Messages

Wow, dejavue...

1. Get a small tape recorder and record ALL conversations between him and the ex in person(he can wear it in his pocket) (make sure you are legally allowed to of course) //www.rdfp.org/taping Check out the laws on recording calls on the phone as well - Radio Shack sells in-line recorders and other equipment.

2. You can get copies of all YOUR inbound and outbound calls from your cell company. I believe even if it's blocked, it will show on the phone record. Block her number from your cell phone.

3. Smile and say nothing. They WANT your reaction so they can say that YOU are harrassing them by being at the drop off/pick up location. Their whole goal is to cause a hostile environment and if you bring it up in front of a judge, the judge will ask: So what business do you have in being at the P/u or D/o location? Is he not mature enough to do this himself? And specifically order you are NOT to be there since obviously your presence(and grandmas) is causing a scene.

4. Why is the grandmother a part of this situation (nobody allowed at d/o p/u) and why hasn't your boyfriend brought it before the courts? He needs to address that issue ASAP.

5. Have your boyfriend transcribe the tapes into a journal after every exchange. It will refresh your memory of everything that has happened and when it comes court time- your recollection of events will be sharp, with specific dates, times, persons involved, etc.

In some states(virginia for instance) the criminal, civil and traffic records are kept on a database in the courthouse which is accessible to the public. You can either go to the courthouse or go to their official website and search the state and or counties.

Try running a search in google or similar search engine for the state and searchable court databases in the counties needed. Or you could go to the courthouse and ask to have copies of the records. In Va, in the area I needed info from, I just gave them the name of the person, date of birth anf they made certified copies of all of the warrant summons they had in the county and city.

As for driving records I'm not sure just anybody can pull those. I haven't been able to do that yet, so I will be curious to the answer :)

HTH...

Soc's not here anymore :(

My thought would be to show that these were opened AFTER your seperation with your OWN money(no contribution from him) and be able to provide proof of that. And he's probably doing the same thing or maybe he's stuffing his under his mattress so as to not have to share with you.

I don't know if there's any way around it, because if you fail to disclose everything you may end up criminally in trouble for falsely swearing on the affidavit.

Not an atty...just my thoughts on it.

The NCP would in no way be negatively affected by our move. The point I was trying to make was that it's like calling the kettle black- I'm going to contempt you for something that I myself am doing. With her history of doing just that, that's what I am concerned with. Not that Va will excuse one wrong for another.

The Va judge ordered that the case be transferred to TN where TN will now have jurisdiction.


I have another scenerio for you. Suppose I move all the non essential items into the new home, leaving major furniture and other necessities in the apartment. We stay living in the apartment until after the 30th day then move the rest...since my letter states as of March 2007(no specific day listed)

How can I prove that I waited till after the 30th day to move in?

Would uhaul receipts work?

Thanks

Hi Soc-

CP and Child live in TN. Child a resident 6 months come tomorrow. NCP mother lives in Va.

Mother relocated last month without giving written 30 days notice as required by the court order. She did however give my wife the new address about 2 weeks after calling from the new home number.

I just signed a lease on a home Saturday. I sent a letter by certified mail to the mother, cc a copy to the family court and circuit courts in Va today notifying her that as of March 2007 the physical address will change.  My wife told NCP last night that we were moving soon and to expect a letter in the mail.

I plan to move my belongings into our new home this weekend. As you can calculate that's also not giving a 30 days' advance notice to the other party or court. I can't afford both places, so I need to move this weekend- and will continue to clean the apartment through the end of this month. I don't want to be in contempt but I am providing my daughter and other children with a much needed larger home. And I've given her as much notice as possible in this situation.

1. If NCP wants to try to get me for contempt, will TN or VA have jurisdiction?

2. Do you think contempt is likely, given I have provided her with as much notice as I possibly could and couldn't afford to pay for both places?

3. Will the courts consider that she moved without providing the same notice required by the order?

4. Do you have any ideas short of paying for rent in both places for the month of March to help this situation?

Thanks Soc- I have finally been able to provide my family with the home they deserve and don't want to screw this up with my daughter and the courts.

Hi Soc-

To refresh your memory: mom in Va, court in Va, child and father in TN. Final order had typos ,which I pointed out and requested my attorney get straightened out.

