Messages

Iowa

I filed the paperwork for a child support modification and sent it to CSRU on Wednesday.

In the paperwork I was required to list my living expenses which included car expenses. I listed the amount of weekly gas I use and the insurance payment on my vehicle. I also listed the transportation cost for traveling 800 miles a month for visitation of my son.

After I filed the paperwork on Wednesday, I received a letter from my ex stating that she would no longer be meeting me half way for pick-up and drop-off on my weekends. (this is not court ordered).

Obviously, my travel expenses have just doubled for weekend visitations. I will now be spending about $200 a month driving 1600 miles (4 round trips).

So, my question is... should I send this new information to CSRU to be added to the paperwork I submitted last week or will I be basically wasting my time? If I send the information, should I send a copy of our previous agreement along with a copy of the letter she sent me and a copy of the divorce decree showing that it is not ordered who does the traveling? Will it even affect my child support or be taken into consideration?

I met with a lawyer last week and we will be proceeding with a modification of visitation as well. The transportation issue is definitely being addressed in that modification. If I get a reduction now due to the travel issue, won't she be able to raise it again after the mod is done?

I'm not out to waste anyone's time, and I especially don't want to tick off a judge by having to have the issue looked at again in 6 months or a year after the visitation mod is done.

Any advice for me?

CSRU has the CS order in their system already.  It has been there for several years.  It was modified two years ago through CSRU, that is when it was raised by the ex.

I have the form filled out now.  I talked to my lawyer and answered everything honestly and added information on my current living situation and what I could estimate my living costs to be starting in a couple months.  

With the lower wage and the fact that my son's insurance will cost an additional $225 to my expenses, I am confident that it will be modified.  

I'm still p'd off that when the ex modified the order two years ago there was absolutely no paper work sent to me.  I did not have any opportunity to list my debts and living expenses.  CSRU is so biased against NCP.  I hate dealing with them.  They are so rude and hateful every time I call them.

But, actually, my wage was $5-$6 /hour higher than what CSRU had for me at that time, so maybe I should be happy they didn't include me in the last modification.  :)

IM

I have the paperwork filled out and I'm waiting until after Friday's payday to send it out.  My overtime on this check will be less than the past several pay checks so I want to submit the lowest that I can.

Maybe I'm naive, but I thought this was handled through the Child Support Recovery Unit.  Do all cases go to court????  

Not only am I making less money, but I will also have to start paying for health care (a benefit my old employer paid for).  I am required to have my son on my insurance and to add him will cost me an extra $225 a month.  

Part-time job.... here I come!

Thanks for your advice, and I feel for you man!  $1814 a month is insane!

I have received the paperwork to modify my current support order.  (Iowa).  My income has decreased by about $5-$6/hour since last review.  I had to change jobs and move to another state due to a year-long lay-off from my employer.

I have several questions regarding the paperwork I need to fill out:

1- They ask how much my rent/mortgage, utilities, cable and phone expenses are.  As I stated above, I moved to another state.  My wife and I are currently living with family members and do not pay for any of these expenses.  However, we will be moving in a few months and will incur the costs at that time.  So, how do I answer this question?  Can I give what we reasonably expect to pay for an apartment when we move?

2- They ask for information on my assets including vehicles.  I own two vehicles.  One is licensed in my dad's name.  (put it that way during divorce).  However, the loan is in my name and I insure the vehicle in my name.  The other vehicle is in both mine and my wife's names, I am listed first on the title.  Do I list both vehicles under assets??

3- I am currently in the process of paying off my credit card debts.  They are all past due and I am working on settlements with the credit card companies.  Under Installment Payments how do I list a monthly payment for these credit cards?  I will make one lump sum on one and 3 monthly payments on the other and then they will be closed.

4- I am currently working overtime with my job.  I have to include the last 3 paystubs or the most current with YTD info on it.  Obviously, the OT pay really increases my paycheck.  I'm earning about an extra $600 a month in OT right now.  How do I approach this?  The OT will only last through this month.  Would a letter from my employer be appropriate?

