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One more thing, we have joint custody with her as primary.

My ex and I divorced in 2001.  At the time of the decree we both lived in the same city.  We have both since moved and live 210 miles apart.  She moved a month after the decree was finalized and I moved almost 2 years later.  Our decree does not address transportation at all.  My ex has now decided that she will no longer meet at the 1/2 way meeting point we have used for almost a year.  We had the same problem a year ago when she claimed I needed to do all of the driving, but then she did compromise and we began meeting again at the 1/2 way point in August of last year.

We are in the process of having our current orders modified.  The original decree is in Iowa, which requires mediation before any case goes to court.  I have filed a motion to have mediation ordered.  It has not been signed by a judge yet.  She still lives in Iowa, I am in Wisconsin.

When I had my son two weeks ago my ex informed me that she would not meet 1/2 way and that if I wanted my son I would have to drive round trip on both Friday and Sunday.  I tried to reason with her, but she flat out refused.  When I realized it was mother's day, I called her to let her know that it was a holiday and that she had visitation starting at 9:00 a.m.  She then agreed to pick up our son at my house only because it would be 'starting her visitation'.

It is again my weekend with my son.  We have continued to argue/talk about the transportation issue for the past two weeks.  She again has informed me that she will not be meeting 1/2 way and refuses to pick up our son at my home on Sunday.  

When I arrived at her house on Friday at 5:00 a sheriff was waiting for me to serve me papers for 'modification of dissolution of marriage'.  When I left I asked her if she would be picking up our son at my house on Sunday at 5:00.  She replied that she would not be and that if I did not return my son on time that she would have an Amber Alert issued.  The sheriff was no longer present during this conversation, but I do have it recorded.


1.  I have researched Amber Alerts and found that they are not to be used in 'child abduction' cases unless the child is believed to be in grave danger.  This is not child abduction.  She is refusing to pick up our son.  Our son is not in any danger.  What ramifications will she face if she lies about this and has a false report filed?

2.  What are my rights as far as transportation is concerned?

3.  I have contacted my local police department concerning the issue and they have filed a report.  Is there anything else I should be doing?

4.  I also contacted the police department in her city and they informed me that if the Amber Alert is indeed issued that I could be arrested.  How likely is this to happen?  He stated that she has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that our son has been kidnapped before any action can be taken.

5.  Is this considered kidnapping or child abduction?  I gave her the option of meeting 1/2 way and to pick him up herself, she is refusing to pick up our son.

6.  Now, about the modification papers I was served.  These papers have already been filed in the court of the original decree.  They were filed in May of last year.  We had a pre-trial conf. in October and mediation motions were filed in December.  I fired my lawyer in January.  I refiled the mediation motion and it is file stamped before the papers she just filed in her district.  Who has jurisdiction or venue over this case?

Thanks Soc,

'It appears that the CP originally wanted the child in school A, and she was prepared to lie in order to achieve that end. Now, the CP is attempting to relocate to where she wishes to live. I suspect that she may attempt to maintain the child in school district A, once again.'

When I told my ex I didn't think moving my son back to the old school again was a good idea, her reply was  "well it doesn't matter what you think, I'm going to do it anyway".   She said she is moving back to the other district because he doesn't have any friends.  I feel there is a life lesson in that and that she is teaching my son that he can run every time things get tough.  

But I also think she has other reasons for moving, which I won't share because they are just suspicions.  

Thank you for the great advice.

My ex informed me last week that she will be moving again and my son will again be changing schools.  My son is 7 and this will be his 4th school change.

1.  He started Head Start at school A
2.  Continued at school A until October of Kindergarten
She was then found to have lied on enrollment papers about her address and was told to either move in the district or my son would have to leave the school.
3.  My son started attending Kindergarten in the school district he lived in, school B
4.  In August of last year, my ex moved to school A's district and my son attended 1st grade in school A.
5.  When my ex moves she will again be living in the district of school B.

Is there anything I can do to prevent all of these school changes?  I spoke to my lawyer last year because I felt she was only changing schools to try to prevent my summer visitation (school A is a year-round school).  My lawyer told me that since she was the custodial parent I couldn't do anything about the school switching.  Is that correct?

My son lives in Iowa, I'm in Wisconsin.

Thanks for putting everything into perspective for me!

Yes, very helpful!

OK, I understand the overtime issue and that I had 4 out of 5 paychecks include overtime.  I guess I had hoped that they would also pay attention to the variance in hours, which ranged from 74 to 106 in a two-week pay period.

