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Merry Christmas!!


When you have time, I have a few follow up questions for ya.

The Co-habitation issue is very important- because BM likes to have men in and out of our daughter's life. Even with being married to another man, she's not one for being monogamus. This unrelated male(and another), was living in the home and present during her T-day visitations, but our daughter never met him prior to that visitation. He currently resides in the home. Unsure if the other male still resides there as well.

I am not trying to find fault and look for trouble. I just want to cover bases, because BM has been very predictable in filing petitions shortly after the New Year, each year while not following the court's orders herself.

1) Is Registering a Foreign Child Custody/Visitation & Support Order in my state the same as requesting jurisdiction- or does that just give TN the right to enforce the child support and visitations in addition to the Virginia Courts?


2) If it allows TN to enforce the order as well, I would assume that registering the foreign order would be the best thing to do with an out of state order retaining jursidiction. Is that correct?

2a Are there any downfalls(legally) to registering it in TN that I should be concerned with?


3) The court order specifically states " There shall be no cohabitation with members of the opposite sex not related by blood or marriage while with the child." Unless that changes in the current Judge's order, would having a ' male roommate(s)'  be in violation of that, during her visitations?

Thank you again for all of your help through this. I just know this is NOT the end of this mess, as much as I wish it were.

Hi Soc, hope you're enjoying your Holidays.

Just wanted to give you some great news. I retained custody during the appeal trial. After an hour of trying for a settlement prior to court, she refused to compromise on anything, so my attorney said we're going to trial. One that lasted 3+ hours.

Once again in court she fumbled and made herself out really bad, by lying and then telling on herself. Her stories were so full of holes and once dug into- were proven to be lies and inconsistent.

Court ordered that custody of our daughter remain with me in TN and the mother gets visitations and pay child support. Transportation issue is unclear, because my attorney requested 1/2 & 1/2. Her attorney requested I do all the driving, because I chose to live out of state. The GAL said transportation has been on me, but that can change with this order. Anyways, I have to travel back to VA to pick my child up from her mother, following her visitation for Christmas.

I recieved a phone call yesterday(one day after court) from the mother and her new husband(not married a week yet) informing me that HER mother is going to seek Grandparent's rights and ask for every other weekend visitation. Mom and or her new husband(then boyfriend) filed harrassment charges against BM's mom the day before Thanksgiving this year. Grandmother has had no relationship with the child  since August and no phone contact since October. The distance between homes is 465 miles one way.

My questions are:

1. The BM is going to allow our daughter to visit with her mother (without BM being there) while she has her for this Christmas visitation. Should the grandmother keep our daughter and fail to return her,either to her mother or to me, would it be kidnapping, since she is not a parent?

2. Would I file charges against both mom and grandma for interfering with Child Custody and visitations since it's BM's responsibility for our daughter during her visitations?

       2a- Would that be grounds for supervised only visitations if it had to go before a judge again?

3. What rights does the grandma have in pursuing grandparent's rights/ visitation rights? She has more money than sense and would fight me in court for spite. I understand she 'can' motion for visitation rights, but what's the liklihood that would happen with a long distance between homes?

4. Would it be wiser to move jurisdiction to my current state(6 months residency will be end of January), to prevent easy filing of petitions in Va- or let the Virginia court system retain jurisdiction, since they are well aware of the situations and I have an attorney that can not practice out of state?

     4a Mom and her new husband are offering to help me pay counsel to prevent the Grandmother from getting any rights, stating they know she will poison our daughter against both parents, like she's been trying to do all along. My attorney can not represent me and the BM- but in the event it DID go forward, my attorney could use them as witnesses to prevent extraordinary contact, right? I do not want to end the relationship with her grandmother, I just see no reason why BM can not allow her contact while she has HER visitations. BM already gets every extended break from school, the majority of summer and every holiday break from school. There is no room for MORE visitations.

5. The mother resides with her husband, another unrelated male, a female and her husband. If these people remain in the home, during her visitations, isn't that considered a violation of the court order preventing co-habitation?

     5a She admitted in open court that the unrelated male lives there and pays rent. She denied that the other parties lived there during her last visitation. Contempt wasn't brought up for those issues, but if this has to go before the court again- will it be a wise/unwise to bring up the issue that she is cohabitating against orders?