I received a 'Motion for Leave to Amend Final Ccustody and Support Order' from my atty's office.

It states:
Comes now, the defendant, XXX, by counsel  and moves this honorable court to amend typographical errors in the Final Custody and Support order in this matter entered on Dec 22, 2006 in support whereof, Defendant, states as follows:

(details the errors "mother' in place of 'Father', "father' in place of 'mother', removing Mother from health care insurance)

Wherefore, the defendant prays that leave be granted to amend the Final Custody and Support Order.
It's Signed by attorney, submitted on my behalf, and states certified copies sent to opposing counsel.

I also asked attorney about changing the ruling allowing BM to pick our child up and have her miss school. He said there was nothing we could do about it, that was the judge's ruling and that's what he wanted to order.

I've also asked(at the same time as the typo issue) for clarification on the scheduled weekends vs holiday(3 day) weekends and to determined the location of p/up and dropoffs ie: meeting half way or mom driving all the way to get our child.

I haven't heard back from attorney re: clarification, however MLK weekend came and went without Mom picking child up. Mom was to have notified me at least 2 days for scheduled weekends and 1 week for holidays if she does not intend to exercise her visitations. She didn't notify me she wasn't coming. She did however call to speak to our child that evening, approx 1 1/2 hours after she was to have picked child up. No mention of the pick-up/ weekend visitation to mee, my wife or our child.

1)Will there be an amended final order in this matter, or is this just going to be filed with the original final order at the courthouse?

2) If no 'amended order' is sent, do I just keep a copy of that 'motion for leave' along with the order and show where the typos are to be corrected, whenever necessary?

3) Is there anything I should do to cover my butt re: her missing the scheduled visitation(s), if she somehow tries to turn this on me ? (I'm already keeping log of all calls)

Thank you-

The mother is predicting the onset of their child's menstrual cycle? Nobody can accurately predict the specific day a child first begins menstrating. How long will the proposed deviation last? With uncertainty of the day the mensis begins, this could last months on end prior to actual menstration.

Would it not be reasonable for the parents to agree that the father is to call the mother in the event the child starts menstrating during his visitations to assist the child, if the child so requests? Is there a distance between homes that would prevent close contact between mother and child during those first couple of months of menstration?

I agree it's a very traumatic experience for a young lady and she should feel comfortable during the process.




 

Thank you and I apologize. I will work with my attorney to get him to fix the errors in the order. Hopefully, things run smoothly.

[any]

Alright Soc-

I've Emailed my attorney and left a message, but no response yet about clarification of the order and the typos.  I don't want to sit on my hands too long and it be too late to file the corrections with the court.

I can assure you the mother will not agree to anything that would benefit me(ie: her the traveling the whole distance not just  1/2 way) so her interpretation will always be to benefit her. The past 7 yrs have been about twisting the order , even contempting herself to not follow any order of the courts,and do whatever it takes to benefit her.

1. If my attorney does not respond or says he won't  file the clarifications, typo issues, and objection... how do I word the petition and address the court so that this order is corrected in a timely manner?

2. Without negotiating with the mother(because she will NEVER agree to anything I propose, that I can promise you) on the transportation issue, reading the order as it is- as an objective person- do you read it to say that the Memorial Day,Columbus day, MLK day, etc visitations are considered 'any weekend visitation' for purposes of her traveling the entire way, or is are they considered  'holiday' visitations for purposes of meeting half way?   I doubt the matterwould be clarified before MLK day through the courts and I don't want to set a pattern of meeting half way, because that would simply have her believe this is the way it's 'supposed' to be, when/if in fact it's not. Financially, I just can not afford to does this, nor can I agree to allowing my daughter and other children to miss school to meet 1/2 way every month there falls a weekend one day off school break.

3. To object to our daughter's removal from school on Fridays, to begin a weekend visitation on Thursday, would that open the entire case back up to litigation or does the judge simply review the objections and post his ruling on whether or not he removes the objected verbage?  This question would also apply to the removal of 'mother' in the health care coverage portion of the order.

4. I don't understand the objection to anything in this order versus an appeals process. If the mother 'objects' to the full custody/ non joint custody, is that a simple objection or is that an objection requesting an appeal to a higher court- in this case- the Supreme Court or would it need to be specified as an objection or appeal??

