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Topics - IceMountain

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Father's Issues / Frustrated! Long vent, sorry!
« on: Aug 17, 2004, 08:00:41 PM »
My husband is having so many problems between his parents and his ex.  We are both so frustrated and don't know how to 'sanely' handle the situation.

Background:  My husband was divorced 3 1/2 years ago.  From that time until about 1 to 1 1/2 years ago his parents 'hated' his ex.  That all changed when my father-in-law 'found God' again.  At that point he thought he should forgive my husband's ex for the crap she pulled on my husband.

OK, fine, great, forgive her, we could live with that.  We got along 'ok' with his ex and always tried to be amicable for my stepson's sake.

About a year ago we chose to move from the city we lived in to another home about 1 1/2 hours away because there were so many problems being created due to my father in law and his ex's 'growing' relationship.  I know some people will slam us because we chose to remove ourselves from the situation, but we felt it was best to move away rather than deal with all the stress and tension his family was causing us.  We now live about 4 hours from my stepson.  

We thought the distance would help, and it has in alot of ways, except in referring to the relationship between his ex and his dad.  Every time we go to his parent's house all we hear is his ex this and his ex that... she's so wonderful this, she's so wonderful that.  Blah, blah, blah.  They have drove such a wedge between themselves and their son and they do not understand why we are upset.  They have also caused too many problems with their favortism of his ex and comparing her to me.  I've removed myself and will no longer attend family functions.

My husband's ex is a pathological liar and is so manipulative.  Her and my father-in-law are alot alike which is why they get along so well.  He admited to me that they basically just use each other.  She comes around and cleans for them, etc. and he buys her things, loans her money, etc.

They invite her to family get-togethers.  Last year they celebrated Xmas with her and my stepson and gave my stepson his gifts from them without my husband even there.  We did not get to celebrate Xmas with his family with my stepson present.  They did it with her so they didn't feel they needed to celebrate with their son present, too.

Fast forward to now.  My father-in-law not refers to my husband's ex as his 'daughter'!!!  Her daughter is considered their 'granddaughter'.   We are in the process of going back to court to have the decree modified for visitation.  Of course his parents think we are in the wrong for doing so.  I wouldn't be surprised if they paid for her lawyer.

Every time my husband disagrees with his ex she gets on the phone and calls his parents and lies about everything and his parents call and chew out my husband without even hearing his side.  It's so frustrating.  We have begun recording all conversations (about 3 monhths).  It doesn't matter, she can lie and twist everything, they can hear the recording and my husband is still in the wrong.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what we can do?  We are sick of his ex's involvement with the family and all of the lies and manipulation.  My husband's dad refuses to acknowledge the problems he is causing.  He doesn't understand why we can't all just be one big happy dysfunctional family.  We are tired of his parents taking everhthing she says as 'gospel' without even listening to their son.  We know we can't control his parents involvement with his ex, but how do we stay sane in the meantime?

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