6. Child Support will be based on her SS payments because she lost her ssi when she married her BF (CS=approx $65 month- the lowest it can be) , though she has and does work whenever it's convenient. Can I petition the TN(my state) or the Virginia Child Support Agency to require her last 2 years taxes or do I have to wait until a change occurs first?

I think that's all for now. I am just happy my daughter is not in that hostile environment anymore. The GAL spoke with her just before entering the courtroom and stated the custody will not change.

I appreciate all your hard work on this site and by helping me along the way. I bet you don't realize just how much you are helping families out!

Thank you Socrateaser and have a very Merry Christmas!

VA appeals case. Mother in VA, father and child in Tn.

Trial was continued, mother and her atty objected. GAL didn't care one way or another and stated the child WOULD NOT be returned to mother IF custody were changed that day anyways and my atty motioned to a continuation of case, since mother has recently moved and GAL wants to evaluate people in mom's new home.

Mom is living with her boyfriend(that has an extensive criminal history, including, evading police, filing false police reports, bad checks, obtain by fraud, failure to return rental property, uttering, driving on suspended license(several of those) and a report coming up as fugitive from justice in another state. I believe those are what we have so far. Mom has assualt and battery charge- domestic violence, she plead guilty to.

She is also living with 2 other males and a female not related and never introduced to child prior to this visitation. Unknown criminal records.

Orders specifically state no cohabitation while with the child. Child was with her mother for 5 days during t-day break. Child reports all these people LIVE with mom, spent the night- daily and ate dinner, described  household routine, who sleeps where, etc.

Mom called tonight wanting child to be there prior to the next court hearing- on a specific date- for what I believe is going to be a wedding to this man, to portray a stable married life.

1. If a private investigator was to prove the people our child described living in the home, actually reside there- how do the courts usually handle PI investigations/investigators?

2.  Since she, imo, is planning to marry days before court- to appear as a stable person in a commited relationship- can she use that in her favor, or do/can judges see that it's an attempt to 'play' the courts?

3. Given that the mother has violated the different orders of the court, and if she actually does marry this 'felon' - I would hope that this will crush any hope of her standings, that this is for her child's benefit. What weight do they(courts) put on the 'new parental figure/ spouse' in the home esp one with this type of record?

4. How can I find out of a person has a record in other states? I know some states have online databases to search through(done that for the counties I believe he lived in that have searchable databases). I'd like to find out if this person is still wanted, in another state and any other criminal history.

5. The location of the home is inaccessible to me, it's behind a gated(code access only)- wooded, very rustic private community. How relevant would this be in court if I have no access to retrieve our child, in the event she tried to keep her, etc and I can not drop her off at the home(per court order), know the condition of her home, safety of being in a rustic community with no way out in an emergency,  etc....?

6. She's now trying to twist words around to appear that I shower with my daughter. Mom continues to ask child about showering alone, if i or anyone else bathes/showers with her-including her sisters, child told mom that my wife or I go into bathroom to help with shampoo and now mom is trying to play on it. As of late, child hasn't needed help. Would it be unwise to ask my wife(if I'm not home) to continue to help if child requests it? Child is 7 with really long hair.

Thanks again for the help!!

[her]

I apologise. Been out of town for the hearing. It was postponed against her atty's liking for one month.

She never provided me a 30 days' notice prior to moving. She had already moved and her atty filed with the court her new address the day of court hearing. Even today, still nothing received from her about her new residence. Just found out that she is living with her boyfriend's male friend(roomating?) and her bf. Our daughter stayed with this man she doesn't know for several days. We specifically put in the order NO cohabitation, the GAL stressed the no cohabiting in AUG's order. She moved in with her bf and friend KNOWING that it's against the court order. BF has a criminal record. Don't know about the friend, yet. She told our daughter not to tell me that this guy was living with them...

Trying to use the contempt angle again, because she continues to NOT CARE about following anything in the order. Moral indescretions. 2nd boyfriend since Aug 05, that our child has been involved with.

Hopefully that clarified some for you.

Much appreciated!