I just want this taken care of before it becomes a major problem.

Thank you again Soc -

[Notice and modification: The mother shall notify the father at least two days in advance that she will not be exercising a scheduled weekend visitation and one week in advance of any holiday visitation so that the father may make appropriate plans. The parties may agree to such additional periods of visitations as they deem advisable.d, Pick up and Delivery. The parties will meet at a McDs Restauarnt just off the interestate in XX , Va or such other place as they agree to in writing to exchange the child for holiday and summer visitation. The transport for any weekend visitation shall be the sole reponsibility of the Mother.]

Hi Soc. I just got the final order from the case in Circuit court. To refresh you- mom is in Va, dad and child live in TN. Father awarded primary physical in Aug 2006 after mom found guilty of contempt and frustrating custody order, Mom appealed to circuit court. Trial heard Dec 06.

Final Order states Custody vested with father. Joint custody is not appropriate.....    I can post the entire order, if necessary.

Visitation schedule is very generous to mom.  To spare you reading 10 pages worth of Court order I will provide you with exact visitation text from the order. I am confused on the transportation responsibities.



2 VISITATION
a. Except under unusual circumstances, maintaining close ties with the non-custodial parent is in the child's best interests. Eichelberger v Eichelberger 2va app409,412,345 SE2d 10(1986) The father(*error in order-should state "mother") shall have the following visitation:

(1) Weekend Visitation: On any occasion on which the mother wishes to travel to Tn to pickup the child for a weekend visitation from Thursday at 5:00pm till  8:00pm on the day next preceding the start of the school week, if there is a holiday break from school not specifically provided for hereinafter; she may keep the child out of school for one day incident to such visitation, and she may exercise this visitation twice a month, provided that she give the father seven days notice of this proposed visitation.

(2) Summer vacation--child not in school. The mother may have one period of vacation in the summer when the child is not attending school of up to six weeks, which may be taken in two segments or a continuous period. The period of summer vacation will begin not earlier than one week after the regular school yr terminates and will conclude not later than one week before the regular school yr begins. The mother shall make her selection and notify the father of the dates of the summer visitation, in writing, no later than june 1 of each yr.

(4) Mother's day, Father's day: regardless of any schedule of visitation set forth herein, the child will be with the mother on mother's day weekend Likewise, the child will be with the father on father's day weekend from 5:00pm Friday until 8:00pm on Sunday.

(5) Christmas Holiday Season: The mother may have visitation with the child from noon on Dec 26 until noon on Jan 1, except for Christmas 2006, which shall be from Dec 21 to Dec 30, unless parties otherwise agree.

(6) martin Luther King Day(jan) and President's day(february) If the child is off from school in Jan and/or Feb on these days, the mother will have visitation with the child from Friday at 5:00 pm until 8:00pm on Monday or the day next preceeding the chiild's regularly scheduled school day.

(7)Easter. in Odd-numbered calendar years, the child will be with the mother from 2:00pm on Friday unil 8:00pm on Sunday. If the child has a spring or easter break from school, the mother will have visitation from 2:00pm on the day after school recesses until 8:00pm on the day before school reconvenes.

(8) Memorial Day: The mother shall have visitation from 5:00pm on the Friday before Memorial Day is observed until 8:00p, on the day Memorial day is observed.

(9) Labor Day: The mother shall have visitation from 5:00pm on the Friday before Labor Day is observed until 8:00pm on the day labor day is observed.

(10) Columbus Day.The mother shall have visitation from 5:00pm on the Friday before Columbus day is observed in October until 8:00pm on Monday.

(11) Thanksgiving: In odd numbered calendar years, the Mother shall have visitation from 2:00pm the day before Thanksgiving until 8:00 on the following Sunday. In even yrs the child will be with the father.

b telephone calls. When the children are with one party the other party shall have the right to talk to the children on the telephone between the hours of 6:00pm-8:00pm. Unless the parties agree to otherwise, the calls shall be of reasonable duration and be limited to no more than three calls per week of no longer duration than ten minutes each.

c. Notice and modification: The mother shall notify the father at least two days in advance that she will not be exercising a scheduled weekend visitation and one week in advance of any holiday visitation so that the father may make appropriate plans. The parties may agree to such additional periods of visitations as they deem advisable.

d, Pick up and Delivery. The parties will meet at a McDs Restauarnt just off the interestate in XX , Va or such other place as they agree to in writing to exchange the child for holiday and summer visitation. The transport for any weekend visitation shall be the sole reponsibility of the Mother.

e. Special Conditions
(1) Pursuant to Va code20-124.6 each parent is entitled to see all records of his children and discuss the children's situation with any school, medical, hospital, or otehr health care provider.

