last month. We have a daughter that is 2 1/2. We initially agreed to 50/50 with a week on week off rotation. Since the seperation my daughter has been with me 72% of the time without any formal orders in place. My ex has never taken her on a weekend. She does not call to check on her or talk to her when she is with me.

A couple weeks ago my ex decided that she was afraid I would not return my daugter after my 'week' with her and said she would grant me only Thursday to Sunday every other week starting that week. I picked up my daugter that Thursday and I had her until the following Wednesday. Three days later I had her back again. She is still with me and is scheduled to go back to her mom's house on Sunday.

My ex met with a lawyer last week and called to tell me that she was having divorce papers drawn up and that I should expect to be served. I called her lawyer today and offered to stop at his office and sign the papers. The receptionist informed me that the papers would be filed with the court today and I could stop in the afternoon to sign.

The papers included the divorce petition, a motion for temp custody and an order signed by the judge granting my ex temp custody. Her basis for asking for temp custody was that she claimed I did not have a permanent home and that I apparently threatened to take my daughter out of state. (I am staying with my mom until I can get a place of my own)

The motion was dated 8/22 and the order was signed 8/24 by the judge. There is a hearing scheduled for 9/14 for temp visitation and child support.

1. Is it 'normal' practice for these types of orders to be signed and granted without a hearing?

2. How would you suggest I proceed?

3. What type of evidence do I need to prove my daughter has been with me?
#52
Custody Issues / clean cut case?
May 30, 2006, 10:50:16 PM
I'm asking this for a friend.  Any opionions would be greatly appreciated.  I posted the same a couple months back before paternity was established, but got no response so I'm trying again.

Mother and father never married.  Child is 8 years old.  Father has had no contact with child, ever.  Father claims he could not locate child and mother.

Mother in Arizona.  Father in Iowa.  Paternity recently established on petition of DHS in Arizona.

Mother going to prison for felony charges for a minimum of 5 years.  Father did time in 98 and had a possession charge in 2002.

Father is married but legally separated from his wife.  He has another child with wife and a step-child from wife's first marriage.  He is an OTR truck driver and is home only a handful of nights a month.

The 8 year old child has a 1/2 sibling who is living with grandparents in Arizona.  I don't know if they have interest in custody of 8 year old.

Father is now interested in gaining custody of this child.  He believes that since the mother is in prison that this is an open/shut case and that he will definitely get custody.

What do you think?

#53
Custody Issues / transfer of custody?
Mar 31, 2006, 09:11:34 PM
Looking for opinions.

CP and NCP had a child 8 years ago.  Parties never married.  Paternity was not established.  CP relocated and did not allow any contact with NCP and the child.  NCP has received very little information over the past 8 years regarding the whereabouts of the child and has only a few pictures obtained through other sources.

Fast forward to now.  CP is facing prison time for theft, drug use and forgery.  NCP has been served with paternity papers from the state.  NCP is not sure what is going on, or why papers suddenly served.  Could be child is a ward of the state, in foster care, receiving state assistance.  NCP does not know.  Paternity test is next week.

If CP indeed goes to prison, how likely is it that NCP could gain custody?

NCP also has a record for drug use and theft.  NCP travels for work.  As far as the state is concerned, NCP is 'legally separated' from current wife.  (in order for NCP's other child and wife to receive benefits)

CP is in AZ, NCP is in IA.

NCP and wife think custody is going to be easy and are already making plans, talking to the other children about the possibility of having a new brother, etc.  

These are all the details I know.  All opinions appreciated.
#54
Custody Issues / Court in 2 weeks
Mar 06, 2006, 06:40:01 PM
We have a date this month for a modification in Iowa.  We've been through mediation and had negotiations with our lawyers.  The court date if FINALLY fast approaching!

All of the court documents and evidence are in my lawyer's hands and my lawyer if preparing my witnesses.

The biggest part of my case is more time with my son.

What else should I be doing?

Any useful hints from others that have been in the 'modification' shoes?

Any advice on what to, and what not to, do?

?????????

#55
Custody Issues / Counselor's records
Jan 27, 2006, 11:59:05 AM
I sent a requesst for records to my son's therapist, who I also have met with personally.  The request was sent through my attorney.  I followed up on the request with my attorney because it had been about 6-8 weeks since the request was sent, and she in turn called the therapist's office.  