She refused to give me the new address when I asked, Soc! I have no new address to send this cert letter to.(she said she will mail the addy  to me when she has everything settled and turned on) She told me twice, told my wife and told my child she and he live together now as she no longer lives with her parents. Yesterday she admitted she has not yet married him either but plans to.

1. Now what course of action? I leave today for court tomorrow. During tonight's phone visitation ask if we can swing by to let her visit with child for a few minutes at her new home(but then won't that encourage the behavour?) and take notes and pictures?? LOL Honestly, I am lost how to prove someone moved when they have covered their butts with their parent's  lies before.

2. Moving out of your 'stable residence' in the middle of a custody trial, without providing 30 days' notice at least to the court, stating you wish to drop case, then go forward, moving in with your boyfriend against court orders, refusing to give your child an address or the courts, don't know what day of the week it is and tells this to your child and claiming you are acting in your child's best interests is NOT acting erractically? Eeks. What proves acting erractically then?

3. So the minute she takes the child and spends the night in their current home with the child(if it's continued) she will be in CLEAR violation of the order, since this is a no cohabitation order(defining no cohabitation while with the child) since she can claim she had no intentions of actually taking her child to sleep in the new house, with her new puppy she just bought her and the room she set up for her, right? Besides the child's account of where she stayed during the T-day break, how is this proven? Wish I had the bucks for a PI right now!!  

4. What is it called when you are willfully and intentionally TRYING to contempt the order, but haven't yet done so- meaning, she is no longer living at her old address, she has set up new residence, she set up our daughter's bedroom, she is intetionally 'about to' contempt herself?

5. Even if this case is continued, can the new residential address issue be addressed for defining where the child will be staying (because this IS IN THE ORDER and it is VA LAW to be notified 30 in advance of residential change) during visitation, therefore she will hopefully not realize admitting  to contempting the order?? Asking for a specific address as I am aware that the plaintiff has moved but has not yet provided the physical address of such.... and then she will have to admit she moved- giving an address AND phone number- the GAL can ask who lives in the home with her-(already informed her she moved in with BF) and BINGO- she nailed herself? Or am I being delusional to think things work that way?


Thanks again Soc, much appreciated!!

Thanks :)

Generally, this is what was finally agreed to after years and years of litigation. This was basically a cover all bases approach to the custody and visitation orders , which has proven to be most effective at defining what is allowable and what is not.

Unfortunately, Mother has once again changed her mind today. She stated that she can not agree to providing transportation due to her finances, it is not fair to her to provide all transportation, yet when asked how splitting the transportation sounded- her pick up to start visitation, me pick up to end. She balked and said NO. She also asked if I was intending to seek child support from her, to which I replied "the court's will decide" She told me that she can not afford to pay child support and she wants child to live with her, that paying child support will just put her so far in the hole...her vehicle won't make it, it just wont(mind you my vehicles have both had to have motors put in them, and one vehicle is now disabled)  

She admitted today that she and boyfriend are NOT married- they have their own place(she already told me that) and that they plan to get married..and begin a new life together. She also stated that she doesn't believe child needs speech therapy- as she never had speech problems up there (yah she just forgot how to talk while with me) and that even though she's making A's here, since she can stay home with her even though shes in school all day- she misses her and wants her home.

1. How do we prove contempt, besides the obvious asking her under oath, that she is living with her boyfriend, never provided her 30 day written notice and is cohabitating against court orders?

2. She was provided information re: the pending IEP for speech, the schools' information- is it not her responsibility to also contact the school to find out why she's being evaluated if she doesn't agree? Further, if she states she doesn't believe she has a speech problem but all of a sudden does, won't that prove her as unable to assess the child's educational needs?

3. I just retained counsel 11/14 and I believe she's now realizing that it's not going to be to her advantage in the courtroom. The attorney said he was going to ask for a postponement to better prepare for the case. Being that the case was appealed back in Aug, the hearing date to set trial was in Oct and that fact that I was JUST able to retain counsel allow for a postponement or are we stuck putting on the case as is?

4. With the pending Thanksgiving visitation, the fact mother is cohabiting against orders, also in violation of providing prior 30 days written notice to court and me, can I have my attorney request that she complete a home evaluation prior to visitation because of new persons entering home, since she is acting irratically, cohabitating and not providing an address? If so, what's the chances of that happening?