(2) Without the mutual consent of the parties, visitation may only be canceled by the custodial parent for medical reasons. If the custodial parent(mother) *( error in order) cancels a visitation for medical reasons, the father(*error in order) shall have a visitation time of his selection within the next two months equal to the period of visitation which was cancelled.

(3) Each party will give the other party the information necessary to contact him or her in the event of an emergency affecting the children.
 
3. Child Support: Given the mother's disabilities and the costs attendant to her traveling to Tennessee, no child support is ordered at this time.

4. Health Care:
a Father shall maintain health care coverage on the Mother*(error in order) and the children on his current health insurance policy or an equivalent policy, until further order of this court.

6 Transfer: This matter is hereby transferred to the court in XX, Tn, which exercises jurisdiction over child custody and support.

7. Guardian ad litem. The guardian ad litem is directed to file a DC Form40 for payment of her fees and expenses.

III. Statutory Notices
The Following Notice isprovided to the parties pursuant to section20-60.3 VA Code ANN:

A. A duty of support is owed by XX(mother) to the following dependant Child: XXX, DOB
B The following information is provided on each parent:
Mother XXX
Current address SSS
Residential telephone number 1231234

Father XXX
Current address XXX
residential phone number 1234567


Questions are:

1. Visitation states the mother can take the child out of school 1 day per visitation she wishes to exercise 2x per month with notice.

Legally, who will face the truancy board when the child misses more than the allowable amount set by the state(in TN it's 10 missed - non medical) if mother doesn't have the child in school on Fridays? Can this removal from school be denied?

2.  At one point (letter c and d addressing modification and pick up and delivery) it states mother and father to meet (at the 1/2 way point) for holiday and summer visitation, but then states that for any weekend visitation the mother is soley responsible for transporting child. I am confused about this. If you read further to the child support issue - where it states no child support is ordered due to mom driving to TN, it would appear that the judge is not ordering support because of mom's responsibility to travel to Tn. The only place mentioning TN is 'if mom wants visitations on other weekends', unless it is meaning that she will be responsible for 'all weekend visitations" including M-day, Col. Day, etc'-

In paragraph C- it states she has to provide notice if canceling any 'scheduled weekend visitation' . The optional visitations, aren't scheduled, right? So would that mean that the Memorial-day, Col-day, etc are actually being considered 'scheduled weekend visitations?
.
How do you interpret the driving reponsibility for those visitations? I don't want to be in contempt if we are supposed to be meeting 1/2 way and i am expecting her here at 5pm and I don't travel. I also don't want to make a habit of driving 1/2 way to cover my rear and let her off the hook for picking her up, if i am not supposed to be.

3. If the judge is actually meaning for the child to be exchanged at 8pm- 4 1/2 hours from our home(putting child into bed after midnight the night school begins), and to be exchanged at 5pm 4 1/2 hrs away- which would require an early removal from school for EACH of those breaks, how can this be changed to prevent all that disruption in her schooling and bedtime?

4. As you see, the judge ordered no support. Can this be changed to the minimum support allowed by law or is a material change required first?

5. The judge ordered the case transferred to TN jurisdiction. What do I need to do re: the order- do I need to take the order to the courthouse and register it ?

6. The order states that either party must file any objections within 10 days of receipt of the order. Is this the opportunity to file for clarification of the confusing drop-off/pick up issue and to correct the typos in the order- like 'father in place of Mother' and to take out Mother- in the health insurance part?

7.Is it possible that the mother can file objections and continue this even longer or is this truly 'the final order' on this particular issue? My understanding -through reading the appeals process in Va, stated that the order of the appeals/circuit court are final and can not be appealed again. What's the difference of appealing and filing an objection?

Sorry these are heavy questions but I don't know how else to ask them.

Thank you-