Apparently the therapist is not willing to disclose session notes, but she is willing to send a 'summary' of their work.  They claim they have not worked on custody/visitation issues with my son 'lately', but they were working on these issues as early as November because that was when I met with his therapist.

Is this the norm with therapists?

Can the records be subpoenaed?  We go to court in 2 months and I want to have the records for trial.  I have an e-mail out to my attorney, and I'm waiting for a reply.

Any opinions would be appreciated!
#56
Custody Issues / We're off to court...
Oct 18, 2005, 05:28:45 PM
Well we finally got a court date!!  Problem is the checklist of issues we're allowed to address does not cover all of the issues.  I have sent an e-mail to my lawyer about that.

What I need to know is, now what?  We are doing a modification so I can get more time, school breaks, longer holidays, etc.

I used the samples on this site to develop a comprehensive parenting plan.  What else will I need for court?  What types of witnesses will I need?  Records?  Documentation?

I have just over 2 months to get ready for trial.  I've spent 2 years preparing, writing the parenting plan, documenting, recording conversations, etc., but now that I have a court date I feel like it's a whole new ball game!

How do I research cases to see what is happenig with cases right now?  I've tried before and I can find appealed cases, but not regular cases.  I'm in Iowa.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
#57
I love my son.  I am tired of the games she plays to hurt him emotionally and the ways she tries to manipulate him.  It's killing me to watch him have to suffer due to her mind games.

I'm considering hiring a PI.  I can't find any friend, family member, acquaintance, etc. who has ever used one.  I don't know if it will help me.  

I know my son would be better off with me, but proving that is a different story.

1.  Last year he missed 20 full and part days of school.  I haven't gotten his final report card yet for this year, but last count last quarter was a total of 10 days.  Since I don't have the attendance report I don't know how many were full and how many were part days, etc.

2.  My ex informed me that she will be moving again.  My son will have his 4th school change in 2 years.  He attended 2 different schools during Kindergarten, attended a full year at the same school for 1st grade and will be changing again for 2nd grade.  (To be fair, I have moved 2 times in the past 2 1/2 years.  1 time with family due to finances then to own residence.)

3.  My son has learning difficulties that I think are directly related to his attendance.  She is now having him evaluated for ADD and his school did an IEP last week, which I should be receiving in the next week along with other school paper work.

4.  She 'enjoys' letting my son know what he is missing on the weekends he is with me.  3 weeks ago when I picked him up he walked out of the house with his bottom lip sticking out.  When I asked what was wrong, he said 'I'm going to miss X'.  This past weekend she announced at the pick up location that they were going to a local theme park.  My son was upset and told his grandfather 'that's not fair, I don't get to go to X'.  The next day he told my wife and started crying.  Those are just the last two examples.  I try to turn it around and focus on the fun things we are doing, but that doesn't always mend the broken heart of a 7 year old boy.

5.  There is, in my opinion, blatant favortism for his sister.  (My ex- wife's child from her 2nd husband, who she is still married to).  My son's step-dad admitted to me that they do special things for his daughter that they don't do for my son.  They traded rooms so his sister could have the bigger one.  Pictures on the wall are 2:1.  She is able to participate in more activities.  The 'family' takes vacations/trips when my son is with me.  My son got a new bike for his birthday present, his sister got one the same day, just because.  Of course these are just my observations and I can't prove much here.  

6.  My son told me that his step-dad yells at him all the time.  He told me that when this happens 'My mom has to get me away from him'.  I have witnesses of aggressiveness towards my son by him and just plain nastiness in the way he is treated by his step-dad.  I have no proof of actual abuse.

7.  My ex told me a story that just didn't add up concerning my son.  It's making me wonder if he is being left alone.

Now on to my ex and her 'games'

8.  She tried to threaten me with an Amber Alert 3 weeks ago because she didn't want to provide her share of transportation.  I have the police reports.  The transportation is based on a verbal agreement is not addressed in decree.

9.  She has lost her license 2 times this year due to traffic citations but still drove with the kids in the car.  I just found this info on court records yesterday.

10.  She is using the courts to try to manipulate the system.  She filed papers in her county to file for a petition to modify.  The same case is already on-going in the original county of decree.  She tried to 'just slip it in'.  I guess she thinks I'm stupid.  This is ultimately costing me $450-$600 in attorney's fees in her county just to have the case dropped.  I'm asking for attorney's fees from her, but I'm not real hopeful because she'll probably whine to the judge about her 'poverty'.