Thank you so much for all the help you've given me.

[If the court finds that an employer, who is under a payroll deduction order pursuant to § 20-79.1, has failed to comply with such order after being given a reasonable opportunity to show cause why he failed to comply with such order, then the court may proceed to impose sanctions on the employer pursuant to subdivision A 9 of § 20-79.3. [B/](1991, c. 534; 2003, cc. 929, 942; 2004, c. 219.)]

Hope this is ok to post -Soc . I've been searching the Va websites for information and found this. It may help you. The part that seems to pertain to your situation is bolded at the very bottom of the page.
 

http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+16.1-278.16

§ 16.1-278.16. Failure to comply with support obligation; payroll deduction; commitment.

In cases involving (i) the custody, visitation or support of a child arising under subdivision A 3 of § 16.1-241, (ii) spousal support arising under subsection L of § 16.1-241, (iii) support, maintenance, care, and custody of a child or support and maintenance of a spouse transferred to the juvenile and domestic relations district court pursuant to § 20-79, or (iv) motions to enforce administrative support orders entered pursuant to Chapter 19 (§ 63.2-1900 et seq.) of Title 63.2, when the court finds that the respondent (i) has failed to perform or comply with a court order concerning the custody and visitation of a child or a court or administrative order concerning the support and maintenance of a child or a court order concerning the support and maintenance of a spouse or (ii) under existing circumstances, is under a duty to render support or additional support to a child or pay the support and maintenance of a spouse, the court may order a payroll deduction as provided in § 20-79.1, or the giving of a recognizance as provided in § 20-114. If the court finds that the respondent has failed to perform or comply with such order, and personal or substitute service has been obtained, the court may issue a civil show cause summons or a capias pursuant to this section. The court also may order the commitment of the person as provided in § 20-115 or the court may, in its discretion, impose a sentence of up to 12 months in jail, notwithstanding the provisions of §§ 16.1-69.24 and 18.2-458, relating to punishment for contempt. If the court finds that an employer, who is under a payroll deduction order pursuant to § 20-79.1, has failed to comply with such order after being given a reasonable opportunity to show cause why he failed to comply with such order, then the court may proceed to impose sanctions on the employer pursuant to subdivision A 9 of § 20-79.3. [B/]

(1991, c. 534; 2003, cc. 929, 942; 2004, c. 219.)

Looks ok to me. Hard to say without knowing exactly what other issues might be potentially in dispute between the parties.

Thank you Soc.

Hi Soc, Thought I would post you the GAL's Report and get your take on the situation. Mother lives in VA, court is in VA and father and child reside in TN.

Comes now your gal, xx, esq. and submits the following report:

Your GAL met with her ward, xx, with her mother, xx, with her father, xx, and had a telephone conference with the maternal grandmother. Your GAL has also reviewed all pleadings, correspondence, prior orders, school records and medical records provided to her.

This matter was litigated in the lower court on AUG 22, 2006. Prior to that littigation the parties have been in and out of litigation fairly often. However, the issues are ordinarily resolved between the parties. Father believes he has acquiesced to Mother's demands for modification too often. Mother believes that Father's motivation in the current action is largely support. Mother in fact requested that father give up his parental rights in January of this year to forego child support.

The current matter began as mother's action requesting that Father's visitation period be shortened and that he not be permitted to leave the state with the child. That action was filed in April of 2006. The matter was heard pretrial and an Order was entered spelling out Father's summer visitation. While this matter was pending Mother non-suited her action and father moved for custody. Father was very upset that mother had non-suited stating to this GAL that the mother constantly files with the court and then either enters and agreement or pulls the action.

Father's biggest complaint is that Mother intereferes with his time with the child. Apparently every time father is to retrieve the child for visitation mother goes to the school and picks her up early. Father is clearly supposed to get the child from school. When questioned about this, mother, at first offered explainations then admitted that she just didnt like that father got her from school and believed that he should pick her up from home. Further, at the pretiral hearing of this matter mother explained tht she was planning to take the chiild to xxx from May 26th thru June 2nd. Given that father lives about an hour from xxx some conversation was had about him retrieving the child early for summer vacation while in xxx, TN. Mother refused and judge xx ordered that the child was to be in school during the week of the 26th of May. Again, when asked by your GAL, why mother didn't just allow father to pick up the child while she was already down there mother explained that father should have to pick the child up from home.

