Messages

there really is one.  In tests it dropped sperm count to zero with no real side effects, and after a few months off the pill, fertility returned to normal.  

I think it's high time they gave the men rights like this.  This'll sure drop the number of women who use guys as unwitting sperm donors, that's for sure.

mind me asking what kind of challenges the two of you have faced in this?  I have no idea what it would be like to be the parent, or the step-parent in this situation.

O.K., I have a moral dilemma here:

My husband's daughter got pregnant a few years ago, and had a baby a couple Christmas's ago.  I met her boyfriend at the restaurant where they worked (did not approve of the relationship, she barely knew him), and thought, dang, I'll bet she's not even on birth control (it would be just like her to do something like that).  A few weeks later she showed up at our house saying he had gotten arrested, and their relationship was over.

About a month later she shows up again with a tummy, and says she's put on 15 lbs and can't figure out why.  I was like, oh crap.

Alright, here's my dilemma.  She never told him about the baby.  She claims he put her in the hospital 4 times, has a daughter that he never pays attention to, does meth, and has been in and out of jail.  

My SD has a penchant for lying.  I mean a *big* penchant for it.   So without contacting anyone or interferring, I decided to just check the public records to verify her story.  I found prior traffic court records for the guy, so she wasn't lying about that, but no other records.  Now I haven't gained any police reports yet (wasn't that into researching the thing since it doesn't involve me - I just wanted to know if I was being lied to again), but I've checked all public records, and the worst this guy has done, apparently, is speed in his car without insurance.  Which is pretty bad, but still doesn't qualify him as a woman beating meth-head.

What makes me suspicious is this:  My SD has always said she wanted to marry a guy with a certain type of look so her kids would look a certain way (weird, I know - her and her mom are obsessed with physical appearance.  They want a bunch of tall, blonde haired, blue eyed Lebensborn babies.  It has nothing to do with meeting the child's needs with a stable upbringing and everything to do with breeding the perfect offspring).  Guess what the baby's father looked like?  You guessed it.  My dh's ex also was very possessive of her children, and referred to them as "my" kids instead of "ours", and would regularly make unilateral decisions regarding them, even though they have joint custody.  It was ridiculous.  

My SD told me before the baby was born that "This is just *my* baby.  It has nothing to do with (ex-boyfriend) at all.  It's just *my* son."  Gave me the willies.

So here's my dilemma:  I used to work for a P.I., and if there's one thing you learn it's "get it while it's hot".  In other words, a hot trail is better than a cold one.  So if you were in this situation, and you knew that a man was potentially being denied knowledge or a relationship with his own son, would you gather all the info you could in case the child wanted to find him later?  I wouldn't do anything unless he was 18 and asked me, 'cause I don't think it's my place.  But I just think everyone's buying her story on this hook line and sinker, and some guy out there might be getting his son stolen from him.

Help me make sense of this - and please don't be harsh, I've never really been in a situation like this before, so I'm genuinely perplexed.