5- Right now, without overtime, I only bring home about $670 a month after child support.  With the OT, I bring home about $1200.  I am currently not paying for health insurance because it is a benefit still available through my past employer.  Starting May 1 I will be paying for insurance again to the tune of over $500/month for family coverage.  As you can see... there goes my 40-hour week paycheck.  The papers say that only my son's share of the insurance can be used for a deduction.  The original divorce order stated that I would keep the insurance as long as it was obtainable through my employer at the current rates or another reasonable plan was accessible at a reasonable cost.  At that point my ex and I were supposed to split the cost 50/50.  The child support order that was put into effect 2 years ago states I am responsible for 95% of medical costs.  Which order stands??  I'm assuming the child support order overrides the divorce order.  

6- Just out of curiosity, why do they ask for information on assets, debts, spousal income, living expenses, etc. ?  What do they use the information for if income is used in determining support???

7- The paperwork also says that the financial statements I'm filling out 'may be filed with the court and may become public record.'  Who exactly is able to view these documents???  My ex?  Lawyers?  Any yahoo off the street?

I'm sorry for such a long post, but I'm really in need of some assistance from some more experienced people.

Well, I decided to give myself some time to calm down about the whole situation and I called my son's counselor today.

Well... guess what???  My ex is so full of crap!!!

According to my son's counselor, there are "not many concerns".  She seemed surprised that I was even calling.  I told her that my ex had given me the list of things to try with him to calm him down.  She told me that the list was intended for my ex and should not have been given to me.  She also said that while he is with me this summer, the roles will be reversed and I can try the same tactics at that time.

So, now I'm just ticked.  My ex told me all this crap just to make me crazy.  I'm so mad.  She wanted to make me feel like a bad father, and dammit I let her!!  

I still have some serious concerns about what she is doing to him emotionally, and I will do what I can to help him.

I seriously think she has munchausen disease.  My son grew up the first year of his life not going more than 2 weeks without being at the doctor.  Then it slowed to about a month.  When he was 3 she had another child.  Same scenario.  My son isn't at the doctor as much now, but her daughter is still at the 2 week scenario.  And it's always because they are 'really, really sick'.  She's nuts.  She's not happy unless she's got one of them at the doctor... or in this case the counselor.    

I'm so frustrated.  Thanks for letting me vent!

I do have a contact number for his counselor.  How exactly do I approach her without appearing like I am attacking my ex, or the counselor?

What type of questions should I ask her?  I don't want to turn this into a he-said she-said with the counselor, I just want to get to the bottom of what is bothering my son.

Thanks Kitty!  Excellent advice and perspective, as usual!  :)

Hi everyone and thanks for your advice.

I'm glad that you can see the same red flags that I do!  It's actually a good feeling to know that I'm not imagining things here.  I will be putting him in counseling this summer!!  

DD.... as for your questions.... No, I have not dropped out of my son's life for any period of time.  I have always exercised my visitation with him, and more when my ex will allow it.  There hasn't been any violence towards my son or my ex.  As for disinterest, that's also a negative.  My son is the most important thing in my life... and my wife's!

I've heard of the book Divorce Poison mentioned on here before.  I will see if my public library has a copy.

The thought that my son may refuse to come visit me because of my ex's claws is literally making me sick.  I have to do something about this, and fast!

Thanks again, and I'm sorry for the delay in replying to your posts!

My son is 6 years old and lives with his mother.  I'm so worried about him and I'm not sure how to handle the situation.

To give you some background:
About 6 months ago my ex started to tell me that my son was scared to 'come to daddy's house'.  She said that he was afraid I would take him and not bring him back.  About 3 months ago she called me and my son was hysterical because he had just had a nightmare about the same thing.  That weekend he told me that he trusted me 'a little bit'.  Now, I'm not sure if he knows what trust means, but his mom does use the word alot when she is trying to talk him into trying something new, so I believe he has at least a small understanding of what trust is.  My son also told me that if his mom trusted me, he would trust me.