During the course of her investigation your GAL became concerned about Mother's ability to adequately plan for and care for the child. This case was heard on AUG 22, 2006, one week prior to xx public schools commencing. At that time, Mother was unsure when school was supposed to begin. She had not done any school shopping for the child and denied being aware that school supply lists were available at the local stores. Further, mother is currently involved with a gentleman by the name of xxx. She plans to marry him at some time and move from her mother's home. She has not however secured a place or set a date for the wedding.

Father lives in X, TN a suburb of X, Tn. Over the summer your GAL intended to visit the father's residence but was unable. Father did, however, provide this GAL with photographs of the apartment. He further represented that he had hopes of moving to a larger residence in the near future. Father has four other children in the home. (names and ages listed) In addition father is remarried to xx. Both father and step-mother are employed. Arrangements have been made however for father to get *child* to school in the morning and for Step mother to care for her in the afternoon until father arrives home. Your GAL understands that Mother currently lives with her mother. Mother is not employed but reports seeking work. Mother's boyfriend has 3 children but your GAL is unsure what if any involvement those children have with her ward.

Since this matter was heard in Aug, *child* has been residing in TN with her Father. She is doing well in school and has made new friends. She reports missing her Mother but also reports being anxious about talking to her mom because of pressure being put on her about where she wants to live.

Statutory Factors:
1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child's changing developmental needs:
*child* is currently seven years old and she is in good physical and mental health. This factor is neutral.

2. The age and physical condition of each parent:
Father is currently 30 yrs old and mother is 31 yrs old. Father is in good physical and mental condition. Mother reports suffering memory loss due to a car accident but denies that this affects her ability to care for the child. This factor is neutral.

3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child's life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual and physical needs of the child.

Both parents have demonstrated an ability to assess and meet the needs of the child. Both parents participate and encourage the children to participate in extra curricular activities which are age appropriate. However, this GAL questions mother's ability to accurately assess and meet the child's needs. This is largely due to mother's apparent dependency on her mother as well as her inability to articulate any type of plan for her daughter in the upcoming school year. Father on the other hand had prepared and planned for child to reside with him. He knew where she would attend school, when school started, preliminarily set up counseling services for her and set up her room. This factor weighs in favor of Father.

4. The needs of the child, giving due consideration to other important relationships of the child, including but not limited to siblings, peers and extended family members.

The child has siblings in Father's home. All parties, including mother report the child having a close relationship with these children. In mother's home *child* has her grandmother who she is also close to, in fact grandmother reports to this GAL that she is the one who cares for *child* much of the time. This factor is neutral.

5. The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child.

Both parents have played active roles in the lives of the child and your GAL believes this will continue to be the case. However, mother has been the primary care giver since birth with the exception of some extended time periods with father. This factor weighs in favor of Mother.

6. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child's contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child.

From all appearances mother has not actively supported the child's contact with Father. Mother claims however, that much of the disruption with respect to Father's visits is caused by her mother and not her. Mother has suggested to this GAL that but for her mother things would be fine between her and *father*. While *child* has been with father, father has actively supported mother's relationship, he has kept mother updated and allowed for liberal phone contact. Your GAL is hopeful that this vane will continue if he is granted custody. This factor weighs in favor of father.

7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child and the ability of each parent to ccoperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child.

Your GAL finds that both parents have demonstrated an ability to maintain a continuing relationship with the child. While your GAL is unaware of any particular instances of dispute resolution she beleives both parents would be willing and capable of resolving said disputes. This factor is neutral.

8. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understand, age and experience to express such a preference.

In this case the child is below the age of discretion. However, *child* has expressed at different times a preference to stay with her Father and a preference to stay with her Mother. After the hearing in Juvenile Court, your GAL went to *child* to advise her that she would be returning to TN with her father. Your GAL fully expected the child to be upset about this having been here with her mother for nearly a month after her summer visit with dad. She however, smiled and expressed her excitement at living with her sisters. She also expressed that she would miss her Mother. I weighed this factor neutral.