11.  Last week she called my son's school counselor to report that my wife is spanking my son.  She's either trying to damage the very positive relationship between my son and his step-mom or trying to pull more legal crap.  My wife works with children and could be hurt by false allegations.  She didn't get anywhere with the accusation.

12.  Last week she filed a bogus contempt charge against me.  I haven't been served yet, but I know it has to be bogus because I haven't done anything to go against our very generic divorce decree.

In addition to her little games:

13.  She is fraudulently receiving welfare.  Her husband is out of town alot so she just claims he doesn't live there.  He works full time and nets $2000 to $2500/month.  They get low income housing, food stamps and medical.  Her only provable 'income', as she refers to it, is child support.

14.  I also suspect she is receiving SSI for a 'disability', but working for cash.  

There is so much more but I just can't think right now.  The problem I face is that I can't prove my son is in any real danger and I don't know how to prove that I would be a better parent.  Another thing working against me is my son's sister.  Judges don't like to split siblings.  

I'm tired of my son being raised in an environment where he is subject to lies, manipulation and favortism.  I want my son raised in a home where he values rules, boundaries and the desire to work for the things he wants and needs.  

I'm tired of my son being dressed like a slob.  I'm tired of my son not being encouraged to bathe and brush his teeth.  There's no consistency in that home.  There's no accountability.  I'm just plain frustrated.  

We have a current action in court to modify the existing decree.  Mediation has just been ordered.  Will hiring a PI help me at all?  



#58
Father's Issues / advice for my brother, please
Jul 17, 2006, 02:21:53 PM
This is IM's wife.

My brother and his wife separated about 3 weeks ago.  He's not saying much yet but when the time comes I'd like to be able to give him some direction.

For starters, my brother and SIL lived in Iowa until about a month ago when they began renting an apartment in Illinois.  My brother is now staying with my parents in Illinois.  My SIL is staying with her brother in Iowa.  I don't believe their address has been updated with county agencies because they still receive medical assistance from Iowa.

1.  If the separation becomes permanent, where would he file for custody or divorce?  Iowa or Illinois?

They have a 2 1/2 year old daughter.  They verbally agreed to shared custody 1 week on / 1 week off with exchange on Sundays at 5:00.  My brother had his daughter the first week.  SIL was supposed to pick up Sunday at 5, but called and rescheduled for Monday.  She was then supposed to return my niece on Sunday at 5.  She called my brother on Thursday and he picked up his daughter again on Friday afternoon.  Daughter is  with dad this week as this is the third week since separation.  

When my brother picked up my niece on Friday she was covered in bites that the mother/daycare provider (not sure which one) claimed were from picnic ants.  She has probably 30 bites on her body and her eyes were swollen and puffy due to the reaction of bites on her face and close to her eyes.  I advised my brother to take her to the doctor to have it documented how he picked her up, but he didn't go.  He has been giving her benadryl and applying calamine lotion and it has helped, but I'm afraid he made a huge mistake in not going to the doctor.

2.  Is there any way for my brother to protect himself regarding the shared custody plan without going to court?

My brother is going to counseling.  He started a few weeks before the break up.  He tried to get my SIL to go, but she refused.  When my brother has his daughter, the mom does not try to call or make any contact, etc. unless my brother initiates it.  His counselor advised him to stop initiating it and wait to see if she will call on her own.   Any other advice?
#59
Father's Issues / DHS question
Apr 27, 2006, 07:59:42 PM
BM just called and told me the results of a dr. appt. for my son.  There is a private issue involved.  She told me that the dr. informed her that they would have to 'notify' DHS.  I asked if they were filing a report and she said that they were only 'notifying' them to protect both parents from false allegations.  

I don't understand the difference????  How is 'notifying' DHS different than filing a report.  Won't there still be a paper trail of some sort?

Anybody have any experience with this?
#60
Father's Issues / Secrets?
Jan 15, 2006, 11:23:25 PM
I'm curious to know how the rest of you handle 'secrets'.  

This weekend he slipped and told me about an expensive item his mom purchased.  He said he wasn't supposed to tell 'because it costed a lot of money'.   (and probably because she just submitted a financial statement that definitely does not justify the purchase)  The only problem is that he was excited about it, so he wanted to share.  I tried to explain to him that it is not his fault he slipped and that no adult should be asking him to keep secrets, because he's just a kid.  But I don't think it helped.

Any suggestions on how to help my son not feel guilty when he slips?  (for the record, no, I am not pumping him for info)