We do talk to my son alot about time frames.... I'll see you in 2 weeks, You'll be with daddy for 2 days, This summer you get to be with daddy for 6 weeks.  We show him on the calendar the days that are circled in red.

I've been trying especially hard for the past several months to do everything right.  I make a point to spend extra quality time alone with my son.  We take walks in the woods, we sit and talk, we read, we play.  My wife is very involved with my son.  He genuinely cares about her, and her about him.  I thought things were going better.  

Friday I went to pick up my son and my ex handed me paperwork from his counselor.  She had written suggestions for dealing with my son's fears about coming to my house.  I have to say it was like a slap in the face!  We couldn't believe what we were reading.

We tried to talk to my son.  He clammed up and looked like he was going to cry.  We tried gentle, open-ended questions that did not seem threatening.  We asked him if he was sad about anything, he said "no, ******, I'm not sad, look I'm happy".  When we turned to look he was smiling a fake smile and trying so hard to be strong, while there were tears in his eyes.

We have observed so many changes in him in the past 6 months.  He seems nervous or apprehensive when we pick him up, like he's not sure about going.  Once he is with us and settled he seems fine, it's just getting over the Friday hump that is so difficult.  (By saturday he will say things like 'How about I stay for 3 days' or when we are talking about summer he has said 'I want to stay for 7 weeks'.)  He's been more rude and sassy.  We've been having trouble with him following rules.  He has started calling my wife by her 'real' name rather than the nickname everybody calls her, and that he called her up to this point.  (no, it's not mom or anything like that, it is a shortened version of her name).  My ex and my dad are the only 2 people who call my wife by her real name.

I can't explain his fear and nervousness and anxiety about being with me.  We try so hard not to pry, but to try to figure out what is going on in a non-threatening way.  We make a very conscious effort not to talk about his mom or any adult issues concerning visitation, etc. when he is present.

Should I put him in my own counseling?  Or will the summer visitation by itself help with his security and fears?

Is this just something that is normal for his age?  Am I too concerned?  Am I focused on the wrong things here?  Am I trying too hard to find something wrong?  

Let's say a married couple store their belongings in a storage unit that is only in the wife's name. The couple split up (not legally separated). The wife has the locks on the unit changed to prevent the husband from entering the unit and removing or destroying any items.

The storage owner has been compliant with wife's requests for lock changes and has agreed to stand-by while husband removes specific items only from the unit when wife is not present.

Now husband wants more than what was agreed he could remove. Husband states he is going to get an injunction so that he can enter the unit and remove his property.

The property is stored in a unit in Iowa. Husband's legal residence is Iowa and wife's legal residence is Wisconsin.   (Couple moved to Iowa to be closer to husband's son.  He obtained Iowa license right away because of new job.  Wife did not establish residency.  Wife moved back to Wisconsin 3 weeks after move.)

Is the property community property? Do both spouses have the legal right to enter the unit even though only one spouse is on the lease? Is the storage owner violating any laws by changing the locks and limiting access?

And advice?

Soc,
My child support order is in the state of Iowa and I live in Wisconsin.  I found out on Friday from the Iowa Department of Revenue that CSRU intercepted my tax return so I called them to question what happened.  I was told that they had indeed intercepted it, but the phone rep could not find in the case notes where a notice was sent to me or even why the return was intercepted.  I did not receive notice they were intercepting.  

I am not delinquent in my child support now and I was not delinquent at the end of tax year 2006.  The rep said she would send the info to my worker to see if they could get the hold released, or at least release my wife's share of the return.

The CSRU website states that they must give notice when they inercept a return and that an appeal must be filed within 15 days if I disagree with the interception.

1.  Do I have any legal ramifications against CSRU for not following procedure in notifying me that the return was being held?

2.  Any other advice?