I did not provide any proof of my ex's earning capacity.  While she was receiving state assistance they paid for her to go to school for CNA training, and paid her daycare during training and for employment after training.  They also purchased a car for her so she could work, so I 'assumed' they would be well aware of her earning capacity.  

I guess what I didn't consider is that Child Support Recovery Unit is not DHS.

1.  How do I prove her earning capacity when I do not have any legal rights to her records?  

Thanks Soc

Hi Soc,

I submitted a request for modifying my child support in February in the state of Iowa.

I received the paperwork back, which was dated 4-6-04.  The support was modified in my favor, however I appealed the decision because they used my overtime pay and did not use my ex's earning capacity or the Federal Median Income.

My ex does not work, but I do not believe she is receiving state assistance.

I received the appeal paperwork back today and they have denied my appeal because of the following:

*** Income used was year to date as overtime was included in 4 out of 5 pay periods.

(according to Iowa Code overtime cannot be used if it is speculative and uncertain and cannot be used unless it is mandatory.  I submitted a letter from my employer stating I was currently working overtime, but that it was uncertain how long it would last.)

*** Income information supplied by the custodial parent and verified through other sources.  Median income cannot be used.

I contacted CSRU of Iowa for an explanation and was told using median income 'is not necessary' and that my worker would review the information and call me back.

The paperwork states the following:
If we decided not to conduct a second review and you do not agree with our decision, you have the right to request a court hearing through the Unit or you may petition the court yourself.  To request a court hearing through the Unit, send your request in writing to this office within 30 days of te first Notice of Decision which explained our original decision.  (this was dated 4-6-04).  The Unit will then supply necessary materials to the court for judicial review.  The court will notify persons subject to the order of the time and date of the hearing.

Here are my questions:

1.  Why wouldn't they have to use my ex's earning capacity or median income?  Could there be special rules that apply since she has been on state assistance in the past?

2.  Can they legally use my overtime pay?

3.  If I request a court hearing through the CSRU, it is my understanding that I do not need to file any paperwork, is this correct?

4.  If there is a court hearing, do I need a lawyer to represent me?

Hi Soc,

I got my new child support order mod papers today.  They are modifying but I don't think it is as low as it should be.  

1 they inputed my ex's income as zero which makes me responsible for 100% of uncovered medical expenses.  She is no longer on state assistance, don't they have to use her 'earning capacity' for her income.  She has another kid and her income is actually a negative.  She is a CNA but chooses not to work.

2 they used my overtime pay to determine my child support.  I haven't worked overtime since the pay stub I submitted with the mod papers.  I thought they couldn't use overtime to determine child support because something to do with 'slavery' to working overtime.  All they did was take my YTD income and use it to compute the child support.

I can't find the Iowa statute that would cover me for the overtime issue.  Can you help me with this?  I found a couple Iowa Code sections that deal with the 'earning capacity'.

Thanks, Soc

Thanks for the information!

I met with my lawyer today and he confirmed the same thing.  He is drawing up the papers to get this thing modified.  

Thanks again!

Custody of Minor Child:
Custody of the parties' minor child, to-wit, ******* born *******, shall be and remain jointly in the parties as provided by law.  The primary physical residency of ******** shall be placed with the Respondent, **************** subject to the following visitation schedule:

a. **** shall have visitation with the children alternating weekends from 5:00 PM to Friday until 5:00 PM Sunday commencing withthe second weekend following entry of the decree within;

b. Six weeks summer visitation.  **** shall provide notice of his intention to exercise summer visitation not less than four weeks prior to the actual exercise of said visitation.  ************* shall receive alternating weekend visitation during ****'s summer visitation.  Said weekend visitation shall be from 5:00 PM Friday until 5:00 PM Sunday, commencing with the second week of ****'s summer visitation.

c.  During each even-numbered year, **** will have visitation with the minor child on Easter Sunday, July 4th and Thanksgiving Day from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM, and from noon on December 23 until 9:00 PM December 24; during each odd-numbered y ear, the same are reserved for *************;

d.  During each odd-numbered year, **** will have visitation with the minor child on New Year's Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM and from 9:00 PM on December 24 until 5:00 PM on December 25; during each even-numbered year, these dates are reserved for ***********;

e.  **** will be entitled to have the child every Father's Day and ************ wil lbe entitled to have the children every Mother's Day, irrespective of the visitation schedule set forth above;

f.  **** shall, in any event, have reasonable access to visit the minor child on his birthdays, and on his own birthday, by telephone, or other wise, as the parties may agree;

g.  Such other times as the parties shall mutually agree.

This is the exact wording of the section of our decree involving custody and visitation.  You probably didn't need all of that, but I didn't want to take a chance of missing info and taking up more of your time:)

IceMountain