9. Any history of family abuse as defined in section 16.1-228.

Your GAL is not aware of abuse in either home. Therefore this factor weighs neutral.

10. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination.

There are no additional factors considered.

With regard to the foregoing factors your GAL believes that factors 3, 4,5 and 6 should be given the most weight. The fact that Mother did not have a plan at the time of trial and seems to continue to change her plans based on her Mother's desires is particularly troubling to this GAL. Mother is an extraordinarily likable young woman and your GAL believes that she wants to move out on her own and marry *boyfriends name*  and begin a new life. Futher mother states that she does not wish to interfere. Unfortunately, however without working Mother is not in a position to support herself or her child without the assitance of her mother.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Based on the foregoing analysis your GAL recommends that physical custody remain with Father, subject to Mother's reasonable visitation as listed below.

1). WEEKEND VISITATION: Mother shall have visitation rights with the Child every weekend the child has a school break in excess of two days except for the hollidays listed below. Additionally, mother shall be entitled to visitation during any weekend she chooses, from Friday at 6:00 pm to Sunday at 6:00pm so long as the child remains in TN for that weekend. Mother must give Father seven days notice before exercising the aforementioned weekend visitations.

2) Summer Vacation- Child not in School: Mother shall have custody of the child for the summer months to begin not earlier than one week after the regular school year terminates and will conclude not later than one week before the regular school year begins.The father must check with local school authorities to determine exactly when the regular school period ends, and the new school period begins in the Fall. The father will have one two week period of vacation during the month of July. The Father will make his selection and notify the Mother of the dates of the Summer visitation, in writing, no later than April 1 of each year.

3) Mother's Day, Father's Day: Regardless of any schedule of visitation set forth herein, the Child will be with Mother on  Mother's Day Weekend. Likewise, the child will be with the Father on Father's Day weekend from 6pm on Friday to 6pm on Sunday.

4) Christmas Holiday Season: The Child will be with the Mother from 2:00pm on Dec 26 until 2pm on January 1.

5) Easter/Spring Break The Child shall be with Mother from 6:00pm the day school recesses until 6pm the day prior to the Child's return to school.

6) Thanksgiving: In Odd numbered calendar years, the Father shall have visitation from school dismissal the day before Thanksgiving until 6:00 pm on the following Sunday. In Even years the Child will be with the Mother.

d. Notice and Modification. Father shall provide Mother a school calendar at the beginning of the school year as well as any adjustments therto as they become available. The Mother shall notify Father at least 7 days in advance that she will not be exercising a scheduled visitation so that the Father may make appropriate plans. The parties may agree to such additional periods of visitations and adjustments of the visitation schedule as they deem advisable.

f. Telephone calls   when the child is with one party  the other party shall have the right to talk to the child on the telephone between the hours of 6:00pm and 8:00pm Unless the parties agree otherwise, the calls shall be of reasonable duration.

Signed GAL,

Served on Defendant and complainant's attorney.

The GAL changed the visitation schedules -I believe that is mainly to have the mother do the transporting now, as the times wouldn't allow for me to transport her out of state, though it doesn't say Mother to provide transportation, it's obvious from the times.

1. The court order states we have 10 days to respond to the report. Is that to deny or correct the facts, state in agreeance with visitation schedule, or what?

2. Do you believe given the facts contained in the report- that the court will follow the GAL's recommendations?( I know you are not a mind reader, just asking if it's enough to make a change of circumstance or substantial changes to award the change in custody)

3. Can the fact that the child has NOW resided with me for 3 months in another state, constitute a material and substantial change in circumstance?

4. The mother has a brain injury- memory loss- affecting her life- and ability to care for the child... can I write that in the response to the GAL's report?

5. The GAL didn't include other facts, including abuse in the mother's home(I have copies of the court records where she punched her mom and was arrested for assault) I told her about the court record, or that she admitted to frequenting pool halls and the local bar,etc in court. How do I bring up these facts? Can these issues be raised during the response to the GAL's report or do I have to wait to do this in court?

Thank you Soc.