Messages

In addition to filing for supervised visitation now for the younger one, both children should be in counseling.  The younger child needs a third party to discuss the matters with and work through the issues and the older child needs the same so that they don't feel guilty about the younger child.

I would also ask for stipulation for counseling for the mother with the younger child and the father, and maybe the older one as well.

Both kids need counseling to learn that it isn't their fault and to learn coping skills.

Has the bio ever threatened not to take the older child?

So if you don't get back to work or you do school etc. you won't have arrears building.

Seems like a pain, but if it were me, I'd be worried about covering my butt.

Can you work with your X to get her to agree, sign off on it and file it that way?

Get in there and file and do it now. See if a clerk at the courthouse will help you, sometimes they will. Your X will still have rights, but you need to get custody legal on paper now before she figures out how to screw you over big time.

I don't mean to scare you...well maybe I do. You need to file for custody immediately.

Keep us posted!!

Sounds like you really can't do anything. If she doesn't get him to you, then maybe you don't have anything to worry about, but it still seems fishy to me.

What state is the order in and what state are you in?

Do you have a copy of a court order that requires you to have custody during school but you were not a participant in getting this order?  What was the previous order?

I'm still not understanding how there is a court order for you to have custody but you were not made aware that it was happening.  Something does not sound right.

Who has custody on paper right now? You or your X? If you still have custody on paper, then you are going to be potentially liable/responsible for things that he does. Sounds like he needs help no matter what.

If your X has legal custody, then I doubt that she can just get it changed to you with out you signing an agreement. Check with the Clerk of the Courts in the area where she lives and find out if she has really proceeded with a legal filing.

I'm not intending to be mean, but it sounds like you are abandoning him in a way as well. He needs help and someone needs to see that he gets it. You are his father, and it's up to you to help him if his mom isn't.

the lawyer is doing what lawyers do... it's not that he/she necessarily thinks she has a good chance.

Ask for the sun and the moon and then settle for less. Your stance is basically the same, ask for full custody and settle for what you have.

Her lawyer is also getting paid to do it. So your X is going along and may or may not be convinced that she can get it. But the lawyer is telling her what she wants to hear and the lawyer gets paid either way.

Don't read into it. Just proceed with what you feel is right. Try for full custody and then mediate to the status quo if that's the way it goes.

Your child needs you both in any case.

Good luck.

45 minutes in a car for a two year old is not too much. If the father of the 2 year old is off, then why can't he just pick him up and drop him off? Both boys need their dads and that is really more important than activities. They are both entitled to time with their respective fathers. It's the children's time to be with their parent as much as it's the fathers time to be with their son.

If the older son's father is close, then can't he help run OS to activities?  If you feel it's unfair for OS to be in the car for YS drop off/pick up, then why doesn't older son stay with his dad during those times?

You've got roughly a 60/40 split in your favor. Can you mediate to a shared custody agreement for that? No one can predict what will happen, but if you are petitioning to finalize a situation based on how's it's been, then maybe you have a stronger case. Some folks will disagree and some will agree.

No one can guarantee the outcome, but if your son is used to the shared time already, then why not stick with that? He needs both of you.

first time.  That is required in Florida and has been for a long time.

If she is working in the office, even if she's not being paid, you should be able to figure out approximately what sort of salary that is.

I would submit information that shows what sort of salary that position would be expected to have and that her income be calculated based on that.

Also, request a different mediator if there is a real conflict of interest .  Judges can be removed from cases, mediators can too.

If his income is significantly less due to no fault of his own, then check about getting free or reduced cost legal help with this.